Forum Replies Created
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anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Your post right above is perfect, your understanding and advice are just perfect and you gave me something to think about: did she know I loved her? (I will explore this in my next post). Thank you, Alessa ❤️
anita
anitaParticipantThank you, Jana ❤️
Can you tell me how or where she will be all right in the end?
* I will process my feelings further in the next post. I need to do so.
anita
anitaParticipantI haven’t been in any direct contact with my mother since 2013, last time I talked with her om the phone. 2011 was the last time I saw her in-person, she was 70 years old. Fast forward, this morning is the first time I heard about how she is doing, 85 years, and it is breaking my heart. was told she is hunched over, very hunched over, can’t walk straight. And she gets dizzy and falls down, and is stubborn, wouldn’t get help such as is offered by assisting living programs for the elderly. My own mother! My heart is BREAKING. My own mother, why I never wanted anything but the best for her! Ima, my mother!
Ima, I don’t want you to be alone and in pain. I’d do anything!
But I know, you never allowed me to do anything to help you.
Ima, my heart is breaking. I don’t want you to walk hunched over and then fall.
Why didn’t you let me help you all those years that I tried? Why did you hate me for trying to help you?
Ima, if only I could go back in time when I was young, when you were young, I’d do ANYTHING for you.
Why, no, don’t want you to walk hunched over.
She could die any moment, any day, not knowing- never knowing I LOVED her.
If I flew back there to be with there, to help her, she would still reject my help, she would still reject me.
I am typing this Sun night, about 12 hours after I heard how my mother is doing, poorly, falling, people helping her in public. My own MOTHER, why I want to be there for her.
But then, I always wanted to be there for her, to help her.
My heart is BREAKING.
And yet, I was never able to reach her, and I have no doubt that as hard as I’d try to reach her now, I wouldn’t, couldn’t reach her.
Because of her suffering at an early age, she became inaccessible.
Nothing I can do to prevent her- at 85- falling and dying at any moment.
It’s my love for her always blocked by a Wall.
Typing facilitated by red wine.
Ima, my LOVE for you- I know it never reached you; I have no doubt it can’t reach you.
How can I be angry with a woman crunched over, who is suffering, and who can fall to her death any time?
No, no anger.
Only great emotional pain.
A pain I can endure because I am stronger than I was, because I can endure the previously unendurable pain.
anita
anitaParticipantPlease ignore “oved and polished version of your message:”
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I’m not sure if you’ll read this, but in case you do, I want to express my heartfelt appreciation for your incredibly attentive, thorough, intelligent, educated, and empathetic contributions to the forums. From your first post on February 18, 2021, in the thread Stuck in Letting Go and Worries, to your last post in this thread on August 10, 2024, your dedication to supporting members over such a long period is truly remarkable. Your posts, spanning over 129 pages, reflect a level of commitment that is deeply admirable. I hope you’re doing well, and if it feels right for you, I sincerely hope you’ll consider returning to the forums.
roved and polished version of your message:
Dear SereneWolf,
Your first post in the forums was on September 22, 2022, and your original post in this thread was on October 2, 2022. In that post, you shared:
“I feel like time is passing too fast and I’m not able to keep up the pace with it—not being productive enough or not achieving the things expected for my age. Is this fear of missing out or something else? I just feel so overwhelmed with things sometimes that I have to achieve, and maybe doubts about when I’ll achieve them.”
The last time you posted, on August 10, 2024, you ended your brief update with: “I’m doing alright. At my hometown.”
How are you doing today, SereneWolf?
As I reread my communication with you on this thread, I became deeply aware of times when I was confrontational, harsh, and rude with you. This realization has filled me with regret and shame. I want to take this moment to sincerely apologize to you, SereneWolf—I am truly sorry.
In my most recent post on the forums, I reflected on the concept of hate: “Hatred often mirrors unresolved parts of ourselves—fragments of our psyche that we reject or suppress. For instance, if we dislike a trait in someone else, it could be a sign we haven’t fully accepted that same trait within ourselves… the parts of ourselves we deny or hide.”
Looking back, I now understand that in my confrontational communication with you, the anger I felt was rooted in seeing you as overly positive. I believed this positivity stemmed from suppressing or denying the hurt and scared parts of yourself. What I now see is that it was my own suppressed and denied hurt, scared parts projecting themselves onto you in the form of anger.
