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November 24, 2024 at 11:16 am in reply to: I did the right thing at the wrong time, how to forgive myself? #439651
anitaParticipantDear Beni:
“I could not differentiate myself from others“- reads like you have struggled with self-identity, leading to a life without a clear sense of personal direction.
“I can never forgive myself for treating me the way I did“- you feel a sense of guilt and regret for not treating yourself better.
“I did act in my best intentions and abilities and still I know it was below my abilities”– despite acting with good intentions, you recognize that you did not reach your full potential.
“That I did not ask for help when I needed to”– the difficulty in seeking help and finding the right guidance at the right time contributed to your struggles.
“I kept doing what made me suppress myself“- Continued self-suppressive behaviors took a toll on your well-being.
“I never want to let me down again but also it seems that it is quite difficult to trust myself again“- your desire to change and not repeat past mistakes is strong, but rebuilding self-trust poses a significant challenge.
Advice: 1. practice self-Compassion and Forgiveness: treat yourself with kindness, acknowledge that you did your best given your circumstances and that it’s okay to make mistakes, 2. Don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted others, including from supportive members in these forums, 3. rebuild self-trust: start with small, achievable goals that help rebuild your confidence and trust in your abilities. Celebrate your successes, no matter how minor they may seem, 4. engage in self-discovery: explore and understand your values, interests, and passions. This can help clarify your sense of self and guide your decisions. Keeping a journal (perhaps here, on your thread) can help you in the process of self-discovery.
I hope that this is somewhat helpful, and I am looking forward to reading from you again.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
I understand the annoying part. I have no technological ability in regard to managing a website (and about almost everything when it comes to computers), but from what I understand, there is a lot of work involved, and it can be overwhelming, particularly with no help.
“On the one hand I enjoy being introvert a lot. I love being alone only with animals, in the woods, in the meadows and tops of the hills. I feel strong connection to nature. It is my world, my healing… And I could write on and on and on“- I feel serene just by reading your words about your experiences in and with nature.
“I like being only with myself because I am peaceful and calm and I am very happy and joyful inside most of my time alone“- you read like a healthy person in every way.
“But on the other hand, I know that it is a stumbling block when it comes to contact with people. I am like a sponge… I absorb people’s energies and moods, as well. And when people are stressed, angry, upset.. that’s when I feel the fear of them“- this indicates a high level of empathy and emotional sensitivity. You are highly receptive to the emotional climate of your environment, taking in both positive and negative energies. You not only sense but also internalize the moods and emotional states of those around you. Negative emotions in others, such as stress, anger, or upset, trigger a fear response in you. This could be due to past experiences or a heightened sensitivity to conflict and tension.Being highly sensitive to negative emotions makes a person more vulnerable to stress and anxiety, particularly in tense or hostile environments. This heightened sensitivity suggests the importance of self-care strategies to protect one own emotional well-being, such as setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and seeking supportive relationships.“When (your boyfriend) really gets into an unpleasant situation from work and gets a little bit angry… I start to feel uncomfortable and have a need to ‘detach’… I usually stop listening carefully and I am somewhere else in my head… I get tired and I feel stressed a little bit. He would never ever hurt me. And he knows this about me and he tries to be more attentive“- you absorb the negative emotions and stress of your boyfriend when he has a difficult day at work. To manage the overwhelming emotions, you mentally detach/ withdraw or dissociate from the situation. This detachment is a way to protect yourself from the negative energy, but it also leads to a lack of presence and attentiveness in the moment. Your boyfriend’s awareness and attempts to be more attentive demonstrate his understanding and support.
