Dear G:

“I’m considering telling him how I feel and why I feel the need to distance myself. I’m just really scared is all”- a good idea, to tell him how you feel. If you don’t, what does it say about this online friendship:  “We chat all day long about how our day is going, things we have in common, how we’re feeling“, and yet, you are hiding from him your feelings.. ?

Regarding being scared, isn’t it easier online for you, than if it was in person, to type him a message? You can take your time typing it, editing it… you can even post it here if you want input on it before you send it to him.

anita

I’ve been in this situation before. It was when I was about your age, too. I met a guy on a message board and we started talking a lot. We were only 7 days apart in age, had a lot in common, and became best friends for several years. We talked to each other about everything. I think it’s very easy to develop an emotional connection with someone in this way, especially when you are having such good conversations all day, every day. You build up a trust and an attachment to them that easily can develop into romantic feelings. I’m telling you this basically because I hope you won’t feel so embarrassed. It’s a completely normal thing that happens to a lot of people who develop friendships online.

Would the distance be a barrier to you in real life? I saw in your other comment that you live several states away and won’t really have enough money to visit each other, so, in that case, it sort of doesn’t matter whether you tell him how you feel or not, because a relationship where you never see each other won’t work and it’s also possible that you may not have the same sort of feeling in person as you do with him online. If you think backing off from talking to him would help you, I would do that. In my situation, I was able to just sort of remind myself it wouldn’t work because we live too far apart and was able to back off my own feelings in that way.

Dear G:

To convey your feelings “in a way that isn’t overwhelming of off putting” make your message short and clear, nothing dramatic. You can message him something like: I developed a crush on you, weird to me because I never met you. Plus I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Did I just make you uncomfortable?

A message like this will be in line with the very nature of your online relationship with him:  chatting a lot “about how our day is going, things we have in common, how we’re feeling etc.” – in the message you will be sharing your feelings with him and checking if he has a crush on you as well, if you have this in common as well, or  not.

anita