By denying these parts of myself, I lacked empathy—not only for myself but for you as well. In other words, I was not my own friend. For so long, and as a result, SereneWolf, I was not the friend to you that you deserved. For that, I am deeply sorry.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
Thank you for your recent reply and for all your thoughtful posts—I deeply value the insights and reflections you share. Your interpretation of Cinderella is truly fascinating!
I love how you see Cinderella as representing the Feeling function, which has become disconnected from the Doing function (symbolized by the prince). This disconnection leads to stagnation and depression—a state of being stuck and unable to act. The story is about reconnecting these fragmented parts, moving from despair (the ashes) to balance and integration.
The “marriage” between Cinderella and the prince beautifully symbolizes the union of Feeling and Doing—bringing emotions and actions into harmony.
I appreciate your critique of modern interpretations that dismiss the prince and focus only on independence. As you point out, this perspective overlooks the story’s deeper wisdom, undervaluing the importance of integration—not just within ourselves, but in relationships and communities. I agree that this reflects a broader cultural trend of prioritizing independence over interconnectedness, which often leads to fragmentation.
Your insight about individual struggles mirroring societal struggles really struck me. Just as Cinderella’s disconnection leads to depression, a lack of integration in society—between emotions and reason, individuality and connection—results in confusion and disharmony.
I admire how you see stories like Cinderella as tools for teaching wholeness and balance. By overlooking their symbolic depth, we risk losing lessons that can guide us through life’s challenges.
In another thread, you quoted Hermann Hesse. One of his quotes feels especially relevant here: “Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all.”- I think of home as the place where Thinking, Feeling, Doing, and Being are connected.
Another quote comes to mind: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”- Hatred often mirrors unresolved parts of ourselves—fragments of our psyche that we reject or suppress. This rejection creates fragmentation, disconnecting us from our wholeness. For instance, if we dislike a trait in someone else, it could be a sign we haven’t fully accepted that same trait within ourselves.
In Jungian terms, this ties to the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we deny or hide. When we fail to integrate the shadow into our conscious awareness, it manifests as projections onto others, reflecting our inner fragmentation. Integration, by contrast, involves recognizing these reflections, embracing them, and bringing the fragmented parts of ourselves back into harmony.
This also applies on a societal level. When groups project their fears or inadequacies onto “the other,” it creates division and fragmentation.
Thank you again, Peter, for sharing your perspective. I always enjoy these rabbit holes with you—they feel like true shared discoveries. Wishing you a weekend filled with timeless moments and sunshine! 🌞♾️
anita
*Magically, the sun just broke through the clouds for the first time today.. and went back.
anitaParticipantHow are you, Laven?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
“Free of time”—free of the burdens of the past, free of the worries about the future.
“I enjoy reading your posts and seeing what rabbit hole we will fall into. 😊 I also appreciate your vulnerability. Expressing the tension of love and old fear of being ridiculed… moving towards Love that transcends fear. Love that Is.”—Right here, in this moment, I felt myself moving toward Love that transcends fear, Love that Is, because of your words, because of your response, Peter 🙏
“Not easy being vulnerable ‘in time’, to love without expectation. Here again language becomes problematic depending as it does on duality. I like the notion of negation as a path.”—Love isn’t something to give or receive, to have or not have. It’s not romantic or platonic. These words try to confine something that can’t be confined. Love is something we are—an essential part of us that flows naturally when we allow it.
“Clarissa Pinkola Estes… For me the wisdom of Genesis is a story of What Is.”—The “bones” in Skeleton Woman’s story symbolize the fears, pain, and shame we often avoid. Facing those “bare bones” truths make it possible for us to grow.
Untangling and fleshing out the bones means confronting those fears with compassion, transforming them into wisdom and strength. Committing to “Love that Is” (as you put it) is also a commitment to bringing our true selves to life. It means living fully in the present moment (the Eternal), beyond the limits of time, ego, and expectations (the Temporal), and discovering a deeper, timeless love (Love that Is).
Doing and Thinking cannot replace Being and Feeling- I need to learn to do that further. I am a beginner.
