WOW, Nichole, as I read your post, using my phone, I was suddenly afraid it’ll disappear before I can copy it for my private record using my computer, so to never lose it. Which I intend to do!

I have so much to say about your message and I will, tonight and probably tomorrow morning as well.

It’s no longer warm here and it’s supposed to rain tonight. Bogart’s energy level today was up because it’s so much cooler.

More later.

Thank you, Nichole 🙏

Anita

Thinking about you this Friday night, Robi, hoping you are calmer, rested and more clear.

🌿 Anita

Hi Confused🙂

What you’re describing — the sudden rise of feeling, the tears, the tenderness, and then the drop into indifference — isn’t new. You and I have talked about this pattern many times.

When you suddenly feel a big wave of emotion — crying, missing her, wanting to tell her you love her — it feels new and intense in that moment. Then the wave fades, and you feel indifferent again. When the feeling comes back later, it feels new again, so you ask the same question again.

This swing between emotional intensity and emotional flatness is part of your attachment style, especially when you’re under stress. It means you’re overwhelmed, and your system keeps shutting down to protect you. That’s why you revisit the same question. The answer hasn’t changed — but the feeling inside you keeps resetting, so you reach for reassurance again.

🌿🌿🌿 Anita

Dear Caroline,

I’m glad you noticed the photo. It was just me dancing back in Oct 2024 — a small moment where I felt alive again after a long time of feeling disconnected 🙂

🌿🤍 Anita

Hey 💃 Confused:

So the above is the emoji she uses to express happiness?

What you described only 15 minutes ago makes me think that indeed, according to this example, she expected you to read her mind, anticipate how she would feel (according to her thoughts.. which you cannot read) and adjust your words accordingly. This is indeed what walking on eggshells is about.

It doesn’t mean she’s bad or manipulative, just that she’s anxious and conflicted about the trip.

This ofcourse feeds your anxiety, the maybe-I- screwed-up thinking.

I don’t see a wrongdoing here, on your part. There was no basis for you to anticipate her reaction. Seems like she tends to hide negative feelings but then she can’t cover them up for long, and they finally come to the surface.

You shared before about asking her to tell you when she feels hurt instead of sitting with it and expect you to notice, to read her mind, that is.

What to do, Confused?

🤔 Anita

Hi Mollie ✨🌿🕊️

I loved reading your message. It’s so encouraging to hear how you’re approaching things with curiosity and gentleness — that “hmm, why does my brain do this?” moment is such a healthy shift. It’s amazing how simply noticing what’s happening inside can soften the anxiety and help you move forward in small, steady steps.

It also sounds like this new job is arriving at the right time for you. A place where you can breathe a little, feel supported, and still grow — that combination can make such a difference. I’m really glad you’re giving yourself space to adjust rather than expecting everything to feel settled immediately.

And your insight about boredom triggering worry was so sharp. It shows how tuned‑in you’re becoming to your own patterns. Those baby steps you mentioned really do add up.

I’m happy to hear you’re feeling more at peace these days. It’s lovely to see how you’re meeting your own mind with kindness and curiosity. ✨🌿🕊️

Anita

Hi Mollie 🕊️✨

It makes sense that your anxiety is flaring right now — big transitions, even positive ones (passing the bar with distinction, starting a new job), can stir up old patterns. When life changes, the brain gets stressed, and under stress it goes back to old habits.

When the brain is tired or overwhelmed, it doesn’t have the strength to stay in “new, healthy patterns.” So, it slips back into the older anxiety habits — like overthinking, doubting decisions, or needing certainty. It starts chasing certainty because it thinks certainty will make the anxiety go down.

The second‑guessing, checking, re‑thinking, and “needing to know” are all attempts to calm discomfort by finding the “right” answer. The brain’s logic in second guessing is something like: “if I keep questioning, maybe I’ll find the right answer and the anxiety will stop.”.

I’ll write more later this evening ❤️‍🩹

Anita

Hey 💃 Confused:

Why a dancing woman emoji? I will explain in a minute.

“As if I have a judge in my head”- telling you that you didn’t laugh enough.

Two evenings ago (still daylight, as it does’nt get dark here before 10 pm), I was at a public park, a huge park, where a band was playing danceable 🎶🎵🎶.

There were maybe 1500 people, adults and children, sitting on lawn chairs in front of and around the stage, and maybe a hundred (all adults) sitting in the limited area, far above the stage where alcohol was sold (toooo expensive, which made me mad), and people were allowed to sit an drink beer or wine.

Of the 1500 people of so, how many people had that judge in their heads that told them it’d be too embarrassing to dance in front of 1500 people in broad daylight?

As many as 1497. 3 people eventually danced.

I wanted to dance but my internal judge told me I ‘ll look ridiculous and people will make fun of me.

Two expensive plastic cups of red wine, I walked down to the area in front of the band, took my sandals off, and my jeans jacket, and I danced 💃 (no red dress though).

One woman joined the dancing after that ( total of 5 adults dancing out of 1500, while 1495 people were watching). The girl approached me, looking up to me. For daring to dance so joyfully.

My point, that internal judge is a party pooper.

Isn’t he/ she?

👵💃🐔 Anita