Home→Forums→Relationships→Feeling Like I Don’t Deserve Love
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Alessa.
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June 14, 2026 at 1:44 pm #458583
Kris SimmonsParticipantHello, My nsme is Kris. I’m 26 years old and I”ve never had a boyfriend before. It’s something that embarrasses me. I have a really hard time trusting people. I’m the scapegoat of the family. I feel like I’m too broken to be in a relationship or that I need to fix myself first. Lately, I’ve been hearing my older sister’s voice in my head, criticizing me constantly. She always finds a way to put me down.
Back in April, my therapist passed away and I was having a really horrible time. I had a breakdown in my room and I was screaming and punching my pillow. When my sister came into my room, for some reason she felt the need to criticize me. She told me I’m a very angry person and that I shouldn’t think about being in a relationship right now.
I’ve always been someone who feels things deeply but I kind of hate that about myself. Whenever I show strong anger, my family always acted annoyed with me. My mom even said that I should “get rid of my anger once and for all” through therapy. I know she meant well but hearing something like that makes me feel like there’s something bad within my that needs to be removed and I feel even more shame about my anger/feelings.
I made a Facebook dating profile recently. I was talking to this one guy but I told him that I’m not fit for a relationship because of my mental health. I kinda used that as an excuse to stop talking to him. I feel like once he got to know the real me, he’d lose interest anyway. I was doing him a favor. I feel like I don’t deserve love. My older sister has done irreparable damage to my self worth and I can’t make her voice in my head be quiet. There are days where I feel like the worst person ever or I feel like a monster who doesn’t deserve love.
Have any of you felt that you didn’t deserve love? How did you deal with it? I genuinely feel like I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life if I don’t fix myself. My sister literally told me how I can fix myself and she did actually use the word “fix.” I feel like a piece of trash right now.
June 14, 2026 at 3:28 pm #458589
anitaParticipantHi Kris 🙂
What you’re feeling makes so much sense for someone who grew up being blamed for having normal human emotions. When a family doesn’t know how to handle a child’s anger, sadness, or intensity, they often turn the child’s feelings into a problem instead of responding with support.
Over time, the child learns: “My emotions are wrong. I am wrong.” But that shame never belonged to you — it belongs to the people who reacted to your distress with criticism instead of care.
Your natural reactions were met with irritation or judgment, not understanding. That doesn’t mean you were ever “too much.” It means the people around you were overwhelmed, unskilled, or emotionally shut down, and they couldn’t meet you where you were. Sensitive people often get labeled as “too much” by families who struggle with emotion themselves.
The voice you hear now — the one calling you angry, unlovable, or unfit — isn’t your own voice. It’s an echo of your sister and mother. You don’t have to keep believing it. A kinder inner voice might sound like: “My feelings are not flaws. They’re signals. I feel deeply because I care deeply. I deserve gentleness, including from myself.”
You don’t need to “fix” yourself to deserve love, only to unlearn the idea that you were ever something that needed fixing.
You asked if others have felt unworthy of love — I have. For a long time. And I didn’t start believing otherwise until I realized that the criticism I grew up with wasn’t a reflection of who I was, but of what the adult around me (my mother) couldn’t handle in herself. I was carrying her shame (not mine) without even knowing it. It sounds like you’ve been carrying something similar, and none of it was ever yours to hold.
If you want to explore any of this more or just need a place where your feelings aren’t ‘too much,’ I’m here.
🌿💛🌿 Anita
June 14, 2026 at 4:03 pm #458590
AlessaParticipantHi Kris
I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been having. It’s not very nice when family criticises you frequently, it takes a toll on self-esteem. My condolences for your therapist passing too. 🩵
So you worry about your anger in relationships?
Well there are healthy ways to express anger like shouting into a pillow and hitting it when you are alone. So that’s totally fine. Talking about why you feel angry is another good thing to do. There is nothing wrong with anger in itself as an emotion, it lets us know when there is an issue bothering us which needs to be addressed.
The unhealthy things that could cause issues in relationships would be things like yelling at other people and insulting them. Do you feel like you have any bad habits that you want to change? 🩵
Yes, I’ve had some unhealthy behaviours with anger in the past and had difficulty with feeling like I didn’t deserve love. Please feel free to ask any questions.
It’s hard to explain because it is a long journey. To put it simply, you have to learn to be kinder to yourself. 🩵
I think it’s difficult when you are in the thick of difficulties to see the inherent worth that we all have.
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