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anitaParticipantDear James:
I want to sincerely apologize for my part in what unfolded here. Looking back, I see that I sometimes encouraged or stayed silent during moments when you were being treated unfairly. That was wrong of me.
My intent now is to take responsibility, to learn from this, and to act with more integrity going forward. You deserved better, and I am sorry.
May we all strive to act from soul guidance, with compassion and respect for one another.
“Freedom means the power to act by soul guidance, not by the compulsions of desires and habits. Obeying the soul brings freedom; obeying the ego brings bondage.”, Paramhansa Yogananda
—Anita
anitaParticipant🙂, 🙏 Peter
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you so much! The power did come back quickly (sometime last night) thanks to the hard-working line workers/ power line technicians, (almost all men who are young and exceptionally strong and resilient), working last night to restore power. I just checked, they get paid extra for working between 6pm to 6am, about $110 per hour.
I read that as of this morning (Dec. 17, 2025), about 596,000 electricity customers across the U.S. are still without power due to the ongoing winter storm. I am fortunate to have electricity again. I wish many more have their power restored.
🤍 🤍 🤍Anita
anitaParticipantSo attached to tiny buddha- internet, and about to lose it for I don’t know for how long.
No hot coffee tomorrow morning either.
I noticed the new winds tonight, it doesn’t take much to knock out a power line.
Still having internet for a little while. Soon there’ll be Nothing, nothing but the silence of the night. There’s candle light and wood stove fire that was thankfully started before the outage.. And wine that makes my body warm regardless.
I am hearing the winds right now. Strong.
I visited the taproom tonight there (7 miles away), before knowing of the localized electric outage here. It was a good time, good conversations.
So, I’m here, warm, fire in the fireplace (smile).
The winds right now sound so persistent, threatening.. Now eerily quiet.. Now again LOUD, threatening. I can’t repeat that sound.. preverbal DESTROY sound.
I will post again if possible.
anitaParticipantTues, Dec 16, night time: because of winds, lost electricity, still have internet for a little while before it runs out. I probably wouldn’t have neither electricity nor internet Wed morning (it’s Tues night here). I may post again tonight, but may not be able to post/ respond for some time.
Anita
anitaParticipantTrust is so very important, Thomas. It’s so very important to me to be worthy of it!
anitaParticipantDear Peter/ Everyone:
You’re saying, Peter, that Tao/Flow/Presence isn’t about effort or non‑effort. It’s not something to “understand” with the mind, but something to know with the heart. It can’t be explained — it can only be lived.
So, when I asked you earlier if I understood correctly, I totally missed the point.. 😊
And, understandably (here’s that word again), you proceeded not to explain but to try (“try”, lol) to show through poetry how it can be known/ lived.
“Let your hidden light unwind.”- this line caught my attention and immediately I tried to.. understand it.
Never mind understanding then. But it FEELS good, I am guessing, peaceful, restful..
“The Way is finding you.”- I believe that the Way is finding me. Slowly but surely, thank you, Peter!
Anita
anitaParticipantHi again, Peter:
As I was preparing to leave, after reading your recent 2 posts, it occurred to me what I think you mean: that all past efforts on your part to earn self worth (including being “good”) failed and now, what is working for you is the non-effort way, to connect with your Tao essence that requires you to NOT try anything anymore, just.. sort of melt into what you are beyond efforts, labels, etc. Did I understand correctly?
Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter: Got to run, so I’ll reply to you in hours from now.
anitaParticipantDear Roberta:
“What do you believe good is? & how do you manifest it?”- Good is first Do-No-Harm, and second, to Help people who need help. And to help in ways that don’t harm.
For example, my mother helped me shower and dress me even when I was a teenager. It was Harmful Help (HH), the kind of help I so wish I never received because it squashed my autonomy and shamed me.
Another example of HH: in these forums, with the intent to help (and to please myself because I enjoy analyzing people), I have analyzed OPs who didn’t ask for my analyses, and I have no doubt that sometimes my analyses harmed people, at least, made them feel uncomfortable, intruded upon.
Manifesting good has to involve awareness and honest self reflection in regard to what it is that motivates me, what I need, and what the other person needs.
“Does drawing/painting & or physically writing with a pen help?”- it used to, very much so. I hardly ever write and I haven’t drawn or painted for years and years.
“For me visualization & mantra are a good medium to counteract negativity that arises in my mind & helps me move forward in a positive way.”- I use your GRACE mantra every single day, in a paraphrased, shortened form. Thank you, Roberta!
Best wishes back to you, Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa: I just checked, the last time a message of mine was reported for inappropriate content was on Dec 3 (the flagging note is still there). Nothing about it was inappropriate. I asked the OP about it and he said it was strange that it was reported as there was nothing inappropriate about it.
I do hope we all share about good things happening in the new year (and every day until then). May we focus on the positives best we can. 🩵🤍Anita
anitaParticipantWell, Thomas, I figure if anyone has a problem with any of your posts, or mine, they should directly say so, and explain why: be honest and direct about it.
It could have been anyone scrolling through messages and accidently clicking “Report”.
Regardless, Thomas- I’m with you.. I appreciate you, and want to read more and more from you!
Anita
anitaParticipant* Clarifying Note:
When I call her “my personal Nazi,” I’m not making a literal comparison to history. I grew up in Israel in the 60s and 70s, surrounded by Holocaust education—films, school lessons, stories. Those images shaped the language of fear and oppression inside me. So when I describe my mother’s abuse this way, it’s because that’s how it felt to me as a child: relentless, terrifying, and dehumanizing, like living under siege.
This metaphor is my way of giving voice to the extremity of my experience. It’s not meant to diminish history, but to express the depth of my own personal reality.
Anita
anitaParticipantProcessing:
“Maternal Terrorism”, my term (MT) above, ha-ha. An original.
Was my life with her absolutely miserable? Yes. It REALLY was.
Has her abuse lived in my body every single day of my life, in the form of tics and somatic tension- every hour, every day of my life? Yes.
I referred to her, in my mind, since I was a teenager (or in my very early 20s) as my private Naz- she has been just that, and my childhood= my personal holocaust.
It really has been that bad.
And now, I want to exit that personal holocaust MORE thoroughly than I have recently, to be more and more open to something else, something new. But not before I fully accept, and no longer resist the truth of my decades-long experience: that of being a victim of MT.
I want to move my attention elsewhere, farther and farther away from her, beyond the huge physical distance between me and MT, and into a mental-emotional safe distance. I want a life that’s mentally removed from her. I want Independence, autonomy.. what’s the word.. self-determination. To be a woman, a grownup; no longer an abused girl.
Anita
anitaParticipant* Is the flagging of the above post done by accident, a mistake? (I don’t see anything inappropriate about it)
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 