Hi again, Mollie:

Having in mind the Decision OCD you mentioned today, I reread through your very first post on this thread (March 28, 2025: 1.5 years ago-in 4 days),

And the first decision you shared about back then was the decision to break up with the man you were in love with so to fix your relationship with your parents who pressured you to break up with him (because he was 10 years older than you).

I wonder how that decision (and other decisions aimed at pleasing or calming your parents.. (Pressured or Pressuring Parents perhaps?) play into your current decision-ocd.

Anita

Hi Mollie:

I do hope that another social opportunity door opens, thank you 💚🤍🩷

Optimising every situation does sound like it could make decisions feel much bigger and more pressing than they actually are. Maybe when every choice is viewed through the lens of finding the best possible outcome, “good enough” becomes difficult to settle on.

Have a lovely weekend too ☺️

Anita

Hello Mollie 🙂

What an excellent observation!

Your mother means well but unintentionally, she delivers the message, sounds to me, that your performance is never good- enough, there’s always room for better, so you never get to rest in a moment of good- enough.

Is that how you feel?

🤔 Anita

Hello Mollie:

I misunderstood then: your mother/ parents sidn’t send you the message that your performance is not good enough, but that it can always get better. And generally, they’re right: there’s always room for improvement.

Why do you “latch onto it”?

The image of climbing a mountain comes to mind. You can’t be at peace as long as you’re climbing, can’t relax until there’s no more climbing?

I must say I didn’t at all have your experience. My mother’s message was never: you’re doing great, let’s look at how you can do better. It was: you can’t do ANYTHING right.

So, I wasn’t climbing a mountain. I lay down at the bottom of the mountain, helpless and desperate.

I have to run for a beagle play date. Talk 2 U a bit later

Anita

Dear Mollie:

Stress hormones like cortisol do block the release of hormones responsible for getting a period. As I understand it, when very stressed, the body “thinks” that there is a greater priority to attend to than reproducing. The need to fight (or flight) some external threat, or to conserve energy when eating too little (signaling famine) or exercising too much.

“Revisiting decisions”- decisions that were already made.. so you don’t get that After Decision Rest. (I just made up this acronym 🙂)

If things like regularly taking hot baths, taking long walks, exercising, meditating, &/ or listening to music, etc., or that planned solo-trip- do not provide you with a long-term relief from the ongoing anxiety, then maybe seeing a doctor for a short-term medication perscription may do the job: give you a break from the anxiety and reset the brain.

Back to the climbing a mountain analogy, you’re stressed because of climbing for too long, never reaching the top of the mountain where you may rest.. or not coming down from the mountain so to rest at the bottom.

Maybe a more fitting imagery is that of climbing but not moving forward, like on a treadmill..?

A chemical intervention (short term) may get you unstuck from that mental climbing/ revisiting decisions/ mental storm and fatigue frenzy. Consulting a competent medical doctor may be a great idea.

The 2 beagles have finally calmed down from their late morning- early Sunday afternoon physical frenzy. They’re lying down, relaxing, not just physically but also mentally 🙂

Anita

Hi Mollie 🙂

I am fine, thank you for asking🤍 I did wake up way too early this morning.. but woke up to a new, Oct sunny day, and that makes me smile.

You wrote: “It is worth considering though whether a form of therapy might help.”

My little research this too-early Monday morning (with Gemini & Copilot):

There’s a term I never heard of until just now: Intolerance of Uncertainty: “When the brain demands 100% certainty in a universe that only offers probabilities, the result is sheer mental exhaustion.”

“The mind treats doubt as a problem to be solved rather than a normal condition of life, leading to endless loops of overthinking.

For someone dealing with this specific brand of perfectionism and rumination, traditional “talk therapy” can sometimes backfire by giving the person ore space to overanalyze.

“Here are the best evidence-based therapies for this specific psychological loop:

1. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT is often considered the standard for individuals who are trapped in their own heads. Instead of trying to “fix” or argue with the overthinking, ACT teaches a person how to change their relationship with their thoughts.

The approach focuses on Defusion (distancing oneself from thoughts so they don’t dictate behavior and Acceptance (allowing feelings of doubt to exist without fighting them.

It directly targets ‘seeking certainty that never comes.’ It helps a person accept that certainty is a myth, allowing the person to make choices based on the person’s core values rather than waiting for anxiety to disappear.

Another way to put it is that ACT helps to stop treating uncertainty as a danger signal and start treating it as a normal companion. You may still have thoughts like, ‘What if I made a mistake?’ but instead of spending the next three hours trying to answer the question, you notice the thought, acknowledge it, and return your attention to what you’re doing.

A phrase often used in ACT is: ‘Maybe, maybe not.’ When the mind says, ‘What if this was the wrong decision?’ the response is not, ‘No, it was definitely right.’ The response is, ‘Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I can’t know for certain, and I’m choosing not to spend my evening arguing with that question.’

Let’s say you made a thoughtful decision today. The old relationship with uncertainty says, ‘Keep reviewing it until you know for sure it was the right choice.’ The ACT relationship says, ‘I considered it carefully, made the best decision I could with the information I had, and now I’m willing to feel some uncertainty while I continue living my life.’

The goal is not to feel certain. The goal is to stop making certainty a requirement for peace.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which helps identify ‘cognitive distortions’- such as all-or-nothing thinking, fortune-telling, or catastrophizing a ‘wrong’ decision

3. Metacognitive Therapy (MCT) is perhaps the most directly targeted treatment for chronic overthinking. Unlike CBT, instead of asking: ‘is this thought true (or distorted)?’ it asks: ‘why am I engaging with this thought at all?’

MCT makes the observation that the real issue may not be the original decision at all. The issue becomes the belief: ‘Thinking more will eventually give me what I need.’ But it doesn’t.

Let’s say you’re deciding whether to take a job or to say something difficult to a friend. After you’ve thought it through and decided, there is usually no new information available. Yet the mind keeps reopening the file. Not because it’s solving the problem, but because it’s trying to eliminate the discomfort of not knowing how everything will turn out.

A therapist using MCT might gently ask: ‘What are you hoping to get from thinking about this again?’ The first answer might be: ‘I want to make sure I made the right decision.’ Then the therapist might ask: ‘Can thinking about it now actually prove that?’ Often the honest answer is ‘no’.

Another deeper reason some people revisit decisions is that they have learned to equate responsibility with constant mental effort. They unconsciously believe: ‘Good people keep thinking.’ ‘Responsible people never let their guard down.’ ‘If I stop reviewing, I’m being careless.’, and rest feels irresponsible.”-

There’s more. What do you think about the above, Mollie?

Anita

Hi again, Mollie 😊

Reading this: “but do you know what I’ll answer to that? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But I’ll continue to live my life, whatever happens.”- made my day 🤍

Listening to “Is It That Deep?” right now

W.O.W. It fits the ACT themes:

“Is it really that deep?” → questioning whether every thought needs engagement.

“Accept what was” → acceptance rather than repeatedly revisiting the past.

“Take a breath and let it go” → stepping out of struggle with thoughts and feelings.

“I’ve been working on me” and “Give a little, love a little bit more” → moving toward values and meaningful action.

“Trust good things are coming” → continuing to live despite uncertainty.

Mollie: “I will digest this and come back to you with how I feel.”- please do, when you’re ready 😊

🎵 🎶 🎼 Anita