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October 4, 2026 at 3:45 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461341
anitaParticipantDear Robi:
My goodness, I’m so ignorant when it comes to .. well, lots of things, including Enigma and Enya. I didn’t even recognize the image being from Avatar. For the last decade I haven’t watched TV at all, haven’t seen any movies and I only listen to the same old same old music. I’ll B back 2 U tonight. I hope you’re sleeping restfully at this time, 1:45 am 🌙😴💤
Anita
anitaParticipantGood Sunday afternoon, Sleipnir:
Thank you for explaining. I think I understand your point much better now.
It sounds as though what interests you in both Opal and the My Little Pony story is the idea that people who have been deeply hurt often go on to hurt others. That doesn’t excuse the abuse, but it can help explain where it comes from.
I can see why those stories would stand out to you. Both seem to explore how pain can be passed along from one person to another, and how vulnerable people become caught in that cycle.
My thoughts: “Hurt people hurt people” is a common saying, but it’s only partly true. Many people who have been hurt become especially kind and careful not to harm others.
However, some hurt people do end up hurting others for several reasons:
1) When someone grows up around yelling, criticism, neglect, or abuse, may unconsciously repeat what was done to them because it feels familiar.
2) Someone who feels chronically afraid, ashamed, angry, or powerless may lash out when stressed because they have not learned healthier ways to cope.
3) Someone might be so consumed by their own fear, anger, shame, insecurity, or unmet needs that they lose sight of the other person as a separate individual with equally important feelings.
In healthy relating, we hold two realities at once: “I am hurting.” and “You are also a person with your own thoughts, feelings, and needs.”
In unhealthy relating, the first reality crowds out the second.
For example, an angry parent may be so focused on their own frustration that they no longer see the child as a frightened child. They see only an obstacle, a source of stress, or a problem to be controlled. The child’s feelings become invisible.
4) Some people also hurt others in an attempt to regain a sense of power. If they felt powerless or humiliated in the past, dominating someone else can temporarily relieve those feelings, even though it creates more harm.
What is important, though, is that pain explains behavior but does not excuse it. Understanding why an abusive or hurtful person acts the way they do can be useful, but it does not make the behavior acceptable.
Back to you, Sleipnir, your comment about wanting to become “an artist that says things that need to be said” also caught my attention. It sounds as though you want your art to do more than entertain. You want it to shine a light on things that are difficult, important, or often overlooked.
What kinds of things do you most want your art to say?
🤔 Anita
October 4, 2026 at 11:31 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461335anitaParticipantGood very late Sunday morning (here), Robi, Roberta, fellow Capricorns 😃
Robi (33 years old, not 34 yet), you uploaded.. that’s a Capricorn thing? (It’s been a very long time since I looked at astrology, but I’m now intrigued. I’ll investigate when I’m back to the computer).
I’ll always want to be in touch with you. It even crossed my mind hearing your voice on the phone one day.. too exciting though.
Back 2 U later.
Anita
October 4, 2026 at 11:19 am in reply to: How do I learn to let go of Anger, after years of backstabbing and abuse? #461334anitaParticipantHello again, Sleipnir 🙂
Yes, it’s hard to know you’re helpless in situations when you really are helpless.
This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer which is about this very issue. Here it is:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Does the prayer (which does not require a belief in any particular god, or in any god at all) resonate?
In your other thread thst I just replied to, you asked about exercises to gain wisdom. I think that the serenity prayer (which includes the word “wisdom”) is one such exercise.
Anita
anitaParticipantGood Sunday morning, Sleipnir:
It’s understandable that yelling stresses you to an extreme point. Even when it’s someone else (not you) who is yelled at, and even when it happens in a different room, the yelling still reaches you (it’s the nature of sound.. walls don’t stop it.)
I think that yelling would stress almost everyone, but it disturbs more so people on the autistic spectrum.
I too am stressed by loud, unwelcomed sounds although I was never diagnosed with autism. It’s like those loud sounds (like a neighbor playing loud music) is just too much for me. It disturbs me a whole lot.
In your second post, you asked about exercises to gain wisdom. Well, wisdom has nothing to do with noise sensitivity/ sensory overload. These are neurological.
What can help is that staff members where you live get educated about the negative effects of yelling (and other loud sounds) on residents, as well as noise canceling headphones.
What do you think, Sleipnir?
🤔 Anita
October 4, 2026 at 12:44 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461322anitaParticipantoh.. born Dec 31 here.. good night, Robi.. you’re the best. B back 2 u in the morning
October 4, 2026 at 12:36 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461319anitaParticipantI’m having the biggest smile on my face..
October 4, 2026 at 12:30 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461316anitaParticipantDear Robi:
Exactly 20 minutes before midnight as I’m typing these words. Maybe after midnight when I submit this post.
I want to say this Saturday night: how deeply I appreciate communicating with you (since 2018).
How deeply I appreciate you. Your honesty, emotional honesty, telling it just like it is, in your own, original Robi1992 way.
You are who I wish I was at 34.
12:22 am: Those “parents”- we owe them absolutely nothing.
How strange to really, really see them as they’ve always been: strangers.
Strangers we’ve been stuck with, caged with, for so very, very, very too long.
Caged- and to no one’s benefit- not even to the cagers’ benefit.
Yes, “gotta get outa here”.
For good this time.