Thank you, Peter. I want to respond further to your post by Monday. I wish you a timeless weekend ♾️ 🌌
anita
March 21, 2025 at 8:59 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #444301anitaParticipantDear Robi:
Thank you for sharing this—it’s so intelligently and beautifully written. The metaphor of a “twisty road connecting the young, insecure Robi to his older, confident self” is so vivid and inspiring. It’s a wonderful reminder that life’s bumps and curves aren’t necessarily obstacles but essential parts of the journey to authentic destinations.
I deeply appreciate how you reflect on embracing your sensitivity as a strength. You’ve expressed such a balanced approach—acknowledging where you’ve been, appreciating where you are, and trusting where you’re headed.
As for the ego-driven, nicely dressed, fancy-car-loving Robi—I love how you’ve embraced that part of yourself too, with humor and self-awareness. It’s beautiful to see how you’re learning to integrate all parts of who you are.
The most profound aspect of your resilience is your willingness to look inward, confront your fears, and dissolve old ego-based defenses. By courageously shedding these, you’re allowing your authentic self to emerge.
Thank you for reminding me of the importance of gratitude. Today, I’m grateful for the chance to reconnect with you. It’s getting warmer here, but still cold and my fingers feel frozen much of the time. I’m definitely looking forward to enjoying some nature and sunlight too. I hope you soaked up plenty of that sunshine on the terrace! 🌞
Take care of yourself, Robi. I’m excited to see where your twisty road continues to lead you.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Psychicramdev:
Wow, this is beautifully written! I love how you described the resilience of trees standing tall through storms, and rivers carving their own paths. Thank you for sharing this—it’s a perspective I’ll carry with me 🌿
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
Thank you so much for your kind replies! 🌼☀️ I loved the image you painted of birds singing, the sun shining, and flowers waking up—it’s such a beautiful reminder to appreciate the simple joys around us. I completely understand that you weren’t—or aren’t—in the mood for intellectualizing, and that’s perfectly okay.
What you shared about us learning from each other really resonates with me. I’m realizing that part of this process is about meeting each other where we are. I want to be more mindful, when posting to you, of sharing in a simpler, more conversational way that emphasizes connection rather than intellectualizing.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and perspective—it’s always such a pleasure to read your posts. Wishing you a wonderful weekend filled with sunshine, birdsong, and blooming flowers! 🌸😊
anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you so much for your kind words—you truly warmed my heart! ❤️ I feel the same about you, and your thoughtful reflections are always such a gift to read.”
Your reflections are both insightful and beautifully expressed. The way you reframed anger as an ‘angry teenager’ deserving compassion is such a powerful perspective— offering understanding rather than rejection.
Your distinction between love as an emotion and compassion as a state of mind resonates deeply. This distinction highlights the idea that love may arise spontaneously, while compassion requires conscious intention and effort.
Your belief in treating all people with compassion also resonates— it’s a sentiment the world can always use more of.
I appreciate your honesty about your journey with understanding emotions beyond anxiety. Exploring them through language, as you’ve mentioned, seems like such a promising path.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights— they’re a reminder of the strength and growth that come from self-awareness.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
Again, I will quote you and respond with whatever comes to my mind:
“Allan Watts… said ‘We seldom realize that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own'”- no valid reason then to feel ashamed of some private thoughts because they are not my own 😊
“Just as the word tree is not a tree, fear, anger, as all such emotion when felt are not a word.”- using words which are 2-dimensional constructs as a way to avoid the 3- dimensional emotional experiences. Hiding behind words.
“Begging the question is Love a emotion?”- more of a decision and a commitment than an emotion in the long-run.
“I can hear Krishnamurti response to the call ‘that people need our love now,’ – Yes Love! What’s stopping you?”- fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being made fun of. I’ll give you an example: as I read yesterday how you ended your post, “I am after all who I am.”- I thought-felt (again) that you, Peter, are cute. I felt that affection again. I then thought of telling you that, as an act of love, I suppose (I just typed “I suppose” because of embarrassment) but didn’t want to do so for fear that you will misunderstand or think little of me. Well, I am telling you now as an act of love and courage. Hmm, this combination of Love and Courage is something I need to think more about. Correction, it’s a combination I need to experience (3-dimensional). Hey, I just did, credit given 👍
(Giving myself credit will make it less painful when I don’t receive credit from the outside).
