Thank you, Peter for your message for me. I appreciate you caring to answer me. I am looking forward to reading and replying later🙏 ✨

I Good day, lol

Hi Peter/ Everyone:

“’Who is to say what is right or wrong?’ becomes less a philosophical claim and more a mirror: why am I so quick to want the answer to be one way or the other? What in me wants certainty…?… shame is already present”-

Indeed, I’ve been quick to want an answer to who’s right and who’s wrong. The part of me that wants certainty is the part that’s been chronically uncertain and self-doubting. And shame has been heavily involved: if I am bad or flawed or inferior, incapable… how can I trust myself (my thoughts, feelings or actions)?

I read somewhere: When someone feels shaky inside, they may grab onto strict rules, rigid beliefs, or black‑and‑white thinking as a way to steady themselves. The rigidity isn’t real confidence — it’s a shield.

Zen would say that the tighter someone holds onto certainty, the more fear is usually underneath. People who trust themselves don’t need everything to be fixed and definite, but people who fear being wrong or inadequate often rush toward clear answers because ambiguity feels threatening.

In this way, the craving for certainty becomes a way to avoid the discomfort of self‑doubt, even though the real strength comes from being able to stay open and present without needing guarantees.

Any thoughts about self-trust Peter? Alessa? Thomas? Roberta? Anyone else?

️🤍 Anita

Hey Confused:

You wrote yesterday: “Relationships with other women were pretty toxic except one, my longest (which was 9 months”, and later: “They were all short-lived (longest one 7 months)”. How long was your longest relationship?

I found where you described the one visit with your current LDR woman in your life:

“The visit went okay, it was our first time meeting, I stayed for 3 days… she was also distant/ disconnected… my mind was constantly doubting everything… The first 2 days she was keeping her distance which I respected (because she needs to develop a sense of trust and security before getting intimate”-

What made the visit “okay”?

🤔 Anita

Wrong by an hour, 9 pm here, W USA here.

Now. 😴

5 months of LD 😊 +

6 months of LD 😊 😃 😀 +

1 month of LD ☹️ +

1st and only real life visit ☹️ +

2 months 😢 +

And here we are today 😔

Trying to get the dates and emojis right with a bit of humor.

🤔 😕 😳 😑 😊 Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

I understand that for long stretches, the LD part of the relationship was very good, but it was pretty bad sometime before you visited her as well as during the visit.. as well as after the visit. Do I understand correctly?

🤔 Anita

Hey Confused:

Well, to me, in my mind, it’s very meaningful that you and her never had any time in real-life that you were sure about each other, or close to being sure.

In my mind it means that there is no solid basis for a long-term love relationship. The base was not established yet.

Yes, you did describe in a post what you like about her, yet still, the description (her being affectionate, shy) doesn’t sound.. what’s the word, intimate enough, close enough.

About your mother, emotional incest (unlike physical incest) is when the mother tells the child things she should tell another adult, things like her marital/ relationship problems,making her boy (or girl) her confidante.

A boy is not supposed to hear about and advise his mother about her relationship with a man (his father or someone else).

When you say she fought you, and as you grew up, you were able to overpower her (you said it in a previous post), do you mean she hit you wrestled you?

😒 Anita