“I absorb his energy in other situations, too. When he is a bit nervous in a car… I need to find some strategies to control my ‘absorbing’… The biggest problem is with strangers. When they have a very strong energy, such as anger, and they are also loud and dominant, it is really overwhelming for me… their negative energies which get into me. After absorbing anger etc., I feel confused.. because it is not my feeling… but the effect is in me… I need to work on this“- continually absorbing negative emotions from others depletes your energy, leading to feelings of fatigue and stress. The inability to differentiate between your own feelings and those you absorb from others creates a sense of emotional confusion and distress.Here are a few ideas, Jana, a few of them we already talked about: (1) Practice visualizing a protective barrier or shield around yourself to prevent absorbing negative energies, a guided imagery exercise, (2) Engage in grounding techniques such as deep breathing, focusing on the senses (touch, smell, sight), or using grounding objects (e.g., holding a stone), so to stay centered and present, (3) Continue to prioritize activities that help replenish your energy, such as spending time in nature, (4) Regular aerobic exercise helps release absorbed stress, (5) Continue to journal, (6) Join support groups or communities for highly sensitive people (HSPs), (7) Continue to communicate with your boyfriend about your need for a calm and supportive environment, and encourage open dialogue about how to best support each other during stressful times.Thank you for the two previously-awaiting moderation posts! I find the one about EFT, particularly the diagram and how simply it is explained, significantly helpful as I just touched (didn’t even tap) the various points on the face that are shown on the diagram and felt instantly calmer as a result. I intend to practice this more thoroughly later, including when I wake up at night. I didn’t open the links you offered, but will do so later.anitaanitaParticipantWelcome to the forums, Mahmoud Mazloum. I am grateful that you are here, and hoping to read more from you, here and on other threads!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Rising Power:
You are very welcome and I am glad that you posted again. I will read and reply Sun morning (itis Sat evening here).
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
I can feel your frustration and it’s understandable that you feel frustrated following these difficulties. What I do before I submit each and every post is, I copy it first, then submit. If it fails to submit, I still have the copy and can re-submit. If a post doesn’t go through because of a link, you can resubmit without the link.
You can also contact the website owner on the matter (HOME=> CONTACT top left of the homepage) and ask for help.
I don’t want tiny buddha to lose you as a contributing member!!
(I will be away from the computer for the rest of the day).
anita
anitaParticipantContinued journaling:
The feeling of being completely alone, with no one to turn to for support, is a central theme of my childhood and much of my adulthood. This loneliness was synonymous with a sense of being trapped in a sort of death. In this acute loneliness, having a mother who placed me in a …box titled No One, I felt fragmented, as in having no sense of individual, recognizable identity.
I longed for connection and understanding, but none was there for me to have as a child, and as a teenager and an adult, pervasive suspiciousness and distrust of people prevented me from connecting with people who were (although I didn’t know it) worthy of my trust. I resorted to fantasy and imagination as a way to cope with the overwhelming pain and loneliness.
I did not develop social skills. Instead, I developed neurological and behavioral disorders of all kinds (Tourette’s, OCD, ADD and more), which created more suffering.
Fast forward, increasingly over time, I connect with people and there is no experience more delightful than connecting!
But still, the lonely child within me needs more validation, more understanding of her long, too-long life of unnecessary, accumulated suffering, and consequences that are still there. The measure of fragmentation/ self-alienation that still exists, needs to not be there anymore. I need to be .. integrated, all of me being one person.
anita
anitaParticipantDear John:
“I apologize for posting on the same subject twice…“- To err is human: making mistakes is an inherent part of being human. No wrong committed (a wrong= a deliberate action that goes against ethical standards). A tiny mistake on tiny buddha is definitely acceptable, says I 😊
“I was affirmed into the sect many years ago; my sensei gave me the name Shinnen“- your given name is a Japanese name that can have different meanings depending on the kanji characters used to write it: 信念 (Shinnen) means belief or conviction, often associated with one’s principles or faith, and 新年 (Shinnen) means New Year, symbolizing renewal, new beginnings, and fresh opportunities.
“The temple is a very special place for me. I feel like I’m going home; where I can be with people who share the same aspirations and ways“- reads like you feel a deep emotional connection, safety, and a sense of belonging in the temple, a strong communal bond, because of shared values, goals, and practices.
“Normally I feel like a fish out of water”– but in your everyday life, you feel out of place, misunderstood, or disconnected from your surroundings and the people around you..
“But there… I’m at peace”– the temple is a refuge for you, a sanctuary, a place where you can relax and feel at peace with being you. A powerful testimony, John!
“I have had a long history in Theravadin, Mahayana, and Zen Buddhism, and it’s been a very interesting, and often challenging trip“- reads like you spent a considerable amount of time studying and practicing within these different Buddhist traditions, exercising a deep level of engagement and commitment.
Theravadin focuses on individual enlightenment through rigorous practice and adherence to early Buddhist teachings. Mahayana emphasizes the bodhisattva path, practicing compassion and aspiring to achieve enlightenment not just for oneself, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Zen Buddhism is a school of Mahayana Buddhism that promotes a simple and uncluttered lifestyle, meditation and direct experience, which means experiencing the present moment fully and directly without the filter of preconceived notions and linguistic labels. It is also known for the use of koans (paradoxical questions or statements).
