How are you John, just over 6 months since you posted last?

How are you, Bea, 8 days since you posted last?

I suppose thinking in a new way is always difficult. When we are in the habit of thinking a certain way, we simply keep thinking 🤔 in the same way (habit).

I just came back from a walk 🚶‍♀️ with Bogart the Beagle 🐕 and about to go on a walk on my own.

🚶‍♀️🙂🤍 Anita

Yes, it’s hard to no longer pressure yourself until it gets easy. It’s about changing a mental habit. Habits are hard to change. But it’s possible, if you have faith in the process of change 🙏.

I’ll be away for a little while (I have to walk because it’s a habit 🙂 )

Well, Dear Confused:

Yes, your feelings will come back. A no-pressure, no self-blame environment (in-between your two ears) will make it happen!

People saying “it’s a choice”, meaning it’s a choice to love someone (and yourself)? This is true only when it comes to words and actions, not to feelings. You can still love someone- and yourself (!) without feeling it (I’m using the computer at the moment so no emojis show up like they do on my phone 🙁 (this one is yours).

Trigger Warning

Dear Lulu:

From what you shared, your boyfriend’s father forced him to undress, hosed him down while he was naked, and made sexualized comments to him as a child. Even if no sexual act happened, these behaviors crossed his physical, emotional, and sexual boundaries.

Being made to be naked against a child’s will is frightening, confusing, and deeply shaming. It can leave someone with lifelong fear around being touched, being seen naked, or being in situations that feel vulnerable. These reactions can be just as intense as those of someone who went through overt sexual assault.

I understand some of this because my mother continued to shower me when I was already an adolescent. I remember feeling ashamed, trying to cover myself, feeling scared, and only feeling safe again once I was dressed. For a child or teen, being forced to be naked in front of a parent is a loss of privacy and control. The body reacts to that as a threat — not a threat of violence, but a threat to dignity and safety.

The nervous system learns: “My boundaries don’t matter. I can’t protect myself.”

Your boyfriend’s reactions today seem connected to that loss of control. You described how being around his father triggers shaking, headaches, shutting down, crying, and needing to isolate. These are fear responses, even if he doesn’t consciously remember why. The body often remembers old violations long before the mind can make sense of them.

The most accurate way to describe this is that his father’s forced nudity and humiliation created deep fear, shame, and powerlessness that his body still reacts to today. Even if nothing sexual happened, his father violated his boundaries in ways that affected his sense of safety, privacy, and autonomy.

Being forced to be naked or controlled in that way can damage trust, self‑worth, and the ability to feel safe in one’s own body. These wounds last into adulthood.

His father’s actions created emotional danger even without sexual intent. That’s why his body reacts so strongly now. His father didn’t need to touch him sexually to cause serious harm — the emotional and bodily violations were damaging on their own.

What do you think, Lulu, about my two responses yesterday and today?

🤍Anita

* I just noticed I addressed you as “Dear”, I hope it’s okay (young people don’t do “dear”, right)?

Not a problem, Martha 🙂. You can go to FORUMS at the top of the page, then scroll down to ALL FORUMS, then choose a category (example: Emotional Mastery”), click it and scroll down to the space where you choose the title of your thread and the content.

I’m looking forward to reading from you and chatting in your own thread 🙂. Anita

🤍Anita