Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
anitaParticipantDear Tom:
As fit ๐ช and as young as possible, I like that! That’s just what I do. Actually, I am more fit now than I was at 40.
At 40, I was overweight and sluggish. Now, I’m slender and agile.
Did you ever attend a tai-chi class? That’s one practice that combines physical fitness and mental fitness.
๐ช๐ค๐บ Anita
anitaParticipantYes, Confused: someone asking me for real, with curiosity, just wanting to know.
It made you feel “like an exile” of some sort- can you describe “exile”?
๐ค Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa: Thank you ๐ for your response. I’ll reply further later ๐ค
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
I am really moved by your reply. You answered my question in such a simple, concrete, emotional wayโ just your actual feelings. Sadness, helplessness, wanting to do something in a world that is so troubledโฆ I felt the honesty in that.
And it touched me that the grass metaphor gave you a moment of comfort, and that you cared to let me know that it did.
The way you described that childlike space โ falling, getting up, rolling, breathing โ it felt alive and real. I could almost see you there.
I like the rhythm of your rewritten prayer. The parts about Quiet and Silence brought silence into my noise๐: โGive us eyes to see and ears to hear the quiet truth unfolding in all things.โ
And this last part is absolutely beautiful: โLead us back to the soil, back to the silence, where all things rest, all things belong, and all things are made one again.โ
Thank you.
I want to write a bit more later.
โ Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Peter:
“Not polished. Not wise. Just human.”- that’s me. Wiser than before, I hope.
I continued my study of my past communication with Norit this morning and recorded it in a private space, to reread and internalize.
In my replies to her I rushed to offer solutions, often being directive or corrective about it, vs being collaborative. Basically, I told her what to do. Also, I saw myself in her more than I saw her. So, I ignored her individual challenges, her individual story, and made it about me. I talked to my younger self.
She needed calm and validation: I gave her tension, pressure, urgency.
I wasn’t grounded in myself.
Which brings me to your message of less than 2 hours ago, “Heaven on earth” within, a space “to expand, to breathe”, “a place you can rest in”-
So to not project the hell- within, the constricted, the suffocated and restless into another (like Norit).
To rest and breathe within, finally.
“Finding it hard to engage without losing my footing a little”-
The old me would turn this honest, vulnerable, human expression into an analysis project, going back to past posts and interpret you and tell you what your statement means and what you should do about it.. ha-ha.
The new me (a bit wiser) says this morning, well, asks: how does it feel like to lose your footing a little, for you?
Maybe you should dance ๐บ. I know I should dance ๐
๐บ๐๐ค Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
It’s kind of you to reassure me.
I don’t think it was the CBT/ mindfulness itself that encouraged me to Feel. I think it was about someone caring to know how I truly feel ๐
My feelings in general were all numbed in some depression combo soup ๐ฒ for way too long.
She didn’t reciprocate your early love for you, was suspicious of you, hugged and apologized to you after hitting you-
How, what.. how did it make you feel?
๐ฒ๐๐ Anita
anitaParticipantHi Dear Peter:
Talking about wars, as you know, one is taking place right now and religion is a big part of it. A metaphor that comes to mind (an incentive for committing mass murder): virgins in heaven or paradise as the reward for martridom.
Would be, what’s the word.. helpful to replace that metaphor.
I have some family I care about in a country that’s currently bombarded by missles from Iran and whatever one of their proxies is sending from the north, lesser powerful rockets.
The “messy, active work of relating” (your words)- What would it look like, for you, to messily relate?
For me, following the recent humility brought about by your valuable input โจ๏ธ, it’d mean.. maybe back to open fields of green ๐ grass, but it wouldn’t be running. It’d be like you said: falling and getting back up.
I think that this month it’d be 10 years since you first posted on tb (March 2016), less than a year since I first posted here (May 2015).
I know you’re 2 years younger than me. I think you live on the east coast while I live on the west. We both have tinnitus. You used to dance ๐บ (I miss dancing!) Do you still dance?
I’ll stop here. Just messy, human wondering.
๐บ๐๐ Anita
anitaParticipantDear Confused:
See ๐ the last sentence of your 3.5 hours ago message? – “I think I was seeing ๐ my mother as a threat too”-
It might not feel like much now, or ever since you were 13, but how did it feel earlier on?
