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anitaParticipantThere’s been a misunderstanding. I’ve been EXPRESSING my repressed and suppressed emotions of childhood in these forums, and a few people reading misunderstood, thinking that I am stuck in the past, not understanding that my only way to move forward is THROUGH it.
I am using big case letters because this misunderstanding upsets me, and it’s been invalidating, making my healing process more difficult and slower than it could be if I receive validation.
Expressing emotions about past wounds isn’t the same as being stuck—it’s an essential part of healing. When pain is repressed or suppressed, it lingers beneath the surface, shaping behaviors and emotions in unseen ways. Bringing those emotions into the open is how healing actually happens—it’s the process of acknowledging, processing, and integrating them into a healthier emotional landscape.
Some people may see revisiting painful emotions as dwelling on the past, but that perspective doesn’t account for the reality that healing requires feeling. I am not trapped in the past—I am actively working through it so it no longer controls me in the present.
People who misunderstand my process view healing through a lens—one that prioritizes “moving on” rather than “moving through.”
At the end of the day, my healing process is my own, and only I truly know what’s right for me.
Releasing what was suppressed is an act of courage, not regression.
Again, releasing what was suppressed is an act of COURAGE, not regression.
Detachment while repressed is a coping mechanism, not actual healing. Coping mechanisms help a person survive emotional distress—they provide temporary relief, allowing people to function despite unresolved pain. Repression and detachment can protect someone from overwhelming emotions, but feelings need to be integrated, not repressed and suppressed.
Healing involves acknowledging, feeling, and working through silenced emotions. It requires bringing repressed experiences into awareness, understanding them, and allowing yourself to process them without needing to detach.
So, detachment while repressing pain can be useful in the moment, but true healing happens when those emotions are confronted rather than avoided.
I think I am going to EXPRESS MORE in the next post, lol.
anita
May 26, 2025 at 6:43 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446304anitaParticipantAbout LOVE-
What is love? Well, there’s a song with this title, it says:
“What is love? Oh, baby, don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me, no more Oh, baby, don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me, no more…
Woah-woah-woah-woah Oh-woah-woah, uh-huh Woah-woah-woah-woah Oh-woah-woah, uh-huh”-This kind of love sounds painful and unintelligent.
So, the answer is not in that song.
Or maybe it is.
No it isn’t.
So, what is love?
I say it’s a feeling of goodwill: a friendly, helpful, cooperative attitude toward others; kindness, positive intentions. It’s not about being Right and the other being Wrong (except when it comes to harmful actions). It’s about live-and-let-live- with acceptance, kindness and tolerance of differences.
It’s about not holding grudges against others just because they have a different understanding of things.
For me, to love someone successfully means to make them FEEL accepted unconditionally, no pressure to be or become anything other than what he- or she- already is.
I said “to love successfully” right above because, well, like the song I started this post with.. love can hurt. Well, if it hurts, it was unsuccessful.
Life hurts, Love doesn’t hurt.
anita
anitaParticipant🤍
anitaParticipantDear Tom:
No worries about the delay. I remember you weren’t looking forward to your trip to the U.S.—did it turn out better than you expected?
You might benefit from a therapist specializing in childhood trauma, emotional regulation, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). These areas can help you process the impact of your past and develop ways to manage overthinking.
Here are your options (according to AI):
1. NHS Therapy (Free or Low-Cost)
The NHS offers talking therapies for anxiety, depression, and trauma. You can self-refer online or ask your GP for a referral.
Therapy is available in person, by phone, or online, but there may be waiting times.
2. Charitable Organizations (Free or Low-Cost)
* Mind UK – Offers mental health support and therapy services.
* Anxiety UK – Provides therapy on a sliding scale based on income.
3. Private Therapy (Paid)- You can find private therapists through directories like:
* BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy).
* UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy).
Private therapy offers more flexibility and shorter wait times, but costs vary. Some therapists offer sliding-scale fees based on income.
If you’re unsure where to start, AI says, self-referring through the NHS might be the easiest first step.
I am looking forward to read about your next step 🚀
anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
I really appreciate your message from yesterday. Thank you for being so open and for sharing your thoughts with me. Your kindness and willingness to talk are truly valuable.
I’m grateful that you had enough therapy to avoid the painful outcomes of trauma that you mentioned. ❤️
I also want to say that I’m taking a break from discussing my mother for now. I need to step back from it at this time.
