More: Here I am, a little girl, an old woman, a young-old soul. Here I am.

I am no longer a person for you- whomever you are- to abuse me, to mistreat me, to harm me- no matter how justified you feel in hurting me. If you are against me- well, you are on your own- I will noy go belly up and submit to your abuse.

anita

More Shadow Work: Oh, my sweet little anita, I am here for you. Here I am with you little girl, with you forevermore. No longer will you be alone, no longer lonely.

All your dreams, your hopes, your imaginings, they all matter. I want to hear more from you. Tell me, tell me more. I want to know more.

I will protect you from people who want to harm you.

I am on your side. I will fight for you, whatever it takes. I will climb the tallest mountain for you, I will cross the driest desert for you.

Because you matter, because you are special, a courageous girl who has done her best.

I love You, Anita.

anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for your thoughtful and deeply compassionate message. I truly appreciate your kindness and the sincerity with which you express yourself—it makes a difference.

Your reflection on parental love resonates with me. The idea that love from others can be just as valid is something I am open to, and it’s helpful to hear that acknowledging this was healing for you.

I was particularly intrigued by what you shared about identity. When you say, “I don’t have much in the way of an identity. I’m a creature of circumstance,” what do you mean? I’d love to hear more about how that feels for you, if you’re comfortable sharing.

Your offer to accommodate my communication preferences means a lot. I deeply value thoughtful exchanges, especially when there’s openness and mutual understanding. I also appreciate your reassurance about honesty—I welcome honesty, and I also believe in sensitivity, as words carry weight. Your awareness of this speaks to your emotional intelligence.

You asked, “I wonder what helps you to accept and value yourself?”- For most of my life, my emotions were largely repressed or suppressed, along with many of my childhood memories. This suppression led to lifelong motor and vocal tics, creating an ongoing physical tension that kept me from genuinely engaging with life and with people. I was stuck in survival mode.

Recently, inspired by Lais Stephan’s article on Shadow Work, Dancing with Darkness: How to Reclaim Your Whole Self (published five days ago), I’ve made significant progress in shifting from suppression to expression—without judgment or shame. I’m learning to truly value my emotions as my allies because each one has a positive motivation—to help me. Even my tics had a protective purpose at their inception: they were an attempt to run away from my mother and protect myself from further harm. Since there was nowhere to physically escape, the running happened within me, manifesting as tics. Instead of feeling shame about them, I now feel gratitude for the intention behind them.

So, like the article’s title suggests, I am learning to dance with darkness—to embrace and engage intimately with all of my emotions, including the painful ones: hurt, anger, fear, envy, and more. If I don’t value my emotions enough to embrace them fully and compassionately, then I don’t truly value myself.

You asked, “Does your face bear any resemblance to your mother’s face at all?”- Yes, it does, and I hadn’t fully considered the significance of that until I read your question. Interestingly, my mother never once said I resembled her. Instead, she always pointed out that unlike her, that I looked European (my father was European, while she was from Northern Africa, with darker skin). At times, when she praised me, it was for looking European, reinforcing the idea in my mind that I didn’t look like her. But in reality, I now see that I do share her facial features and coloring. What are your thoughts on this, Alessa?

“Would it be okay if I say a prayer for your mother?” Yes, 🙏

“I was wondering if there are any things that you enjoy or don’t enjoy in communication with others?” Due to my ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder (which makes it difficult to process fast-spoken or unstructured verbal information), I enjoy when people speak slowly and clearly. Fast, pressured speech can be distressing, and I often struggle to follow what is being said. I also find figurative language—like jokes and sarcasm—difficult to process, so I appreciate conversations where language is used literally.

Most of my communication with people happens here in the forums, which allows me the time I need to research, reflect, and process information before submitting posts—something I can’t do in real-time conversations.

Thank you for sharing your email with me. Based on past experiences, I generally prefer communicating in the forums rather than by email, but if the forums ever become unavailable, I’d be glad to reach out via email.

I truly appreciate your presence, your kindness, and your support. I look forward to continuing this conversation ❤️

anita

I keep expressing myself here on my thread, and part of me wonders: when am I going to be stopped from expressing, when will I be accused of overstepping, taking too much time, too much space, raining on the parade of al the normal people (are there normal people?) When will I be expelled from the forums, labeled as The Crazy One ?

My life experience has led me to know, to really- really know that my experience is not unique, that of betrayal by a parent, and the lifelong consequences. This is a Crazy World, how can anyone disagree? Yet, I still fear being called out as The Problem, the one who should let go and get over it.

