Home→Forums→Relationships→When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood
- This topic has 126 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 12 hours, 41 minutes ago by
Alessa.
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August 30, 2026 at 4:38 pm #460726
NeaParticipantHi Alessa,
Thank you so much for your kind message and support. I really appreciate it.
And yes, exactly — this living arrangement wasn’t something we had originally planned, and a lot of how things unfolded was very different from what we had been led to expect. Had we known how things would end up, we definitely would have made different decisions.
I’m really grateful that my mom has been supportive with the baby and helping with baby-related things, and that my husband and sister have been very supportive of me personally through everything.
And you’re right — I really do need to keep bringing my focus back to what actually matters right now: our little family, enjoying this special time with our baby girl, and protecting that peace as much as I can!
Nea
August 30, 2026 at 8:17 pm #460732
anitaParticipantGood late Sunday evening, Nea:
I find myself with a two questions this evening, but please, feel free to not answer. I’d like to keep talking with you whether you answers these, or not.
1) You said in your most recent post today, and in your original post, that you and your husband were “led to believe” certain things that didn’t materialize.
Do you mean that your father intentionally misrepresented things in regard to you choosing to rent your place out, and in regard to your husband job opportunity?
2) The other family member who said: ‘If your husband truly cared about you…’ didn’t say ‘if your father…’
Has he or she been a direct or indirect recipient of your father’s “generosity”?
🤔 Anita
August 30, 2026 at 8:37 pm #460734NeaParticipantHi Anita,
Hope you had a good day. 😊
Thank you for your questions, happy to answer them.
1. I don’t think they were intentions misrepresented but I think there was more work that needed to happen before anything could materialize which we were not fully aware of. We were led to believe in the next few months things would materialize but then certainly with economy changes etc things took a hit. I understand some of it was not in my fathers control but instead of having a truthful conversation he made it seem as if due to my husband’s lack of capacity in work ethics etc things didn’t happen. I know this is not true it was simply because my dad did not have the funds he thought he would to help execute those plans. Instead of being accountable, he shifted blame and then just brushed it all under the rug and left us without any answers.
2. This is an interesting question…they are a direct receipt. I never thought of it this way.
Look forward to your reply.
Nea
August 30, 2026 at 8:50 pm #460737anitaParticipantHey 🙂 Nea, so good reading back from you only.. 4 minutes ago.
So, your father over-promised and presented himself as Authority the two of you better Obey, for your benefit? As in, ask me no- questions, just follow?
And after the 2 of U followed him.. nowhere, he blamed your husband.
About the family member being a direct recepient- well.. the phrase “Money talks” comes to mind 😔
Anita
August 30, 2026 at 9:46 pm #460742NeaParticipantHi Anita!
Yes, I guess this is exactly how it went. We followed and believed although I had my doubts and raised them many times, and was sometimes reassured but mostly silenced by yelling…and even after asking my dad are you sure? Especially because it involved my husband and he would repeatedly say yes of course. And then ironically, blamed it all on us and mostly my husband when things didn’t work out…..
You’re right if you put it that way, money talks. If I see it that way then I can understand that my husband not apologizing has nothing to do with his love for me…
Nea
August 30, 2026 at 10:08 pm #460743anitaParticipantNea, I’m still smiling 🙂 that I’m replying only eight minutes after your message.
When you wrote that your husband was “sometimes reassured but mostly silenced by yelling,” that really stood out. Yelling isn’t just loud talking — it’s a dominance tactic. It shuts down questions, stops discussion, overrides doubt, forces compliance, and intimidates. Your father wasn’t simply overconfident; he was controlling the situation through intimidation.
When someone raises reasonable doubts and is met with yelling instead of a real conversation, it becomes impossible to think clearly or make a free choice. Yelling doesn’t reassure — it silences. And it makes sense that both you and your husband ended up following his lead even when you weren’t fully comfortable.
You’re seeing this dynamic with a lot of clarity, Nea. I’m here with you as you keep untangling it.
Anita
August 31, 2026 at 5:32 am #460745
AlessaParticipantHi Nea
You’re too kind! 😊
For sure, protecting your peace is really important because newborn care is hard work. 🩵
How are you finding being a mother? How is baby Maya settling in? 🩵
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