Hi again, Peter:

As I was preparing to leave, after reading your recent 2 posts, it occurred to me what I think you mean: that all past efforts on your part to earn self worth (including being “good”) failed and now, what is working for you is the non-effort way, to connect with your Tao essence that requires you to NOT try anything anymore, just.. sort of melt into what you are beyond efforts, labels, etc. Did I understand correctly?

Anita

Dear Roberta:

“What do you believe good is? & how do you manifest it?”- Good is first Do-No-Harm, and second, to Help people who need help. And to help in ways that don’t harm.

For example, my mother helped me shower and dress me even when I was a teenager. It was Harmful Help (HH), the kind of help I so wish I never received because it squashed my autonomy and shamed me.

Another example of HH: in these forums, with the intent to help (and to please myself because I enjoy analyzing people), I have analyzed OPs who didn’t ask for my analyses, and I have no doubt that sometimes my analyses harmed people, at least, made them feel uncomfortable, intruded upon.

Manifesting good has to involve awareness and honest self reflection in regard to what it is that motivates me, what I need, and what the other person needs.

“Does drawing/painting & or physically writing with a pen help?”- it used to, very much so. I hardly ever write and I haven’t drawn or painted for years and years.

“For me visualization & mantra are a good medium to counteract negativity that arises in my mind & helps me move forward in a positive way.”- I use your GRACE mantra every single day, in a paraphrased, shortened form. Thank you, Roberta!

Best wishes back to you, Anita

Well, Thomas, I figure if anyone has a problem with any of your posts, or mine, they should directly say so, and explain why: be honest and direct about it.

It could have been anyone scrolling through messages and accidently clicking “Report”.

Regardless, Thomas- I’m with you.. I appreciate you, and want to read more and more from you!

Anita

Dear Peter:

You are inviting me to pick one truth I believe (like “I am good”), stop re‑checking it, and let it live inside me without effort.

What’s been in my way is another belief: that my mother was good, and since she told me I was bad, she must be right. That message was drilled into me for decades, and I still find myself pulled back into seeing her as good, which automatically means I am bad. It’s like old pathways in my brain that keep re‑activating.

Yet I wonder now, following your invitation0: what if I build a new pathway that doesn’t depend on her at all? One that simply says “I am good,” without needing to see her in any particular way. A truth that is mine alone, one that’s not dependent on seeing her any which way?

The last three words in your post were “living more freely.” Maybe this is my way of stepping into what you call Flow—or Presence—by letting “I am good” live in me freely, without needing her permission, and discovering how that truth can carry me forward.

I’d be curious to read how this idea of separating my goodness from her image resonates with you, since you’ve been exploring Flow in your own way.

🤍 Anita

Thank you, Thomas. We’re all work in progress.. if we care to work it 🙂.

And I am sorry too, Thomas. Let’s become better and better people together..

🤍 Anita

Hello Everyone:

James, I went back to your early posts in the forums, and was surprised by how different they are from your recent:

James, Aug 28: “Hi Allessa, Thank you very much ❤️ Radical acceptance is not passive. It is the deepest strength. When fear comes, you don’t resist it; you let it be seen. When anger arises, you don’t judge it; you allow it to pass like a cloud… The paradox is: by accepting everything, the heart opens completely, and care flows naturally. You don’t ‘try’ to care love, compassion, and right action simply arise.”

James, Aug 30: “Dear Anita, Radical Acceptance is not just about accepting situations outside of you, it’s about accepting what is happening inside you / your thoughts, emotions, fears, and impulses without resistance. It’s a full acknowledgment that life, including all feelings, is unfolding exactly as it is… Notice the fear fully, without trying to push it away… You don’t become ‘the fear’; you simply let it appear and pass through…letting the emotion move through your body and mind without clinging. The inner dialogue is simple: “This is here, it is happening, and it is passing.” There is no need to argue with it, suppress it, or attach meaning to it… hope it helps. With love.”

James, Sept 3: “Hi Peter… Thank you very much for great conversation ❤️ With Love”

James, Sept 9: “Ms. Alessa, Thank you very much, it is your beauty ❤️❤️❤️”

Beautiful, compassionate, patient, loving messages including red heart emojis.

What happened between then and now to James’s compassion, patience and love and to the red heart emojis..?

Looking back this morning, my answer is that Thomas and I joined forces and attacked James unfairly. I want to present my best understanding of what happened so to change my behavior when similar circumstances arise in the future, and perhaps offer you, Thomas (fellow co-attacker) to do the same, if you are humble enough to consider what I am saying.

I know it’s not easy and part of me wants to say nothing so to not embarrass myself, and in addition, I am afraid that this post will bring about some defensive attack against me by you, Thomas. But I’ll risk it so to align myself with the truth regardless of the cost to me.

