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anita
ParticipantEarly Evening Stream of Consciousness:
I noticed that as much as I want connection with others in real-life, I easily get tired with most and need a break. It’s just difficult for me to listen and follow a fast-paced speech (faced-paced for me) because of auditory processing difficulties and attention-related challenges related to my ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder (APD. Therefore, I am turned off to a lot of people irl simply because, for me- they talk too much, too fast, or in an unstructured way that I am not able to follow.
This is why alone-time is very important to me, and why communicating with people in these forums is so much preferrable to irl interactions: Here, I have all the time to read and process information at my own pace, and understand what people are actually saying.
People in-real-life who naturally talk slowly and little.. why, they are a blessing in my world!
It’s raining cats and dogs here. I managed to complete a 3.5 mile walk before the rain escalated. It refreshed my brain!
About anger and transcendence: I accept and embrace my anger. I welcome it back home: Welcome Home, Anger!
No emotion is left outside in the cold, or in the heavy rain.
Rain is intensifying right now.
I am grateful to be protected from the heavy rain. I am very fortunate.
Back to anger: I am not feeling it. Accepted and embraced, it’s not screaming, insisting to be heard.
It’s silent and all I am hearing is the rain.
anita
anita
ParticipantRegarding “situations which constantly change 180 degree,” I am very curious to read about them 🤔!
anita
anita
ParticipantDear Eva:
I missed you!!!
I don’t know if I told you, but your name is the same as my only sister, the one I shared about only a few moments ago.
I am definitely moving forward with my healing process, and the process itself, the journey, is way more meaningful than any possible destination.
I will always remember your support back in Feb 2023. Support at times of feeling alone and lonely is beyond special and precious, thank you, Eva 💖😊🙏 (I got into emojis since we last spoke..)
anita
anita
ParticipantThey call it weakness—yet don’t they see?
Courage lives in vulnerability.
To stand exposed, with truth in hand,
Is braver still than armor planned.You bend like branches in the storm,
Yet in that bend, a strength is born.
A heart that breaks, then mends anew—
Holds wisdom far beyond the view.So wear your softness like the sky,
Unfold your wings and dare to fly.
For in your openness, you shine—
And that is power, vast, divine.🔥anita
anita
ParticipantVulnerability is not an invitation for criticism; it is a brave act of self-expression. I therefore welcome your vulnerability- Alessa, Peter, anyone reading this. I will not attack you because you are vulnerable.
What I just stated above is in the core of what abuse is about: attacking the vulnerable at their moments of expressed vulnerability.
As difficult as it is for me to acknowledge, I did the same: As a 10-year-old, or so, I hit my much younger sister simply because she was smaller and weaker. I didn’t dare to asserting myself against my big and strong mother (at the time), or attack her, so I assaulted my vulnerable, innocent sister.
It didn’t follow reflection. It was an instinctual response to my own abused vulnerability. And of course, I regret it deeply.
anita
anita
ParticipantEarly afternoon Stream of Consciousness:
Today, I want to transcend my lifelong guilt and discomfort in regard to FEELING anger and about expressing it in any way, however non- abusively. I think that my anger persisted simply because it was rejected by me. Encouraged by Alessa’s and Peter’s posts right above, I want t embrace my anger, to welcome it home:
Dear Anger:
I am so sorry for rejecting you decade after decade, for labeling you BAD when you were never bad. You were justified, you always carried a positive message: to help me, and to help others, to promote what is right and fair and just, 😊🙏✨💖 anger!
I understand that now that I accept and embrace you, you can relax your hold on past events.
We can let go of what happened on the other thread, page 3 of its current 8 pages..?
Yes, anger, I understand, and I fully agree with you: I was clearly disrespected, dismissed and accused of what I was not guilty of. It was indeed unfair to me and it was uncalled for. The offender did not apologize ever since, likely not seeing herself as the offender on that day. But it’s time to let go. There will always be people who will not take responsibility for the harmful effect of their words and actions. No point in endlessly waiting for them to acknowledge responsibility.
