Hey Confused:

I think I get it: in your last message last night you wrote: “I have to give more time..”, and in my last message to you, I asked (unclearly): more time to say what to her?

I don’t know why I boldfaced SAY and I have no memory of boldfacing the word.

This morning I’m doing another study in regard to your posts in this thread, involving AI.

So, this is what you shared in regard to your childhood/ experience with your mother: “the relationship with my mother was very chaotic, violence and arguing constantly, throwing some awkward affection here and there, then rinse and repeat. I can’t remember if I was dissociating when I was a kid, definitely trying to escape in imaginary worlds and games though… My family environment was definitely chaotic. A lot of arguing, screaming and violence while growing up. I found myself escaping reality in video games mostly.”

I copied the above and pasted it for AI and asked (based on the above quote and nothing else) how the above is likely to affect a person in regard to mental health, adult relationship patterns and attachment style.

Answer: “Growing up in a home marked by chaos, violence, unpredictable affection, and emotional volatility can shape a child in deep and lasting ways… the effects tend to show up across three major areas: mental health, attachment style, and relationship dynamics.

“Below is a clear, structured breakdown of what research and clinical observations commonly show — not a diagnosis, just an explanation of patterns that often emerge from this kind of upbringing.

1. Mental Health Effects- * Chronic Stress & Hypervigilance: A child in a chaotic home learns to constantly scan for danger. As an adult, this can show up as: Feeling “on edge” even in calm situations, Difficulty relaxing or trusting that things are stable, Overreacting to conflict or criticism

* Dissociation & Escapism- You mentioned escaping into imaginary worlds and games — that’s a very common coping strategy for kids in unsafe environments. As an adult, this can translate into: Zoning out under stress, Feeling disconnected from emotions or bodily sensations, Difficulty identifying what you feel or need

* Anxiety & Depression- Growing up with unpredictable affection and frequent conflict can increase the risk of: Generalized anxiety, Low self-worth, Persistent sadness or emotional numbness

* Difficulty Regulating Emotions- If a child never sees calm conflict resolution, they don’t learn it. As an adult, this may look like: Feeling overwhelmed by emotions, Shutting down or withdrawing, Explosive reactions when pushed too far.

2. Attachment Style & Relationship Patterns-

Children learn what “love” looks like from their caregivers. When love is mixed with chaos, fear, or inconsistency, it often leads to insecure attachment.

* Anxious Attachment- This can develop when affection is unpredictable: Fear of abandonment, Worrying about being “too much” or “not enough”, Overthinking partners’ words or actions.

* Avoidant Attachment- This can develop when closeness feels unsafe: Difficulty trusting others, Pulling away when someone gets emotionally close, Feeling smothered by intimacy.

* Disorganized Attachment- This is common in homes with violence or emotional unpredictability: Wanting closeness but fearing it, Feeling confused about relationships, Swinging between clinginess and withdrawal

3. Adult Relationship Dynamics- * Conflict Feels Dangerous: Arguments may trigger childhood memories, leading to: Panic, Shutting down, Overreacting, Avoiding conflict entirely

* Difficulty Setting Boundaries- If boundaries weren’t respected in childhood, adults often: Over-accommodate others, Feel guilty saying no, Attract partners who take advantage

* Attraction to Familiar Chaos- This is subtle but common: Calm, stable partners feel “boring”, Chaotic or emotionally unpredictable partners feel “normal”, Recreating childhood dynamics without realizing it

* Self-Reliance to a Fault- Growing up without reliable emotional support teaches: “I can only depend on myself”, Difficulty asking for help, Feeling weak or ashamed when vulnerable

—The Good News: These Patterns Are Changeable: Nothing about this is destiny. People with childhoods like this often grow into: Highly empathetic adults, Deep thinkers, Loyal partners, Emotionally aware individuals. And with reflection, support, and sometimes therapy, they can build: Secure attachment, Healthy conflict skills, Emotional regulation, Stable, fulfilling relationships

… Heal the Inner Child Who Learned Chaos Was Normal- This can involve: therapy, journaling, inner child work, talking to yourself the way a safe parent would, acknowledging the pain you went through. You’re not trying to erase the past — you’re giving your younger self what they never got.

…Be Patient With Yourself- Breaking generational patterns is slow, courageous work. You will: slip into old habits, get triggered, feel confused, question yourself. That’s part of the process. Healing isn’t linear — it’s a spiral. You revisit old wounds with more awareness each time.”-

Did you notice, Confused the following in the AI quote above: “Feeling confused about relationships… You will… feel confused”?

I’ll continue the AI study in a later post.

Anita

Good night, Dear Confused. Yes, you do have more time to give her.. more time to SAY..?

Back tomorrow.

I think it’s a good thing, Confused, I really do, that you put her in the “ex drawer”.

You feeling calm about it- that’s an indication that i’s the right thing for you to do!

Really, you have only visited her just that one time, in real-life, just that one 3-day visit.

3 days of a real-life visit is way less than a hundred’s portion of a year.

THREE DAYS of real-life contact in your TWENTY-FIVE years of life?

Let her go, let this one story end.

And may a new story begin?

Anita

(I will soon be gone for the night (8:12 pm, here). Back to you in the morning.

Anita

That emoji lol- too much to my liking.. an inappropriate little emoji, says I

How about not trying to understand it consciously, but instead, let the unconvinced speak, which means to type out whatever comes to mind from the child’s perspective, the child that you were, that is.

I’ll do it right now, talk about the fear in early childhood (which is what this is about):

Whatever comes to the mind of the child within me;

Mommy is CRAZY, H.E.L.P !!!

Make her okay because SHE IS NOT OKAY!!!

– This is all I got for now.

Anything like that for you?

🤍 Anita

Oh, I get it, you never got “this response”, meaning the loss of feelings.

Well, I figure you were anxious in all previous relationships, like you said,

But this time, you got MORE 😟 than before, so your feelings shut down.

More anxious because of the prospect of leaving your country, what you called your “comfort zone” so to be with this one woman.

Am I making sense 🤔 to you, Confused?

🤍 🤔 Anita

Infatuation on her part, you mean?

Dear Arden:

Using my phone, so all kinds of emojis show up as I type and I like 👍 them, so here I go:

So great to hear from you 🙌 again! It feels good just to know you are still around in this 🤪 world.

I never tried acupuncture, but glad 😊 you like it. I hope 🙏 your stomach issues resolve!

I am having a cold and a bladder infection that won’t go away, so, I will need to get antibiotics.

Otherwise, got my first 🐕 and because oh him and my carelessness, I poured liquid on my computer and rendered it useless, was quite 😡 about it.

I have use of a second computer only part of the day, and otherwise using my phone.

Anything more that you’d like to share, 🙏 do.

Again, so good 👍 reading from you, you made my day!

🤍 Anita