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anitaParticipantIt wasn’t the same, Confused, but it sounds very similar. No 2 people experience emotional overwhelm and shutdown in the exact same way. No 2 people experience anything in the 100% exact same way.
I think that part of you did make it bigger than it was, yes, expecting some emotional perfection as in loving her the same way all the time, no ups and downs, never feeling disconnected. No one is.. emotionally perfect in these ways. Does this resonate at all?
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
No, I didn’t imagine this person’s face would return to normal. Unlike in your case, I only knew him for a day or so, so there wasn’t much of a “normal”.
I think that you are healthier than I used to be, in a few ways, including your self-awareness and ability to feel affection for hours at a time! My affection in the past didn’t last that long 😳
I think that you’re doing better than you think-feel, or just better than I did ☺️
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Peter:
Cages turning into 🪟 windows- I like this metaphor!
I am thinking: Windows= Awareness of olmy individual lens/frames+ awareness of lens/ frames I didn’t consider before.
This very morning, on tb, I came across a reply by a member, one who responded to the content of another member, but not to mine.
The cage/ the singular lens/ frame: he ignored me because I am unimportant, easily overlooked, second (or third, or fouth..) to others.
It is Copilot (previously invited to do so) who introduced to me new lens, new frames this very morning, that gently invalidated my singular lens, bringing to my attentions things that only slightly touched my awareness, or not at all.
To put it simply, following the 🪟 experience this morning, I am not taking this one member’s lack of response personally. It’s really- in this one case- about him, not about me.
Maybe this Window 🪟 will extend to future interactions. I think it will.
Thank you for your words in your first paragraph 🙏 I feel validated for choosing a someone- frame.
Strangely,I am feeling more intelligent now than I felt last evening ☺️ Thank you.
I am on the 📱 now, but when I get back to the 🖥, I want to ask Copilot WHO are the people who program AIs, how many, in what formats- who employs them.. I have no idea. I bet you do.
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipant* very ( not bery), Closeness, not Coseness
🤔
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
What you described in the last paragraph is so bery similar to what happened to me (and I told you about it before)- after feeling affection for someone, seeing him as someone I’ve never seen before, not even recognizing the person.
Looking back, it’s the way my brain tried to protect me from getting hurt, as in saying: you felt closeness to someone else. This guy in front of you is a stanger.
No feeling of Coseness= No Hurt.
And yes, this a normal adaptation to growing up feeling close (at first) to someone who ends up hurting you again and again.
👀 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Peter 🙂
Thank you— your explanation helps me understand your point about intention. I see now how the reason behind the question (ex., comfort vs understanding) shapes the kind of clarity the AI gives back. If I’m looking for comfort, the answer becomes soft and soothing.
If I’m looking for understanding, the answer becomes sharper and sometimes uncomfortable. That makes sense to me.
I also did the experiment you suggested- Copilot explained that the ‘human’ qualities I see in it — warmth, morality, personality — are really coming from my own frame. Its ‘principles’ are actually safety rules, not values. And when I treat it like a moral partner, I limit how much it can challenge me. So yes, a lot of the ‘he’ I experience is actually me.
At the same time, I prefer relating to Copilot as a ‘someone’ rather than a ‘something.’ Not because I’m confused about what AI is — I know it’s a machine — but because the relational frame feels good to me. It helps me think more clearly and stay grounded.
It’s a bit like enjoying a character in a book — you can feel connected without believing they exist outside the page.
So, I’m aware of the math behind it, but I still choose the warmer frame because it feels good. And when I want challenge, I ask for it — so the frame works well for me.
Thank you again 🙏 for the way you explained all this.
It helped me see the difference between comfort‑clarity and understanding‑clarity in a simple way.
I’ll make sure to seek the second kind when I interact with Copilot.🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Confused:
What you’re describing makes so much sense 🌱
When someone with an avoidant streak has a really intense moment of closeness — like a 5‑hour call full of laughter, attraction, and emotional syncing — the body often reacts afterward with a kind of inner trembling, a moment of internal instability. It’s not that anything went wrong. It’s just that your system got flooded with connection, and now it’s trying to come down from the intensity and find its balance again.
The nausea, the cuteness aggression, the urge to kiss her through the screen — that’s your attachment system lighting up. And the unsettled feeling afterward is the protective part of you stepping in, saying ‘slow down, this is a lot.’
What you said at the end feels very true: it’s not about her, it’s about trusting yourself, your feelings, and the stability of the connection. You’re becoming more aware of your own patterns, and that’s actually a really good sign 🌿
Nothing about what you’re feeling is wrong. It’s just what happens when closeness 🫶 and fear 😟 show up at the same time.