All I can and should do is be to others what I wish others would be to me; responsible, accountable, part of what is good: Loving-kindness (Metta)- focusing on compassion and patience, Wisdom (Paññā)- seeing things clearly, and Generosity (Dāna).
anita
May 19, 2025 at 12:13 pm in reply to: OCD & relationships & uncertainty intolerance & neediness #445894anita
ParticipantDear iloverain:
I hear your frustration, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be when treatments don’t seem to work. I also want to offer you some hope—while OCD can feel overwhelming, there are alternative approaches that may help, even when standard treatments haven’t been effective.
Here are three alternative treatments that some people with treatment-resistant OCD have found beneficial:
* Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP):
ERP is a specialized form of cognitive-behavioral therapy designed specifically for OCD. It involves gradually facing fears (exposure) without performing compulsions (response prevention). Over time, this helps retrain the brain to weaken the grip of intrusive thoughts.
ERP is considered one of the most effective treatments for OCD, even when medications haven’t worked.
* Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT):
ACT focuses on accepting intrusive thoughts rather than battling them. It teaches psychological flexibility, helping you detach from obsessive thinking. Instead of eliminating symptoms, ACT helps people coexist with them in a way that reduces their power over daily life.
* Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS):
TMS is a non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate parts of the brain associated with OCD. It’s FDA-approved for OCD and is considered for cases where therapy and medication haven’t worked. It’s done in a clinical setting, with multiple sessions over time, and some people report significant improvements.
I also want to share a bit of my own experience. I was diagnosed with OCD, which included many compulsions, but today I no longer suffer from any physical compulsions. My psychiatrist once told me I would likely need psychiatric medication indefinitely—I took antidepressants, anxiety medications, and antipsychotics for nearly 20 years.
Eventually, I was able to wean off them and have been doing well without medication for 12 years.
Interestingly, my compulsions stopped after I unknowingly did ERP on myself in my early 30s. Without realizing it at the time, I found the strength to endure the anxiety following an obsession without performing a physical compulsion—like knocking on wood a certain number of times, or turning left and right an equal number of times, or placing black clothes under white clothes in the closet so to prevent bad luck.
At first, I simply waited to see if anything bad would happen when I didn’t perform a compulsion. Nothing happened. That realization gave me the confidence to continue resisting compulsions, strengthening my ability to let go of them completely.
I share this not to say that everyone should stop taking medication, but rather to let you know that healing can happen in different ways. You are not alone in this. I hope some of this information is helpful, and if you ever want to explore different approaches, I encourage you to do so at your own pace.
I also want to acknowledge your worries about love and relationships. OCD can create intense fears and obsessive thoughts about relationships—whether it’s doubt about feelings, fears of rejection, or the overwhelming fear of ending up alone. These fears are painful and can feel consuming, but they don’t define your future. Many people with OCD worry about relationships, yet with time, self-compassion, and trust in real-life experiences rather than obsessive thoughts, love becomes possible. You deserve connection and companionship, and your struggles do not make you unworthy of love.
I also encourage you to keep posting in your own thread—I think sharing your experiences and thoughts can help not just you, but others who may be struggling with similar challenges. You deserve support, and your voice matters.
Wishing you strength and love 💪😊 ❤️💕
anita
anita
ParticipantDear Alessa, Peter, Everyone:
Your post, Alessa, encouraged me to research and come to this understanding: Buddhism teaches that three negative qualities—aversion (hatred), delusion (ignorance), and attachment (greed)—cause suffering. These are called the three unwholesome roots because they lead to bad karma, meaning negative consequences in life.
To counter these, Buddhism encourages practicing their opposites:
* Loving-kindness (Metta) to replace hatred—showing compassion and patience instead of anger.
* Wisdom (Paññā) to replace ignorance—learning and seeing things clearly instead of being confused.