“For Krishnamurti love is… a state of being that emerges when we cease to cling to what is not love. Love as negation… where we examine and discard what is not love (attachment, fear, competition, violence…)… A topic for another time?”-
– No time like the present, says I: For Krishnamurti, love is the core of who we are, it’s a state of being that exists when the noise of conditioned thoughts (what I called yesterday, OPT) and ego (which operates from a place of self-interest or fear) has been silenced. In essence, love as negation is not about adding more (trying harder to love) but about removing what blocks love from naturally flowing from our core.
Okay, I will let it flow from my core: I like you, Peter. I grew to like you over time and I am happy to be communicating with you!
“Tangent:… In Genesis G_d creates by speaking. In the beginning was the word… Adam (Humanity) made in the image of G_d is then given the task to name… Naming often mistaken for big C Creating. (Lead us not into temptation of mistaking the map for the territory)”- the thought occurred to me that naming things so early on (when Genesis was written), equals the 2-dimensional viewing of life, and with it, the absence of compassion (a 3rd dimension), leading G d to all those uncompassionate and unforgiving acts such as expelling Adam and Eve from the Garden and destroying much of humanity and life in a great flood.
I thought about Genesis in terms of G d’s Anger, but not in terms of G d’s lack of compassion.
“I mentioned that I can’t recall a time when I wasn’t afraid… Perhaps if I enter a hermitage or some sort it might be possible…”- I was afraid several times during the writing of this post. I mentioned one fear already. In addition, I felt that you- or another member- will criticize me for a post that is too long, too tiring to read and make fun of me by bringing this or that part of what I typed here and ridiculing it.
I just had an additional fear: that by typing the above, I gave someone reading the idea of ridiculing me, something they didn’t think of doing before I introduced the possibility.
I think that I am reducing my fear by typing the above even if my prediction comes true and someone out there does what I fear. Isolating myself in a hermitage wouldn’t give me this opportunity.
“I sit quietly and feel without labeling I notice the place in the body, It sits between the heart and throat. I do not have to verbalize it to know that it is.”- noticing the raw experience as it is, without naming it and without trying to fix it.
“I am as I am. I am done trying to fix myself, more verbalization’s of memory, the past in the present that never is… Turning me off rumination 😊 Until the next time… 😊 I am after all who I am.”- Funny Peter!
It’s time for a poem:
In quiet moments, I sit and see, The tides of thought, they flow through me.
No need to fix, no need to mend, For all begins where I choose to end.Between the heart, the throat, a space, A feeling lives I dare not chase.
No labels, no words, just what is there.I am as I am, no fight within, The ruminations fade, the silence begins. Not past, nor future, but this steady span—
I am, after all, who I am.anita
anitaParticipantTying this to the title of your thread, ‘On my way to self-compassion’: Remarkably, self-compassion may positively influence gene expression. By calming the body’s stress response—upregulating serotonin levels and downregulating cortisol levels—self-compassion has the potential to shift gene expression patterns in a healthier direction, bringing benefits to both the mind and body.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
You ended your post yesterday with: “Sometimes I ask why I had to be born this way. Being oversensitive is hard in this world. I must learn to work with it better.❤️”
I wanted to share something that might give you hope about oversensitivity— whether it’s something you’re born with or something shaped by experiences.
It used to be thought that our genes were fixed, unchanging from birth. But recent scientific discoveries in epigenetics show us something hopeful: while our DNA sequence stays the same, environmental factors— like stress, trauma, or nurturing— can change how our genes “express” themselves. In other words, life experiences can “turn on” (upregulate) or “turn off” (downregulate, or silence) certain genes, affecting how we feel and respond to the world.
Here are two examples:
SLC6A4 (Serotonin Transporter Gene): Difficult experiences, like trauma, can silence or downregulate this gene, reducing serotonin— a key chemical that helps calm stress. Lower serotonin activity is often linked to heightened sensitivity, anxiety, and difficulty managing stress.
NR3C1 (Glucocorticoid Receptor Gene): Stress can upregulate this gene, which controls cortisol (the stress hormone). This can lead to an overactive stress response and increased sensitivity to stressors.
The good news is that these changes aren’t permanent. Epigenetics teaches us that with care and positive experiences, these patterns can shift, offering real hope for healing and growth.
This means that oversensitivity to people or fear isn’t necessarily something you were born with—or something that has to stay the same forever. Change is possible, even in adulthood.
I found this very encouraging and thought it might give you a sense of hope as well. ❤️
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 