Hi Nea, good Tues night:

Your daughter is fortunate to have two parents with her best interest in heart, even before she’s born!

You mentioned your concern about future holidays and special occasion before.

I wonder if those meant a lot to you growing up, maybe those were safe times when your father was on his best behavior?

Yes, your father’s verbal abuse and physical intimidation was not okay. And seems like he feels no guilt about it.

Your husband sounds reasonable. I can’t blame him for…

* Wait, warning: this may sound crude because I am using a word your father has used as part of his verbal abuse: “bi***”)-

I can’t blame your husband for not wanting to be your father’s bi***.

The idea of it enrages me because I was my mother’s bi***: someone who looked down at the floor and did not protest when she abused me verbally and physically.

I’ll continue shortly.

Anita

Hi Girija:

I thought you were Lu simply because you’re the person who started this thread, and Lulu wrote: “I am the one who started this thread a while back, and I still stop by to read..” (first person)

After my reply above, using the phone, I got to the computer and asked AI about it.

AI (Copilot): “Lu (a real person) probably copied Girija’s original post, pasted it into an AI tool, and asked the AI to “write a reply as me” or “write something supportive”

What the AI then did: The AI saw the thread and made two classic mistakes: Mistake #1: It assumed the first post belonged to the person using the AI. So, it wrote: “I’m the one who started this thread.”

Mistake #2: It then treated Girija as a different person. So, it wrote: “Girija, I’m so sorry…”

This creates the contradiction you noticed: The AI speaks as if it is Girija. Then speaks to Girija.

A real human would never do that. An AI does it all the time when given a thread without clear instructions.

The simplest truth: Lu is a person using AI to generate replies. The AI misunderstood the thread and accidentally claimed to be Girija, then immediately contradicted itself by addressing Girija in the second person.

That’s why the message feels strange, polished, and disconnected from reality.”

I apologize, Girija. I was confused 😔🤍

Anita

Hello again, Shinnen:

I want to stay in your lane this time, that is to stay with what you’re saying, instead of drifting to what it brings up for me..

You’re saying that if you’re afraid of something, ex. snakes, the term “let go” implies that your hand is holding a snake, or holding the fear of snakes.

Which is not true, so it’s a false assumption.

And based on that false assumption, the offered solution is to relax your hand and let go of the snake or the fear.

I think that you’re making an excellent point, John, if I’m completely understanding what you’re saying.

How can I let go of something I’m not holding on to?

I can’t. It’s a problematic saying then, one that should not be used in this context 🤔

Anita

Good Tuesday Morning, Nea 🙂

“There’s this constant feeling that we’re the ones who are supposed to apologize and make things right, especially culturally because they’re older”-

Culture that says: respect your elders no matter how they behave is the perfect setting for a no- accountability, safe and socially protected environment- for abusive elders.

I am reminded of the examples you gave me some time ago of the words your father used against your husband. The repeated F word comes to mind (using my phone, I can’t go back and look at them)-

Not befitting an elder.

Respect should be a 2 way street, a basic human ethic. Not a circumstantial variable where a child (your father as a boy) was disrespected/ abused by his elders, and then grows up to disrespect/ abuse his own children because now, it’s his turn.

If this is culture, then it’s a culture of generational cycle of disrespect and abuse.

Can you imagine you or your husband continuing this cycle by using the F word against your daughter, charging at her, threatening to hit her or kick her out of the house (.. but only if she ‘deserves’ it and needs to be put in ‘her place’)?

Anita

Oh, my goodness, Nea.. I forgot to get back to you this morning? That’s so unlike me… I’ll write more in a moment.

Dear Confused:

I hope that Lu answers you again and that the 2 of U have a conversation here 🙂

“I think it’s mostly to escape my existence”- I don’t understand. Can you explain?

She said: “I was convincing everyone that U are different than most men, how stupid I was”-

It’s clear that she had a very negative experience with men, either directly or by proxy of others. An example would be: her mother was cheated by men, told her daughter about it at length, and she (daughter) absorbed her mother’s experience as if it was her own.

This means, seems to me, that it was just a matter of time before you fell into the “like most men” category of hers.

How are you feeling, Confused?

🐔 (🙂 just because) Anita

So good to read from you, Tom! I’m glad that the enforced time off with your loved ones (Hollie and the 🐶) was good. I am fine, thank you, having 2 🐶🐶 with me right now, Bogart and Kurby.

Coming to think of it, I felt a bit negative earlier, before reading your post, and you saying that you continue to try and be positive- reminded me that I can do the same and.. my mood improved, thank you 🙏

🌿 Anita