* Generosity (Dāna) to replace greed—sharing and letting go instead of clinging to things.
By focusing on kindness, wisdom, and generosity, a person creates good karma, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Karma is the idea that our actions, thoughts, and intentions shape our future experiences. If we act with kindness and honesty, we create good karma, which brings positive results. If we act with anger or selfishness, we create bad karma, which leads to suffering.
Buddhism teaches that even our mental states—like joy, compassion, or anger—affect karma. Positive emotions bring good karma, while negative emotions bring bad karma. This is why Buddhism encourages mindfulness and self-awareness, so we can shape our thoughts in a way that leads to happiness.
*** Anger 😠🔥, in Buddhism, is generally seen as harmful because it leads to suffering. It is one of the three poisons that cloud the mind and cause negative karma. However, Buddhism does not say that anger itself is evil—it recognizes that anger is a natural human emotion. The key is how we handle it.
Uncontrolled anger leads to harm, both to ourselves and others. It can make us act in ways we regret.
Mindful anger can be useful if it motivates us to stand up against injustice or protect ourselves and others. Some Buddhist traditions teach that anger can be transformed into determination and wisdom, helping us take positive action instead of reacting destructively.
Buddhism does not teach that a person should submit to abuse for the sake of peace. While Buddhism values non-violence and compassion, it also teaches self-respect and wisdom.
The Buddha taught that suffering should not be accepted passively—instead, we should seek understanding and solutions.
If someone is being abused, Buddhism encourages them to protect themselves and seek help rather than endure harm. Forgiveness is important, but it does not mean allowing abuse to continue. True peace comes from ending suffering, not accepting mistreatment.
Thank you, Alessa!
I see surrender as a central theme in your post—one that reflects strength and acceptance rather than passive defeat. You highlight that true surrender requires resilience and trust, much like a tree standing firm in a storm.
What Can We Trust?
Trust in life itself—its cycles, changes, and unknowns. Having faith in life’s unfolding, even when we can’t control the outcome. Knowing that everything evolves, and that pain and loss, too, will transform into something new.
Trust in inner strength—believing in our ability to endure struggles and emerge wiser.
Trust in meaning—recognizing that even grief and loss carry significance, shaping us, teaching us, and deepening our appreciation for what remains.
Your maple tree metaphor beautifully illustrates that surrender isn’t passive—it’s an act of allowing rather than resisting the natural flow of life. Instead of clinging in fear, surrender enables us to engage with change rather than be crushed by it.
Your closing thought—“It takes strength to know what is ours and what isn’t—surrendering to the Yes”—captures this idea perfectly. Surrender isn’t about losing control; it’s about choosing where to focus our energy, recognizing what is meant to be embraced and what must be let go.
To surrender is to embrace change, and to embrace our emotions, rather than suppress them. Even the most difficult emotions hold valuable insights and should be honored, not rejected. In doing so, we affirm our strength and awareness, allowing us to make choices that align with our values and growth.
Thank you, Peter!
anita
anita
ParticipantAll original posts are back, and so is your Voice, Laven. Hope to read from you soon! 🙏 you for telling your story!
anita
anita
ParticipantSunday Evening stream-of-Consciousness Writing: I can’t save others. I can only save myself, if I can. Can I?
The world is so very messed up that no way do I have the power to fix it.
Am I being negative or just realistic.
Realistic, I think.
So, what am I to do?
To tell you that I love you so.
Wait, what.. what did you just say?
Love. This is what it’s all about. Loving you and you loving me back.
It’s about me being 100% worthy of your trust, your love.
There is no Love without Trust.
Who is saying this?
Me.
Here, I am typing these words. Who is reading? Who is listening? Who cares?
anita
anita
Participant* I just sent an email to the website owner, Lori Deschene, I wrote: “I wanted to reach out regarding a major issue on the forums—all original posts, dating back to 2013, have disappeared, and new posts are not appearing either. This sudden loss of content is concerning, especially since there hasn’t been an announcement or explanation.
