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anitaParticipantThomas, I just had to tell you that your line “⊠Sorry, lost track of what I was saying. I just had a Senior moment. Where was I ? Never mind. Maybe I should erase this? Ah fudge. Sorry.” placed the first actual smile on my face this morning. You are positively hilarious at times, thank you đ
Alessa: I too take things literally, and it was only yesterday- when I did my study on Advaita Vedanta- that I stopped being confused regarding this topic. So, when James said “you actually never did protect your child”, he meant (I hope!) that in the context of the eternal, Ultimate Truth, or Ultimate Reality (pure consciousness, where a body and mind do not exist), you can’t protect anyone.. because there’s no body or mind to protect.
But in the context of the temporary truth, or conventional reality of your every day life, of course you have protected your son every step of the way and will continue to do so best you can đ
đ€ đ©” Anita
anitaParticipantAnother double posting, Peter (this time only 3 minutes apart). I am taking a Tao break (just a joke đ) and will get back to you later.
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
I submitted the above before becoming aware that you submitted another post (13 minutes before I submitted mine).
Here you are saying that the Tao (the Way, the underlying reality) canât be captured in words or concepts. Words like âsilence,â âstillness,â or âeternalâ are just pointers â they gesture toward a mystery you can only experience, not define.
What feels like âdarknessâ isnât emptiness â itâs a fertile space where new life and possibilities are quietly forming.
Walking the âpathless pathâ means letting go of the need for answers, and resting in trust that the mystery carries me forward.
True wisdom isnât about knowing everything â itâs about being okay with not knowing.
True freedom isnât about getting everything I want â itâs about being content without depending on desires being met. Imagine a bird flying in the sky: if it believes freedom means owning every tree, every worm, every nest, it will always feel anxious â because it canât have them all. But if it realizes freedom is simply the open sky itself, it no longer needs to possess anything. Itâs already free, because nothing can take the sky away.
The sky in this example is the Tao (The Way and the ultimate reality in Taoism), the Brahman (Hinduism), Nirvana (Buddhism), and God (Western Traditions).
Back to your message, Peter:
Faith= âluminous darknessâ: trusting that even when I canât see the way, the Tao is guiding me, and so, the âdark nightâ isnât something scary â itâs sacred.
What dissolves when a person is truly free is the illusion of separation â the false belief that I am a self standing outside the flow. My past chronic sense of separation, confusion, or grasping has been like mist or waves â decades long appearances (but still temporary) that obscured deeper reality, that of belonging and being part-of the mountain, the ocean, the Tao.
* Grasping (defined): the mental habit of trying to hold onto experiences, possessions, or identities as if they were permanent.
Clouds are real, but they donât mean the sun disappeared. The illusion is believing that the sun has disappeared; thinking that passing appearances are the whole truth. Tao is the enduring reality beneath them.
“The Way cannot be possessed, only trusted. It is not a road but a rhythm, not a map but a mystery. To speak of Tao is to trace the outline of what cannot be named. To listen for Tao is to rest in the space before thought. To walk with Tao is to trust the pathless path, where dissolving and arising are one movement, and where all that is hidden reveals itself in its own time.”-
Beautifully said, if I may say so. You are a very talented.. Flow Writer.
I would be interested to read more from you Peter about how to trust the Tao, in practical terms.
đ€ Anita
anitaParticipant* Hi Thomas: I was wondering if you read the message I addressed to you 2 days ago (Dec 6) right above? It may be that you didn’t notice it.
Hi Peter:
In your 2nd message yesterday (the one you addressed to everyone) you expressed (I am paraphrasing and will use the 1st person) that peace and flow donât come from trying harder. They come when I stop forcing, relax, and let life express itself through me. Then rules and techniques donât disappear; they become so deeply part of me that my actions flow naturally.
Developing my thoughts: your phrase âheaven beneath our feetâ is a poetic way of saying that the sacred/ peace/ ultimate reality isnât somewhere far away â itâs already present right here, in ordinary life. You’re rejecting the idea that heaven (or peace, or enlightenment) is something you reach later, after effort or achievement. Instead, itâs always underfoot â part of each step, each moment.
I donât âclimb upâ to heaven; I simply notice the ground I’m already walking on. Itâs like walking in a beautiful garden while worrying about finding paradise somewhere else. The moment I stop searching, I realize paradise is already under my feet â the grass, the earth, the present moment.
When serious problems arise, âheaven beneath our feetâ would mean remembering that peace and clarity are already here. By relaxing into that presence, my actions become more natural, less forced, and often more effective. When facing a problem, I need to remind myself: I canât fix everything today, but I can take one clear step. And I need to pause and rest so to not make big decisions in the heat of panic.
Rushing to fix is like thrashing in quicksand â the harder I flail, the deeper I sink. It’s trying to fix everything at once and making decisions in the heat of panic,, being panicâdriven and reactive while Flow is calm, present, and allows the next right step to emerge naturally, one step at a time.
