I’ll let my thoughts develop, Confused, not in the thought that it may help you, but in the way it has been for me, let the words appear as they will:

I LOVED my mother more than anything, more than anyone. True Love. H.U.G.E.

I saw her as a little girl who needed a mother she never had (hers died young), and crazily, I tried to be her mother, crazy- it never worked. And in that futile futility, I never grew up and she was never re-mothered. She and I were two unanswered children.

Strange how much you can LOVE a person (like I loved her), and none of it reached her, none of it made a difference.

Tears in my eyes right now, that’s emotion, not numbness. And it feels okay, yes. Feels okay to just feel. To feel.

🤍 Anita

And again, just in case you are reading- How are you, Milda?

Almost 4 months since you posted last, Dafne. I hope 🙏 that you’re okay 👍.. and even better than okay.

🤍 Anita

Gregory, if you are reading this, how are you?

How are you, Eva?

How are you, Calm Moon 🌙?

You are very kind, Mollie 😊. Thank you. Hope to speak to you soon, anytime 🤍

Good morning, Confused:

I was confused yesterday but realize this morning that the questions I asked you yesterday require emotional access you don’t yet have because of your emotional shutdown.

At one point last evening (my last message to you), I thought you were avoiding my questions, not realizing you weren’t yet able to answer them.

I was trying to help you name what you feel, but it may have put you in a position where you feel that you must “perform clarity” for me.

Instead of asking you to define the pressure, fear, or responsibility (cognitively demanding questions given your emotional state), I better shift toward trying to help you notice rather than explain, asking questions that don’t require clarity — only observation. Here are two such questions:

1) When you think of being responsible for her feelings, what sensation comes up?

2) When you imagine her needing you, what’s the first thing you feel — even if it’s numbness?

🤍 Anita