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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 4,178 total)
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  • in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #450136
    anita
    Participant

    You are a good man, a good person, Tom. I just wish you’d feel somewhat comfortable in the work context, at least at times.

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Threefold Breath #450135
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    You are welcome and thank you (!) for your honest and gracious response. Thank you for telling me you feel some discomfort about my post/ this kind of my raw inner-child posts. Maybe I will share these some day in a new thread of my own.

    🌿 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #450125
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Q:

    You are welcome. I am glad that you are trying your best to be kind to yourself: you deserve kindness!

    “I can’t help but feel like the negative feelings”- the more we try to push away/ suppress negative feelings, the stronger they get and the longer they stay. Better to accept everything we feel, to give our emotions space, air to breathe.

    Because every emotion has somewhere in it- a positive message- one that is aimed at helping us. Often we don’t hear that message. Instead we hear negative background messages

    Can you figure what might be the positive, central message or messages behind your negative feelings? And perhaps distinguish between the central, positive message/s and the background negative messages?

    (I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of the day).

    🌿🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Should I Forget about him, or was he the one that got away? #450123
    anita
    Participant

    Thinking about you, Emma. How are you?

    in reply to: Threefold Breath #450120
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    It just occurred to me that my above post might have made you feel uncomfortable..? Please let me know, so that I don’t submit such raw, inner child type posts to you again.

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #450118
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Q:

    “1. Yea I feel like I should have had a job. Is that wrong / unkind?”- well, it’s not necessarily abusive (you didn’t call yourself names or such thing), but it’s cold: it’s neither kind nor empathetic. It reads to me as if you’re saying that it was easy to get a job but you chose not to because you were irresponsible. There’s no reference to the real, valid difficulties that you’ve been experiencing.

    “2. Yea I do feel this way… I felt so aimless and to be honest I can see how it wasn’t attractive which I completely agree. I don’t enjoy being in my current state of being a man with no purpose/job.”-

    Well, first, it’s possible to find an unemployed man attractive. Second, currently, you do have a purpose.

    Would you like to tell me your purpose, put it in a sentence or in a paragraph.. ?

    “I don’t think I’m shaming myself here just telling myself I shouldn’t have made those mistakes.”- It’s the human condition to make mistakes. You will make more mistakes in the future. (And so will I).

    What if you figuratively take the hand of Q the boy in your hand (Q the adult’s) and tell the boy: We’ll make mistakes today, and every day, and it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Let’s do our best to make fewer mistakes and not repeat old mistakes.

    Most importantly, Q the adult: when you interact with the boy, focus on what he does right, compliment him for every good choice made, every accomplishment, however small. He needs you to focus on his positives. The more you do that, the fewer mistakes there will be.

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450117
    anita
    Participant

    Dear GoingThroughLife:

    You are very welcome and thank you for your appreciation and kind words. Most importantly- thank you for trusting me.

    As to not praying with the child in regard to adult topics.. yes, of course. It makes sense, just as irl you wouldn’t talk with a child about adult topics. That’s part of taking of the child.

    And yes, it is indeed possible to change an attachment style. It’s not easy and it’s not instant, but gradually, it’s definitely possible.

    You mentioned a “fear of being overly reliant on (SS)”- the more the boy/ child in you feels that he can rely on you, the less the need to rely on someone on the outside. An empathetic, supportive relationship with the child will make you a stronger man.

    Thank you for being my friend, GoingThroughLife. I just noticed a smile on my face, the first today.

    Talk to you when you post again, any time, any day.

    🤍🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Feelings for co worker? #450114
    anita
    Participant

    Dear me:

    I didn’t know what I was saying yesterday when I said that you are good at moving on. I forgot that long, long thread where you didn’t move on from your other coworker, long ago. Correcting myself this morning, I would say that you are an expert in.. trying to move on too early.

    Meaning the current woman we’re talking about, you tried to move on- and away from her- while the relationship is still good, while the connection has been great, there’s been no argument with her, no betrayal of trust.. the only thing that happened is that she had to go back to her country.

    I mean there are zoom calls you can do to talk with each other.. other ways to keep visual contact long distance. And the ways she expressed herself, she may be coming back to your country as soon as she can..

