You are very welcome, Tom, and thank you for always doing your best!

If you can think of something positively exciting about visiting Singapore, a certain sightseeing location perhaps.. certain foods to try, maybe there’ll be something positive to look forward to regarding the trip..?

🌿 🤍 Anita

Dear Emma:

“My sister is good at shaming others too – whenever she and they suspect someone is showing off, they are met with remarks like ‘who do they think they are?’, and so I do not dare to come out of my shell too much.”-

In my first post in the forums this morning, I wrote in regard to replies I submitted on that thread 2 years ago: “My replies were excellent, if I may say so (I am quite impressed with myself 🙂)”-

I gave myself a compliment even though I was thinking that I may be criticized for complimenting myself, but I did it anyway because I truly think those replies were excellent and if someone else wrote them, I’d tell him or her that those replies were excellent. Why deprive myself of the compliment I’d give others?

The thought just occurred to me: what if you compliment yourself, Emma?

“May I ask, do you have any tips on how to look at a lost love? How to think about it? Everybody says, ‘just keep on dating, he was nothing special’, but for me it feels like we had something special.”-

I think that you are attached to a story where “something special” is still taking place because it’s a comforting story. That something-special is safe from real life challenges. It’s safe in fantasy.

“Ah, the question I asked was: I was wondering since you told me a bit about your background, and (like me?) it may not have been too easy for you as well as me to rely on your own judgment… I usually wear some mask of ‘kindness’ with many people I meet. It’s so tiring. I am trying to be my true self, but how to know what that looks like?”-

I think I understand what you’re asking, but if the following shows that I didn’t, please let me know. I used to doubt myself a whole lot and that was a painful experience. I wasn’t sure about what’s real and what wasn’t. I too wore masks (every adult does, or almost everyone, at times) because I had no idea what my real face was about. I was a stranger to myself and I didn’t trust my thoughts or my feelings to indicate what was true.

Becoming my true self was a dream, something I wanted and dreamed about for so very long.

I am being myself right now, talking to you here. I am not pretending anything, and that.. feels good!

Looking back, when I was a stranger to myself, I still had moments when I was. I think that you’re feeling like your true self when you’re reading those books you told me about, the (I forgot) fantasy books, are they?

Groetjes, 🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Milda:

I read all of our communication Oct 24- Oct 31, 2023, high quality communication. You were honest, clear, appreciative and kind. My replies were excellent, if I may say so (I am quite impressed with myself 🙂). So, no reason to repeat what’s easy to re-read.

Question is, what can I add this morning?

The image I had as I reread your posts was that of the elephant in The Elephant Rope Story, or as I read it today (dream little star. com/ the elephant rope), The Elephant Rope. Here it goes:

Once upon a time in a small village, there was an elephant camp, where majestic elephants lived. A curious little boy visited the camp one sunny afternoon. He noticed something very odd – each enormous elephant was tied by a small rope to a stake in the ground.

The kid, puzzled, approached the elephant trainer. “Excuse me, sir, why are these giant elephants held by just these tiny ropes? Can’t they break free?” he asked, pointing at the ropes.

The trainer smiled kindly at the little boy and said, “Ah, you see, when these elephants were just little babies, we used the same size rope. Back then, it was strong enough to hold them. They tried to break free, but they couldn’t, and eventually, they stopped trying.”

“But now they are so big and strong! Can’t they break the rope now?” The boy wondered aloud.

“Yes, they can,” the trainer nodded. “But because they believe they cannot, they don’t even try.”

The little boy looked at the elephants, deep in thought. “So, they think they can’t break the rope just because they couldn’t when they were little?”

“Exactly,” the trainer replied. “They carry this belief from their past that they can’t break free, so they don’t challenge their bonds.”

The boy’s eyes widened in realization. “It’s like when I thought I couldn’t climb the big mango tree because I fell once. But then I tried again last week, and I did it!”

The trainer chuckled. “Yes, just like that. Sometimes, we can do more than we think. We just need to believe in ourselves and not let past failures stop us.”

The little boy smiled, looking at the elephants with new eyes. “Thank you, sir! I’m going to tell my friends that they shouldn’t give up, just like I won’t!”

And with a heart full of new understanding, the kid ran off to share the story of the elephants and the rope with his friends, reminding everyone that they should never let past failures limit their future.” (The End)

I am thinking of what you mentioned yesterday, your codependency as that rope. As a child, you were small and completely dependent on your parents. Your physical survival depended on them being healthy enough, calm enough, capable enough to be present for you, and take care of you on an ongoing basis.

Fast forward, you are an adult, physically big, strong and able to physically survive without your parents’ (or other adults’) constant, or frequent presence and help. But.. you don’t know it yet..?

The role reversal we talked about back in Oct 2023 has to do with you believing that your parents, particularly your mother can’t survive without your help..?

Oct 2023: “I had a need inside to always solve their problems, so that maybe then I can live in a happy, stable and calm family with happy parents.”- it’d take fully grieving the type of home you never had, and the type of childhood you will never have because simply, you can’t go back in time, undo or redo anything that already happened.

Fully grieving this reality will take away from the motivation within you to solve other people’s problems for the purpose of an impossible dream (to be a happy child with happy parents).

I hope to be reading your thoughts on what I wrote here, when you are ready 🙂

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear me:

You will have to accept the fact (says I) that you are likeable! Not by everyone at all times (no one is)-

But truly, me- you ARE likeable. I like you- here, and she likes you- where she’s at, irl.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Emma:

I will write more in the morning, but for now, regarding: “I am afraid people will have expectations that I cannot live up to, and then I will fail and people will criticize me, and maybe leave me or something.”-

Emma, I have no expectations of you, no expectations that you may not live up to. You are- in my mind- as perfect as any imperfect person can be- beautiful inside and outside (I remember your photo).

I won’t leave you, and if this website somehow disappears (I hope it won’t!)- I have your email and I will contact you!

More tomorrow.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Milda:

You are so very honest and aware.. and you don’t have to be alone in your journey. I can be here with you, for as long as you would like me to.

I want to reread our communication and get back to you Thurs morning (it’s Wed evening here)

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

“pursuing this course will give me certainty in life, which is very needed…My heart feels lighter in choosing this path for me, it’s scared but it feels right.”- reads like France it is!

The fear, and the confusion that accompanies it- do not simply disappear. There’ll be times when the heart feeling lighter, and times when the heart feeling heavy.

You can prepare- during a time when your heart feels lighter- for a time when your heart feels heavy again. Maybe by preparing a letter for yourself, one that you can read at a later time, when needed..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear me:

I didn’t know that you are “pretty sure she only said that because she was emotional at the time and it was an “in the moment” kind of thing.”- what you described earlier was not just a moment that she was sad about leaving, it was many moments, at different times.

You don’t trust the idea that someone may really like you.. beyond a fleeting moment? (the idea of it makes me 😔)

🤍🌿 Anita