I am enchanted by the process of seeing more, understanding more, seeing deeper and deeper. I can’t stop, I don’t want to stop.

This is my own thread.. so I am allowed to express, to type and type whatever’s on my mind ad heart..?

It helps me, it’s good for me.

It’s Sat night here, had a very slow evening out and about, only a few people around in real-life.

… How many lives can we save by simply, really listening..?

You who may be reading this.. what’s deep inside of you, in the core of you- that needs to be expressed???

Tell me.

How much do we repress and suppress so to just get along, so to not be accused of being too heavy, too sensitive, too much of.. The Problem One?

This is my thread, you can start your own, you can express yourself in your own thread, or here, if you wish. You are welcome to express yourself here.

Is there anyone reading this?

anita

Dear Jana:

Thank you for sharing this—it’s truly inspiring to hear about the progress you’ve made in embracing and accepting your emotions. Your journey reflects incredible strength, patience, and deep self-awareness.

Your healing work through EFT, Zen Buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, and inner child work is truly remarkable. Each of these approaches has clearly played a meaningful role in helping you process pain, cultivate self-acceptance, and find peace within yourself. The way you described little Jana—no longer hiding, but smiling, sitting in joy—speaks volumes about the emotional growth you have achieved.

It’s beautiful that you’ve been able to shift from shame and suppression to embracing vulnerability as a strength. The way you approach your emotions with gentleness, recognizing them without identifying with them, is a powerful lesson in balance. It’s a testament to how much healing you’ve done.

I truly admire your wisdom and inner peace. Healing is a lifelong process, and the fact that you’ve reached this point is something to celebrate. I look forward to hearing more about your reflections whenever you feel like sharing.

Sending you appreciation and encouragement on your journey. 💜

anita

Dear Yana:

I want to take a moment to truly appreciate the depth of thought and care in your response to me. Over time, I’ve learned to refine the way I engage with others, recognizing the value of thoughtful replies that acknowledge emotions and encourage meaningful conversation. Because of that, I can fully appreciate the strengths in your message—the warmth, self-reflection, and openness you shared.

The way you offered reassurance, invited reflection, and shared your personal experience with healing through love was truly beautiful. It wasn’t just supportive; it created space for deeper dialogue, allowing the conversation to unfold naturally. Your ability to reflect on your own journey and extend that reflection to me is a meaningful skill, and I want to encourage more of it.

Sometimes, a response that validates someone’s feelings rather than dismissing them can be the difference between feeling heard and feeling shut out. I deeply appreciate seeing this side of you, and I hope it’s something you continue to bring to your conversations with others.

It’s powerful that you’ve been able to create something for yourself—a family built on genuine care and understanding, something that contrasts with your early experiences. The realization that you may have allowed yourself to be loved is such an important one. Love isn’t just given—it’s also something we must learn to accept, and it seems like you’ve found a way to do that.

You asked me, “What could help you finally feel whole?”—an excellent question. It was only recently that I was introduced to the concept of Shadow Work, which has been deeply insightful for me. If you’re interested, Lais Stephan’s article “Dancing with Darkness: How to Reclaim Your Whole Self” on the Tiny Buddha homepage explores it beautifully.

The answer to your question is found within the article’s title—dancing with darkness—or, as Stephan writes:

“I realized I had spent years treating my emotions as something to get rid of. But healing isn’t about eliminating pain; it’s about becoming intimate with it. So instead of suppressing my darkness, I started getting to know it… The more I embraced my pain, the less power it had over me… I learned that healing isn’t about reaching some perfect, pain-free version of yourself. It’s about integrating every part of you—even the ones you used to reject.”

Throughout the years on tiny buddha, I’ve shared my feelings, yet at the same time, I unknowingly rejected some of them and failed to acknowledge others—trying to push them away, often feeling shame for experiencing them at all. The shame, judgment, and fear I carried kept them largely repressed or suppressed, preventing them from being truly acknowledged and processed.

But yesterday, when I shared about my childhood and lifelong loneliness, something shifted. For the first time, I felt a sense of acceptance and appreciation for it—no longer rejecting it as something bad. It was like welcoming someone who had long been cast aside into my home. The once-rejected part of me, angry and demanding attention, finally felt seen and accepted—and in that acceptance, the desperate need for validation faded.

Jana, as you reflect on your own journey of healing and self-acceptance, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this approach. Do the principles of Shadow Work resonate with you? Have you experienced moments where embracing your pain rather than rejecting it led to a sense of peace or clarity?

anita