    Why not be open, just a bit, to this possibility..?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450113
    anita
    Participant

    Dear GoingThroughLife:

    You are a kind, thoughtful young man. I appreciate you!

    It’s amazing to me this very early morning (here), how on one hand you need a relationship so to feel safe, so to not feel alone, and on the other hand, when you have it, sooner or later, you’d push it away (“Yes I have a fearful avoidant attachment type, so I seek loving relationship but with time I push away.”)

    Attachments styles are not a matter of fate, you know. It’s possible for any of the insecure types to gradually change into the secure type.

    “Something to add, my nights and mornings are filled with missing SS”- filled with the need to feel safe, right? And there were moments with SS where you felt safe..?

    “I got a small panic attack in the office today. I don’t have the skills on the project I’m part of and I need to clear very hard exams to reach to a level. Anita I’m very scared, especially after the breakup. I need tips from you maintaining faith and listening to what the universe is trying to convey to me.”-

    I think that it’s the boy in you that’s scared to be alone, scared to fail. scared. This boy needs someone to Go Through Life with him so that he’s not alone anymore.

    There’s a 24-year-old man who can take this boy’s hand and walk with him anywhere and everywhere: a few steps at home, or all the way to France. He won’t be so scared if he knows he’s no longer alone.

    “I try to seek relationships and I can feel in my gut something worthwhile is coming.”- seek a relationship with the scared boy in you. Together, you will walk into a healthy, or healing relationship with a woman

    “Last time after EN and SK, I prayed a lot to god to send someone who would be nice for… I want to start praying again, because it’s hard to stay alone for me because of my emotional characteristic.”- pray with the boy, let him say the words. And when you hear his words, talk to him- express empathy for him, tell him you understand, tell him he’s not alone.

    🤍🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #450112
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dafne:

    You are welcome! (Still dark here, by the way, almost 6 am)

    “You still believe it is possible to find what I’m looking for despite all those setbacks and failed connections with men.”- yes, I do believe it’s possible for you 😊

    I don’t expect you to read all the books on the list or listen to all the podcasts. What will help, I think, is to read a bit here, a bit there, listen to a small part of any of the podcasts, and when something feels meaningful, pause and reflect. Take notes (typing those out into a private record or here in this thread, whichever suits you), pay attention to skills in regard to how to effectively communicate and set boundaries with men, and also in regard to the issue of Trust.

    This kind of contemplating, reflecting.. learning (which includes putting ideas into practice in real-life)- I believe- will significantly increase the possibility that you will find what you are looking for.

    I am sad to read this: “I also feel like I’m just enduring each day, trying to get by.”- you are welcome to share more about this.. if you want to.

    ✨️ and ❤️, Anita

    in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #450110
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dafne:

    As fresh and rested brain as I am going to get today (woke up too early, still dark outside, drinking strong coffee):

    In your very first post on tiny buddha (April 18, 2023), you wrote: “I believe in friendships before any physical contact. The problem is that men that I’ve met do not want to be friends first and try to kiss me pretty soon. I always refuse the kiss in the first weeks of meeting and it always ends there…. Also, I know that when dating we should wait with sex but what about a kiss? Sometimes I feel that I am too strict and overthinking. Please help me to figure this out 🙏”

    On April 24-25, 2023, you wrote (notice the word trust): “Unfortunately, with every failed relationship, I feel more and more discouraged to meet new men. Also there is a matter of trust…I avoided dating for a very long time. I really lost my trust. So I only kept men who were willing to remain platonic. I’m guessing it was a way of protecting my heart. Then I opened it again and got painfully disappointed again. I really lost my trust. And here I am today with another hurtful experience 💔”

    Fast forward to Sept 6, 2025 (here’s “trust” again):”Yes, sometimes it feels like a circle that never ends. Especially nowadays, even when you can trust someone, you still need to be careful. You can’t trust fully, but you can’t not trust at all. Or maybe just wait till you have reasons to trust and not trust blindly. But then there is always someone who will break that trust, and you need to start the process of healing all over again.”-

    You want a platonic (no sex) friendship with a marriage-minded man, a friendship that’s long enough for you to get to know him and trust him, long enough to build a deep emotional connection (which is not possible without trust).

