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This topic has 261 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 20 hours, 28 minutes ago by Helcat.

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November 29, 2024 at 3:37 am #439775

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Helcat,

I hope that you enjoyed Thanksgiving! (I thought you live in the UK. You moved to the US?)

I admire how you manage all this as a new mom. And I agree with you that sometimes it’s more beneficial to sit with your feelings… just let them flow… no judgement, no intellectualising…

And what is now maybe even better – to sit with your son and enjoy his presence, the moments with him. He’ll be big soon! Enjoy that he is so small and he needs you now.

I know that it is somehow harder when you cannot find support in your husband. I hope he finds himself again. It seems to me that he is very and easily influenced by others as if he didn’t have his own opinions. You mentioned in your journal that he was a wonderful man to you but as soon as a third party appears, he changes somehow.

But remember “Not all those who wander are lost.”

☀️ 🪷

November 30, 2024 at 8:49 am #439821

Helcat
Participant

Hi Jana

Thank you! Yes, it was nice and relaxing. My husband is American. It reminds him of home to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Since having our son he is very homesick. He wants his family to be there raising his son.

With a child, being an international couple is a significant stressor on the relationship. A relationship breakdown potentially means seeing our child for only half a year each. That is why my husband’s family were scheming to push him to seek sole custody. My husband also has fears given the situation that I would seek sole custody. It is a very emotionally charged situation to be in.

I’m a very straightforward person. I told him that I would be fair and should things end he would get equal custody. But that I still want to give things some more time to see if we can work through things because I recognise that having a new baby is a stressful experience and I think it is unfair to judge the relationship based on very stressful circumstances. A lot of people crumble under stress.

My husband and his family are impulsive people and don’t really think of consequences of their actions. They go with what they feel. So if we have an argument and he feels bad, he hyper-focuses on the negativity instead of looking at the bigger picture and having a more balanced perspective.

He was raised by his family to believe that people will betray him and they are still pushing these ideas on him.

He made the mistake of confiding in them because he felt lonely when I was focused on intensive newborn care. Research shows that, if you talk negatively about your partner it decreases relationship satisfaction especially if the people you talk to also talk negatively about your partner.

You are right, he does have issues with boundaries.

He has been trying to be more emotionally supportive for the past couple of days. We haven’t been arguing. We are just trying to keep things calm and recover.

He is a great father and a good person and a good husband. It is just these communication issues that need to be worked on.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

December 1, 2024 at 1:29 pm #439857

Helcat
Participant

I feel like things worked before because we didn’t have a child. Now that we have a child they aren’t working. Sadly, our needs don’t align.

I don’t know what that means for us. Can we find a new way to be together?

I feel like we are co-dependent. I was reading about how to overcome these habits. It suggested to spend more time apart and focus on a support network.

When you think of another person to centre back on yourself.

Focus on self care. Focus on yourself.

Stand up for yourself when treat badly.

December 3, 2024 at 4:58 am #439885

Helcat
Participant

Hah update on the situation. They suggested that he hospitalise me and tried to coach him to force me into having a mental breakdown. Which didn’t work. Absolute sociopaths.

Also my other dog is in the hospital she went off her food yesterday and had trouble walking today. Again very old. They think she might have diabetes and pancreatitis. High kidney levels, high liver levels, high glucose. They’re doing x-rays to rule out other causes.

If life could stop kicking me in the balls that would be great.

December 3, 2024 at 8:16 am #439891

Helcat
Participant

She’s not responding to treatment… stopped being able to stand.

December 3, 2024 at 8:40 am #439892

anita
Participant

Dear Helcat:

I’m sorry to hear about your dog’s condition and the challenges you’re facing. It’s a tough situation, and I hope things improve for both you and your dog.

anita

December 3, 2024 at 12:31 pm #439898

Helcat
Participant

Hi Anita

Thanks for your kind message.

We are going to put her down now. They found the problem. It was a heart tumour. She did her very best to hang on for us.

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏

December 3, 2024 at 4:32 pm #439901

anita
Participant

Dear Helcat:

I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. It’s heartbreaking to see a beloved pet in pain, especially when they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long.

She was clearly a fighter, doing her best to stay with you for as long as she could. The love and care you gave her undoubtedly meant the world to her.

