Hey soon2b 😴 💤 Confused:

Your last paragraph doesn’t contradict my last message: moving to another country (Germany, for the duration of her studies?) was indeed “too much” for you (as it would be for a lot of people, if not most people).

“Too much”=> Shutdown.

Fantasizing for months about being together, that’s nice. It’s safe. But actually moving to another country and actually living with a woman.. why, that’s another ball game.

“I feel guilty/ shameful”- that’s what I would work on in therapy (and perhaps elaborate on it here).

You feel ashamed of how you feel?

Whatever you feel, Confused, is 👍- you have the right to feel-or-not-to-feel.

😜 😔 😡 😠 🐇 Anita

I didn’t understand a part of your recent post. I understood the last sentence-question.

Yes, it makes sense to me that you’d be avoiding intimacy because intimacy is about intense feelings.

😬 😳 😅 😫 😩 Anita

Hey Confused:

Calmer is very good 🙂

What you described about lights feeling tiring makes sense. When your nervous system is overloaded or recovering from overload, even normal sensory input can feel like “too much.”

About therapy: you don’t need to know the exact “type” of therapist right now. What matters most is that you describe your experiences clearly — the panic, the emotional crash, the numbness, zoning out, lights feeling too intense, the exhaustion. Any good therapist can work with that. If she feels you need a combination of approaches, she’ll guide you.

You already did something really helpful by documenting everything for your appointment. That’s exactly what therapists need — your lived experience, not a diagnosis. You’re doing the right things, step by step.

🌿 Anita

Hey Confused:

I wanted to add something, because your recent message stayed with me.

What you described — the panic, the fear of losing her, the emotional crash afterward, the numbness, zoning out, lights feeling too much, clothes feeling wrong, conversations fading out — that’s all a real pattern of overwhelm. You’re not imagining it, and you’re not “making it up.” It’s your system reacting to something that felt too big at the time.

And you’re right: you don’t need to diagnose yourself. What you can do with your therapist is simply describe what happened in your own words, the way you did with me. That’s more than enough. Something like:

“I went from panic to feeling totally numb.”

“I felt disconnected from everything for weeks.”

“My mind kept zoning out.”

“Lights and sounds felt too intense.”

“I couldn’t think or speak clearly.”

“It’s a bit better now, but still not gone.”

Therapists don’t need labels — they need experiences. And you described yours very clearly.

The important thing is that you’re not stuck in this alone. You’re already doing the right thing by reaching out, noticing your patterns, and wanting to understand what happened. That’s a strong place to start from.

🌿 Anita

Dear Miss L Dutchess:

I appreciate you sharing all of this. Your post is so honest and reflective, and it’s clear how hard you’re working to build something better for yourself. That takes real strength.

About the blocking situation: I know it felt personal, but the most likely explanation is actually very impersonal. (I just researched it-) Celebrities, and their families often block anyone who ever interacted with old gossip threads, even if the posts were harmless or years old. It’s usually a blanket boundary, not a judgment of you as a person. You didn’t do anything wrong by subscribing — it was just an automated or precautionary reaction on their end.

And the family situation sounds painful too. Being invited to your cousin’s wedding clearly meant a lot, especially since feeling included feels so special. Losing that because of conflict that had nothing to do with you would hurt anyone. It makes sense that it stirred up old feelings of being left out or overlooked.

What really stands out to me, though, is how much you’re doing to move forward — therapy, chorus, moving out, traveling, working with a dating coach, trying to build community even when it feels slow or uncertain. You’re showing up for your life in ways that a younger version of you didn’t have the support or safety to do. That’s huge.

You deserve connection, belonging, and people who see your value. And you’re taking real steps toward that, even if the path has been uneven. I hope you give yourself credit for that.

🌿 🌼 💛 🤍 Anita

Moving out of your parent’s’ house is HUGE, Wow, Miss L Dutchess.. I’m impressed. B back 2 u in the morning.

Hey Dear Miss L Dutchess 🙂

I am so happy to read your first 2026 thread!

To me, it looks like you’ve been making progress this year 🙏

👏 for trying to 👀 the glass half full 🥛 and for keeping an open mind!

How exciting- you working with a dating coach. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a dating coach (there’s a lot I don’t know 🙂).

I want to reply more Mon morning (it’s Sun 8 pm here).

🥛 👏 🙏 Anita