Dear Nichole:

I read through our communication since Aug 2018, almost 8 years ago! I read through my once-in-a-while studies, quoting what you shared over the months and years, and analyzing the quotes. I am not doing it this time. (I will end this post with quoting you but will not analyze or interpret your words. You are perfectly capable of doing that yourself if you so choose 🙂)

What I noticed today, rereading your words over the years, is how honest and genuine you’ve been all along: not pretending to feel what you didn’t, not pretending to be who you weren’t. Not performative. And I admire this about you!

Also, you were continuously kind and gracious to me, never aggressive or passive-aggressive, not even once, and I greatly appreciate this about you, thank you, Nichole 🙏

On July 21, 2020, exactly 6 years ago, you wrote to another member: “I want nothing more to heal and bring nothing but love and light to others.”, and to me, you wrote on the same day: “I have no choice but to make it in this world as an abused adult. I have my good days that I make through more than just surviving and I’m so grateful for those days, and days like today where I struggle hard and feel victimized all over. I truly struggle with a victim mentality, and it does not benefit me, but my anxiety really takes over and I feel trapped. And stuck in life.”

What do you think about the above quotes, 6 years later?

🌿 Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

Seems to me that the two of you have so much in common. I just wish the two of you use this commonality to help each other.

Yes, I came across the term Anticipatory Grief only recently. I think it was in communication with you!

It’s nice you sent her flowers and that she genuinely appreciated it. It just crossed my mind that she too is the bee’s knees 🙂

In 20 days (her visit), it’d be 30 days since you stopped the med. I think no side effects will be evident by that time, especially since you weren’t on it for long.

Does she take meds for her anxiety and panic attacks?

🌴 Anita

Oh, my goodness, I am having my first 🍷 of the evening myself. But I’m 3 hours behind you, so it won’t be just the one.

It’s been too warm and humid today (and to be hot tomorrow, in the 90s) difficult for me and for Bogart. He’s sleeping on his dog bed right now.

Also, I was up too early, tired all day and noticed I was feeling something I didn’t feel for a long time. Later I figured what that feeling was: depression. I used to feel like that so much of the time. Now it’s so rare I forgot what the feeling was.

I hope that this will happen to you too 👍

I am guessing you’re asleep right now (just after midnight). Are you?

🍷 Anita

I wanted to add, Tom, that I admire your resilience, how you withstand difficult times at work and at home and courageously, you are moving on toward easoer, better times 👏🌿

Anita

How are you, Sisi?

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

It’s healthy to take breaks from the forums and pace yourself👍

I hear how confusing these shifts in feeling are for you, and it makes sense that depression can affect how things show up. Take your breaks as you need them. I’m always glad to read from you whenever you choose to post.

🌿 Anita

Hello again, Stephanie 🙂

You are very welcome and thank you for the update. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with so much instability around you. Sudden staffing changes, unclear decisions, and messages from leadership that don’t match your actual behavior would make anyone feel unsafe.

From what you describe, you are taking accountability: you acknowledge mistakes, correct them, and outline how you’ll prevent them going forward. It makes sense that being told you’re “not trustworthy” or “need to be told to do your job” would feel confusing and unfair when your actions show the opposite.

I’m glad you have coworkers who understand what’s happening and can share some humor to get through the days. I’m here, and I’m glad you reached out.

🌿✨️🌿 Anita