Dear Tom:

In person maybe is better. I feel comfortable communicating online, like I am doing with you right this moment. I understand better when I read people’s thoughts than when I hear those. So I suppose it is a personal preference. I hope you do ask her the questions you have in one context or another, that you have a chance to do so and the courage it takes to ask and be willing to hear the answers.

anita

Hi Tom,

I don’t think at this time this woman is emotionally available for a committed relationship. No one should invest more time and energy on someone then they spend on you, and she is not investing anything. You are doing all the chasing..waiting..wondering..for something that is more of a pen-pal relationship. I think you should move on as you deserve better.

Dear Tom:

You are welcome. As to the last sentence you wrote, right above: “not sure what I did wrong”-

Maybe you did nothing wrong. You don’t know who she is, how she thinks, what motivates her, what she values, so you are left wondering if you did something wrong and/ or … who is this woman you had such a good time with. All this wondering is a waste of your time because you don’t have information.

My point to you is and has been that with her, if there is to be further communication, and with other women in the future- instead of assuming, hoping, wondering- ask: get the information, and do so earlier than later.

Begin to get to know the woman right away: what does she value in a man, in a potential boyfriend, what is she looking for in a relationship, what is most important in her life and share the same, see if there is a match. It also feels good to know and be known in the context of a developing relationship.

anita