Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Permission to feel optimistic
- This topic has 66 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by
anita.
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September 5, 2026 at 1:06 pm #460823
anitaParticipantHi Girija: I’ll read and reply tonight.
September 5, 2026 at 1:32 pm #460824
RobertaParticipantHi Girija
I am glad that moving to a new team has felt like a clean slate & that you have decided to handle your anxiety in a new & innovative way.
An acquaintance of mine ( who is a bit of a perfectionist) once was told by his therapist “Dare to be mediocre”.
Best wishes
RobertaSeptember 5, 2026 at 6:48 pm #460826anitaParticipantHi Girija:
Early evening here, still light outside, rain and thunder a bit earlier, Fall is in.
Was looking forward to a social outing this afternoon, but it was a much smaller crowd because of the weather (unexpected- weather forecast said, “nice and sunny”..) 😔
But I am intent on looking at the positives rather than disappearing into the negatives. I got to see a few familiar faces that I missed, saw dogs presented for adoption (at least one found a new home).
This evening, I am dry, warm and comfortable 🙂
“My motto is, if it makes me anxious, it’s not worth it… I’m sure for myself, this is the best path”- 👍✔️👏.
“I’m anxious I won’t be able to prevent catastrophe”-
My goodness, I just remembered you sharing that.. what was it, you asked your mother, long ago, what would happen if (I don’t remember exactly, it was in regard to your father’s finances, and she said ‘we’ll just have to kill ourselves’
Was that where and when the fear of catastrophe was instilled in you?
I wish she never said that.
It reminds me of my mother instilling the fear of catastrophe in me, saying, repeatedly, that she will kill herself.. scared the hell out of me.
But she didn’t. She said she will, for the first time, when she was 25.. She’s now 85, and never did the deed.. and I spent my life afraid that she will, or that some unidentified catastrophe is imminent.
Wow, this message is heavier than I expected to write.
What do you think, does this connect/ resonate?
Anita
September 5, 2026 at 9:07 pm #460831
samyParticipantHi Roberta
That’s amazing and exactly what I’m getting at or trying to as well. Be mediocre! Thank you! The new team has given me a chance to be a new version of me which I’m now creating.
Girija
September 5, 2026 at 9:13 pm #460832samyParticipantHi Anita
Sounds like a great evening. Did you adopt as well? Do you like having pets?
Dry, warm and comfortable is perfect 😄
It was both parents in their own way not creating safety at home. And it has long left their mouths and become my inner compass. As a child hearing about financial troubles is scary. Because you aren’t equipped with taking action for all the what ifs. I think despite being an adult my mind is used to that. Spiralling without action. And anticipating non stop.
Going forward I will do things for me. Write the document for myself. Code for myself. And that is the end state. The reviews or opinions are additional info that do not get to define the experience for me.
Fear has been driving me. I don’t want it to anymore. In 10 days they already reprioritised work. I’m noting that as well. They are not perfect either. My new leads. And a team member is leaving. It’s a sign that something happened in this team that folks left. My lead was going to as well and they renegotiated. I now know to see the system’s gaps before internalizing as something I can control. The preparation for interviews will keep happening. I don’t want to stay here. I think I’ll be picky.
Girija
September 5, 2026 at 10:32 pm #460833anitaParticipantHey Girija:
No, I didn’t adopt another dog. I already have the one and am too old for another.
“It has long left their mouths and become my inner compass”- Wow, Girija, this is such an intelligent way to say it!
“Going forward I will do things for me. Write the document for myself. Code for myself. And that is the end state.”- this sounds just right. Again, a WOW on my part!
I want to reply further tomorrow, Sunday morning.
You’re amazing, Girija!
Anita
September 6, 2026 at 11:41 am #460842anitaParticipantGood late Sunday morning, Girija 🙂
About the gaps you noticed in your new team- has your tendency been to see gaps/ imperfections as bigger than they truly are, as dangerous?
I’m asking because I want to make sure I understand.
If I do, it’s like living in an earthquake zone, fearing any tiny shake may mean a catastrophic earthquake.
When you wrote “anticipating non stop”, you mean anticipating disaster/ the next earthquake (or tsummnami), so to speak?
This tendency would be a direct result of growing up in an acutely unsafe home.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is about challenging catastrophizing thoughts and bringing them down to earth, as in- not every problem is as big as it feels.
Correcting distorted/ catastrophizing thoughts => lessening the anxiety and alarm that naturally accompany such thoughts.
Did we talk before about CBT?
Looking forward to your thoughts, Amazing Girija 🙂
🌿 Anita
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