Anita (12:30 am)
anitaParticipantSleipnir, could you help me understand what you mean? I’m not familiar with Opal or the newer My Little Pony series, so I’m having trouble following the connection between Opal, Opaline, and Misty. What similarities are you seeing? 🙂
Anita
anitaParticipantHi Sleipnir:
If your legs are bothering you, I think one of the best things you can do is get a good pair of supportive walking shoes and, if possible, ask a doctor or podiatrist whether arch supports or custom orthotics would help with your flat feet.
For exercise and weight loss, I’d focus on things that are easy on the joints. Walking is good if it isn’t causing too much pain, but a stationary bike, swimming, or water exercise can be gentler on your knees and ankles while still helping you get fit.
The water-jar lifts are actually a nice start for your arms. You might also add some simple chair squats, wall pushups, and gentle stretching for your calves and legs. A little bit done consistently is usually better than doing too much at once.
Most importantly, don’t try to push through significant pain. If your joints are becoming stiff or painful, it would be worth talking with a doctor so they can check whether arthritis or something else is contributing to it.
Take care of those legs. You’ve got many years ahead of you, and small changes now can make a big difference later. 🙂
Anita
October 3, 2026 at 10:50 pm in reply to: How do I learn to let go of Anger, after years of backstabbing and abuse? #461312anitaParticipantSleipnir, what you’re describing sounds indeed like survivor’s guilt.
The fact that the facility stayed open and continued hurting people doesn’t mean you failed them. You were a victim there too. You weren’t in a position of power. You weren’t running the facility. You weren’t the one making decisions that allowed the abuse to continue.
Survivor’s guilt often asks impossible questions: “Why did I get out when others didn’t?” “Why didn’t I do more?” “Could I have stopped it?”
But sometimes we’re holding ourselves responsible for events that were never ours to control.
The question is not “Could a perfect person have stopped this?” The question is “What could you, Sleipnir, in the position you were actually in, reasonably have done?”
The fact that you still care about the people who suffered after you left speaks well of your character. It shows compassion, not guilt-worthiness.
Maybe the goal isn’t to force yourself to forgive or forget. Maybe it’s to slowly separate what happened from what was actually your responsibility. Grieving for those who were harmed is understandable. Holding yourself accountable for crimes committed by others is not.
You survived something terrible. Survival isn’t a debt you owe.
If part of your pain comes from feeling that nothing was ever done, it may be worth asking whether there is anything realistic you can do now. Not because you owe it to anyone, and not because you’re responsible for what happened, but because taking action can sometimes help a person feel aligned with their values. Whether that’s sharing your story, supporting other survivors, speaking with an advocate, or simply bearing witness to what happened-
Those are choices you can make if and when you feel ready. But please don’t confuse having the option to act today with being responsible for what happened back then.
Anita
October 3, 2026 at 8:53 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461310anitaParticipantDear Robi:
No, no, I wasn’t clear: my mother did not commit suicide. What I meant by “guess who is still alive?”, I meant she is still alive. Those were only threats all along, 20 years of those threats. (She stopped the suicide talk when my sister told her one bright day: “Then do it”)
About hating your parents, I learned that behind every emotion or emotional state there is a positive message aimed at trying to help us survive or even better, thrive.
So, I no longer judge myself- or others- for feeling ANYTHING. No such thing as a bad emotion.
The feeling of hating one’s parents is about trying to protect oneself from parents who are harmful.
Judging our emotions negatively leads to suppressing them, pushing them down, flattening them (taking away their natural, healthy 3rd dimension), and when that’s done long- term, we get sick.
We don’t need to follow each emotion with an action, but allowing ourselves to feel- without judgment/ without self- blame- is healthy.
Talking about healthy, you had walnut butter Fri morning, right? (you said “butter walnut”). I remember when I discovered peanut butter for the first time (I was 19). It was in my 30s, I think, that I discovered there is such a thing as almond, walnut and other nuts butters.
Talking about nuts, no doubt in my mind that you “gotta get outa here”, I mean there. And that living away from them will not magically make everything better for good, as you’ve learned.
More later.
Anita
October 3, 2026 at 10:38 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #461294anitaParticipantDear Robi:
Yes, I did sleep well (didn’t notice until you asked 🙂).
My goodness, Robi- her telling you 20 years ago that she got cancer because of your bad grades and disobedience..
Did she survive the disease because your grades improved and you became obedient?
I mean, did she credit you for her surviving it, or just debited you for the disease itself (I think I know the answer, but please feel free to correct me if I’m overly confident).
How unfair, how cruel, really, it was to blame you!
Fast forward 20 years, they are talking out loud (so that you can hear them), saying how they’ll die soon because of you..
Part of me just said: ‘not soon enough’
I’m not fully supportive of the part that said the above, but I empathize with that part. No wonder it reacted like that. It wants their abuse of you to stop!
My mother threatened to commit suicide when she was 25. Fast forward SIXTY years, guess who is still alive..?
Yes, like you said, it’s a “manipulative game”.
The new job idea- sounds like talking to vulnerable people into buying something. Not presenting to them various options objectively (as a public service). Sounds like sales/ marketing.
I didn’t respond to everything you wrote and I want to do that by tonight. If you want to respond/ add anything by then, please do.
Anita
anitaParticipantStill, a good Sat morning, Sleipnir 🙂
I’ll answer you on this thread and in the new one later in the day.
For now, I’m fascinated by your answer:
“To become a Great Artist”- what kind of Great Artist, I wonder..?
🤔 Anita
October 3, 2026 at 9:27 am in reply to: How do I learn to let go of Anger, after years of backstabbing and abuse? #461292anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Sleipnir. Anytime you want to talk more about what you brought up in this thread, you can post here again 🙂
Anita
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