Dear Peter:

Peter, Oct 19, 2016: “What is this thing we call Love, and If we were to love ourselves unconditionally, what would it look like?… When we love others as ourselves, we say YES to who we and they are… for the most part we don’t really know how to love ourselves very well?”

Oct 27, 2016: “I have often found myself stuck in my stuckness… similar to being depressed about being depressed, stuck in a loop that kept feeding itself. Truth be told, there is a part of me that is comfortable with the familiarity of my stuckness as it can feel like a safe place to be.”

Nov 3, 2016: “I am reminded of a story of a sparrow trapped in an empty grain silo frontally seeking out each ray of light that appeared through various cracks in the wall only to find they were not big enough to get through. Defeated the sparrow lays exhausted on the floor failing to notice the dark tunnel that if traveled would take it under the wall and out of the silo.”

Nov 4, 2025: “The Lord’s Prayer, in its ancient rhythm, asks to be delivered from evil. But I’ve long felt that what it also asks is to be delivered from fear. For it is fear that distorts love, that clouds vision… Fear is the first contraction. Before there is violence, there is fear. Before there is judgment, there is fear. Before there is control, there is fear.”

Dec 11, 2025: “A ‘virgin birth’ was what happens whenever something new emerges without my effort, without my striving, without my fingerprints all over it. It’s the moment when I stop forcing and something unexpected, undeserved, and quietly luminous appears. It’s the wrapped gift under the tree, something I didn’t earn, didn’t orchestrate, didn’t even know to ask for.

“It’s the possibility that arrives unannounced, the insight that wasn’t wrestled into existence, the grace that shows up before I’ve proven myself worthy of it. It’s the way life keeps offering beginnings that don’t depend on my mastery, only on my openness.

“Even in my writing, I’ve noticed that when I stop trying to make things happen, thoughts come together on their own. Sometimes they surprise me. It feels like something new can arise without effort, a kind of inner ‘birth’ that happens when I’m not forcing anything. That’s helped me trust what’s already true in me.”.

Anita, Dec 11 (before reading the your recent post quoted above: “Shh… Peter: You are good! You’ve always been good! I KNOW it!… Still, the image of a boy (Peter) and a girl (Anita) and anyone running freely across a green field with us… Rest in being GOOD. A singular letter fewer than GOD, yet it makes all the difference.”

Back to your words above, “For the most part we don’t really know how to love ourselves…Truth be told, there is a part of me that is comfortable with the familiarity of my stuckness”-

My stuckness, for more than half a century, has been that prison I was in, a prison for people who are not allowed to love themselves (by their own sense of right and wrong) because how can a good person love a bad or a person unworthy of love?. (.. I was good-enough of a person to not love someone undeserving of love.. lol)

Non-duality does not replace or substitute the real need of a person- in real-life, as in the reality of being human- to be labeled “good” by one own self. So to deserve love, so to be offered loved by the self.

Thank you for your kind words in the first 2 paragraphs of your recent post.

May you and I embody love for ourselves and for each other as we happily run on green fields, unstuck, and may others join us

Anita

Hello Z:

I hear how confusing and painful this pattern has been for you. From what you describe, it sounds like a kind of trauma response. Sometimes when someone goes through a really intense emotional shock — like a breakup — the nervous system reacts by shutting down feelings as a way to protect itself. That’s why you suddenly felt numb, detached, or even repelled by him.

Psychologists often connect this to attachment styles. You mentioned being anxiously attached at first, but after the breakup it seems like your system shifted toward avoidant or even fearful‑avoidant attachment. That’s when closeness feels both desired and threatening at the same time. The “losing feelings overnight” part is like the brain’s way of saying: “This is too risky, better to disconnect.”

Childhood experiences can set the stage for this. For example: growing up with caregivers who were inconsistent — sometimes loving, sometimes rejecting, or if caregivers were controlling, unpredictable, or made you feel unsafe.

Children who had to manage big emotions alone often develop patterns of emotional numbing or dissociation later in life.

So what you’re going through is like your body and mind are stuck in a protective loop. The cycle of strong feelings → stress → shutdown is a common trauma‑related pattern.

Personally, I am very familiar with desiring closeness and being afraid of it at the same time, as well as with the numbing, dissociating and with the sudden “stranger overnight” shift: I remember not even recognizing a person- visually- following a particular dissociation episode. He appeared so much like a stranger that I didn’t even remember how he looked like before.

* Your body’s somatic symptoms (palpitations, crying, panic attacks) suggest that your nervous system was in hyperarousal (my nervous system hyperarousal expressed itself as tics), followed by collapse into hypoarousal (emotional flatness).

* The loss of enjoyment, social withdrawal, and heaviness sound like major depressive episodes (of which I was diagnosed with and suffered from for many years).

The good news is that these responses can change with time and intentional healing. These responses have changed for me. I don’t even remember the last time I was dissociated. My nervous system is still hyper aroused, unfortunately (Tourette tics and a tension inside), but I no longer suffer from major depression (a relief!).

