Good Tuesday night, Mollie;

Part of the reason I slept so little last night was because Bogart, having an ear-cleaning and nail clipping apt at the vet today, was given tranquilizers to take last night AND an hour before the apt at 3 pm today (because beagles get very anxious when their nails get trimmed).

Anyway, last night, after I gave him the 2 pills, he looked and acted .. so weird, a dog high on drugs- the lost look in his eyes, the strange ways he moved his body. I was beside myself and worried how he’d make it through the night.

Next, after I submitted the post to you today, had to give him the 2 pills again, and again he acted so weird, and looked at me like he was so lost and confused. Next, at the vet, his ears were tested (and cleaned)- they’re infected with yeast and bacteria. So, I have to put drops in his ears ( will start tomorrow morning)

But NOW, he is finally off the effect of the tranquilizers, finally back to himself ( a relief!), although tired. Well, we’re both tired.

So, I don’t think I paid enough attention to your post today. I want to process it in my mind by tomorrow and respond further.

If you’re reading this before I get back to you, are you saying that you didn’t get a period for almost a year because you don’t eat enough or is it the STRESS (or both?)

Anita and FINALLY sober Bogart 🙂

Good (late) Wed morning, Mollie 🙂

First, returning your 💚 from yesterday (can’t find a green leaf emoji using my phone)

I think it’s okay that you’re withdrawing from the world, from friends, and finding social commitments draining at this time.

I think that the habit of absorbing other people’s emotions and worries (caring too much) and maybe feeling responsible to make them feel better is what’s draining you..?

I mean, having one own emotions and managing those is a full time job, but taking on other people’s emotions, and feeling responsible to fix those would drain anyone!

I didn’t even know that I was doing that until recently!

Do you think the above is true to you?

I ask, but please know that it’s okay if you don’t wish to answer. I understand exhaustion.

For me, greater clarity makes it possible to access energy otherwise dormant or inaccessible.

👣 (one step at a time), Anita

Hello Mollie 🙂

Bogart too says: hello, Mollie! He’s no longer high on drugs, what a relief. Observing him high leads me to being more aggreable with your no-psychiatric drugs sentiment.

He receives antibiotic and anti- yeast drops into his ears every morning and every evening, and currently he’s lying on my right leg, lightly snoring and slightly blocking my blood flow.

What positive reflections, Mollie! Good to read that you’re coming out of the (2024-5 peaked) RED-S, that the OCD/ decision questioning/ ruminating is a LOT better than before, and that you like your job enough to keep going with it 💚

I didn’t know that it is your dad who has been the driver of that “one step better” attitude. I assumed it was your mother simply because my personal struggles have been with my mother (the 2 divorced by the time I was 6 and I have only one, minute long memory of living with a father).

Hmm.. the memory of you sharing that your dad has a little bit of a tummy, and it being somewhat disturbing to you, just popped into my mind..

Is it that he’s sort of failing his own one- step- better teaching that disturbed you? 🤔

You said it feels like healing from a breakup.. can you tell me more about what you are breaking up from? (if and when you feel like elaborating)?

And thank you for sharing your reflections tions with me 🫶

💚 💫 Anita

Hi Mollie 🙂

Yes, it’s an honor that Bogart trusts me and therefore is able to relax so close to me.

There was an incident long ago, he was in the kitchen with me and I almost bumped into him and fell, not seeing him in my way. I SCREAMED. There was a mix of fear and angerin that scream.

For a couple of weeks, Bogart was scared to be in the kitchen with me, acted Canine-PTSD (broke my heart). He didn’t trust being in the kitchen with me.

I made sure to not scream in his presence ever again.

As I just read about your dad having “moods” and being “emotionally turbulent” when you were growing up, and that it scared you, it made me think of Bogart being scared of me when I screamed.

Just like Bogart needs a calm, predictable me, children need calm, predictable parents.

Your mom able to ” shake off” things he tells her.. she wasn’t his child. It can be very difficult for a child (of any age) to shake off what a parent says.

I want to read the rest of your message tomorrow. I’m not focused enough now.

B Back 2 U tomorrow.

💚 Anita