Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
He prescribed you with an SSRI to take for 4-6 weeks before you can tell a difference-
This sounds reasonable, from my experience of being prescribed SSRI’s.
It’s supposed to calm down the ocd part of it all (overthinking, ocd-ing.. to Just insert a pause ⏸️ in that rollercoaster 🎢 mind.
It’s okay, Confused. All you need to do is to calm down, to Hush the Rush.
Shhh…
⏸️🎢🌙 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Confused:
I want to reflect something back to you, because what you’re describing is actually very common and it makes sense.
There’s a big difference between not having feelings and being emotionally overwhelmed to the point that your system shuts down. When someone is overwhelmed for a long time — anxiety, pressure, fear of losing someone, fear of disappointing them, overthinking every interaction — the mind sometimes protects itself by going numb. It feels like “nothing,” but it’s actually too much.
It’s not emptiness. It’s emotional overload.
The crying, the stomach pain, the fear of losing her, the calm/electric feeling when you were physically close — all of that shows your feelings were very much alive. They didn’t disappear. They got buried under months of pressure, fear, and trying to hold everything together.
Emotional shutdown often feels like: “I don’t feel anything.”., “I’m unavailable.”, “I want to run away.”, “I can’t access what I logically know is there.”
That’s not the absence of emotion — it’s your system hitting the brakes because it’s been running too hot for too long.
And the fact that you cried when you talked about ending things, but feel nothing now, fits the same pattern:
Overwhelm (ex., feeling pressure to respond perfectly, overthinking every interaction, worrying constantly about losing her) →
Release (ex., crying when they talked about ending things, stomach pain when reading her texts, the sudden fear of losing her, the physical intensity when they hugged/kissed) →
Shutdown (ex., “I feel nothing.”, “My feelings are locked in a box.”, “I know I care, but I can’t feel it.”; feeling unavailable, feeling no motivation to continue the relationship) →
Repeat.
You’re making sense. More than you think.
Take your time with all of this. You’re not broken, and you’re not emotionless. You’re just overloaded, and your mind is trying to protect you the only way it knows how.
🙂 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Thomas! I’ll try to scroll down (when using the phone) on the very right side of the screen so to avoid clicking on “Report”. I know how unpleasant it is for me when my posts get reported. I am glad my post made you 😂.
* Thank you for your support Alessa 🤍
✨ Anita
anitaParticipant🎂🎉🎈🥳🎁✨🎊🍰🎆🎀🎇🎵💝🕯️HaPpY 4️⃣0️⃣ BiRtHdAy TOM 🎶🎉🎂🥂🎈🎊🎁🍾🎀🥳🎉
anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused: not focused now but hope 2 b focused Tues am. Back 2 u then
anitaParticipantNo, no, no, Thomas- I scrolled down using my phone and accidently I clicked on the “report for inappropriate content” – I apologize. It happened a few times so far: I reported my own posts for inappropriate content. Something about using the 📱 vs the 🖥
anitaParticipantHey Con-fused: I just read your most recent post and yes, you still make sense.
We talked about the anxious-avoidant (insecure) attachment style -i.e., “perceiving her as a great girl to be with to wanting to run away basically overnight”- at great length, well I did, in earlier pages.
And it makes sense to experience it in adult relationships after growing up in certain home dynamics.
This last relationship was long distance and you met her in-person once for 3 days (how many hours aprx did you spend with her in those 3 days?), and the other relationships, were they LD mostly..?
(I am asking, but as always, you don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable answering, or for whatever reason)
🌎 Anita
anitaParticipantOh, it’s not even morning here but early afternoon ..
anitaParticipantWow, that was a double posting where you and I submitted our posts at the exact time, hour and minute. I’ll be away from the 📱 for a while
anitaParticipantGood 🌄 Confused (hopefully, but not necessarily less confused when you’re reading this):
Our recent exchange reminds me of The term Ematophobia, fear of emotions (or in your case perhaps), fear of no emotion.
There’s no objective reality to be afraid of. The fear is of a subjective reality, that is of feeling an emotion you don’t want to feel, or of not feeling an emotion you do want to feel.
At this time in my life, I am way less afraid of my emotions, or lack of.
That’s all I had in mind this 🌄 Plus, I appreciate your sense of humor: I don’t have it in front of me, but you referred to Nov as the birthplace of Confused 😆
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tom:
I marked your birthday on my calendar so to send you a happy birthday message with lots of emojis tomorrow 😊. I hope you do enjoy a Euro trip with your partner as well as somehow celebrate this evening the closing of 3️⃣0️⃣ with a sense of optimism for 4️⃣0️⃣
🤞🤞🤞Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dear Less-Confused:
Your previous version.. your current version. I think you are a loving and lovable man who is fine just the way you are. No versions required.
We’ve been talking daily, often multiple times a day, since Dec 19, I think it was. And I experienced you as a loving, caring person.
You don’t have to be “crazy in love with her”, no 🤪 in-love required.
Just be you. Again, you don’t owe her or anyone to feel this or that. What you feel is your business.
You can love her while not being emotionally indebted
I hope I’m making g sense so close to my bedtime 🌙 😴
🤪 ⛅️ 🌞 🍷 😎 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
You made my Women’s Day Evening special when you wrote that what I said made you feel better (even if it’s for a short time only).
If you think of feelings like the weather, you had a long summer before Nov and then clouds gathered, ⛅️, sun hidden behind clouds, then 🌞 coming out from between the clouds (warm feelings), then sun disappear behind clouds, and repeat.
It’s just how the weather/ emotions happen. No eternal summer (that would lead to drought and death).
That she told you that she likes you just the way you are- that’s special. I like her for having said that.
Try to relax about how you feel at any one time, it’s just the dance of ⛅️ (aversion) and 🌞 (warm feelings). No big deal unless you make it a big deal.
I know how highly you think of her, and I understand why. But regardless, you don’t owe her or anyone to feel this or that. What you feel is your business. It’s in your right to feel-or-not-to feel at any one time.
There’s freedom in acknowledging this right, this freedom. Is there, for you?
🌞 ⛅️ 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantMollie,
Your post made my International Women’s Day very special 😊 , the fact that you quoted my words- that made me feel special 🙏
And thank you for saying I make the world a better place. If I make your world just a bit better today, that’s making the bigger world 🌎 a better place.
Happy IWD for you too. I am fortunate to have met you here.
🙏 🤍 ✨️ 🌎 Anita
anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
Thank you for wishing me a happy women’s day 😊
Yes, I do think it all makes sense. The “yeah, but” is part of what makes sense.
I am glad that you felt happy with her earlier today, and for having warm-loving feelings for an hour or so. And I am not surprised you “switched to distance” afterwards.
Seems to me, and I am not an expert, that it will be like this for some time, and if you expect it to be over for good (feeling nothing but love from here on), that expectation will get in your way.
What if you accept it to continue as it is for who knows how long, so you can relax and not get alarmed and re-alarmed every time you find yourself distant from her?
I am sure many loving couples experience this but accept it, no harm done. By no harm done, I mean, they keep being loving to each other (like sending flowers foe Women’s Day 😊 ) regardless of what they feel or don’t feel at any particular time.
How you feel (warm feelings or distance)- that’s your business, really. You don’t OWE anyone to feel anything.
The love for her is not gone. I can tell by what you shared over time. No requirement that you feel it at any one time, or endlessly, as in “And they lived happily ever after”- that’s fairytale stuff.
✨️🤍✨️ Anita
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.