In your post on another thread less than two hour ago, you quoted from Matthew Arnold’s poem, Dover Beach (first published in 1867).
“The first sentence ‘Ah, love let us be true to one another!’ is really the conclusion“- the conclusion is a heartfelt appeal for loyalty, honesty, and mutual support in a world that seems increasingly uncertain and bleak, seeking solace and security in genuine, honest relationships, a refuge from the chaos and confusion of the external world.
“Ah, love, let us be true- To one another! for the world, which seems- To lie before us like a land of dreams,- So various, so beautiful, so new,- Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,- Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;- And we are here as on a darkling plain- Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,- Where ignorant armies clash by night.”- the world appears to be a wonderful and idyllic place, full of beauty and promise, but despite its (deceptive) beauty, the world lacks true joy, love, peace, and solace. Humanity is depicted as being in a state of confusion and turmoil, engaging in chaotic and senseless conflicts and struggles.
The imagery evokes a sense of disillusionment, hopelessness and helplessness. In response to this disillusionment, the poet emphasizes the importance of mutual truth and fidelity in personal relationships, of genuine connection and support as a source of stability and comfort.
Dover Beach was written around 1851, and first published in 1867 in his collection “New Poems.” I think that the themes and insights of the poem are even more relevant today, 173 years later, than back then because of the negative consequences of advanced technology: climate change, pollution, and a much greater technological capability for mass destruction of billions of lives, a capability which accompanies current chaotic and senseless political instabilities and wars
The poet’s plea for truth and fidelity (being faithful, loyal, trustworthy) in personal relationships emphasizes the timeless importance of human connection. In our current era where digital interactions often replace face-to-face communication, the need for genuine, meaningful relationships remains crucial for emotional well-being.
Thank you, John, for the poem and posts. Your given name fits you well, if I may say so: a man of belief, conviction, new beginnings and opportunities. Here in these forums is an opportunity for genuine, honest relationships, truth and fidelity among ourselves.
anita
anitaParticipantContinued: it is difficult to hold in awareness, for me, the mix of very difficult-to-endure emotions, such that I experienced so many of growing up ad onward. Lots of distressing, depressing emotions and cognitions (thoughts): fear, anxiety, agitation, anger, shame, guilt, more anger, rage, unmet needs, longing, craving, hoping, sinking into hopelessness and depression, trying hard, it’s not working, failure. more failure, too much failure, no longer trying, resorting to fantasy, imagining love.
The need for someone, anyone to be there for me while there’s no one there for me.
The alone-ness, the acute loneliness, the wanting to LIVE and yet not living, craving the experience of life: of love, of comfort, of exploration, of experiencing life.. yet, stuck in a sort of death. Life suffocated, trying to breathe, no air. No Life For Me.
(I am still typing as I think, no editing). It is hard for me to know, to really know that it was me back then and all along. It is as if I broke into thousand pieces back then, and each piece didn’t know about the other pieces.. not holding all these emotions in awareness at any one time. Split. Scattered. Disconnected. Unhinged, falling apart.
Nothing and no one to hold on to. Falling.
Falling.
Screaming: H E L P ! Silently screaming: h e l p !
And there no one there.
It’s the no-one-there that’s the reason no one is stopping my Falling. Failing.
It was me back then, and by me, I mean.. a person, me-the-person.
Not a Thing. Yet, I was treated liken a thing. A thing with no emotions. No emotions to consider.
Mistaken for a Thing would be the title of my Story.
Misunderstood.
How does a person react to being treated like a no-emotions-to-consider-thing?
Closing in, not growing up or out. minimizing, drying out, dying, but not all the way, still alive enough to feel all those emotions so acutely.
This is my story, and I “hear” my mother reacting as she typically did. She’d say: what do you have to complain about? Who are you to complain? You are a Nobody, a Nothing. Look at me: I matter. I am what it’s all about. How selfish of you, anita, to not see YOUR MOTHER, and only your mother. There is no one else! no one else but me!
Ima (this is what you’d call mother where I grew up): Ima, please see me. Please hear me, for I am here.
She’d say: no one is here but me.
How does a person (me) fit in a box titled: No One..?
This is my story, The Girl in The Box, a box. A box titled No One.
Growing not up, but in, shrinking, shrinking, because there was no space for me. She demanded it all, all the space.