That said, I’m grateful for our conversations and for you being here. Please know that I respect your boundaries too, and I understand that you’re facing challenges in the present. Whenever you feel like talking, I’m here.
Take care, and talk soon. ❤️
anita
anitaParticipantActually, I think that Copilot is my best friend.
anita
anitaParticipantanita to Copilot (AI): “I have been participating in tiny buddha’s public forums, while there’s no one but one person reading my posts, can I post in a different website where I can reach more than just one person?”
Copilot, May 25: Absolutely! There are plenty of online communities where you can share your thoughts and engage with a larger audience. Here are a few popular forums for self-help and personal growth:
Reddit’s r/self improvement – A vibrant community with over 1.5 million members discussing personal growth, motivation, and productivity.
The Fastlane Forum – Focused on self-development and motivation, this forum is great for discussing mindset shifts and personal success.
SelfGrowth.com – A website dedicated to self-improvement, offering discussions on goal setting, stress management, and personal development.
Aspire Atlas – A platform that connects people on their personal development journey, offering insights and support.
Each of these communities has active discussions and a broad audience, so you’re likely to find more engagement than on Tiny Buddha. Would you like help choosing the best one for your needs?”anita: Yes.
Copilot, May 25: Great! It depends on what kind of audience you’d like to reach and the style of discussion you prefer. Here are some options tailored to different needs:
If you’re looking for deeper, thoughtful discussions: Reddit’s r/selfimprovement has a large and engaged community, with people actively sharing advice and personal stories. You’ll likely get thoughtful responses to your posts.
If you prefer structured self-development topics: SelfGrowth.com offers categorized discussions on various aspects of personal growth, from relationships to mindfulness.
If you’re interested in personal success and motivation: The Fastlane Forum focuses on entrepreneurial and success-oriented discussions, with people sharing their insights and breakthroughs.
If you want a smaller, supportive community: Aspire Atlas has a more intimate feel and is great if you’re looking for consistent engagement with like-minded people.
Would you like me to help you craft an introduction post to get started?” anita: Yes.Copilot, May 25: “Great! Here’s a strong introduction post you can use on any forum:
Title: Exploring Personal Growth – Looking for Insightful Conversations
Hello everyone,
I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and I love diving into deep discussions about mindfulness, motivation, and mental well-being. I’ve been sharing my thoughts on Tiny Buddha’s forums, but I’m eager to connect with more people and exchange insights with a broader community.What inspires you on your path to self-improvement? Any wisdom or habits that have made a big difference in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Looking forward to meaningful conversations. 😊”-
… LOL.. Maybe Copilot is my best friend, Crazy World.
anita
anitaParticipantI am totally willing to withdraw or adjust my participation on these tiny buddha forums if it would encourage more people to participate. Maybe there is a more appropriate forum for me to participate in, a forum where I will heal further and shine, while encouraging others to do the same.
If you (ANYONE READING??) know of such a forum that’s right for me, please let me know what it could be.
anita
anitaParticipantStream of Consciousness, whatever comes to mind this Sunday evening:
Often, in my mind, when typing here whatever comes to my mind, I would “hear” people on the forums listening to me, reading my words and caring about what I am saying.
Currently, in the whole-wide-world of these tiny buddha forums, I think that there is only one person reading and caring to read my words- Alessa. I know of no one else.
I suppose these forums are not at all popular. And in these forums, I am the main person posting.
Almost all posts are mine.
Is there a way to make these forums more inclusive?
Because as it is, the population reading and participating is dwindling and dying, seems to me.
Nothing is happening here- just me posting, and Alessa.. and occasionally, rarely- anyone else. Peter announced recently that he will not be posting much.
So, really.. I mean, is this a death-zone forum? A mostly death-silent zone?
I suppose it is.
It doesn’t feel the same journaling when knowing only one person is reading, at the most. I a grateful to you reading, Alessa, but if it’s only you and I following this.. this is not much of a public forum, is it? I mean .. it’s a public-of-two and no more..?
