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anita

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  • in reply to: Zen Story #455870
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Thomas:

    I am sorry ๐Ÿ˜ž to read that you suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I understand your fear in regard to suffering a stroke like your father did (you shared about it previously as well).

    I wish you as much healing as possible, wishing that you are able to make the lifestyle changes that can help, and keep yourself as calm and as grounded as you can.

    I take a ๐Ÿ’Š for high cholesterol, keep active (often a 3.5 mile walk up and down the hills around here and I no longer overeat like I used to (you mentioned recently being parked by the frig, but it could have been you being funny).

    And I am trying to keep myself as calm and as grounded as I can.

    ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Žโš“๏ธ Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455869
    anita
    Participant

    Good (early) morning, Confused:

    Like I shared with you before, when I first took Zoloft (an SSRI that is prescribed off label for OCD), after maybe a few weeks and perhaps after an increase in dosage (it’s been so long ago, I don’t remember), I noticed a new magical reality (for me)- I wasn’t obsessing or ruminating. I was wonderful.

    I took Zoloft (as well as other psych meds) for 17 years and quit them all 12+ years ago.

    “Just curious though, what will be the differences in my feelings with this?”- I don’t know. But looking at another thread earlier this morning, I came across something that made me think of you, Confused, and I’d like to share with you because a shift from focusing on how and what you feel or don’t feel to ===> a new awareness may be helpful to you:

    “In mystical traditions (like Sufi and Christian mysticism), emotions are seen as temporary, reactive, dependent on circumstances, and rising and falling like weather. They come and go.

    When mystics talk about Love, they donโ€™t mean butterflies, infatuation, desire, excitement, or longing. Mystical Love is something deeper โ€” a way of perceiving reality. It’s a state of consciousness.

    When love is a state of consciousness, you feel connected rather than separate, open rather than defended, present rather than anxious, spacious rather than contracted, and you feel aligned rather than fragmented.

    Itโ€™s not about a person. Itโ€™s not about romance. Itโ€™s not even about emotion. Itโ€™s a shift in awareness.

    Mystical love is described as: seeing the sacred in everything, feeling unity with existence, experiencing yourself as part of something larger, and recognizing the same essence in all beings

    In ordinary consciousness, you feel like a separate self, โ€œmeโ€ is here, โ€œyouโ€ are there, the world feels outside you, and love feels like something you give or receive.

    In mystical consciousness the boundary between self and other softens, the world feels like an extension of your own being, love is not something you do. Love is the experience of oneness. Not intellectually โ€” but experientially.

    Mystics describe it like the wave realizing it is not separate from the sea

    Think of it like this- Emotion Love= โ€œI love you becauseโ€ฆโ€, โ€œI feel love right now.โ€, โ€œMy love rises and falls.โ€, โ€œI love this person but not that one.โ€

    Consciousness Love= โ€œI am love.โ€, โ€œLove is the nature of my awareness.โ€, โ€œLove doesnโ€™t come and go.โ€, โ€œLove is the fabric of existence.โ€

    One is personal. The other is universal.

    One is a wave ๐ŸŒŠ. The other is the ocean ๐ŸŒ….

    Why mystics emphasize this difference? Because emotional love can break, fade, or turn into its opposite. But consciousness-love doesnโ€™t depend on circumstances, or on another person, or on being loved back; it
    doesnโ€™t depend on mood or hormones๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹. Itโ€™s a way of being, not a feeling.”

    I find this helpful ๐Ÿ™‚

    ๐ŸŒŠ ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŒ… Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455862
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    He prescribed you with an SSRI to take for 4-6 weeks before you can tell a difference-

    This sounds reasonable, from my experience of being prescribed SSRI’s.

    It’s supposed to calm down the ocd part of it all (overthinking, ocd-ing.. to Just insert a pause โธ๏ธ in that rollercoaster ๐ŸŽข mind.

    It’s okay, Confused. All you need to do is to calm down, to Hush the Rush.

    Shhh…

    โธ๏ธ๐ŸŽข๐ŸŒ™ Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455854
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning, Confused:

    I want to reflect something back to you, because what youโ€™re describing is actually very common and it makes sense.

    Thereโ€™s a big difference between not having feelings and being emotionally overwhelmed to the point that your system shuts down. When someone is overwhelmed for a long time โ€” anxiety, pressure, fear of losing someone, fear of disappointing them, overthinking every interaction โ€” the mind sometimes protects itself by going numb. It feels like โ€œnothing,โ€ but itโ€™s actually too much.

    It’s not emptiness. Itโ€™s emotional overload.

    The crying, the stomach pain, the fear of losing her, the calm/electric feeling when you were physically close โ€” all of that shows your feelings were very much alive. They didnโ€™t disappear. They got buried under months of pressure, fear, and trying to hold everything together.

    Emotional shutdown often feels like: โ€œI donโ€™t feel anything.”., โ€œIโ€™m unavailable.โ€, โ€œI want to run away.โ€, โ€œI canโ€™t access what I logically know is there.โ€

    Thatโ€™s not the absence of emotion โ€” itโ€™s your system hitting the brakes because itโ€™s been running too hot for too long.

