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anitaParticipantHey, if it’s kinda working, keep working it.
Feelings- oh, oh, oh, feelinβ g (the π΅ song) – I am too sleepy π΄ to develop this sentiment. B Back Sat π
π πΆ Anita
April 3, 2026 at 8:53 pm in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456626
anitaParticipant“What is hidden may yet rise, not by effort but by grace” (Peter, April 3, 2026)-
Breathe, exhale.. what’s been hidden, buried for me?-
The I-love-u feeling: I’m here 4 u. B here 4 me.
Not as a transaction. But as something that’s happening at the very same time, without hesitation or delay.
Above is me feeling before thinking.
π Anita
anitaParticipantTo just accept… what-is?
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
You say nothing gives you joy now.
What if you let go of any expectation of joy?
To just accept- without any resistance- ehat-is?
To no longer fight your feelings, and instead BREATHE. Just B, no judgment..
Breathe air βοΈ surrender
π π€ Anita
April 3, 2026 at 8:17 pm in reply to: Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Lunar New Year and Ramadan Mubarak #456623
anitaParticipantDear Alessa πΊ (ha-ha, using my phone, the Ale emoji just shows up):
Being Bogart’s mom is giving me the feeling of how difficult it is to be a human mom.
Earlier today, I decided to walk up to the mailbox π¬ by myself, and as I did, I could hear him bark as I walked 2 the mailbox (5-10 min away) and as I walked back from the mailbox.
So, I am no longer free to come and go on my own.
Death anxiety: Yes, I can’t believe that I’ll really die, that my existence has an ending: “died”, “passed on”-
Really? I don’t know life without me being part of it.
I am naturally attached to.. me, seeing what my eyes π are seeing, hearing what my πs are hearing, feeling what my π©΅ is feeling.
* I still appreciate π you using blue and white hearts just so to accommodate my preference/ triggers- ever since I told you about it. Means a lot 2 me π
Judging yourself for not being able to cope with everything perfectly- I hear you, Alessa.
Sometimes, on my long walks with Bogart, I get angry π with him, and so impatient, because he pulls hard and insists on going backwards and sideways, and sometimes I get so angry.
I’m just a beginner dog-mom but long-enough at the job to get a sense of how difficult it is 2 b a human mother.
I appreciate π you and I am grateful for you, Alessa!
π©΅ π€ π πΊ π©΅ Anita
anitaParticipantOh, I didn’t know- she said she’ll consider moving to Greece and live with you as love-partners in Greece?
And neither one of you is interested in marriage (or children)?
How do you feel about her moving so to live with you where you’re at?
Thank u for wishing me happy Easter π
π£ π€ Anita
April 3, 2026 at 4:02 pm in reply to: Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Lunar New Year and Ramadan Mubarak #456619
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
HaPpY EaStEr π£ π° π π€ π£
I’ll write more later.
Bogart and me.
anitaParticipantHey Annoyed Confused:
This “problem to be solved”, the questions repeated in your mind, to put all clinical labels aside (dissociation, shutdown, ocd, etc.), it’s a habit, a mental habit.
And habits are difficult to break.
It’s interesting, this insight you expressed: that it’s like you refuse to do anything if your feelings don’t return.
Hmm π€ there might be an advantage in your loving feelings for her NOT coming back: if they don’t, you won’t move to Cyprus or live with her or marry her etc. (things you don’t want to do.. I am thinking π€)
πππ happy Easter π° π£ π
Anita
April 3, 2026 at 11:41 am in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456612
anitaParticipantHey Peter:
Of course it’s okay that you share more of your thoughts on The Parable of Talents. All your thoughts are welcome here π
That something I wrote brought tears to your eyes, that.. I don’t have the words.. it feels like we’re talking irl and I see your tears and you see mine and no one gets scared or runs away.
I didn’t pay attention to the wording and what it means (her rage made her God to me) until you reflected on it in your first paragraph.
She was God to me and I saw God everywhere.
The first words of Genesis come to mind (in Hebrew), translated and rephrased: In the Beginning, there was mother, and mother was tohoo-vavohoo (chaotic, messed up, upside down.. volatile), and she created the sky and the earth of my life- in her tohoo vavohoo image, and darkness was over the abyss, and the spirit of (the unmasked) God floating above the water.. wondering what went wrong π€
Oh, is today Good Friday? I didn’t know.
I didn’t read all of your Good Friday post and would like to do so later.
One week to Easter thenou: I did notice more rabbits around. Bogart the beagle (my first ever dog) is trained to track rabbit scent. It’s funny how yhey’re running in front of him but he doesn’t π them because he’s locked into π smelling them.
ππππππππ Anita
anitaParticipantGood π Confused:
Confused, April 1: “Is it dissociation?… idk… Gemini is better but nothing satisfies my obsessive search, I have to stop it”-
I’ll do my part in helping you stop it, or at least, to not fuel your obsessive search for answers-
By no longer answering questions you ask ( and offering answers to questions you don’t ask π€ͺ).
I mean, how π€ much better can I do than AI, π
That’ll be difficult for me because I have a sort of an obsession with offering answers.
Let’s see how we’ll we both do with our respective obsessions π€
π€ Anita
anitaParticipantGood to read back from you, Lucidity π
I looked up feijoa and I don’t remember ever seeing it or eating it. But I do remember seeing you drinking tea and baking in your kitchen (YouTube). You look and sound so calm. Your writing is calm too.
As far as regulars here, that is, members who respond to multiple members, there are only a few.
Take care π Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
Before you didn’t feel connected to any of your parents, definitely not to your mother- you felt very connected. It’s natural.
A person’s early life experience with one’s parents have a lot to do with a person’s love life, in general terms.
B Back in the morning π Anita
April 2, 2026 at 8:30 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #456597
anitaParticipantThe idea π‘ that you and your girlfriend might get married in Poland π΅π± crossed my mind.
How long have the 2 of you been together- in person and LD?
π΅π± π·π΄ πͺπΈ- where is your heart at this time, Robi?
π π€ Anita
anitaParticipantHoping you’re okay, Thomas. Hope your daughter and wife are okay π and that all the practical tasks are not too overwhelming for you.
I miss reading from you
π π€ Anita
anitaParticipantWell, Confused: it’s okay if you don’t want meds. Those didn’t serve me well on the long run.
So, you have conversations with AI on a regular basis? Is it of any help?
I was dissociated since I was 5, I think. That was how old I was in a vivid memory: running to my mother, wanting her to pick me up and hold me and hug me and tell me everything was okay.
But she didn’t.
Don’t underestimate the power of a mother on her boy’s or girl’s life and mind.
ππ€ Anita
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