Hi Jana

Unfortunately, I directly asked him about it repeatedly throughout our relationship and he lied to me about it many times because I am aware that these things happen in relationships. He also admitted that he used to have a porn addiction before us, at the beginning of our relationship. This is part of why I kept asking him over the years. I suspected that he wasn’t telling the truth. I just wanted him to be honest with me.

What you suggested is the reason his mother encouraged him to lie to me about it during the pregnancy. But I don’t think that she has the right to decide that for me when I directly asked even during pregnancy.

I think he was ashamed of it for a long time. He knows I hate being lied to and he directly lied about it many times. He would know that I would be hurt by that. Maybe I am just the hardest person to tell because he knew that I would be hurt by the lying.

He never even trusted me enough to tell me even now. I stumbled across it accidentally. I wasn’t even looking. He probably got careless because of the relationship difficulties.

It feels like an extra betrayal. He has been refusing intimacy to do this.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Or maybe he does and just doesn’t love me.

He has been choosing to stay at a hotel for the past couple of days. Our son misses him so much.

My husband isn’t able to support me right now. I deserve his support. He has supported me in the past. He is simply not capable right now.

My son deserves a father, a calm and happy home life.

I appreciate the effort that he puts in as a father. He is trying his best with that. Staying at a hotel was a little taste of what life being separated would be like.

I would prefer not to for our son, but things need to change. It is also not in my control. And while painful, if that happens our son will learn to adjust.

I have to accept my husband as he is now, instead of dreaming about who he used to be. He is very troubled at the moment and struggling. But he is still a good person and has the potential to get through it if he chooses to. He helped me while I was struggling and had difficulties at the beginning of our relationship. I’m sure that he felt that I wasn’t able to be there for him. I wasn’t able to be there for him while raising our newborn son.

I will have to be calm and wait and see what happens. I choose to put my son’s needs above my own. Sometimes I expect too much from people.

Hi Jana

Thank you for asking. Unfortunately, our cat is still missing. Funnily enough, we saw a cat that looked almost identical to her today. The neighbour was kind enough to let me see her up close to make sure that she wasn’t mine. It was emotional. It’s unique how similar cats can be. It is good to know that it wasn’t her. Not knowing can play on my mind. And in the unlikely chance that I made a mistake, that the cat is happy.

I hope that wherever she is, she is safe and happy. And if she has passed away (she is an old cat) I hope that she went to a good place.

Thank you for your kindness in talking to me about this, I truly appreciate it! I haven’t been talking to close friends or family about these difficulties. I don’t want my husband to be treat differently in the case that things do work out. I have been relying on professional support.

Yes, it was good to have some peace and space to think.

It is hard wanting emotional support and connection when he isn’t able to give it.

It was unfair that he threatened to leave me to get his way. I would like an apology about that, but to get one would mean confronting him about it. Would mean him getting upset and being mean. It is good that at least his therapist supported me and told him that he was wrong.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

I’m taking a trip down memory lane and trying to take some notes on schema therapy at the moment.

Modes

Vulnerable Child

Angry Child

Detached Protector

Punitive Parent

Healthy Adult

There are other modes, but these are mine. So the goal of schema therapy is to grow the healthy adult, and heal the other modes reducing their size.

The difficulties with my husband have caused me to relapse in regards to my PTSD. I spent most of my life emotionally numbing in the detached protector mode, avoiding the overwhelming pain that the vulnerable child was in.

Once again, I find myself spending the majority of my time in detached protector mode. It is difficult because caring for a child does not allow you the opportunity to feel your feelings. Or maybe that is an excuse I tell myself?

Punitive parent mode attacks the vulnerable child. Causing an additional layer of pain. At the moment, it is making me feel that maybe my husband is right and it is all my fault, maybe I am not worthy of love.

Unmet needs

Love, safety, feeling valued, self-expression, autonomy, fun, boundaries.

I will have to meet my needs myself. Getting tired, will have to finish this tomorrow.