Kate,

My relationship of 3.5 years just ended almost 2 weeks ago (for the second time with the same girl, we got back together for a year). Although i do not feel nearly as hurt as I did last year (my first ever heartbreak), I did feel pretty crappy and lonely this time around. But it has almost been two weeks and you know what, Ive written down all my feelings about myself and her and I have realized that I have WAY more to offer than she does and I am way better off.

You may realize this too. I am not feeling the best ever but I am feeling pretty good. The best part is that I know that in the near future I will be feeling the best EVER, as I will be entering the career that I believe I was made out for. I am constantly working out, improving my body, but more importantly I am improving my mind. I keep reminding myself that I am all I need to be happy. I don’t really hope anymore. Instead of lame hope, I just have faith. That is, faith in myself and faith that great things will happen to me.

You should have the same mindset, and if you dont have it, like I didnt, then train your mind. Use affirmations, write down everything that is awesome about you (dont you dare be modest). Also, write down all the negative about your ex, as this will put them back into prospective for you and you may just realize, like I did, that you are so much better than that.

The easy part for you is that you already know that you are worthy and good enough, so keep hammering that into your mind and soon your mind will enforce these facts for you without effort. Go see family and friends, also, make new friends!

Don’t ask yourself “why me?” , because often the answer comes up in the future and you realize that it may have been a blessing in disguise. Take this time to conquer your mind Kate, once you wholeheartedly believe in yourself, love yourself, are confident, and happy, then all else will fall into place 🙂

It is tough, but YOU are tough and you are going to get through this whether you like it or not! Don’t give up, you are awesome 🙂 !

Kate,

I feel your pain. Really. I’ve been there several times in my life. I’ve been so low after a couple breakups that I discovered rock bottom actually has a basement. And I believe that it had a lot to do with the lack of a support system. I didn’t really have much family or friends to talk it out with so I kept it to myself. But you know what? I told myself each and every time that I’ve been through this before and I’ve survived it 100% of the time. And when I was ready, I got back out there and met a new person. Each time I developed a new relationship (granted, I had to kiss a lot of frogs first), it made me ask myself “I’m so happy to have met this person. Why was I so depressed after losing Guy A? I never would have met Guy B if the road hadn’t taken me here! Yes, it’s ironic that the relationships ended with Guy B, Guy C, Guy D and so forth also, but my point is that I came out of complete devastation each and every time. Looking back, I remember the extreme pain and depression I was in, remember thinking that I’ll never get over it, no one can help me, but I’m sitting here today in complete contentment with my life. I’m not mourning the loss of one single relationship.

I would not say I’m in the healthiest of relationships right now and have a lot of heavy thinking to do moving forward. However, I’m still grateful for where I am today, what I’ve gone through, and consider my life way better off having “unanswered prayers” for what I thought I wanted at the time. You may not feel like going out, showering, eating, moving on, working out, etc. right now….but each day you’ll get stronger and stronger. And I know it’s really hard to believe that. But as a responder above noted, don’t ask “why me?”. Take comfort in the fact that probably everyone on the planet would have to ask themselves that at some point because I know very few adults that have never had their heart broken. It isn’t just you. It’s millions and millions of people experiencing similar pain. Maybe we can all chant “why us?”

Hang in there. Make any small step that you can. If time doesn’t heal all wounds, I believe it will at least reduce to a dull occasional throbbing, worst case. Best case, you’ll come out of this and soar!

Good luck to you.