January 10, 2017 at 5:19 pm #125026
I think my fear revolved around me being afraid of being wrong, and that one thing would mean another, something worse, and would cause a catalysymic fall. If you’d like I have many notes that I wrote daily when anxiety was destroying my sanity. I felt those things so I resorted to reading more and more about it, it felt as though I went through OCD, GAD, Social and Health anxiety. I came to grips with how I felt and told myself so what, I notice my blinks but that doesn’t mean I’m controlling them. I would fear that I was controlling these normal body functions, and it scared me to think that something conscious as me exterting control was something I was doing consciously, or confusing discomfort, etc. I’ve done a lot to relieve the feelings and thoughts, mainly through acceptance, but I feel I’m at the point where I can rid it entirely.
Maybe the fear had a message behind it, but it was not what anxiety led me to think or believe.January 10, 2017 at 5:57 pm #125028
Dear Adrian Gallardo:
I think you suffered a lot- and I can relate. I suffer from TICS, Tourette Syndrome- very uncomfortable, the muscles move and I don’t want them to move. This happens multiple times per hour, per day, every day, fifty years and going, so far. I know fear and I know anxiety. I sure hope you find your way to manage, deal, maybe heal.
anitaJanuary 13, 2017 at 9:13 pm #125217
What I have come to find out is this.
Overtraining caused an increase in anxiety, after reading Anita’s post about there being a message, sure enough I felt anxious thinking that, so I knew something was unsettled inside me. I am afraid of being wrong as a good person, and the wrong people being right, this goes back to battling my thoughts. It was always me defending myself, but my family’s words would haunt me, leaving me to feel devastated, I understand the increased anxiety tricked me to believing that I was wrong, and that there shouldn’t be any room for doubt. Anxiety made me react differently, when thoughts like that would arise I would quickly shut them down due to their falsehood, and carry on. Anxiety has a way to make you turn inward, and claw away at your very being until there is nothing left, when in reality, it was mothing inward that is the answer. I believe anxiety is what makes a mountain out of a molehill, these fears are irrational, but anxiety keeps you mentally imprisoned, catastrophizing small situations, destroying who you are until you become someone else.
I know this because I sat down and asked what scared me. Blinking? No, what scares me is that I’m blinking uncontrollably without conscious effort, and what’s even scarier is that I know these things are effortless, tapping into your bodies abilities without thought or fear. But the truth is, my eyes are excessively blinking due to a need for glasses, due to eye strain, astigmatism, etc. I remember trying to interfere out of fear, that I’m doing it, because anxiety makes it internal. But there’s one thing to always remember, if it’s internal, you have to the power to change it. If there’s a great lesson I learned was we are not in control, we are a unity, each individual person, mind, body, and soul. I pray for the day everyone in this world will unify, but with the control I do have, I won’t stop trying to make a difference, to make dreams come true and follow my intuition.January 14, 2017 at 11:35 am #125247
Dear Adrian Gallardo:
It is self doubt that keeps you in that mental prison, isn’t it? If only you had confidence in your thinking being correct you wouldn’t be struggling, self doubting, repeatedly, clawing away at your very being, as you put it.
I think that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) will be so very helpful to you because the principle behind it is to challenge thoughts and arrive at correct thoughts.
I wish your mental turmoil will quiet down, that you will stop crawling away at yourself and instead breathe clean air, relief, freedom.
anitaJanuary 14, 2017 at 5:51 pm #125257
I remember what you told me, how you saw the mans saying about thinking, about control. How it’s not you when Anxiety, Depression affect you, yet it’s still apart of you. I remembered this reading an intro to a book written by Eckhart Tolle. I understood what he meant, how externally you can be affected, changed into this person you’re not, manipulated into believing what is false, causing havoc internally when really, your sense or right and wrong, real and fake, dreams and nightmares, are not what changed, what you perceive as such is what changes. and it isn’t your fault, to live a lie unintentionally.
It doesn’t change you.
Here’s the two things I read that really affected me, and I do feel relieved, closer to feeling free, once again.January 14, 2017 at 7:25 pm #125267
Dear Adrian Gallardo:
There is a way to know, if our thoughts and perceptions are accurate, correct or not. We can’t know relying on logic alone and we can’t know relying on emotions alone.
