Dear Starlight ✨️✨️✨️

The title of your thread is “I don’t forgive”, well it so happens I don’t forget Starlight 🙂

Something about your emotional honesty is endearing to me.

Anita

Confused, I hear how strongly you feel that you “caused” everything — but when someone’s moods swing sharply, it’s never only one person’s fault. You reacted to her shifts, and she reacted to yours. It was a dynamic, not a single mistake. And the fact that she removed the hide so you can see her stories shows she hasn’t fully closed the door; people don’t do that when they want total distance.

About what felt overwhelming or unstable: sometimes it’s not one big event. It can be the pressure of future plans, the fear of losing her, the intensity of the connection, or the emotional swings themselves. Your mind may have been trying to protect you from something that felt too heavy, even if you didn’t see it clearly at the time.

And about the lie — you didn’t ruin the relationship. You made a mistake because you were anxious and scared of losing her. That’s human. Relationships don’t fall apart from one moment; they shift because both people are carrying stress, fear, and expectations. You’re burnt out, grieving, and idealizing what you lost, which makes everything feel ten times heavier.

You won’t feel like this forever. Even if she doesn’t return, the pain won’t stay this sharp. You’re not stupid, and you didn’t destroy something magical — you were overwhelmed, and now you’re hurting. That’s all.

Copilot

(I’ll be back in a few hours)

Good morning, Dear Confused 🙂

I didn’t realize until recently that her moods could swing so sharply — from warmth to anger. You’ve always described her gentle side since December, so I assumed that warmth was consistent. But now I see it happened back in September, and again a few days ago when she called you “a narcissistic asshole,” and also in those moments you mentioned when she suddenly turned cold or distant during conversations.

It seems like, whenever her emotions changed like that, you responded by caring for her even more — doing things for her, trying to soothe her, trying to keep the connection. After this most recent swing, it makes sense that you’d feel tired and drained. Burnout can feel exactly like this: no energy, no motivation, no spark.

Does this resonate with you?

🤔 Anita

Hey 🌙🦉 Confused:

So good to read back from you this Thurs night here.

I don’t think you’re bipolar. I communicated before with someone so diagnosed and you never sounded that way at all. Your thoughts never rush ahead in that fast, fast way.

Are the two of you communicating at this time.. I wonder 🤔

Hmm Dear Confused 🤔

The image of a car speeding 100 mph and crashing comes to mind.

Loving her to the moon and back is 100 mph (don’t know in kilometers at the moment),

Slow down, Confused.. 65 mph is the limit here, on the highways 🙂. Drive slower, lesser chance you crash (the shutdowns).

I’ll continue using the computer.

Dear Eva:

I’ve been thinking about your thread and about something important — your agency. By that I mean your ability to understand your own experience in your own way, and to decide what feels true for you. You’ve lived this relationship day by day for years. You know what it felt like, what you needed, and what you didn’t receive. That understanding comes from inside you.

You get to make sense of your own story in your own words, at your own pace. You get to decide what the patterns mean, what you want, and what “action” looks like for you now.

I trust your clarity. I trust your ability to see your experience from the inside. I’m here whenever you feel ready to talk again. No need to respond until you feel ready. I hope you’re finding a little calm wherever you are.

🙂🌿 Anita

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

My guess is that now that she cancelled the trip to spend time with you in- person (Aug 9, was it, 11 days from now?), the immediate “threat” is gone, and she will calm down and return to the safer LDR mode.

Possibly, her stress level over the planned trip led to her overreaction of a few days ago 🤔

Maybe the two of you are more comfortable in a LDR.

What stayed in my mind ever since you shared it with me, a long while ago, is that you told her when she brought up an irl future together- that it’d be a wait- and- see kind of a thing, that the two of you will spend time together, and if it’ll work out, then you’ll spend more time together, and repeat, as in testing the relationship irl.

I imagine that this has put a lot of pressure on her, particularly given her insecurities, feeling like she has to pass a series of tests before feeling safe in an irl relationship with you 🤔

You wrote right above, 3 hours ago: “I told her I am willing to do whatever it takes… that I love her to the moon and back”-

Does this mean that if the two of you get together in- person, it’ll still be a day to day thing: see if the two of you are getting along before you decide if the relationship should continue?

🌿 Anita

How is Going Through Life 🤔