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anita
ParticipantYou are welcome, and thank you ๐๏ธโ๏ธ๐
anita
ParticipantWelcome back to the tiny buddha forums, Q ๐
As to your questions, my answer: empathy for yourself. Second guessing yourself and upsetting yourself over what you cannot change (you can’t go back in time and redo things) is a form of suffering, isn’t it?
As much as you ever loved or cared for your ex, or anyone else in your life, love and care for yourself. Avoid putting yourself through unnecessary suffering simply because you don’t want someone you care for to suffer.
Learn from mistakes but without the suffering.
Does this make sense to you, Q?
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Jana:
Like I expressed a short while ago, in my first post in the forums today, I am moving on from any and all conflict in the forums. I am taking in all that I learned recently and my intent is to put it into practice today and every day that follows.
I don’t want to revisit history of conflicts, not here and not on email.
Having said that, I want to encourage you to express yourself here in the forums, to be more active- if it suits you, to make your voice heard. I don’t own this space (the tiny buddha forums) any more than you do. This is a shared space and all are welcome.
Does this, what I wrote here, reads reasonable to you?
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantWelcome to tiny buddha, Lucas!
I hope that you get to feel genuinely happy and relaxed more often. Returning to the dog park, visiting other outdoor open places, as well as volunteering in a pet shelter may help.
You mentioned that you are scared of being judged by your friends. Dogs don’t judge, do they..?
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantThank you for the note, Tee. I am looking forward to reading more from you โค๏ธ
Alessa, I hear you. Safe, Brave and Kind โค๏ธ
On the topic of quoting members, sometimes I will quote a member so to ask for clarification, such as in writing to a member: I didn’t understand what you meant here (Quote), can you explain it to me?
Or when I am so positively impressed with what a person said, I may quote him or her, such as in writing: What you wrote here (Quote) was said perfectly. It resonates so much because in my experience…
There may be other positive reasons for me to quote a member, a reason or reasons that aren’t occurring to me right now, but overall, in my replies- there will be far fewer quoting and none that is likely to create or promote conflict, definitely none that could come across as public shaming.
I will add this one point: sometimes, people will feel offended reading something that’s the farthest from being offensive. Like what I wrote so far in this point- nothing offensive about it, but someone out there reading this post may find it offensive.
I was one of the people who detected offense where there was none (in yours and Tee’s posts in the beginning of the conflict) and I will do my best to pay attention and reflect before reacting to perceived offense, to ask myself: was there real offense, or do I feel offended because something old got triggered within me.
I read about your PTSD and you getting hyper focused because of your Autism, so I am willing to completely let go and move on from any and all past conflicts and create and promote a Safe, Brave and Kind atmosphere in every space I participate in, in real-life and here.
You asked how I’m doing: exhausted, ready to continue to put all that I learned recently into practice and move on.
I wouldn’t want you to leave the forums, Alessa โค๏ธ, nor would I want anyone else to leave. I would like more and more people to participate, all are welcome.
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantWe can definitely restart our conversation, Going Through Life. ๐
Tell me more and I’ll be back to you Thurs morning (Wed night here).
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Peter:
My answer: what grows when I listen to it is what’s been neglected for too long, brotherly love, sisterly love, loving each other. Seeing the best in each other, and building on that best.
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantPerfectly said, Peter, all that you said.. to hold space for what’s unresolved.
Alessa, thank you for expressing just what you feel, honestly and directly.
I want you to feel comfortable, I want there to be no conflict.
Maybe we should all let go of conflicts of the past, and start anew..?
A New Beginning?
I care. I am willing. NC (No Conflict)- for Alessa’s sake, for everyone’s sake.
โค๏ธ ๐ฟ Anita
September 17, 2025 at 1:56 pm in reply to: Should I Forget about him, or was he the one that got away? #449899anita
ParticipantThen here it will be, Emma. If you change your mind, we’ll go to email (I copied your email address into my personal record)
I’ll write more tomorrow.๐ค Anita
anita
ParticipantYou are very welcome, Tom. You are a good man. Remember this, it’s not just kind words on my part. It’s true.
If you would like to, when you get the chance, please tell me more in detail about that feeling of you being trapped..?
๐ฟ Anita
September 17, 2025 at 1:14 pm in reply to: Should I Forget about him, or was he the one that got away? #449895anita
ParticipantDear Emma:
So good to read back from you. Generally, I prefer communicating here, on the forums, better than on email, but if you still prefer email- if you feel safer there, I will email you tomorrow with a response. I didn’t yet read all of your recent post (had a long day, tired).
So, please let me know if your definite preference is email, and if it is, my next message to you will be via email (tomorrow).
Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Alessa:
I just checked the timing of your most recent post, it was submitted only 1 minute after mine. I am guessing you didn’t read my most recent reply to you (double posting).
Are you satisfied with my decision to not quote members anymore?
โค๏ธ ๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Alessa:
In general, I understand your point, it’s a good point. You know what? I’ll stop quoting members, here and elsewhere, see how that works.
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Jana:
If you change your mind, at any point, you are welcome to tell me here- for the first time- what you are referring to as a lot of controlling habits.
With all respect and compassion, back to you, Jana!
๐ฟ Anita
anita
ParticipantI am trying to understand your point, Alessa: The content of the quote (what Brandy wrote) was not “public shaming” of me? It’s me addressing her post (as part of the direct communication that you advocated for), that’s public shaming?
๐ฟ Anita
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