Please take all the time you need to grieve and remember the wonderful moments you shared with her. Losing a pet is incredibly difficult, and it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time.

Sending you love and strength. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.

Love and best wishes,

anita

December 3, 2024 at 8:18 pm #439909

Helcat
Participant

Hi Anita

Thank you so much. 🙏❤️

They drained the fluid from around her organs and she regained enough strength to crawl over to us one last time. I think that shows how much she wanted to be with us.

A beautiful light is gone from this world. She really was the perfect dog. Every time she was at the vet they always commented on how good she was. She was always friendly with everyone.

She was an anxious dog. She had a fear of anything with wheels. A fear of strange things. Like a ladder being left in the street.

She loved food and her walks and to destroy and eat random objects like socks and anything made of leather. She was a runner and an athlete in her prime. She would go on massive 9 hour hikes while her brother was too lazy. She would never allow her own toys to exist for more than a day, but when the baby came she didn’t destroy his toys. She started playing with them without destroying them. We didn’t teach her this, she did it naturally all by herself.

She was so smart, she could even open doors with her paws using the handle.

She loved her brother so much, they were littermates. People say not to get litter mates because they can be harder to manage but she only just wanted to be a good girl. I believe that she actually understood rules and when I asked her to do something for a good reason she always did it, but when it was for the sake of it to practice a command she complained. It was like she was saying I’ve been a good girl, I haven’t done anything wrong, why are you telling me to do this?

When the baby came she was jealous of the baby and sulked for months because she felt like she was the baby. But then she realised that she wasn’t being replaced and that the baby was a new source of attention and food. They became firm friends and the baby would intentionally share his chicken with her. She was his favourite and was patient with him, even letting him ride on her back with our support obviously.

I couldn’t believe that she died. I just wanted her to wake up. Nothing will be the same without her.

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏

December 3, 2024 at 8:27 pm #439910

anita
Participant

Dear Helcat: I am sad, my heart is breaking for you. I want to write more, but it’s late here and I am not focused. I’ll write more Wed morning. Take care, be strong!

anita

December 4, 2024 at 4:33 am #439916

Helcat
Participant

Hi Anita

I’m sorry to hear that you are sad. Please don’t worry about me. It was actually nice to say goodbye properly. With the others I hadn’t been able to.

I know that being a veterinarian is a hard job because euthanasia can be depressing but I genuinely believe that it is a kindness. Being cared for in a medical setting with the comfort that provides is kind of like a loved one being in the hospital. I’m glad that I could do that for her.

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏

December 4, 2024 at 7:29 am #439917

anita
Participant

Dear Helcat:

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I’m relieved to read that you found comfort in being able to say a proper goodbye to your beloved dog. It’s clear how much she meant to you and how deeply you cared for her. The bond you shared with her is incredibly moving.

She showed such a remarkable spirit by finding the strength to crawl over to you one last time. Her loyalty and love for you and your family are evident in every memory you’ve shared. It’s touching to know how much she adored her walks, her playful nature, and her interactions with the baby and her brother.

Her intelligence and unique personality traits made her one of a kind. The way she adapted to the baby’s toys and her understanding of the rules shows just how special she was. She was indeed a beautiful light in this world.

Your perspective on euthanasia as an act of kindness is moving. It’s evident that you did everything you could to ensure she felt loved and cared for in her final moments.

I hope that, in time, the beautiful memories you shared with her will bring you peace and solace. She was indeed a special companion, and your bond with her will always be a source of strength.

Sending you love and support during this difficult time.

Love and best wishes,

anita

December 4, 2024 at 12:52 pm #439933

Helcat
Participant

Hi Anita

Thank you so much! I teared up at your words. Truly beautifully written, you have a talent for saying the kindest things. It was like a warm blanket.

How are you doing by the way? Did you ever get that crown sorted?

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏

December 4, 2024 at 5:51 pm #439941

anita
Participant

Dear Helcat: I will reply Thurs morning (it’s Wed eve here).

anita

December 4, 2024 at 8:30 pm #439942

Jana 🪷
Participant

Hello Helcat,

I am sending a lot of ❤️. Take your time and relax. It is necessary in such hard times. ☀️

☀️ 🪷
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