Could you provide any insight into what happened? Is this a temporary issue, a planned change, or an accidental data loss? If there’s a way to recover past discussions, I know many members would appreciate it.
Looking forward to your response. Thank you for your time.”-It will be interesting to see what happens next.
anita
anita
ParticipantDear Alessa:
I will reply further in the morning, but for now: I have this feeling that something is wrong: it’s been days since ALL the Original Posts in ALL of the threads since the start of the forums in 2013, all have disappeared. When a new member recently started her own thread, her original post did not show up. There was no notification or update from the website about this.. so, this is very strange.
anita
anita
ParticipantEarly Morning Thoughts: When a person feels fragmented within, they search for external belonging to fill the void. That deep need for connection and meaning can drive people toward healthy or destructive paths.
* Constructive belonging – Finding a sense of self through authentic relationships, creativity, purpose-driven work, and emotional healing.
* Destructive belonging – A search for connection within toxic relationships, gangs, or ideological movements that replace personal identity with group identity.
These groups demand absolute allegiance, making individuals feel powerful only within their structure, reinforcing an Us vs. Them mentality that labels outsiders as enemies or inferior, further solidifying loyalty within the group.
They offer a clear mission—whether political, religious, or cultural—that instills a sense of purpose and importance, even when that purpose leads to harmful actions (e.g., Houthis, Hamas, ISIS, and others).
The journey from self-fragmentation to integration is a path toward transcending suffering of the individual and of society. True belonging comes from self-acceptance, from choosing environments that encourage growth and authenticity rather than blind allegiance.
Transcending suffering is not about escaping pain, but moving through it with awareness—learning that healing comes from self-reunion, self-expression, and self-trust, rather than suppression or avoidance.
anita
anita
ParticipantLate Evening Stream of Consciousness Writing, Whatever comes to Mind:
My goal is to be reunited with myself, following decades-long Fragmentation, a fracture within myself.
I just want me back. I want Integration.
From Repression and Suppression to Expression.
To befriend the estranged me.
Sadly, my fragmentation, self-estrangement, is not unique to me. I see fragmented, self-estranged people every day in real life (in between my online almost-noon streams of consciousness writings and evening writings). I see people yearning to reconnect with themselves.
The fracture within oneself is real, a universal problem which makes any kind of sense of belonging very attractive, such as a life of crime or terrorism. If a person feels a sense of belonging within a gang or a terrorist group, a sense of reconnection with oneself- then that’s the way, all the way to destruction.
I see the fracture originating in childhood: the child needing the parent, but the parent has other priorities, or personal hurts and unfinished business that turns them away from, or against their own child, in one way or another.
The result: a child, shocked. Traumatized. Fragmented.
And the parent may not be able to do any better for their child, fragmented themselves. And the tragedy continues from one generation to the next.
And so it goes, so it is.
anita
anita
ParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for sharing more of your perspective—I appreciate your thoughtful approach to these conversations. ❤️
Your insight about how repeated negative messages can be more damaging over time really resonated with me. It makes sense that new criticism feels different depending on past experiences—it’s something I relate to deeply.
I can imagine how tough it must have been to suddenly experience fat-shaming during pregnancy when it hadn’t been a part of your life before. It’s so frustrating how people feel entitled to comment on a pregnant person’s body—as if pregnancy somehow removes basic respect for personal boundaries.
What you shared about childhood neglect struck me, too. The lack of attention from others may have spared you from direct criticism, but being unseen comes with its own painful impact.
I admire how you’ve worked on conflict resolution and are reaching a place where you feel more comfortable handling it. It’s no small thing—engaging with conflict calmly takes a lot of emotional strength.
I wholeheartedly agree that communication is complicated, but conversations like this remind me why it’s so valuable to engage with thoughtful people like you. 💙
Thank you again for sharing your experiences. Wishing you well ❤️
anita
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