And now, to your most recent post. Here you’re saying that Flow doesnât mean shutting down my emotions or pretending I donât care. It means to feel whatâs already here, but not to pile extra struggle on top. For example: If I feel grief, let myself feel it. But donât add the mental fight like âthis shouldnât have happenedâ or âI wish I could change the past.â
Nonâattachment= not clinging to what canât be changed, not fighting reality.
I can still feel sadness, still care deeply, still honor what mattered to me, and at the same time, let go of the argument with reality/ stop the inner fight like âthis shouldnât have happenedâ or âI must undo it.â/ stop endlessly resisting what already happened and cannot be changed.
You added that selfâapproval reduces selfâcriticism, and therefore, it’s helpful. But if you tie it too tightly to âflow,â it can become another form of striving â like trying to score points for being good at flowing. Flow is just noticing feelings without effort, without grading myself.
“For tonight: take one slow exhale. Notice one thing you did today that came naturally. Let your body settle.
May you have a good Tao night of sleep and rest. Amen.”- Thank you for and for the 2 messages I processed in this post and for the excellent advice, will do tonight. Actually, will do today. You are a good Flow Instructor, Peter đđđđ€ Anita
anitaParticipantDear me:
I can see that youâre really drawn to her and that you enjoy talking with her. Looks like she sometimes gives you positive signals (like staying longer to chat), but other times she pulls back (like leaving the break room). That mix can be confusing.
Since sheâs a coworker, itâs worth being careful â workplace relationships can get complicated fast.
If you feel she only sees you as a friend and you donât want another friendship, it might be healthier to step back before you get more invested. If she truly wants more, sheâll make that clear in her own way. In the meantime, you can enjoy the connection without any expectations.
What do you think, me?
đ€ Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
I just noticed the message you addressed to me a bit more than 4 hours ago, thank you! I will answer Mon morning. I do hope to have a Tao night..
anitaParticipantThank you, Alessa, I am out of focus, I will reply to you in the morning (Sun evening here).
anitaParticipantDear me: I didn’t notice your message until just now.. and am not focused enough to give you my opinion. I’ll get back to you first thing Mon morning, please add any more information that can help me understand better before I’m back to you in the morning.
đ€ Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
“I hope this means youâre touched with what I wrote about finding your true self, and believing, finally, that youâre a good and worthy person đ€ Finally accepting the truth of who you are đ”-
Believing, finally.. that I am “a good and worthy person”- reads almost too good to be true, these words being about me, that is. I want to add these words to my daily mantra, “I am a good and worthy person”.
“It seems youâre in the middle of the grieving process (denial, anger, and now depression), and that acceptance is still hard, because it seems like a great loss. And yes, itâs a significant loss, in which you lost a way of life that you cherished so much.”-
I am glad to report to you, Tee, that the depression has lifted today (a relief!!!). I haven’t been at the now former Winery for the 2nd day, and I don’t expect to be there again. It’ll be a place for horses, no longer a public place.. No reason or purpose.. nor would it be legal for me to be there (without permission from the new owner or owners, 1 or 2 people).
A few days ago, I expressed a desire to have the wooden sign outside the (former) Winery, a sign that’s attached to the outside of the building with screws which I can’t remove, at the entrance to the building. It says the name of the winery and it has an “Open” and “Closed” removable part, which I have turned from “Closed” to “Open” and back to “Closed” numerous times.
Yesterday, later in the day, I received the whole sign as a gift. I was thrilled! That sign has been there for about TWENTY ONE years, ever since this Winery has been open to the public.. and it has meant so much to a lot of people.
The Sign is Mine..!!!
“But even as it is hard and painful, I donât consider it a devastating loss, because you still have all your capacities, including your health, to turn a new page and use your skills and talents in a new endeavor.”-
Well, I am glad to report to you, Tee, that after the lowest day I had yesterday; today I completed the 3.5 mile walk I used to take before the Winery (and rarely during the Winery), and after the walk I spent 2.5 hours doing some desperately needed cleaning and organizing work in the kitchen.. Just the very beginning, so much more needs to be done.
Later on, after the cleaning+, I want to be involved in some volunteer work.. maybe helping older people who are facing the end of life.. Like in a nursery home.
“Youâre now trying to soothe your pain with alcohol, but itâs never a good choice. I think thatâs how you can really harm yourself. Try to sit with your pain instead, breathe through it, stay present, and perhaps tell yourself an affirmation, something like youâve been already doing:… Perhaps come up with another mantra or affirmation for this grieving process, something that will anchor you in your true self (kind, loving, hard-working, helpful). This may help you focus on what youâve gained, not what youâve lost. đ€ đ”-
Mantra: “I am a good and worthy person. I am a kind, loving, hard working and helpful”.. Too many adjectives.
What I have gained in these last 4 years is self-worth/ a positive self-image. It makes ALL the difference, Tee!
“Youâve said some very important things about the nature of your involvement with the Winery:.. I hear you⊠you never thought you were competent of worthy to be in charge, to make big, financial decisions. To be an owner. You felt better in the role of a helper â helping the owner(s), but not feeling good enough to offer your opinion, i.e. participate in decision making.
