Dear Tee:

I want to start this reply with what you wrote in another thread about 10 hours ago:

“For this year, my wish is to walk towards my dream even if fear is present. For fear not to derail me from fulfilling my dreams.”- 👍🌟💫🍀 I wish you nothing but success, Tee. I am rooting for you!

I will now quote from your message yesterday addressed to me (above)and respond:

“To be honest, I don’t like conflict, I’m not looking forward to it at all. But I felt something needed to be said, because the style of communication was not respectful, but was putting people down. And so, I felt the need to address it.. but as I said, I don’t like situations like this at all 😕.”-

If there’s fear in that face emoji (I think there is), then I admire you not only for standing up for what is Right but also, for doing so in spite of fear or discomfort.

“I’m sorry your fear is still pretty intense.”- thank you, but I am not sorry. I think that the fear of her is appropriate and a sign of mental health. It’s the past dissociation from this fear that was sickness.

This does not mean that she is currently, as a person, dangerous to me. It means that my inner child (the one previously dissociated/ blocked/ suppressed) is now allowed to feel the fear of her.

In other words, feeling fear of her NOW is progress.

“It’s good that you’ve become aware of the various lies that she conditioned you to accept (lies about yourself, her, other people and the world)… we’ll need to heal our inner child… to become a parent for our inner child, who will tell positive, affirming things to our inner child (to counter your mother’s lies)”-

I am telling LGA, gently: “People are not as bad as she told us, not as untrustworthy. Many people are good and trustworthy” (LGA relaxes as she hears this).

I am telling her: “You are a good little girl; you always have been. I am here for you. You deserve nothing but love and positive attention (LGA smiles as she hears this.

“You have been working with LGA on rewriting some of those old programs, e.g. the program that your mother is a victim whom you need to protect. So perhaps that ‘program’ is not so strongly active anymore?”-

She was a victim as a child, growing up. She was not a victim in the context of.. being my (and others’) perpetrator. I have empathy for her in context.

“The goal would be to work on strengthening your sense of self. Whenever there is doubt and the inner critic (your mother’s internalized voice) starts shaming you, to stop that voice and give yourself compassion… What do you say?”- Sincerely, I don’t think I hear her shaming messages anymore. I still repeat my daily mantra of removing or peeling off chronic shame and guilt, but I don’t feel those anymore, I don’t think.

“If you keep repeating your longing and telling yourself that it will never be satiated… it might actually strengthen the old belief that there is no way out, and that you’ll be stuck in that hopeless longing forever. So, if you let the LGA speak and express her pain, but not offer to soothe her and comfort her, it might actually reaffirm the trauma. But if you take her in your arms and soothe her, telling her that you love her and cherish her, it will actually start changing that old imprint. It will be healing for LGA (rewriting the old script and healing the old trauma). At least that’s how I view it..”-

Thank you, Tee. I will apply your suggestion.

“I hope you’re slowly getting out of the cold/flu..”- Unfortunately (her sad/ scared), the bladder infection part of the cold has returned 2 days after I stopped taking the pills for it, so I restarted this morning.

“How is Bogart doing? Have you found the way to protect the computer cables and other important items from being chewed on?”- didn’t get cable protectors yet or repellent spray but have been supervising him. One step at a time. Did take him to the taproom yesterday afternoon. During the drive he was anxious, but once in the taproom, he showed progress- being less anxious and more friendly with people and with a small dog he positively interacted with.

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍 Anita