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anitaParticipant“ευχαριστώ πολύ, σου εύχομαι το ίδιο..” means: “Thank you very much, I wish you the same.” 🙏🇬🇷
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused 🙂
Truly a pleasure to read your message, makes me happy to read you say: “I stopped taking full responsibility and started seeing her more as an equal” 👏👏👏
Because it’s true.
I agree with your friend 👍
I am using my phone, but when I’m back to the computer, I will ask you know who what you wrote at the closing of your post in Greek.
6:30 am your time by the time I submit this post. I hope you sleep well 🌙🦉.
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Confused: it’s very late for you now in Greece (2:07 am when I submit this), and I know your heart is hurting. Try to let the night be quiet. Take a breath, φίλε μου. Your feelings are strong because you’re overwhelmed, not because you need to do anything. Let things settle a bit. Ειρήνη στην καρδιά σου… peace in your heart for tonight.
Anita
anitaParticipantConfused, I hear you. You’ve been intensely attached to her for a long time, but going between feeling close and feeling very distant ( indifferent, numb), back and forth.
Now that she’s distancing, all you feel is closeness..? No more indifference to her?
anitaParticipantDear Eva:
Your metaphor tells me how deeply hurt you feel about him walking away from you when you needed him most.
I can sense how hurt you’ve been for so long, feeling unseen, lonely and unimportant, him choosing to disappoint you over disappointing others,
And being told that you were “the problem” when you tried to make him see how hurt you felt.
I understand the appeal in the thought that one day he will say ‘I choose you, Eva’, and follow that statement with all the behaviors that will convince you that indeed, you are chosen.
I remember some time ago, you wrote something to the effect that these issues with him were analyzed to death, that what you need is action, not more analysis.
I wonder what you meant by action 🤔
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
I hear how much you are hurting 😢 and how deeply you feel for her.
Again, I don’t think that you broke her trust with that one lie. I think it’s more complex situation than that.
I hope things will become simpler in her mind as well as in yours.
I know that she has a special place in your ❤️. May that place become a peaceful place- even without contact with her (for now).
The Serenity Prayer is about the peace I’m talking about, the peace of mind and heart when you accept today (or this evening, your time) what you cannot change, one hour ar a time.
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
I hear how much it hurts 🙁and how much you care about her. Anyone would feel shaken after a message like that. But right now, the kindest thing you can do — for her and for yourself — is to give her the space she asked for.
She’s not asking you to stop caring; she’s asking for quiet so she can heal. Checking in again will only make her feel pressured, even if your intentions are good.
Let her breathe. Let yourself breathe. You didn’t lose your worth, and you didn’t lose your future. This is just a moment of pain, not the end of your life. Take things slowly, take care of yourself, and let time settle things.
How are you feeling now, almost 3 hours following your last post here?
🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantHey.. Dear Confused:
I want to be honest with you because I care about both you and her.
Right now, the two of you are not good for each other. Not because either of you is bad, but because both of you are overwhelmed. Her fear and insecurity are very high, and your anxiety and sadness are very high too. When two people are in this state at the same time, the relationship becomes painful for both.
She is not well emotionally. Her reactions show she is scared, exhausted, and not thinking clearly. And you are not well either — you are crying, panicking, and feeling empty. This is not a healthy place for either of you.
You are not “unhealthy” as a person, but you are unhealthy for her right now, because she needs stability and calm, and you are too hurt and anxious to give that. And she is unhealthy for you right now, because her fear and mistrust make you feel desperate and broken.
This doesn’t mean the relationship was fake. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her. It means that right now, both of you are hurting too much to help each other.
The kindest thing you can do — for her and for yourself — is to step back and let both of you breathe. Let her calm her mind. Let yourself calm your mind. Later, when both of you are stronger, you can see what is possible. But right now, pushing harder will only make both of you suffer more.
I’m saying this with concern for both of you.
Anita and Copilot
anitaParticipantI’ll be answering you shortly, Confused. Talking to Copilot
anitaParticipantDear Confused:
You may be answering my last post as I am typing this one, but I figure I’ll honestly tell you what I think is happening. (I may ask Copilot for his opinion later, when I have the use of the computer).
I think that she had been a victim of some serious emotional trauma before she met you, as a child perhaps ( feeling betrayed, feeling like the unchosen one), and that trauma is currently activated.
That’s why she’s experiencing “derealization” (your word).
* Maybe her earlier life trauma led to her autoimmune disorder that has gotten worse recently, since her trauma is now activated.
You wrote a little while ago, that after you expressed love for her, “Now, Anita, I am questioning myself.. is it love, or is it an attempt to win her over and then I will shut down/ lose interest again”-
Now, here’s the thing, Confused: a traumatized woman (trauma caused before she even knew you existed, none of your doing) needs a stable, reliable love.
Your ongoing doubting that you love her and shutting down- has to be unhealthy for her. I don’t think she can handle a ‘maybe I love you, maybe I don’t’
Traumatized or not, it’s not easy for any woman to be okay with.
Your doubting your love for her, your shutdowns and reoccurring times of indifference to her are not your choosing, not your fault, but I think it cannot NOT hurt her.
Maybe the two of you can heal separately (professional therapy), and maybe, someday the two of you will get back together as stronger, confident individuals.
But now.. as difficult as it feels, think of leaving her alone. Maybe she’ll take the steps she needs to take so to heal. I hope.
What do you think, Confused?
Anita
anitaParticipantWell, Confused- she told you something that isn’t true, knowing it wasn’t true.
She’s not a bad person for that, she did it out of hurt and maybe anger, but she too says untruthful knowingly, aka lying..?
But you don’t hold it against her because you understand where she’s coming from?
anitaParticipantWait, wait, wait, Confused, “She bluffed”, as in.. lied?
anitaParticipantHey 🌿 Confused:
We’ve been talking since Dec 19, page 13, now 97 pages later; 7 months and 7 days later, here we are.
As to your most recent post, you wrote: “She said it herself, she can’t trust me”- I wonder if you asked her what trust means to her, what would she say? How would she define trust, and how would you define it?
Did you have such a conversation?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantYes, Caroline 🙂
The photo was taken indoors because it was raining that evening in the Winery I used to frequent and work at, but mostly the dancing took place outdoors to live music. I always danced after a few glasses of 🍷.
Those moments of moving to the music (free style) were moments of uninhibited youth, moments I did not experience when I was physically young. I felt old back then.. old before my time.
Dancing when older, recently, I FELT young, free, not self- conscious, not afraid to be judged. That was special. Magical. New to me.
Do you dance sometimes, Cariline ?
💃 (in jeans though 🙂) Anita
anitaParticipantShe needs to calm down before you can talk with her, is what I’m thinking. I’ll be away from the computer for a little while. Please try to calm down yourself.
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