What do you think of my input, Z?

🤍 Anita

… Another double posting, Peter, 10 min apart, didn’t read your most recent post before I submitted mine

Dear Roberta and Thomas:

I enjoy both of your senses of humor, brings a smile to my face!

Been busy here, in the forums all day, so didn’t get the time to listen to the audio/ video. Like Thomas though, it’s not just about time. It really is difficult for me to listen to an audio, particularly when someone speaks slowly and in a monotone (speaking fast and in a monotone is worse!), “makes me itchy pants” (Thomas’s words), ha-ha, don’t remember hearing it said just that way.

Be back to this thread later.

🙏 Anita

Dear Thomas:

Just wanted to comment in regard to “Sometimes I feel like an intruder when I read some of these posts. But, sometimes I will add my two cents anyway.’-

Please do add your two cents to any thread you wish to add it to. You are not an intruder. I would like you to feel at home here, in the forums.. and that’s my 2 cents 🙂

🤍 Anita

Hi Peter/ Everyone:

My best understanding is that evil in the context of Taoism = human actions that go against The Flow/ Tao.

Actions Going Against the Flow (the Tao):

1) Forcing outcomes- Examples: A manager micromanages every detail of a project, pushing employees to meet unrealistic deadlines. Instead of trusting the team’s rhythm, they force results, creating stress and burnout; one partner pressures the other to commit to marriage before they feel ready, creating tension and resistance; A thief breaks into a home to take possessions, forcing their will on others and disrupting peace; A parent insists their child must become a doctor, ignoring the child’s interests in art or music. This creates resistance and resentment.

2) Excessive striving- Examples: A student pulls all-nighters for weeks, cramming for exams, ignoring sleep and health. The imbalance leads to exhaustion and poor performance, despite the effort; A friend constantly tries to “fix” the relationship by overanalyzing every interaction, scheduling endless talks, and pushing for perfection, which drains both sides; A parent overschedules their child with endless lessons, sports, and tutoring, leaving no room for rest or play. The child feels pressured and exhausted.

3) Ignoring nature- Examples: A company clears forests recklessly for short-term profit; Illegal dumping of toxic waste into rivers, destroying ecosystems and communities for short-term gain; A parent disregards their child’s temperament (e.g., introverted vs. extroverted) and forces them into social situations that feel unnatural, causing stress.

4) Rigid moral judgments- Examples: Someone condemns a neighbor harshly for lifestyle choices (diet, clothing, beliefs), creating division instead of understanding. They cling to “right vs. wrong” without compassion; A parent harshly labels their child as “lazy” or “bad” for struggling in school, instead of recognizing different learning styles or challenges.

5) Artificial living- Example: A person buys luxury items they don’t need to impress other; A couple stays together only for appearances, pretending to be happy for social status, while hiding resentment and disconnection; Parents push their child to maintain appearances (perfect grades, perfect behavior) for social status, rather than nurturing authenticity and well-being.

🍃 Actions Going With the Flow (the Tao):

1) Wu Wei (Effortless Action)- Examples: A surfer rides the waves by adjusting to their natural rhythm instead of fighting them. They act skillfully but without force; Two friends enjoy each other’s company without planning or forcing activities — they simply let the day unfold naturally; A community volunteer helps distribute food to those in need, acting naturally and without seeking recognition; A parent notices their child loves drawing and naturally provides paper and crayons, supporting the interest without pressure.

2) Spontaneity- Examples: Friends go for a walk and stumble upon a street festival. Instead of sticking rigidly to their plan, they join in and enjoy the moment; A passerby sees someone struggling with heavy bags and instinctively offers to help, without planning or obligation; A parent joins their child in an impromptu backyard game, letting joy guide the moment instead of sticking to rigid schedules.

3) Simplicity- Examples: A family chooses to live in a small home, grow their own food, and avoid clutter; A couple chooses to spend quiet evenings cooking together instead of chasing extravagant outings, finding peace in shared simplicity; A neighbor shares homegrown vegetables with others, fostering connection through simple generosity.

4) Harmony with nature- Examples: A gardener plants according to the seasons, using compost and rainwater. They work with the cycles of nature rather than against them; A family spends time outdoors hiking or gardening together, strengthening bonds by aligning with natural rhythms; A group organizes a river clean-up, restoring balance to the environment and benefiting all.

5) Humility and openness- Examples: In a heated meeting, one person admits they don’t have all the answers and listens to others. This openness diffuses tension and leads to better collaboration; During an argument, one friend admits they may have misunderstood and listens openly, allowing reconciliation instead of escalation; A parent admits to their child, “I don’t know everything, but let’s learn together,” modeling openness and curiosity instead of authority and rigidity.

Key Takeaway- Against the Tao: appearances, control, ego, imbalance, judgment, pressure, resistance.

With the Tao: authenticity, balance, ease, flow, humility, support, trust.

Well, I am sold on Tao 😊

🤍 Anita