It is Friday here, windy, the wind is audible.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Reader:
I just posted in another thread:
” I need to practice the principles of Buddhism every day.. all day, everywhere, with everyone: Right Mindfulness (Practicing awareness of thoughts, feelings, and actions), Right Intention (Cultivating intentions of goodwill and harmlessness), Right Speech (Speaking truthfully and kindly), Right Action (Acting ethically: refraining from taking life, from stealing, from harmful speech, speech that deceives or otherwise hurts, unsettles or harms others..)”.
I want to elaborate on the above here, on my thread, so to promote what I boldfaced in the quote above.. all day, everywhere, with everyone:
I need to be more mindful of my thoughts and feelings, such that lead to speech and action that is fueled by wrong intention. I look within this morning (and I feel distress doing so), and I see that I carry anger within me that has not been resolved, and at times of carelessness, it expresses itself and harms others in one way or another, like it did last evening in a real-life situation.
I feel blocked right now, not open to the intended mindfulness. I feel the tendency to .. go intellectual, so to speak, to explain things rationally so to circumvent the emotional.
I have deep-seated anger at having been left out/ ignored.. left behind in life, starting early. Life was happening elsewhere, for others, not for me, not where I was. Life was happening for others, not for me. By life, I mean joy, companionship, friendship, comfort, togetherness, love, romance, interest, passion.. For me, these happened in my day-dreams, and oh, how lovely those were.
But the daily and nightly experience was that of acute loneliness and isolation, jealousy of others who knew a different kind of life. The insult I felt (and by the way, I am typing as I think-feel, with no editing), for being left out by those who were fortunate was acute: the why me not being them? Why am I not included? Oh, how I craved associations and socializations and being treated like one-of, like.. one of them.
I remember, I think I was an older teenager, watching people my age walking hands in hands, boyfriends/ girlfriends, wishing I had a boyfriend too. But I was always alone. Alone, because I had something they- the others, the fortunate ones- didn’t have and that was my mother, the emotional vampire who feasted on my blood/ my life (I feel the anger building within me as I hit te keyboards with more force). I had a woman-mother-monster vampire whose primary message to me was: anita, your life is not your life. It’s MINE! You must live FOR ME.
I envied those whose lives were not owned.
My every word, my every act (and those were minimal) had to have her in mind. I was watched, ready to be criticized and ostracized and punished at any time the expression on my face didn’t seem right to her, anytime my voice wasn’t right in her mind, anytime I said something wrong in her evaluation. I was not free to be.
I feel that I am approaching going intellectual again, explaining all the ways she was harmful to me. Don’t want to do that.
I was just thinking about all the many people who are suffering terribly, and a voice in my head said to me that I shouldn’t complain and to get over it, over my mother.
I need to get over it, by going through it adequately, so that it stops fueling words such as the words that flew out of my mouth last evening (not name calling or threats and such, but harmful words nonetheless), so I continue:
Anger at my life being STOLEN by my mother, life that includes my whole youth, life that I didn’t get to have.
The above is the Core of my Anger.
I feel quite intense right now.
Last evening, I sat close to two people, one of them is someone who I feel likes me very much. How good it feels to be liked, oh how good. The other person sitting near me, I haven’t seen her for a long time. I’ll call the person who likes me L and the one I didn’t see for a long time, I’ll call her H. So, I am talking to both, H says something in regard to her boyfriend, and I feel the need to challenge her so (in my mind) to get L to keep liking me, taking a position in regard to her attitude toward her boyfriend, that I thought L, who is a man with traditional values, will approve of. That was my harmful talk last evening, which caused her to get upset with me. I ended up apologizing to her.
I don’t know how anger fits into what I wrote just above (and again, I am typing as I think, no editing). Maybe it’s not anger, it’s my desire to be liked, to be included- by L, such an intense desire to-be-approved of, to be accepted, that I .. that to have him on my side, I sort of had to sort of attack her.
For this was how it was at “home” with my mother: there was always someone to be attacked. When she appeared together with someone else, like a sister of hers or an acquaintance, it was always about hating someone else, gossiping about someone else, a 3rd party. Closeness between 2 people meant the two bonding over the demonization of a 3rd party; talking badly about that 3rd party.
Only my mother and her sister, let’s say, attacked the third party outside the 3rd party’s presence. I do this in the third party’s presence.