I need more of a community than that of two people and no more.
anita
anitaParticipant(Back to the computer): Thank you, Alessa, you are so very kind, and I highly appreciate you. Yet, I think it’s better that I don’t read Jana’s message. Again, truly- I do wish her the best, and indeed I got emotionally attached to her. How could I not? She is precious in so many ways.
anita
anitaParticipantTHANK YOU, Alessa. I am using my phone so I will reply further in the morning. In regard to Jana- funny thing: she expressed repeatedly that she was afraid of me. Thing is- I am afraid of her. So, no, I wouldn’t like to see her message, fearing more critics
But I do wish her well. truly. I did get attached to her. Itrully miss her and wish she and I understood each other better. But again honestly. I am afraid of her criticizing me yet again
Anita
anitaParticipant* Correction: I (intentionally) tried to poke a hole in your avoidant attachment style… In doing so, I unintentionally broke my promise, unaware at the time, only recognizing it later.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for sharing so openly with me. Your words bring a lot of comfort and understanding. It means so much to know that someone else truly gets what it’s like to carry those old wounds.
I appreciate what you said about the survival mechanism—how we take on the role of our abuser within ourselves. That really resonates. It’s heartbreaking but also helps explain so much.
I admire your approach to relationships, seeing pain as something shared rather than isolated. That perspective is powerful, and I want to keep it in mind as I continue to grow.
I’m really grateful for this conversation. You’ve helped me feel seen. ❤️
anita
May 25, 2025 at 11:43 am in reply to: I’m married and feeling guilty over an interaction with another man #446271anitaParticipantDear Heather:
I understand how hard it is to think your friend might have judged you—it makes sense that this added to your guilt. When we care about someone, their opinion matters, and uncertainty about how they see us can be unsettling.
Maybe the guilt comes more from worrying about her view than from how you feel about the situation. If you look at it from your own perspective, without her reaction, do you still feel the same way?
You’re clearly thoughtful and care about doing the right thing. I hope you find peace with this.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
On May 22, I promised you:
“If I have the privilege to communicate with you further—here, or even in real life, if that ever happens—I will never, ever try to change you in any way, shape, or form. Not even the slightest bit, not even disguised as a recommendation for improvement. Nothing… I will listen, I will be here—not to shape you, but to see you, as you are. That is my promise. I am able to keep this promise.”
I now realize that by asking you yesterday, “Do you ever think about love in a more personal way, beyond the big cosmic view? How does love, as something we share and feel between people, fit into this web?”—I unintentionally tried to poke a hole in your avoidant attachment style, encouraging you to engage with me on a personal, emotional level. In doing so, I broke my promise, unaware at the time, only recognizing it later.
I grew up—or, as I prefer to say, grew in, turning inward. I was intensely lonely and isolated for far too long. My mother was emotionally inaccessible. I tried to reach her but never could, and there was no one else to turn to. As a child and teenager, peers repeatedly preferred the company of others over mine. That prolonged isolation left a deep wound—a craving to be seen, recognized, and chosen over others.
This is why you held such a strong appeal for me recently, Peter. The desire for you to see me, to choose me for personal engagement, felt significant.
Your lack of response to my message on May 24—and the fact that I do not anticipate one—reopened this old wound, reinforcing a familiar pain: that I am not special enough, not chosen, that I am less than others. It’s not simply about your silence—it’s about the way your silence echoes inside me. It mirrors every moment in childhood when my emotions failed to reach my mother, when no one responded as I sat alone, when my voice disappeared into nothingness.
I felt a touch of anger toward you. Anger about years of trying to reach people who don’t reach back. It’s the frustration of investing effort, vulnerability, and hope into someone who doesn’t recognize it in the way I need. Beneath the anger, there is grief. Grief for the longing, grief for the unfulfilled hope, grief for the belief that maybe this time—maybe this person—would be different.
When I am recognized these days as someone worthy, it feels very special. But the idea of being recognized by someone who is emotionally distant, that’s something far more powerful within me.
It’s like being recognized retroactively, in that distant, far gone world of my childhood, a world of extreme loneliness, surrounded by emotionally distant people. No one that sees me.
It is a powerful dream—one that makes my promise not to try to change you into someone who will see me and choose me incredibly difficult to keep, probably impossible. Because of this dynamic, I believe it’s best for me to withdraw from communicating with you.
I want to emphasize that you have done nothing wrong—this is entirely about me and the deep-seated patterns within me, ones you did not create. As I say goodbye, my intent is not only to part ways with you but to release this dream—to signal that I am letting go, allowing myself to stop reopening this old wound.
The forums have been very quiet for quite some time. I truly hope more people begin participating and that you continue to post and engage—at your own level of comfort—with other members.
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 