Menu

Mental or Emotional Prison?

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryMental or Emotional Prison?

This topic contains 70 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 71 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #121475

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Regarding the album- I didn’t hear of it until you mentioned it. I googled the lyrics after reading your thread so to try to understand you better.

    Regarding your question as I now understand it to be: How long did my anxiety, intrusive thoughts, clenched jaws, last?

    My answer: fifty years or so, and going. But much improvement made. It started when I was a child, continued into teenage years- lots of obsessions and compulsions (like counting, touching things, walking forward and backward, reading again and again, the same sentence, and many more). Less compulsions since I was thirty or so. I took lots of psychiatric drugs for 17 years which changed how I felt but did not at all improve my life. After the drugs, when I got off them all, three years ago, I experienced a lot of anxiety. But psychotherapy helped me to manage and heal from more and more of it, over time.

    anita

    #121476

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    You’re very strong.
    I don’t think I have OCD, but since you do, can it be hereditary, I think my mom has it. I always find her cleaning the smallest things, cleaning, and cleaning. I read somewhere that stress and worry can cause genes to “turn on.” And there’s this one instance that I just remembered, smoking weed and having a panic attack. The first time it ever happened to me, and I understand things like OCD take time to develop, but it can’t just happen out of nowhere, so it can’t be it, I just have trouble believing some things because of all the thinking I’ve done. If you’re into rap I would recommend listening to that album as a whole,

    #121479

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    There are many, many expressions of anxiety, from Tourette Syndrome (my case), to OCD (my case), to psychosis (not yet..) to obesity, to drug abuse, to many syndromes, like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome… so many, many. We are all born with fear-genes and we get scared enough, as children, that overwhelming fear will express itself in multiple of ways over one’s lifetime.

    Regarding your comment that I am strong: people survive a whole lot of trauma; but few people thrive in spite of serious, long term trauma.

    anita

    #121733

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    It may be best to seek help. I feel the discomfort in certain areas like my eyes or jaw then I get anxious/panic about why it happened and who caused it, me or “me.” Me as in the involuntary, functional body that operates without my command. Or me, the conscious person that panics and starts to try and readjust what seems out of the normal due to the fear of things being bad or more than what I think. I feel the discomfort, and without an answer I continue to try and take control out of fear that I need to intervene because it was me. But I just remind myself that even if it’s me or just my body signaling something, it goes away naturally, and me trying to change or adjust makes it worse, so although I do put focus on it when I feel anxious, I know it’s real and I’m just making it worse.
    By the way this just started happening, and I read up on overtraining, and I think that was the way in, I just need to find a way out, because if there’s a way in, there’s a way out.

    #121735

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Maybe I can help you understand better what is in the power of your thinking and what is not.

    The tension in your lower jaw, grinding your teeth, let’s say. That just happens, doesn’t it. You don’t want it to happen. So you focus on your jaws, thinking: if “all the power you possess lies within, that it’s all in (my) mind” (the first sentence in your thread), then why can’t I control my jaw, command it to relax?

    Is that your thinking?

    If it is, then this is my input: animals don’t think like we do. They don’t have the language that we have and they don’t observe themselves. They don’t have the ability to look at themselves and wonder why this or that happens and if they can control themselves. Everything they do is guided by instincts they are born with and/ or emotions. They feel hungry-> they look for food. They feel angry-> they fight. They feel scared-> they run. And so forth. They don’t THINK: What SHOULD I do now. They FEEL-> they DO.

    As humans, we still are animals. So a lot of what we do is guided by the instincts we are born with and by emotions. The fact that we have an additional part of the brain that thinks, does not cancel the parts of the brain directing us by instinct and emotion.

    Your jaws and eyes behave according to instinct and emotions, and are not subject to your thinking. You can temporarily focus and guide them to behave a certain way by your thinking, but it is not possible to always focus on your jaws and eyes, so as you lose focus, your jaws and eyes are back to be guided by instinct and emotion.

    Is this helpful to you? Let me know.

    anita

    #121739

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    It is very helpful, it does give me a lot of insight on what does affect me. I don’t know, I don’t feel like I’m trying to focus on it, it just happens. I notice I get tense a lot even when I feel fine and when I do I just let go. And one more question, if it’s ok to ask, how can anxiety express itself as Tourette’s? Please, I would feel much better hearing from someone than a blog or news article, somebody with empathy rather than science.

    #121742

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Glad my input is somewhat helpful to you. I hope you feel comfortable to let me know anytime what of my writing to you is right with you and what doesn’t feel right: what you agree with and what you disagree with. I am here to teach you and to learn from you. Both.

    I will explain the Tourette’s as an expression of anxiety: as a child, I was stuck with my mother who scared me by threatening to commit suicide or by attacking me in various ways. So the animal part of me, instinctively and emotionally, needed to either Fight or Flight (run away). Both natural responses require MOVEMENT. But I wasn’t able to do either: couldn’t fight a bigger person and my own mother and had nowhere to run away to. But the urge to make a MOVE (fight or flight/run) persisted, day after day. That urge “MOVED” my facial muscles to form facial tics. That urge to move, MOVED my neck muscles to form neck tics, and so forth, as I suffered from tics all over.

    So I didn’t RUN, but my facial muscles “ran away” and every other muscle “ran away” or engaged in the Flight response – or the Fight response, while my overall body stayed in one place.