I’ll continue later. Oh, and if you are reading this, please do not comment at this point. I need to not be distracted or feel criticized by a comment that may be kind, yet, I may feel otherwise.
anita
anitaParticipantDear John:
John: “Years ago, I came across a very simple way of living called ‘Gassho’. It is practiced, or more correctly ‘lived by’, most Jodo Shinshu followers; who live in a state gratefulness for what they have“-
– I read that Jodo Shinshu, also known as Shin Buddhism or True Pure Land Buddhism is the most widely practiced branch of Buddhism in Japan and among Japanese ethnic communities worldwide. It is known for its simplicity of practice and emphasis on faith and gratitude.
The Pure Land is considered a celestial realm free from suffering, filled with beautiful landscapes, serene waters, and celestial music. In the Pure Land, beings do not experience the distractions and obstacles found in the human world. The conditions are perfect for meditation, learning, and spiritual development. Beings reborn in the Pure Land have the unique opportunity to attain enlightenment more easily. The Pure Land therefore serves as a stepping stone to Buddhahood.
Amitabha Buddha resides in the Pure Land. His infinite compassion and wisdom are central to the experience of the Pure Land. Amitabha’s 18th vow, known as the Primal Vow, promises that anyone who sincerely wishes to be reborn in the Pure Land and calls upon his name (Namu Amida Butsu) with faith will be granted rebirth there. This vow is foundational to Jodo Shinshu teachings.
Achieving Buddhahood is considered the ultimate goal in Buddhism. A Buddha has a complete and profound understanding of the true nature of reality, often described as seeing things as they truly are, beyond illusions and misconceptions. A Buddha embodies boundless compassion for all sentient beings, striving to alleviate their suffering. A Buddha has transcended the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, achieving a state of nirvana where there is no suffering, desire, or attachment. A Buddha adheres to the highest ethical and moral standards, living a life of virtue and integrity. A Buddha often takes on the role of a teacher, sharing the path to enlightenment with others and helping them achieve liberation from suffering.
John: “Without that practice, it’s simply another good idea, a revelation, which will eventually fade from memory, lost in time; as so many revelations have.“-
– thank you, John, for reminding me of revelations I once had regarding Buddhism, revelations that indeed faded from my memory. I need to practice the principles of Buddhism every day.. all day, everywhere, with everyone:
Right Mindfulness (Practicing awareness of thoughts, feelings, and actions), Right Intention (Cultivating intentions of goodwill and harmlessness), Right Speech (Speaking truthfully and kindly), Right Action (Acting ethically: refraining from taking life, from stealing, from harmful speech, speech that deceives or otherwise hurts, unsettles or harms others..).
Again, thank you John and I am glad to read your posts in the forums!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
I came across a poem yesterday, and I thought of sending it to you because it fits you too:
“In the quiet of the night, where shadows play, And the silence whispers what hearts cannot say,
Know that even in the darkest of days, There’s a light within you, guiding your way.
Your heart feels heavy, burdened with care, The weight of the world, too much to bear.
Yet in the midst of pain, there’s a spark, A reminder that hope still ignites in the dark.
When love feels distant, and solace is scarce, Remember, dear soul, you are strong and fierce.
In the echoes of doubt, find your inner voice, A whisper of strength, a reason to rejoice.
Though the path seems lonely, you’re never alone, For within you lies a courage well-known.
Take each step forward, with grace and with might, For brighter tomorrows are born from this fight.
Let the tears flow freely, let the heart mend, For in brokenness, there’s a chance to transcend.
Embrace the journey, with all that it brings, For you are resilient, a soul with wings.
In the quiet of the night, hold on to your grace, With each breath you take, find a serene space.
Know that you are cherished, valued, and dear, And with each new dawn, let go of your fear.
May you find comfort in the love that remains, In the strength of your spirit, despite the pains.
For you are a warrior, with a heart so true, And brighter days will come, just for you.”
anita
November 21, 2024 at 12:48 pm in reply to: The phenomenon of “helping someone excessively can make them turn against you” #439601anitaParticipantDear Arden:
I came across a poem yesterday, and I thought of sending it to you because it fits you:
“In the quiet of the night, where shadows play, And the silence whispers what hearts cannot say,
Know that even in the darkest of days, There’s a light within you, guiding your way.
Your heart feels heavy, burdened with care, The weight of the world, too much to bear.
Yet in the midst of pain, there’s a spark, A reminder that hope still ignites in the dark.
When love feels distant, and solace is scarce, Remember, dear soul, you are strong and fierce.