    In regard to the no-sex requirement, and the need to set boundaries with a man in this regard, I just asked Copilot (AI) for advice. Here’s what it says:

    “You (Dafne) might consider spaces where your values are shared upfront…:

    * Faith-based communities (churches, study groups, retreats) where abstinence and emotional pacing are respected

    * Values-driven dating apps like Christian Mingle, eHarmony, or platforms that allow filtering by relationship intentions

    * Online friendship spaces where connection can grow without physical pressure..”

    Copilot also suggested “Books or podcasts on slow love, emotional compatibility, or boundary-honoring relationships…

    Books- 1. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm- A philosophical classic that reframes love as a skill to be cultivated—not just a feeling. Fromm explores self-love, romantic love, and the societal forces that distort connection. (Quote: “To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment.”- Fromm links trust to vulnerability—not blind optimism, but a brave openness to the unknown.)

    2. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman- A practical guide to emotional compatibility. Chapman identifies five ways people express and receive love, helping couples understand each other’s emotional needs. (Quote: “We can choose to love even when we don’t feel it. That’s the foundation of trust in a lasting relationship.”- Chapman emphasizes love as a choice, especially in hard moments. Trust isn’t just built in ease—it’s proven in difficulty.)

    3. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab- A compassionate, clear guide to boundary-setting in relationships. Tawwab offers scripts, reflections, and tools for honoring your truth without guilt. (Quote: “Trust is built when boundaries are respected—not just when words are kind.”- This reframes trust as a behavioral pattern, not a feeling. It honors your need for actions that match intentions.)

    4. Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller- Explores attachment styles and how they shape emotional compatibility. Especially helpful for understanding why some connections feel safe while others trigger anxiety or avoidance. (Quote: ““When you trust that your partner will be there for you, you can be more independent and explore the world with confidence.”- Trust is the soil where both closeness and autonomy grow.)

    🎙️ Podcasts- 1. The Boundaries Podcast with Nedra Glover Tawwab- Real-life examples and practical advice on setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in all types of relationships.

    2. Love and Life Toolbox Podcast with Lisa Brookes Kift- Focuses on communication, intimacy, and emotional pacing. Great for those who value friendship-first connection.

    3. The Couples Therapist Couch- Explores emotional compatibility, conflict resolution, and the psychology of slow, intentional love.

    4. The Therapy Chat Podcast- Gentle, trauma-informed conversations about relational healing, boundaries, and emotional attunement.

    5. Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast with Dr. David Puder- Episode: Setting Boundaries in Relationships — A deep dive into emotional boundaries, self-definition, and relational clarity.”

    I hope that the above proves helpful to you, Dafne, over time. I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts whenever you’re willing and ready to share 🤗💖

    Anita and Copilot

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #450097
    anita
    Participant

    I understand, Q. Thank you for telling me how it is for you. I will write more tomorrow. (Late here)

    in reply to: Threefold Breath #450096
    anita
    Participant

    I can’t help but feel more and more like a child, the part that was missing, frozen all those many years and decades.

    I am a girl, not yet ten, running on green grass, fresh green, forever fields, sun shining gently above, a Promise.

    Young forever.

    I didn’t get to be young when I was 10, or 20, or.. (do the math, if you care to)

    A girl looking for other girls and boys to play with.

    Do you get me, Peter?

    Like you said today, it’s not about the outcome (how you may respond, or not at all).

    It’s about the expressing. Virtual as real as real is.

    Green fields, streams of fresh running waters, I can hear the water.

    Hand in hand, a smile meeting a smile-

    No calculation, no politics-

    A genuine, real smile. Just this: see me, I like you.. see me, like me back-

    This early childhood thing, beautiful thing.

    Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450092
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome. I understand not wanting to keep Going Through Life stuck in indecision.. and regret. I’ll write more tomorrow.

    🤍🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Feelings for co worker? #450090
    anita
    Participant

    I’ll read and reply in the morning, me. I hope that you’ll be having a good night!

    🌿 Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 4,178 total)
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