Wise Mind= Logical Mind + Emotional Mind.
To develop Wise Mind, you take into consideration both, logic and emotion. You unlearn what is incorrect before you learn more. Lots of people who get more and more formal education, or otherwise read and read, don’t lose their inaccurate thinking because they don’t UNLEARN before they learn more.
We have to unlearn what we thought was true about our parents, ourselves, people, life.
Freedom and peace of mind is in aligning the mind with reality.
anitaJanuary 15, 2017 at 4:40 pm #125346
I felt wise, I feel broken, I have transformed to the worst me.
It all started when I thought to myself how these thoughts can’t be mine, but was to fearful to even consider that it is not me, because that lead to more anxiety. “Am I a Schizophrenic, Do I have a Personality disorder?” Reliance on Logic and Emotions become non existent, not knowing what to think when rationality settles in but Anxiety dumps more and more thoughts, until it arrives to the point an entirely new perspective is born. Maybe what I have to unlearn that this is me, when this is nothing like me, because if it was, it wouldn’t be new.
It isn’t new, being put down and unsupported throughout life living in the environment I did coinciding with low self esteem and lack of confidence made me self deprecative as an adolescent. It isn’t new becoming the worst me, being spoon fed lies and fear until it manifests itself in my very own live.
I disagree with needing to unlearn first, because it all begins with learning more internally or externally. Maintaining physical health helps diminish the emotional blockade, learning and knowledge re establishes the logical connection with reality.
January 15, 2017 at 7:04 pm #125357
- This reply was modified 6 days, 13 hours ago by Adrian Gallardo.
Dear Adrian Gallardo:
I looked here and there at our previous correspondence. You are eighteen and your anxiety is intense. Sometimes psychiatric medication is a good idea, for a short term, if not long term. Certain SSRI medications like Prosac, Zoloft, Luvox (the US names) can almost like a pair of scissors, cut off the thoughts. I experienced it when I first took Zoloft- my thinking was cut short and that was a great relief.
Your anxiety interferes with the effectiveness of your thinking. Fear goes up- effective thinking goes down.
Please consider seeing a psychiatrist for medication. Make an appointment with one. You need a break from (over)thinking, from trying to figure it all up.
In the meantime, relax best you can, try to NOT think. Soft music, a hot shower, a brisk walk, etc.
anitaJanuary 15, 2017 at 8:51 pm #125365
I don’t think as much as I did, I dont need to, I faced through the thoughts the made me feel that way, without fighting them, and sure enough they stopped coming, they had no power. Being present and living in the heart and rather than the mind is exactly where I was before all this begun. Medication may work but it will never unravel the issue if it affects the way I think, what I think about, etc. Anxiety doesn’t feel present anymore, but I still returned to the thoughts I had prior to unravel the truth, and it all makes sense again. It was intense, Id be dreadful to even think what I just typed months ago, but I feel fine. The truth sets you free, once you’re in a state of mind able to separate truth from lies, regaining what was lost.
My mistake was feeling like overcoming the darkness meant it is non existent any longer, but really, your light shines bright enough to make the darkness obsolete, irrelevant. I learned that the darkness never leaves, and it hurt me to be back where I worked hard to leave and put behind me. The darkness never leaves, your demons can be beaten, others still lurk, admitting fear, accepting fear, failure and losses, is what makes us human, connects us to this world, connects us to one another, builds the bridge between you and everything else this infinite world has to offer.
“This life will drive you crazy.”
Only if you allow it, that’s only if youre a coward and you’re sure to get devoured.
January 16, 2017 at 12:34 pm #125439
- This reply was modified 6 days, 9 hours ago by Adrian Gallardo.
Dear Adrian Gallardo:
“The darkness never leaves,” you wrote. Day and night, darkness does return every 24 hours. We cannot achieve a state of mind where there is light, joy and well being at all times. Some cycling of mood, like day and night, is to be expected. Enduring distress is necessary, expecting it and enduring it when it happens. Living well is about correct thinking and enduring.
I sure hope life gets brighter for you, less darkness, more light.