    And the fact that you cried when you talked about ending things, but feel nothing now, fits the same pattern:

    Overwhelm (ex., feeling pressure to respond perfectly, overthinking every interaction, worrying constantly about losing her) โ†’

    Release (ex., crying when they talked about ending things, stomach pain when reading her texts, the sudden fear of losing her, the physical intensity when they hugged/kissed) โ†’

    Shutdown (ex., โ€œI feel nothing.โ€, โ€œMy feelings are locked in a box.โ€, โ€œI know I care, but I canโ€™t feel it.โ€; feeling unavailable, feeling no motivation to continue the relationship) โ†’

    Repeat.

    Youโ€™re making sense. More than you think.

    Take your time with all of this. Youโ€™re not broken, and youโ€™re not emotionless. Youโ€™re just overloaded, and your mind is trying to protect you the only way it knows how.

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Anita

    in reply to: Zen Story #455852
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning, Thomas! I’ll try to scroll down (when using the phone) on the very right side of the screen so to avoid clicking on “Report”. I know how unpleasant it is for me when my posts get reported. I am glad my post made you ๐Ÿ˜‚.

    * Thank you for your support Alessa ๐Ÿค

    โœจ Anita

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #455851
    anita
    Participant

    ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽˆ๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŽโœจ๐ŸŽŠ๐Ÿฐ๐ŸŽ†๐ŸŽ€๐ŸŽ‡๐ŸŽต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธHaPpY 4๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ BiRtHdAy TOM ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿฅ‚๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿพ๐ŸŽ€๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŽ‰

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455846
    anita
    Participant

    Hey ๐Ÿ‘‹ Confused: not focused now but hope 2 b focused Tues am. Back 2 u then

    in reply to: Zen Story #455845
    anita
    Participant

    No, no, no, Thomas- I scrolled down using my phone and accidently I clicked on the “report for inappropriate content” – I apologize. It happened a few times so far: I reported my own posts for inappropriate content. Something about using the ๐Ÿ“ฑ vs the ๐Ÿ–ฅ

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455828
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Con-fused: I just read your most recent post and yes, you still make sense.

    We talked about the anxious-avoidant (insecure) attachment style -i.e., “perceiving her as a great girl to be with to wanting to run away basically overnight”- at great length, well I did, in earlier pages.

    And it makes sense to experience it in adult relationships after growing up in certain home dynamics.

    This last relationship was long distance and you met her in-person once for 3 days (how many hours aprx did you spend with her in those 3 days?), and the other relationships, were they LD mostly..?

    (I am asking, but as always, you don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable answering, or for whatever reason)

    ๐ŸŒŽ Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455820
    anita
    Participant

    Oh, it’s not even morning here but early afternoon ..

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455819
    anita
    Participant

    Wow, that was a double posting where you and I submitted our posts at the exact time, hour and minute. I’ll be away from the ๐Ÿ“ฑ for a while

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455818
    anita
    Participant

    Good ๐ŸŒ„ Confused (hopefully, but not necessarily less confused when you’re reading this):

    Our recent exchange reminds me of The term Ematophobia, fear of emotions (or in your case perhaps), fear of no emotion.

    There’s no objective reality to be afraid of. The fear is of a subjective reality, that is of feeling an emotion you don’t want to feel, or of not feeling an emotion you do want to feel.

    At this time in my life, I am way less afraid of my emotions, or lack of.

    That’s all I had in mind this ๐ŸŒ„ Plus, I appreciate your sense of humor: I don’t have it in front of me, but you referred to Nov as the birthplace of Confused ๐Ÿ˜†

    Anita

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #455816
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    I marked your birthday on my calendar so to send you a happy birthday message with lots of emojis tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜Š. I hope you do enjoy a Euro trip with your partner as well as somehow celebrate this evening the closing of 3๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ with a sense of optimism for 4๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ

    ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿคž๐ŸคžAnita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455809
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Less-Confused:

    Your previous version.. your current version. I think you are a loving and lovable man who is fine just the way you are. No versions required.

    We’ve been talking daily, often multiple times a day, since Dec 19, I think it was. And I experienced you as a loving, caring person.

    You don’t have to be “crazy in love with her”, no ๐Ÿคช in-love required.

    Just be you. Again, you don’t owe her or anyone to feel this or that. What you feel is your business.

    You can love her while not being emotionally indebted

    I hope I’m making g sense so close to my bedtime ๐ŸŒ™ ๐Ÿ˜ด

    ๐Ÿคช โ›…๏ธ ๐ŸŒž ๐Ÿท ๐Ÿ˜Ž Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #455802
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    You made my Women’s Day Evening special when you wrote that what I said made you feel better (even if it’s for a short time only).

    If you think of feelings like the weather, you had a long summer before Nov and then clouds gathered, โ›…๏ธ, sun hidden behind clouds, then ๐ŸŒž coming out from between the clouds (warm feelings), then sun disappear behind clouds, and repeat.

    It’s just how the weather/ emotions happen. No eternal summer (that would lead to drought and death).

    That she told you that she likes you just the way you are- that’s special. I like her for having said that.

    Try to relax about how you feel at any one time, it’s just the dance of โ›…๏ธ (aversion) and ๐ŸŒž (warm feelings). No big deal unless you make it a big deal.

    I know how highly you think of her, and I understand why. But regardless, you don’t owe her or anyone to feel this or that. What you feel is your business. It’s in your right to feel-or-not-to feel at any one time.

    There’s freedom in acknowledging this right, this freedom. Is there, for you?

    ๐ŸŒž โ›…๏ธ ๐Ÿค Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 5,670 total)