James to Thomas, Sept 3 (patient, humble, reasonable): “I fully hear what you are saying. It is true — speaking of ‘no self’ to someone who is carrying deep trauma can feel like dismissing their pain. That is not my intention. What you say… about meeting people with compassion, listening to them, holding space — that is deeply valid. Wisdom without compassion is empty.”

…Thomas to James, Oct 4 (hostile, accusatory): “Cause aren’t you preaching your knowledge. Could ask what are you selling??… So, I read more and more of your posts. They simply ignore the truth of those who come here looking for some healing. What you present isn’t false. It just lacks the compassion that I would expect from one as wise as you… I’m not attacking, I just feel annoyed that your truths isn’t helping others. Yeah, I think I should keep quiet from now on.”

Anita to Thomas, Oct 4 (siding with the attacker excitedly): “Wow! Wow, Thomas168/ Tommy- You said it perfectly. I am so impressed with you, and grateful that you are back here- honest, direct, valid. I have a new appreciation of you this Sat night, 8:53 pm here. 🌿🤍 Anita”

Thomas to James, Dec 4 (challenging James to reply to members): “And I have asked you to share your wisdom and compassion with those who come here for their suffering. I don’t know. Have you done anything else than start your own topics and replied to them. Have you posted help and advice on another’s thread for hope? Have you lent that compassionate ear to learn of other’s pain and suffering?”

James to Ann, Dec 11 (in Ann’s thread, replying to a member as Thomas suggested, a reply that I believe to be a positively worthy reply): “Dear Ann, You don’t understand your boyfriend and your boyfriend doesn’t understand you. You are not a perfect match to him, he is not a perfect match to you. You are a very sensitive person, he is not. Just break up. Feel hurt couple weeks, then inevitably you will forget. Peace.”

Thomas to James (in Ann’s thread, attacking James for his message), Dec 12-13: “Relationships aren’t about a perfect match… To give outright advice that a couple should break up?? Makes me wonder whose shoulders one stand upon??…So, love is whatever happens still being with that person and support no matter what? If that person is abusive then love is still being with that person? No matter what? Ridiculous… Your advice is to split/break up. You know exactly what her situation is? Rather than having compassion and lending a ear. To listen and give an encouraging word. You give advice of which you have no idea what that would do?? Where is your compassion? What wisdom do you hold?…”

Anita to James, Dec 13 (joining the attack): “You wrote: “Many of you here to say kind words or saying ah darling you are so good stuff or heart emojis stiff… But all is a lie.”- I am 99.99% sure that you just called me a liar. Did you (I am asking because I have 0.01% hope that you didn’t…”

Thomas to James, Dec 13 (siding with co-attacker): “I ask nicely to not bring Anita into this. She is a nice person and does not deserve any bitterness from you. So, please leave her out of this.”

Anita to Thomas, Dec 13 (grateful to co-attacker): “Thank you so much, Thomas, for standing up for me. I am moved by your words more than I can say”.

I ask myself: what has been my emotional motivation behind feeling excited when witnessing one person (Thomas) attack another (James)—and then siding with the attacker, so I researched:

“Possible Emotional Motivations- * Adrenaline & Arousal: Conflict triggers a surge of adrenaline. For some, that heightened state feels exciting, even if the situation is violent.

“* Tribal Instincts: Humans evolved to form groups and side with ‘our team.’ Seeing an attacker can activate a primitive urge to align with perceived strength or dominance.

“* Power Identification: People sometimes side with aggressors because they represent control, authority, or rebellion—qualities that can feel appealing if someone feels powerless themselves.

“* Schadenfreude: This is the German term for pleasure at another’s misfortune. If the victim is disliked or seen as deserving, siding with the attacker can feel emotionally satisfying.

“* Social Conformity: If others around are cheering the attacker, individuals may join in to avoid isolation, mistaking group excitement for their own.

“* Projection of Anger: Sometimes people carry unresolved frustration. Watching someone else attack can feel like a release of their own suppressed emotions, so they identify with the aggressor.”

Of the above, what applies to me as motivations were: (1) Adrenaline & Arousal (“Wow! Wow”) (2) A primitive urge to align with perceived strength or dominance (Thomas). (3) My own unresolved anger. I’ll need to work on these things in my own thread, fittingly titled: “A Personal Reckoning”.

I will close this post with an apology to James for my part in harassing you. No wonder you lost your patience and affection (red heart emojis) over time and expressed yourself more and more bluntly and defensively, and no wonder you don’t feel like posting again. Thank you for all the positive, wise input (part of which I quoted above), and if you do choose to post again, I promise you, there’ll be no more attacks or co-attacks by me.

Anita