I mean, a mother is supposed to be a safe, protective figure, not a threat.
Do you remember how you felt when you were 3 or 6 or 9 or 12?
As to your question my feelings (of love for my mother), flooding back or slowly? I can’t answer that. I can say it was surprising. I just didn’t remember that I felt love for her.. until I remembered the early love/ attachment.
Oh, that emotional attachment felt like starving for oxygen, and she- my mother- was the oxygen. Separation from her was unthinkable, like a certain death.
I hope this is not too intense for you to read.
I felt- remembered- that love years after I had therapy (it was CBT+mindfulness therapy, 2011-13).
๐ (my favorite emoji this evening), Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused: I’ll reply in a few hours
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“But how can it happen in a day? What can trigger it?”- I don’t know. But whatever happened (I am thinking) was not unnatural, and it made sense in an emotional sense.
Somehow, it’s what you needed right there and then, is what I think.
“Did you do that through therapy? U were suppressing love? (don’t answer if u don’t feel like it)”- thank you!
Things started with therapy, yes. And yes, I did suppress love and other emotions.
In regard to my mother, I experienced her as a threat, so I felt angry at her and wasn’t even aware that I ever loved her until recently. For most of my life, I wasn’t able to feel both love for her and anger at her. Recently, I am able to feel both.
๐ค๐ฟ ๐คโญ Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
Thank you for saying “don’t be hard on yourself”, that’s kind of you to care to say this.
I’ll take your recommendation, or advice to not be hard on myself.
“The โdoingโ Iโm looking for involves moving beyond reflection and into the messy, active work of relating.”- hmm. The old messy me would analyze this statement to death but the new me will offer you a safe space, here, to just be, to relate further if you wish to relate; how, when, if.
A safe, relaxed space.
I just came back from a 1.5 Mile walk up the hill with my dog Bogart. I offered him the most relaxed walk, giving him the space to stop and explore, take his time, choose when to pause, when to resume the walk, no pressure, and he is now so relaxed with me.
I want to reread and think more about your recent message later. Thank you.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Good reading from you, this 3rd day of war (3rd, right?). Been following the news regularly. Hoping for the best, praying for more peace, less war (I’d pray for peace-on-earth if it didn’t feel so unrealistic/ unimaginable). How do you feel about the war and otherwise, friend?
โ๏ธ ๐ โฎ๏ธ ๐ค โจ Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Peter:
I am still reeling from this new awareness. This morning, I went over my 2016 communication with Norit (I brought up her old thread) and am somewhere between Humbled and Horrified to SEE how “hard and fixed” as well as ignorant/ lacking understanding my replies to her have been, however well intentioned.
And that ignorance did not stay in 2016, it’s continued to 2026.
It takes humility to not get overwhelmed by shame, witnessing this ignorance, short sightedness, one- lens- mind expressing itself with certainty, directiveness. Arrogance?
I suppose I did achieve or experience (I am now careful about words, “achieved” vs “experienced”) a measure of mental health to not collapse into shame and guilt, being as aware now (because of you, Peter, because of this thread) of the ignorance (single lensed-ness) shouting from the posts I have submitted.
You wrote, “Iโm realizing my own metaphor of the ‘Mirror’ has its limits. While I intend it to be a receptive, open space, it lacks the active ‘doing’ that a relationship sometimes needs to move forward.”-
I am curious about what you mean by “‘doing'”?
You wrote, “Iโm curious, as you engaged with the AI to walk through โmetaphors we live byโ, if your own relationship to language has changed? For me, the shift has been toward learning to hold language more lightly.”-
Yes, it is changing. I am- I intend to- I am ready to loosen my need for concreteness, single lensed-ness, black and white thinking; lessen the weight of rigidness. In other words, relax.
I am noticing though a bit of OCD now in regard to the words I use, questioning them, looking for a better word than what I just used? That’s a bit unsettling.
Unsettled yet Hopeful, Learning, Anita
anitaParticipantJust in case you answer soon, I’ll be back to the ๐ฑ or ๐ฅ Mon morning (it’s Sun night here) ๐
anitaParticipant* edit: since you were 13 (not 23, lol)
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.