Just over 4 hours ago, Israel attacked Iran’s nuclear and ballistic rocket sites.

Iran has threatened to destroy Israel for over 4 decades. Iran is expected to retaliate. All flights to and from Israel’s Ben Gurion airport have been cancelled. All passengers removed from the airport. All schools closed. All residents told to stay inside their apartments, close to safe rooms (reinforced security rooms built into homes and buildings to protect residents from missile attacks, bomb blasts, and chemical threats). No shopping, no activity outdoors, for as long as it takes.

Iran may be sending ballistic rockets directly into Israel, and/ or through its proxies in Lebanon, Yaman, Gaza… but most likely, directly from Iran.

Now, thing is, on a very personal level: I was born in Israel and throughout my youth, living there, there were always threats to DESTROY Israel. There were terrorist attacks within and wars without. I remember the sirens.

Now, because of technology- Iran has been getting close to thoroughly destroying Israel. Iran’s rulers certainly have the desire and the growing capabilities.

But back to the personal level, truly- the threats that scared me most were my own mother’s threats to kill me, or as she phrased it, to “MURDER” me.

Within the attacked, Israel- the country- there was my personal attacker, my mother.

It still.. bamboozles me.. a mother threatening to MURDER her own daughter, repeatedly.

Unforgivable.

I mean.. Alessa, your experience comes to mind, your bio mother’s threats. I am so very sorry, Alessa, that you went through something similar.

It’s difficult to process this. How do you get over your own mother expressing homicidal ideation in regard to.. you, her own daughter, WHICH SO HAPPENS TO HAVE BEEN.. ME?

This realization right here, right now, may put an ending to any love I have ever had for her.

I mean, if you are reading this, how do you respond to a person threatening to MURDER you? How do you emotionally regulate this threat?

I am at this point, I think, of letting go of any love for my mother. I would excuse and forgive a lot, except for her repeating threat to.. quote, her words: “I WILL MURDER YOU!”

Case closed. May you rest in peace, “mother”, not a mother. Shame on you! No excuses. Case Closed!

It’s 9:33 pm here. it’s still light outside. I am anxious about what news I’ll be reading about Israel in about 6-8 hours from now, when I am awake again.

Anita

Dear Peter:

🙂 Indeed!

You said, “Sadly, the digital age, especially with algorithm-driven platforms, reinforces and amplifies our tendency to either-or, all-or-nothing, binary thinking.”

Binary thinking existed long before personal computers. The habit of “Like” or “Dislike,” approve or reject, this or that—was part of human interaction long before it became a click of the keyboard. Personally, I don’t see more of it now than before, probably because the only digital platform I’m familiar with is Tiny Buddha.

But I’ve read (AI tells me so) that social media, search engines, and recommendation algorithms reinforce existing beliefs rather than encourage complexity. The fast-paced nature of online interactions encourages quick judgments, reducing the space for reflection. While binary thinking has always been present, the digital age has intensified and reinforced it, making it more dominant in everyday decision-making.

“LOL – I implied an ‘either-or’ when it’s going to be both.”—it would be impossible for anyone (even those who practice mindfulness, philosophy, and critical thinking) to never engage in binary thinking. Human cognition naturally categorizes and simplifies complex information into manageable parts, and in many contexts, binary thinking is useful.

“Skillful discernment—something we will all need to develop. I hope society will be up to the task.”—I’m not optimistic about where society is headed, but then… I never was.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”—She had space in her heart to ponder. Many people don’t have that kind of space, whether due to distraction or hardship.

I’m glad I do now. It’s a great relief, considering how things used to be for me.

Anita

Dear Alessa and Everyone:

I appreciate what you said about suppression and avoidance being natural reactions to trauma. These aren’t failures or weaknesses—they’re survival instincts, ways the mind protects itself when emotions become overwhelming.

Temporarily suppressing or avoiding distress can help someone function, stay safe, or regain control. But when these coping mechanisms turn into permanent habits, they can block emotional healing, preventing growth, connection, and deeper understanding.

In moderation, suppression and avoidance can help regulate emotions in difficult moments. But too much suppression can lead to emotional numbness, while too much avoidance can keep people from facing important truths. For example, if someone constantly avoids difficult conversations, they may never address deep issues, leaving misunderstandings unresolved. Or if someone constantly avoids self-reflection, they may never recognize destructive patterns in their behavior or making meaningful changes.

I’m glad affirmations are helping you navigate underlying negative beliefs, and I look forward to hearing more when you continue. 💛

Anita

* There seems to be a confusion, red wine being involved in the above mix… oopsie. Don’t know how it came about, but who is paying attention, anyone, lol. Be back sober.

Anita

Guess who is LOUDER than loud this Wed night? The birds, vocal, loud, alive!

And so am I. ALIVE.

The Energy-in-Motion Moving through me.

It’s moving through the birds outside, same E-motion.

I had a real-life conversation a moment ago, and ANGER exploded within me. I expressed it, honoring it, and yet, not in any disrespectful, abusive way.

And then I suppressed it, because too much expression would be.. too much.

It takes skill to know when and how much to express. I am getting good at it. I am learning.

9pm, no sign of darkness.

I heard it’d be clouded tomorrow. I wonder if it means there’ll be fewer insects to bite me- too many bites on my arms and legs.

9:30 pm. Less light, still light, birds still singing, chirping. Soon they will be quiet and I will miss them until they return very early Thursday morning.

9:40 pm, getting darker, can’t hear birds over YouTube music.

Music in Hebrew.

You know the word for “love” in Hebrew? It’s “Ahava”.

So little of it, too little in Hebrew and in English.

Who might be reading this in the whole-wide-world? Maybe Alessa, maybe Peter.. maybe Tommy.

And no one else.

Still, it being a public forum, the only one I participate in, I keep hoping someone else may be reading, listening. Hoping that someone will listen. The desire to be heard!

Almost completely dark now. I will miss the birds. They are quiet now, ten minutes to 10 pm.

Still light from behind the trees.

Who is it that I want to hear me, to answer me.. who is this someone unknown..?

My mother, my old-old- dying mother?

That old, old, old dream?

That woman holding a baby (me)-

That ship has sailed.

Yet the longing of a baby..

A baby, can’t blame the baby for longing-

Longing.

Not even remembering what the longing was about, at that time of babyhood.

That longing, what was it? What is it still?

In its raw nature, what is it?

It’s a longing to..

To..

A longing of a baby to..

Can’t find the word, or words..

There is no word for a baby.

Yet, how can I express it (finally, completely dark here, 10 pm).

The longing, what is its preverbal language, what does it say???

It says: Don’t leave me! I will do anything, I will do everything.. Don’t Leave Me.

Don’t leave me all alone. Oh, please, please.. I’ll do anything, I’ll be anything.

The Deathly Fear of being Left Alone

That’s what in the core of it.

There is no intellectual, rational resolution of this fear- this deep, existential fear, of a young-one being left alone, abandoned, left to die.

Alone. ALONE.

An existential SCREAM: A L O N E

N.O.! Will do anything, be anything. Just don’t leave me.

Past 10 pm, quiet and dark.

Anita

Finally, COMPLETELY DARK at 10:35 pm, Wed night, what a relief. Now I can join the birds in complete SILENCE. No birds sounds.. till the morrow.