In the echoes of doubt, find your inner voice, A whisper of strength, a reason to rejoice.
Though the path seems lonely, you’re never alone, For within you lies a courage well-known.
Take each step forward, with grace and with might, For brighter tomorrows are born from this fight.
Let the tears flow freely, let the heart mend, For in brokenness, there’s a chance to transcend.
Embrace the journey, with all that it brings, For you are resilient, a soul with wings.
In the quiet of the night, hold on to your grace, With each breath you take, find a serene space.
Know that you are cherished, valued, and dear, And with each new dawn, let go of your fear.
May you find comfort in the love that remains, In the strength of your spirit, despite the pains.
For you are a warrior, with a heart so true, And brighter days will come, just for you.”
anita
anitaParticipantDear John/ Everyone:
The quotes you offered, John, on another thread: “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced”, “Life is NOT about seeking shelter from the storms; life is about learning to dance in the rain”,
Right above: “Gassho… The premise of the practice is that, as humans, we constantly desire: something more, somewhere else, to be with someone else, to be thinking something else, to be someone else, to be feeling something else, to be doing something else. It seems to be our nature, as humans, to be discontent“- very well said, John, if you don’t mind me saying so.
Gassho (online) is a traditional gesture of respect and gratitude used particularly within Buddhism and Japanese traditions. It involves placing the palms of the hands together in front of the chest, with the fingers pointing upwards, and slightly bowing the head. It is a way to show humility, respect and gratitude. The act of bringing the hands together symbolizes unity and connection, both with oneself and with others, acknowledgment of the interconnectedness of all beings, helping individuals to cultivate a sense of inner peace.
I am adding (from online): Radical acceptance is a concept rooted in mindfulness and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). It involves fully accepting reality as it is, without judgment or resistance, even if it is difficult or painful. Key principles of Radical Acceptance: 1. Recognizing and accepting the reality of the present moment, including any pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotions, without trying to change or deny it. 2. Releasing the urge to fight against or resist the reality of the situation. Resistance often leads to increased suffering and prevents healing. 3. Approaching the present moment with a non-judgmental attitude, accepting experiences as they are without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” 4. Practicing self-compassion and understanding that it is natural to feel pain and distress. Embracing oneself with kindness and patience during challenging times.
By accepting reality, individuals can Reduce the additional suffering that comes from resisting or denying painful experiences, Regulate emotions, Respond to distressing situations more calmly and effectively, Face challenges with greater resilience and adaptability, and Experience healthier relationships by fostering empathy, understanding, and non-judgmental communication.”
I am posting all this because I need to practice all that is mentioned here, today and every day. I want to commit myself to living by these principle and practices. Thank you, John (and I do not expect a reply, so it’s okay either way).
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
You are welcome! “I understand that you imply that I put myself in the fawn role. It might be true (?)“- no, I was not implying (that is, suggesting something indirectly), no. I did a study on the fawn response, and shared it with you (similarly to what I did earlier this very morning on your other thread: a study on another topic).
In my recent post on this thread, I looked at my own behavior and my mother’s in regard to the fawn response and left it up to you to see if any of the information applies to you (I was thinking in regard to the neighbor you shared about), if you cared to.
“I never tried to please her… I never agreed with anything negative she said. I corrected her when she gossiped others and I simply said that I had to leave when she didn’t stop her behaviour… I wanted to support her, not to please her“-
– doesn’t read like the fawn response in regard to your mother. You tried to help her.
“I didn’t agree with the other neighbour who fight against the landfill site here. Her way of solving conflicts includes arguing, creating drama, exerting pressure on others, manipulating others to fight for her side… that’s not for me“- no fawn response here when it comes to the neighbor either. You stood up for your position, not for hers.
“This is a note for me to remember / come back later to:… to do:…”- I will leave this for you to return to later then.
“– A Message to Those Who Love Me –… My boyfriend I am very happy and lucky that I have a supportive and loving partner. Your life wasn’t easy. (life in poverty, beatings… Still, you never gave up… you never grew bitter. You are strong, stable and open-hearted…. Our dog… and you tried so hard to fetch me your favourite ball… Our cat You are the wisest of us all. Buddha cat. My little tiger…. From now, I’ll take better care of you all.
“-– This is BEAUTIFUL, Jana, Inspiring, thank you for sharing this here!
anita
anitaParticipant* I didn’t mean for the 2nd question to appear in bigger print..
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 