Zenith, you’ve come so far — your courage with your manager shows that you can speak up, even when it feels scary. You don’t need to keep replaying the past in your head alone.

If it feels right, you could begin by telling the relevant people things like:

“I’ve stayed silent before to keep peace, but I realize now that it hurt me.”, “When I’m treated differently than my co-sister, it makes me feel small and judged.”, “I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I’d appreciate not being commented on.”

Keep your tone calm, like you did with your manager — firm but not confrontational. You’re not asking for permission, just naming what’s no longer okay.

And if you’re not ready to say it face-to-face, even journaling or practicing it aloud can help you anchor your voice.

You’re allowed to be heard, and to protect what brings you peace.

With care, Anita

Hello ManagoFandango:

It makes complete sense that you’re feeling uneasy. This isn’t just about money — it’s about emotional dynamics, power, and fairness. You’re trying to protect your relationship, your values, and your family’s dignity, all at once. That’s a lot to carry.

Your instinct to question the gift is wise. When generosity feels like it might come with strings — especially from someone you don’t trust or feel safe with — it’s not just a financial issue, it’s a boundary issue. You’re not being ungrateful; you’re being discerning.

* If your MIL-to-be is the same person you shared about back in December 2022, then it seems likely that this financial gift will come with strings attached.

It’s also deeply thoughtful of you to consider how this might affect your parents and your sister. You’re honoring equity and emotional safety, not just appearances. That’s integrity.

With care, Anita

Hi Thomas:

You asked Laven: “Skipping school. Why? What made it so terrible that it was better to miss school than to be in school? Did you have bullies?”-

Laven answered this question on April 29, 2025: “When I entered school, at 5… soon after I was molested inside the bathroom adjoining the classroom by a staff teacher’s assistant — an older man who seemed like the sweet, lovable grandfather type. Soon after that, at 5, I started skipping school.”

You asked: “Not being able to talk to someone to help you?”-

Laven (April 29, 2025): “My mom was dealing with mental health issues such as schizophrenia and raising three kids without support. She was unemployed, had to mind us, in and out sometimes of psychiatric care facilities — and also both brothers due to mental health issues and defiant behaviors.”

You wrote: “Sounded like you had a foster mom who loved you even with all the things you did that probably hurt her.”-

Laven (July 10, 2025): “When I first came to my current foster placement, my foster mom was in her 60s… Within the first year of me being here, I was abused often by her grandson. He would beat me with a belt, say terrible things to me, force me to do things I didn’t want to do… It’s her natural behavior to be argumentative, combative, and blame me for everything.”

Laven (June 26, 2025): “Throughout the rest of my schooling and teen years, life was very overwhelming for me. I couldn’t cope nor function. Foster mom was still verbally abusive and put me down a lot. Her family was as well.”

You asked: “What do you want from this post you made? One post of something bad in your life. Then another and then another and then another. What is it that you wish to get from them?”-

Laven (May 18, 2024): “A lot of times I feel guilty for my feelings towards everything and also sharing. I feel like everything is always my fault and that I deserve everything. I feel embarrassed and humiliated for my feelings… and also my life experiences. I also feel like a bad person and feel like I shouldn’t feel the way that I do… I’ve been minimized my whole life and I’ve learned very early in childhood that I shouldn’t prioritize myself, that everyone else comes first, and that my self, thoughts, feelings, problems, etc.… I’m not important, neither are the things I go through.”

I think, Thomas, that what Laven wants — and deserves — is validation. She needs to be told the truth: That the misfortunes and abuses she suffered at five, six, and beyond were not her fault. That she is not a bad person for having endured a painful life. That her feelings are valid. That she is important. That it’s okay to prioritize herself. That it’s okay for her to come first — for a change.

You wrote: “If one dwells upon the bad things then life is nothing but suffering. There will be nothing but suffering. But, if one stops dwelling upon the second arrow then life can improve.”-

I too used to dwell on the bad things, Thomas — because I lacked validation. Although I told and retold the painful experiences that happened to me, I didn’t fully believe they were real. The minimizing, invalidating, emotionally reversing voices of my mother kept playing in my mind, guilt-tripping and shaming me. I told and retold my stories in a desperate effort to rid myself of the false shame and guilt planted in early years.

This doesn’t mean that a victimized child never harms others. Too often, a true victim becomes someone who victimizes others. But healing is about rescuing the child within from all those false accusations — from the untrue shaming and guilt — and reclaiming that early-life innocence.

Anita

Thank you, Zenith. I’m out and about, using my phone. I’ll read all and reply tonight or Wed morning.

Hi Zenith, good afternoon- yes, I was definitely triggered — but I don’t think it’s wise for me to unpack it here. Thank you for checking in. How are you doing these days?

Anita

Hi again, Laven:

I just want to say: I see you. The severe neglect and abuse you endured growing up were not your fault. You didn’t deserve to be abandoned, judged, or silenced — not then, and not now. Your responses were survival. I stand with you in compassion.

With care, Anita

Just four sad words: “Just feel very unwanted”.

Here’s a poem just for you, Adalie:

You say unwanted, like a whisper that bruises,
Like a room that forgets how to make space for your name.

But I see the ache behind it— not weakness,
But the strength it takes to speak
When the world has turned its back.

You are not the silence they tried to press into your skin-
You are the echo that refuses to fade,
The pulse of truth beating beneath every dismissal.

You are wanted— not by those who only love what’s easy,
But by those who know how to hold the hard things without flinching.

You are wanted— by the sky that keeps showing up,
By the breath that insists on returning,
By the voice inside you that still dares to say I am here.

🤍 Anita