Good evening Anita!

No, I really appreciate it 🤍 And honestly, we can still talk about it and analyze things — I don’t mind that at all. I think what I meant was more that I feel like I’ve spent such a big part of my life trying to understand everything and make sense of it, and now I’m reaching this point where I also have to learn how to accept what I already know.

The more I’ve started seeing certain patterns in different things, the more surprising some of it has been. And I think now I’m just trying to figure out how I want to live around it without constantly thinking ten steps ahead.

Right now, with all of us living the way we are, it honestly feels like I’m mostly just in my room with the baby, trying to stay in my little bubble and focus on her. I’m really trying not to think too much about future events, relationships, what things will look like later, etc., because I think that’s probably the only way I can actually enjoy this time.

I am still a little upset because my dad is continuing to expect quite a bit from me and saying things along the lines of, if I want him to have closeness with his daughter and granddaughter, then I also have to put in effort. And part of me is sitting there thinking… we literally live together right now. You can come see her whenever you want. Nobody is stopping you. But that isn’t really happening.

And then I keep finding out little bits of new information — like that they’re still discussing my husband, or this situation, or that situation — and it leaves me feeling so confused because part of me just wants to say, you guys really need to move on. At some point, how long can everyone keep dissecting the same things?

So for me right now, it really is about staying in my bubble. Some of my friends want to come meet the baby, and even with that I honestly feel like I’d rather wait until we’re back in our own place and have people over there. I think I’m craving that feeling of having my own space again.

For now I’m just trying to recover, slowly start doing a few more things outside of the house, and get some fresh air. I’ve noticed even doing that feels really energizing and reminds me there’s a whole world outside of everything happening inside this house.

And I loved reading about your afternoon. Two beagles asleep on your lap, the leaves moving in the wind, and that early-fall feeling sounds so peaceful 🍁🍂

I’m sorry you’re missing more in-person human connection today, though. Do you have people nearby that you’re able to see or spend time with sometimes? 🤍

Nea

Hi Roberta,

Thank you so much. 😊

We don’t have a naming ceremony in our culture. My husband and I have always been really fond of that name. I love names that are sweet and short, and for this one in particular, we wanted something to reflect Western and South Asian culture as that will be the environment she is raised in.

Hope you had a wonderful day!

Nea

Good Monday afternoon, Anita 🙂

Thank you — the way you explained the “vertical structure” really helped me understand the dynamic differently, especially where some of the pressure I’m feeling is actually coming from.

I think where I’m still getting stuck is around this one specific issue of saying hello. Right now, because we’re still living under my parents’ roof, and even once we move out and are visiting them, it feels very difficult for me to imagine my husband coming into their home and not even saying hi to my dad. At the same time, his response is essentially, “Why should I be the one to initiate that when he was the one who crossed the line?”

That seems to be the point we keep getting caught on. I’m not asking my husband to apologize, pretend nothing happened, or go back to having the same relationship with my dad. I can completely understand why he wants distance. I just keep wondering whether there could be a little room for grace or flexibility around something as small as a hello, especially because their relationship was good before all of this.

His position is that he can coexist, be civil, and be completely fine around everyone else, but he will not initiate anything with my dad unless my dad does first. And I think what I’m trying to understand now is whether that is a boundary I need to respect, even if it makes family situations harder for me, or whether there is reasonable room for some flexibility there.

The last thing I want is for this situation with my dad to start creating damage within my marriage, which is why I’m trying so hard to understand where that line should be.

Nea