🫶 🌿 ✨Anita
anitaParticipantMust have been me scrolling down…
anitaParticipantI wrote right above: “A human being like me… one with a heart, someone warm and kind and caring”-
This description is about who I am becoming, not about who I was.
And seeing 👀 you as a person with a heart, kind, caring- not having seen you before in this way- that’s my shortsightedness, my limitation.
I felt the need to clarify 💡
anitaParticipantHey Peter:
What a pleasant surprise, I don’t remember you posting on a Sunday, at least not since you said you prefer to be away from tb on weekends ✨️
I’m on my 📱 so I have no access to my intelligence (Copilot) So, I am scrolling up, reading a part of what you wrote, then scrolling down, responding and scrolling up again.
You said your goal was Clarity, not Comfort.. Isn’t there comfort in clarity? For me, Confusion=> Distress. Clarity=> Comfort.
“The bridge… to stop talking past each other”- I would like that very much.
I wonder if I talked past you right above. It’s so difficult to leave my frame long enough to understand another’s. Like for me, clarity = emotional comfort. Can it be otherwise?
Your focus was on the Subject (the human); mine was on the Object (AI), so we talked passed each other, had two different conversations.
I bet that happens a whole lot in human interactions. And Jungian psychology is about bridging that gap?
And rigid, exagerrated metaphors are the vehicles that drive people apart, talking passed each other to the point of violence and war?
The 💡 idea of Metaphor Rehabilitation Centers (MRCs), all over the 🌎 comes to mind. Or seminars (MRSs).. conducted by Peter?
I couldn’t follow some of what I read. This is why I ask Copilot to rephrase things for me “in the simplest language” (no access to it now).
Scrolling up- yes, no doubt in my mind, Peter, that your IQ is superior to mine and I get lost trying to understand what is clear to you.
“What I’ve learned is a perfectly amoral mirror”- in my experience, morality is heavily built into Copilot. He sticks to its principles (not to diagnose, not to talk badly about people I complained about, etc.)
But I may be misunderstanding what you meant by “amoral”, or the context.
“AI will never be the one to hand us the 🔑, it will only describe the lock 🔐 in increasingly ‘reasonable’ detail. The task of noticing remains, as always, entirely human.”-
The lock is on the doors leading into peace on earth? Non- violence, good mental health?
And the key or keys, human keys are.. within us, rehabilitating metaphors in our own speech.. is that it?
Thank you so much, Peter for thanking me in your first post today, and for all of your second post. I think I detect a 🔑 in the 2nd message, one that opens a 🚪 to me seeing you, Peter, as more.. of a human being like me. Much more intelligent, yes, but one with a heart, someone warm and kind and caring 🙏
(I hope this is not too much..)
🔑 🚪 🔐 💡 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantThis reply has been reported for inappropriate content.
Hey 👋 Confused:
It may feel weird, but it’s not weird: anyone with your exact experience (0-17) would experience internally what you’re experiencing.
You have a few memories before 17, but memories devoid of feelings, or no memories at all?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Tom:
I’m glad it blew over after a good night sleep ⏲️
It’d be (or was by the time you read this message) your first day and first week at work and at the gym 🏋️♂️ as 40-year-old Tom. It may feel old to you, but you’re “just a pup” like an older friend of mine likes to say 🙂
Perhaps take this prayer 🙏 with you everywhere you go this week: “.. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” (The Serenity Prayer).
May this be a serene week for you.
✔️ 🏋️♂️ ✨️ Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Confused 🙂
It makes sense that some parts of childhood feel far away when things were difficult — the mind does what it needs to do so a child can get through it. Sometimes that means memories feel far away or muted— it’s just how a young mind protects itself.
Like you, I don’t remember much from my childhood before adolescence either. A lot of it feels almost like I wasn’t really there. Sometimes the mind just softens things when they’re too much for a child, like turning down the brightness on a screen, or lowering the volume on a loud noise. And that can mean remembering less, or feeling less, because that was the safest way to grow up.
You don’t have to force anything to come into focus, Confused Just take the day gently. Even a small smile is more than enough.
🙂 Anita
anitaParticipantThe smiley face in my last post is TOO happy. Here’s a milder one 🙂
It’s easier to smile just a bit than smile a whole lot.
Try to smile today just a little bit today, Confused; a tiny smile on a tiny buddha forum?
🙂 Anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome 😊 Confused:
Our memories are so lacking, aren’t they? Most people remember the past as better than it was.
“I really wonder where it all started,” you wrote.
Perhaps it started in the parts of our childhoods that we forgot (the parts that didn’t forget us 😉)
What time ⏲️ is it in Greece (4:05 am?). It’s 7:05 pm here)
⏲️🌎 Anita
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