    If I did Fight or Flight, as animals in nature do, then I wouldn’t have developed tics. I would have been out of danger (either dead if I lost the fight or away from danger if I ran away).

    anita

    #121747

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    I can’t relate to that, but I can relate and understand the way you explained the fight or flight response being bottled inside you, and as a reprecussion affected your body. Somehow, arguing and standing up for myself felt like a release, reading what you wrote solidified it . Screams and loud voices, fighting and demeaning words all made me feel anxious, with no release and no way to win or strength to fight back, I became self deprecating and my confidence was at an all time low, this carried on for years, but it never rose to question because I always had sources of happiness to look forward. Only as a teen was I able to really analyze and experience self inquiry, and I was able to change. But besides that, I have questions about anxiety, can it affect how you think, does it necessarily mean you’re afraid of something, and can it be wired in your brain?

    #121750

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Can anxiety affect how a person thinks, you asked. Yes, very much so. When there is fear in your brain, that means the brain believes there is DANGER to attend to. The number one priority of any animal, humans included, it to attend to danger so to escape it and survive.

    Let’s say you walk outside and a big, aggressive dog shows up- you feel fear right away- you look for a stick on the ground, anything to fight away the dog. You pick up a stick and as the dog approaches you, you hit its head with the stick, trying to get to its eyes, etc. You attended to the danger and fighting to survive.

    When you are anxious, you are not aware of the danger. Where is it? What is it? You don’t know. You feel fear but you don’t know what it is that is scaring you. Next, the THINKING part of the brain is looking for the danger, so to attend to it and protect yourself. So it looks and keeps looking for it, hence the OVERTHINKING/ OBSESSING. You look around and imagine danger in the way people look at you. You hear a loud voice and your first thought: danger! You think there is danger here and there and you keep looking for it.

    The fear, without a clear danger, keeps circulating in the brain, and it is wired as it exists in connections between nerve cells in the brain, and the thinking keeps looking for the danger.

    anita

    #122072

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    I have come to the conclusion that I overstrained, without rest I kept pushing myself without any limit. Anxiety affected me beforehand, I would wake up on weekend mornings anxious because years back I experienced trauma just laying in bed and having my sister get in physical fights with her boyfriend. I was a kid, but that shaped entirely how I saw them. But overtraining made the anxiety worse, the whole thing was the epitome of how you described anxiety @anita, searching for a danger that is not clear or not even existent, searching and searching for something that never was, although anxiety is a problem, it wasn’t the problem the thinking mind, my mind, pictured it to be. I also have other issues that are apart of being human, insecurities, confidence issues, etc. Issues that are more apparent are vision issues, and normal body discomforts, and that is separate from my anxiety, two separate problems.
    At least that’s the way I see it, plus improving diet and rest, etc.

    #122086

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Anxiety, definitely anxiety is behind your focus and great distress about body discomforts. I know that kind of distress, I still suffer from it. It is the fear of long ago, circulating in the brain looking for a “home”, a place to nest, finding its place in your tight jaws. In my case, the fear nests in my belly and I focus on every noise and movement there.

    There is a new thread today, right here, written by a new member whose anxiety is nesting in part of her body (see if you find that thread…?)

    It is very common, to focus on a bodily discomfort or a bodily feature (how a body part looks like, sounds like, smells like, etc.) and it is anxiety nesting here or there.

    Exercising is good for anxiety- take long, fast walks- breathing air when walking fast, inhaling deeply helps the anxiety. Take breaks, do relaxing activities like listening to relaxing music (not so much the rap). Psychotherapy with a competent therapist to examine and heal the anxiety is best.

    You mention it before, the fighting you witnessed: are you saying that the origin of your anxiety is when you were a child, at night, hearing the sounds of your sister and her boyfriend fighting? How old were you and how often did they fight? Describe what that was like..?

    anita

    #122111

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    Often, I can remember two distinct memories where it first happened to get physical, both I was laying in a bed or watching tv, I didn’t know what to do, I was scared but I still got up to tell my dad. I was 12 at the time. Thing is anxiety never tested me in me the way it does now, I don’t know, it never got in my way like it does now.

    #122184

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    Maybe as a child you daydreamed or played games and that calmed you down then. Maybe now you no longer daydream or play the way you did then, so the anxiety increased. Maybe new calming habits will help to reduce it.

    anita

    #122290

    Adrian Gallardo
    Participant

    That’s actually what I did, day dreaming about what the future holds gave me hope and motivation, video games gave me a peace of mind because I was with friends or just doin something I liked. However video games sucked me out reality, understandably it distracted me from other things and became an escape with no solution when I returned to the world around me. Nowadays it becomes an escape an afterwards gives me peace of mind to handle what I must in the real world. I still daydream and do the things I used to but they weren’t enough to help me now. Either way, before it became this bad it was very good, I guess this was just an all time low waiting patiently to cloud my sky’s, so when things go back the way they were it will feel even greater. I’m going to take CBT, but I’m not going to tell my family until after, I know they are the source, and I have to do something before the cycle continues onto my nephew.

    #122307

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrian Gallardo:

    I didn’t understand: “I know they (your family) are the source”- the source of your troubles? I think you only shared here about your sister and her boyfriends’ fights. What else about your family life brought about your current distress?

    You wrote “before the cycle continues” onto your nephew. Please tell me about that cycle…?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 71 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.