What you do when you are getting the SILENT TREATMENT

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This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

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August 17, 2014 at 11:02 pm #63555

lil.lily
Participant

Hello Everyone,

My name is Yuri. I wanted to say a short story on my relationship. I have/had a relationship with someone overseas, I have met him when I studied abroad, and I came back to the country I studied abroad in May for four weeks.

We ended up getting back together and getting the love groove on. When I had to go back, I said we would keep an open relationship and he agreed.

Anyways, I am in California… I am an independent woman…but I know I love this guy. I have never been so intimate with someone.

I talked to him almost once a week. but I get so stressed out thinking about my life here. I am almost done with school the end of the year, I will be getting my BA degree, I have a part time job, volunteering in a non-profit org, I hang out with friends and do a lot of extra activities. He wanted me to say for a month, and asked me if I could live there in the future. I said yes, but I have priorities

I freaked out on him, and had a meltdown its been a week now. And he hasn’t spoken a word to me, I mean.. I am not sure if he wants to talk to me or just never wants to talk to me or if he needs time.He means the world to me. Its hard,.sometimes I feel so lonely

If we can’t be lovers, I still want to be friends even if we are so far away.

I love him. But I want to succeed in life, I can see my life there but as for now I have to be here. I think I might have scared him off.

I try not to think about it to much, I am…trying to focus on myself. But I love him, and he means a lot to me. and it is hard for me knowing that he is giving me this SILENT TREATMENT, without any words.

August 18, 2014 at 3:57 am #63556

Anonymous
Inactive

Hello @lil-lily06,
I may be wrong, but in my opinion people who give the silent treatment either don’t know what to say or have things to say but just don’t know how to express them (and thus they withdraw from the situation and take time to think) or they just don’t care. Since he asked you if you wanted to stay for a month and possibly live where he is in the future, I am assuming that your answer (“yes, BUT I have priorities”) wasn’t exactly what he was expecting. He may not know how to respond to you and may be thinking of the best way to approach the situation. In that case it is very mature and respectful of him, and I would just give him space and time to think.

August 18, 2014 at 4:02 am #63558

Inky
Participant

I don’t know how often you tried to reach out after the radio silence.

Maybe apologize for the meltdown and ask a question. If he gets back to you, great. If not, after a week say that you’ll give him all the time he needs and that you are here. Then, leave him alone!! Don’t be tempted! (Some people have been labeled “crazy” or “stalker” after communicating more than three times without a response!)

That is what I generally would do when getting silence.

August 18, 2014 at 4:06 am #63559

Ani
Participant

Hi @lil-lily,

I know how painful it is when our loved ones ignore us all of a sudden! its very hard to guess what thoughts are going on his mind.Give him some time. You do not know what is happening around him. Have you tried reaching him if he did not?

In short span of time you may not get to know well about a person’s nature. Try reaching him in phone or in person and express what you actually feel for him and make him understand… Everything will be OKAY soon. Dont worry!!!

With Love
Ani

Sorry for grammatical mistakes if any!

August 18, 2014 at 10:51 am #63589

lil.lily
Participant

@Emmanuelle

Its almost been a week now and he has not responded. The truth is.. I know we are so far away, long-distance wise, but maybe he does not want to talk to me anymore. Not a single word.. I have apologized, called and messaged.. nothing

@Inky

Yes, I have apologized, nothing… messages or calls.. he never answers.. I messaged him on this app, and immediately logged off or something.

I gave him 6 days, and he has never responded. Maybe he does not care. or I should just move on and appreciate what had gone in the past. but the thing is… he means a lot to me, either way.. if I can’t be his gf or lover, I still want to be apart of his life, maybe even friendship.

I plan on visiting again by the end of the year, since my Best friend wants me to come with her to the city.

@Ani
I have tried reaching for him on phone or in person….I have also expressed everything.. but he is not responding. its going to be a week now. I try not to worry, maybe I should let him go.

MY LAST ATTEMPT IS TO SEND HIM A VERY FUNNY CARD.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REPLIES

August 18, 2014 at 12:52 pm #63595

Inky
Participant

Hi there!

My instinct says to forget sending the funny card. You have already tried to contact him many times in many different ways. I would back way off. Let him contact you now.

Best,

Ink

August 18, 2014 at 3:04 pm #63598

sparkle
Participant

Your going to have to let him contact you now, if he wants to give it one more try.

He is realising that he is not your #1 priority and it can be hard to come to terms with that realisation. He is asking himself why he is bothering to persue this relationship, weighing up the pro’s and con’s, using his head rather than his heart.

I know you would like to stay friends with him, but be honest with yourself, where to from there? Will your “friendship” prevent you both from moving on to a happier place?

Take the time to examine your own priorities, it’s hard, I know.

August 19, 2014 at 1:01 pm #63656

lil.lily
Participant

@sparkle
Thank you, I realize that the days that have passed, the more likely I start to realize that I am not his priority.

It breaks my heart because I thought we had a connection. I am trying not to be upset by it.

Its very hard to lose someone… and I am examining my own priorities

@inky

I have lost my patience, I am done contacting him now. and I have lost my hope. I don’t want to sound so negative but I have lost a lot of love. I mean.. lost the love

August 19, 2014 at 8:32 pm #63672

Anonymous
Participant

Here is a bit of hope. The pain will pass, it always does. Sometimes it is replaces by a different feeling, but “this” pain will pass.

August 20, 2014 at 5:21 am #63697

Inky
Participant

If it’s any consolation at all, I notice that they always “return”. Of course, it will always be when you have truly moved on (literally moved, husband, family, mortgage, dog). But one day you will get a communication from him seeing how you “are”. One of mine did ten years later (!). I was all, “Where were you, asleep in fairy land? It’s a decade later! LOL”

So just carry on with your head up knowing (yes, I said it) that he will call/text/FB ~ at the worst possible time ~ for him! Eventually. The trick is not to look for it or expect it or put your life on hold.

Here’s to the new chapter in your life!!
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