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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 5,120 total)
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  • in reply to: Zen Story #454094
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you, Peter for your message for me. I appreciate you caring to answer me. I am looking forward to reading and replying laterπŸ™ ✨

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454093
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    I’m glad to read that the obsessive and self-blaming chemistry eased πŸ™‚

    Coming back to the Empathy factor: may you practice empathy/ compassion for yourself simply because you are going through a difficult time emotionally. Avoid, if you can, placing any pressure on yourself. Give yourself the permission to rest and recover.

    (I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours).

    ️🀍 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454089
    anita
    Participant

    I Good day, lol

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454088
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    Good thing you 1 food day during the visit.

    I wish 🀞 that the good chemistry on that last day ease the bad (OCD, ADHD, disorganized attachment) chemistry.

    About 20 days to seeing a psychiatrist for easing/ changing obsessive, self-blaming chemistry βš—οΈ?

    🀍 Anita

    in reply to: Zen Story #454086
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Peter/ Everyone:

    β€œ’Who is to say what is right or wrong?’ becomes less a philosophical claim and more a mirror: why am I so quick to want the answer to be one way or the other? What in me wants certainty…?… shame is already present”-

    Indeed, I’ve been quick to want an answer to who’s right and who’s wrong. The part of me that wants certainty is the part that’s been chronically uncertain and self-doubting. And shame has been heavily involved: if I am bad or flawed or inferior, incapable… how can I trust myself (my thoughts, feelings or actions)?

    I read somewhere: When someone feels shaky inside, they may grab onto strict rules, rigid beliefs, or black‑and‑white thinking as a way to steady themselves. The rigidity isn’t real confidence β€” it’s a shield.

    Zen would say that the tighter someone holds onto certainty, the more fear is usually underneath. People who trust themselves don’t need everything to be fixed and definite, but people who fear being wrong or inadequate often rush toward clear answers because ambiguity feels threatening.

    In this way, the craving for certainty becomes a way to avoid the discomfort of self‑doubt, even though the real strength comes from being able to stay open and present without needing guarantees.

    Any thoughts about self-trust Peter? Alessa? Thomas? Roberta? Anyone else?

    ️🀍 Anita

    in reply to: Lost #454075
    anita
    Participant

    Dear luna:

    You are not wrong to post this here and you are not wrong to feel the way you do!

    I can hear how distressed you are over the situation, and understandably so.

    I don’t know if you’re living with your mother (and having to live with her ex as well) or are you living away from her, on your own?

    ️🀍 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454074
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    You wrote yesterday: “Relationships with other women were pretty toxic except one, my longest (which was 9 months”, and later: “They were all short-lived (longest one 7 months)”. How long was your longest relationship?

    I found where you described the one visit with your current LDR woman in your life:

    “The visit went okay, it was our first time meeting, I stayed for 3 days… she was also distant/ disconnected… my mind was constantly doubting everything… The first 2 days she was keeping her distance which I respected (because she needs to develop a sense of trust and security before getting intimate”-

    What made the visit “okay”?

    πŸ€” Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454056
    anita
    Participant

    Wasn’t wrong, so yes, 9 pm here

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454055
    anita
    Participant

    Wrong by an hour, 9 pm here, W USA here.

    Now. 😴

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454054
    anita
    Participant

    Haha πŸ˜„ indeed, Confused, truly a pleasure πŸ™ communicating with you. Good πŸ‘ night πŸŒ™ to you, almost 9 pm here, we must be on a similar time zone.

    🀍 good night to you, Confused, good night 😴

    ✌️ πŸŒ™ Anita (9:52 pm)

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454052
    anita
    Participant

    5 months of LD 😊 +

    6 months of LD 😊 πŸ˜ƒ πŸ˜€ +

    1 month of LD ☹️ +

    1st and only real life visit ☹️ +

    2 months 😒 +

    And here we are today πŸ˜”

    Trying to get the dates and emojis right with a bit of humor.

    πŸ€” πŸ˜• 😳 πŸ˜‘ 😊 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454051
    anita
    Participant

    Dec 2024 – May 2025 🧑

    May 2025 – Nov 10 2025 🧑 ❀️ 🧑

    Nov 10 2025 πŸ’” ☹️ ☹️

    Dec 8 2025 ☹️ πŸ˜‘ ☹️

    Jan 11 2026 ☹️ πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜“

    Did I get 😳 the dates πŸ“…

    πŸ€” Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454049
    anita
    Participant

    Hey πŸ‘‹ Confused:

    I understand that for long stretches, the LD part of the relationship was very good, but it was pretty bad sometime before you visited her as well as during the visit.. as well as after the visit. Do I understand correctly?

    πŸ€” Anita

    in reply to: Zen Story #454048
    anita
    Participant

    Peter: “Love, in its deepest sense, is not sentiment, but the willingness to meet reality as it is”-

    Loving another person is not a sentiment but the willingness to meet another person as he or she is.

    To put away judgment, at least for a little while and just give the person a safe place (within the heart) to just BE.

    To not try to fix or reconstruct another person to soothe my fears and accommodate my wishes, but to meet the person where he or she is.

    Keeping this in mind, Peter, how to respond to people who are conflicted, Confused and troubled.. I suppose to give them the safe space to express without telling the person what they should think or feel or do?

    (I am guessing the answer is Yes 😳).

    I’ll pay more attention to this when I reply in the forums and elsewhere.

    Still using my phone, will reply further to your posts, Peter, in the morning πŸŒ„ when I hope to have the use of a πŸ–₯.

    🀍 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #454045
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    Well, to me, in my mind, it’s very meaningful that you and her never had any time in real-life that you were sure about each other, or close to being sure.

    In my mind it means that there is no solid basis for a long-term love relationship. The base was not established yet.

    Yes, you did describe in a post what you like about her, yet still, the description (her being affectionate, shy) doesn’t sound.. what’s the word, intimate enough, close enough.

    About your mother, emotional incest (unlike physical incest) is when the mother tells the child things she should tell another adult, things like her marital/ relationship problems,making her boy (or girl) her confidante.

    A boy is not supposed to hear about and advise his mother about her relationship with a man (his father or someone else).

    When you say she fought you, and as you grew up, you were able to overpower her (you said it in a previous post), do you mean she hit you wrestled you?

    πŸ˜’ Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 5,120 total)