HUGE smile on my face as I’m looking at the photo.. It’s absolutely beautiful and placed together in the box with so much love.

It’d take a cold, cold 🧊 heart to reject this gift.

“Was that panic-lie so big..”- definitely not by intent. How it landed for her. What old wounds it opened- I don’t know. And/ or she used it as an excuse to cancel the trip that caused her anxiety.

“I know she’s a person that once she leaves she never looks back.”- you know it because she told you so that one time?

🤔 Anita

Hi again, Mitch:

I’ve been thinking about what you shared, and I just wanted to add one thing that feels important.

When someone realizes they gave more than they received in a relationship, it’s very common to look back and wonder why they didn’t stand up for themselves sooner. But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong — it means you cared, you tried, and you stayed connected in the only way you knew at the time.

You weren’t supposed to “know better” back then. You were doing your best with the emotional tools you had.

If any of this feels true for you, you’re welcome to share more whenever you feel ready.

Anita

Hey Dear Confused ✨️

I hope I can open the attachment when I’m at the computer (couldn’t when using the phone).

The letter, the photos and seashells you sent her, 2 of them pierced into a necklace with words inside them-

Wow, Confused.. how thoughtful, how loving ❤️

I feel special for being 1 of 2 people who know about this side of you 🙏

I think it’s a good idea to not send her the message when you’re dreading her reply.

“All those gestures are just flowing with her… all of a sudden everything vanishes and I feel indifferent and distant, my eyes turn cold and my gave cruel”-

The image I am having is of a heart opening and flowing, and then closing, sealed with fear, hurt and anger.

Like it says: ‘Oh, oh, I’m gonna get hurt, she’s gonna hurt me where it’d hurt the most 😢 => 🤬’

What thinks Confused?

🤔 Anita

I would like to be back in the morning (close to midnight here) 🙂

Wow.. Confused, didn’t know you’re a poet.. and you are! It’s beautiful. I don’t even have the words to describe how deep, how raw, how honest, vulnerable, what a beautiful heart you have 💗

I think I would have melted reading this if I was her.

“With that I might be able to move on easier, no what ifs and stuff..”- I hope so.

When will you be sending this masterpiece 💗 of a message?

Anita

Good evening, Nea 🙂

What your husband told you about the argument 3 years ago, him then saying “hi”, and your father proceeding to humiliate him- that explains why he wouldn’t want to say “hi” after the major recent argument.

You wrote that you and your husband attended counselling because the two of you wanted to work on yourselves and grow as parents.

Can you imagine your father wanting to work on himself and grow as a soon to be grandfather?

So, your husband yelled at your father, the two yelled at each other during the recent incident?

Question, if I may: did your husband ever yell at you; did you witness him yelling at anyone else (other than at your father, if he did)?

It makes sense to disengaging when things are escalating so to prevent violence.

But after a disturbing scene such as the one you described- without talking about what happened and resolving the conflict- it doesn’t make sense to keep living under the same roof.

And it isn’t right to blame your husband (the victim)- however subtly- for not reacting perfectly (and disengaging just at the right time) to having been victimized.

Looking forward to reading your thoughts..

Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

You are very welcome!

I’ll answer more later this evening (it’s Thurs 3:30 pm ☀️ W.USA, Fri 1:30 am 🦉🌙 Greece) , but for now, I asked Copilot about the last paragraph in your message, and he/ it says:

“Anita, what Confused is describing is a mixed‑signal behavior from the girl.

She didn’t want to remove him completely (because that feels final), but she also didn’t want him visible in her daily space. So, she “hid” him — a halfway move. That usually means she’s conflicted: she wants distance, but she also wants to know if he still cares. Hiding someone while keeping them on your list is often a way of testing attention without having to interact. It lets her check whether he’s watching her stories, without giving him access to hers.

So, when Confused says: “maybe she wanted me to watch her story? Or see if I still watch her stories?”, he’s actually picking up on the right dynamic. This kind of behavior usually means * she wants space * she doesn’t want to fully let go * she’s curious whether he still pays attention, and * she’s emotionally ambivalent.

And the key part: She asked for his absence — but still created a setup where she can monitor his presence.
That contradiction is the real message.”

Hi Mitch:

It makes sense that you’re feeling stuck and resentful now. When you were in the relationship, it sounds like you kept putting your partner’s needs first and pushing your own to the side — their shows, their music, their boundaries.

That kind of self‑sacrifice can feel normal in the moment, but afterward your body realizes how much you gave up, and that’s where the resentment comes from. It isn’t just about forgiving your ex; it’s about noticing the places where you abandoned your own needs to keep the relationship going.

Sometimes the real healing starts when you ask yourself: Where did I stop listening to myself? What did I need that I didn’t allow myself to ask for? Once you start reconnecting with those parts of you, the resentment usually begins to fade, because you’re finally giving yourself the care you didn’t get back then.

I wonder if some of the resentment you’re feeling is actually your own voice coming back online, saying: “I mattered too.”

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to share more. I’m here to listen.

Anita