Hi Alessa,

Thank you so much for your kind message and support. I really appreciate it.

And yes, exactly — this living arrangement wasn’t something we had originally planned, and a lot of how things unfolded was very different from what we had been led to expect. Had we known how things would end up, we definitely would have made different decisions.

I’m really grateful that my mom has been supportive with the baby and helping with baby-related things, and that my husband and sister have been very supportive of me personally through everything.

And you’re right — I really do need to keep bringing my focus back to what actually matters right now: our little family, enjoying this special time with our baby girl, and protecting that peace as much as I can!

Nea

Hi Anita,

Hope you had a good day. 😊

Thank you for your questions, happy to answer them.

1. I don’t think they were intentions misrepresented but I think there was more work that needed to happen before anything could materialize which we were not fully aware of. We were led to believe in the next few months things would materialize but then certainly with economy changes etc things took a hit. I understand some of it was not in my fathers control but instead of having a truthful conversation he made it seem as if due to my husband’s lack of capacity in work ethics etc things didn’t happen. I know this is not true it was simply because my dad did not have the funds he thought he would to help execute those plans. Instead of being accountable, he shifted blame and then just brushed it all under the rug and left us without any answers.

2. This is an interesting question…they are a direct receipt. I never thought of it this way.

Look forward to your reply.

Nea

Hi Anita!

Yes, I guess this is exactly how it went. We followed and believed although I had my doubts and raised them many times, and was sometimes reassured but mostly silenced by yelling…and even after asking my dad are you sure? Especially because it involved my husband and he would repeatedly say yes of course. And then ironically, blamed it all on us and mostly my husband when things didn’t work out…..

You’re right if you put it that way, money talks. If I see it that way then I can understand that my husband not apologizing has nothing to do with his love for me…

Nea

Hi Alessa!

Thanks so much for checking in. It’s honestly been so amazing. Being a first-time mom still feels so surreal — I have moments where I’m just like, I can’t believe she’s actually here! 🥹 She’s so precious and truly my whole world already. Even seeing how much she’s grown and changed just over these last few days has been amazing.

She’s settling in really well too! We’re still trying to figure out our little nighttime routine because she definitely loves waking up frequently at night, while also loving her long afternoon naps 😂 But nonetheless, it’s been the most beautiful experience so far. 💞

How are things with you? I remember you mentioned you were sick with the flu as well — how are you feeling now? I hope you’re doing much better!

Nea

Good morning Anita!

Thank you for sharing all of that.

It’s really interesting what you brought up about how some people can be so unwilling to look within or tolerate being questioned at all. I think that is something I have to keep in mind with my dad. A lot of what he seems to stand on is, “I’m older, I’ve done these things financially, I’ve provided, so how dare you question me?” And I think that’s where the problem is. Being older or having done a lot for your family doesn’t mean that everything you say or do is automatically okay, or that nobody is allowed to challenge you.

With my mom, I do think there is some truth to what you said as well. My dad somehow has a way of presenting situations so strongly from his own perspective that the other person starts looking like the bad one. I’ve seen my mom get pulled into that. Instead of looking at a situation independently and judging what actually happened, she can start absorbing his interpretation of it, and then suddenly everything the other person did is viewed negatively too. I don’t necessarily think she starts there, but she can get talked into seeing things through his lens.

At this point, though, I think my biggest focus needs to be separating myself emotionally from all of this and putting my energy into my own little family unit. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why he behaves the way he does, why my mom reacts the way she does, what could have been different, what everything means, etc.

And I think I’m realizing that understanding something can be useful, but there eventually comes a point where you have to ask: how much more can I actually do with that understanding? I can understand the dynamic more clearly, but I can’t make another person reflect, change, apologize, or see things differently. So maybe the next part for me is less about figuring them out and more about deciding how I want to live around what I already know.

And of course, I completely understand that everything you’re sharing is simply your perspective and advice based on the information and experiences I’ve shared with you here. I really do appreciate the amount of time, thought, and effort you’ve put into reading everything I’ve written and responding so thoughtfully. It has helped me look at things from different angles.

How has your week been going, Anita? 🙂

Nea