“And yeah, thatâs typical for people with lack of self-worth. Iâve experienced it too: I felt incompetent to say things, offer ideas for improvement, in a place Iâve worked for a while. The place later went out of business, due to poor management, and I regretted Iâve never said anything⊠perhaps it wouldnât have made a difference, but perhaps it would. Anyway, it was too late, the place was closed.”-
SAME HERE, Tee, just what I feel!
“And Iâve later realized I was operating on a false belief that I have nothing of value to say. That my ideas and opinions are not important. That nobody would care what I have to say. Well, in this particular company perhaps the leadership wouldnât care, but still, I would have felt better if I did say it. But it was my lack of self-worth that prevented me⊔-
I am reading and responding to each part of your post before reading the next part, and what you’re saying is.. as if I said it myself!
“And thatâs why Iâm very happy that youâve decided to never again silence yourself, negate yourself, consider yourself a non-entity: “I promise you, Tee- I will never again consider myself a non-entity in a mini-world where others know better. No! I do know better!!!” Thatâs fantastic to hear! I hope this will be another of your motives and principles in the future: to not annul yourself, but to be a subject in your own life. Not only a helper, but also a creator of your own destiny.”-
Oh, my goodness, Tee.. Tears in my eyes. I will be kind and helpful and hard-working- but I WILL NEVER ANNUL MYSELF, N.E.V.E.R A.G.A.I.N!!!
“I hope that with time, youâll calm down and accept the idea that the Winery era is gone, but youâre still going strong. And then you might come up with other meaningful ways to spend your days. Because cleaning your home is certainly not very uplifting or fulfilling, at least not on the long run.”-
I’m thinking of volunteering in an old people’s home, old being late 70s, 80s, 90s- to uplift them before they die.
Yes, the Winery era has died. But I didn’t die. And there are so many people that need help.
“So perhaps there will be another endeavor, even a business venture, where youâll feel motivated to be a part of. And perhaps have more say in it than before?”- don’t want a business venture, no!
It was never my idea to buy a Winery or any business, too anxious about money. I just accommodated someone else’s desire.. and found myself, over time, falling in love with the now former Winery.
I have photos and videos I took over time. Tee, you should have been there. So many people, stories.. flashes of LIFE. Of hopes and dreams.
“So I see this as a new beginning and a new opportunity for you to shine your light⊠and I hope the depression will lift soon enough! đ€”- Again, I am relieved.. Actually, I am thrilled that my depression has lifted today!
Talking to you, Tee, is a huge part (!!!) of the improvement I am experiencing today. You are making a real difference for me. đ đ đ
đ€ đ«¶ đ Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I’m taking a bit of a break from the topic (and from alcohol) today. I feel calmer and I don’t want to get emotional at this time, but I will read and reply this late afternoon or evening.
Eternally Grateful to you, and hope and pray for you.
đ€ đ€ đ«¶ đ
anitaParticipantHi Alessa:
I hear your great love, compassion and concern for your son. Maybe, just maybe part of the study above can help..?
By the way, I love your blue heart emojis, thank you!!!
đ€ đ©” Anita
anitaParticipantHi Everyone:
I’d like to share my study this morning:
Nonâdual means ânot two.â In traditions like BUDDHISM and ADVAITA VEDANTA (I’d refer to it as AVE), both originated in India, reality is seen as one unified whole. The division between âmeâ and âthe world,â or âgoodâ and âbad,â is considered a mental construction.
From this view, pain itself may exist, but the suffering comes from the mindâs stories â expectations, judgments, and resistance. For example: You feel pain in your body. Thatâs real. But when the mind says, âThis shouldnât be happening, Iâll never be happy again,â thatâs where suffering multiplies.
The âegoâ here means the sense of a separate self that clings to desires and fears. If you let go of that clinging, the suffering dissolves, even if pain remains.
In nonâdual philosophy, everything that happens is seen as part of the whole. Judging events as ârightâ or âwrongâ is considered an ego activity â it divides reality into categories. Example: A storm destroys a village. From a human perspective, thatâs tragic. From a nonâdual perspective, itâs simply âwhat is.â The storm isnât morally wrong; itâs part of nature.
Some mystics extend this to say even atrocities are âjust what is.â This is where it becomes controversial, because it can sound like excusing harm. To someone living through trauma, saying âthere is no right or wrongâ can feel dismissive or dangerous.
Buddhism and AVE both talk about suffering and âright/wrong,â but they approach it differently:
* Buddhism- The Buddha taught that suffering (dukka) is real and comes from desire, craving, and attachment. Buddhism does not deny morality. In fact, it emphasizes ethical living through the Five Precepts and the Eightfold Path (right view, right speech, right action, etc.). The Key idea: Suffering can be reduced by living ethically, practicing mindfulness, and letting go of unhealthy desires. Buddhism says: âYes, suffering exists. Live ethically and mindfully to ease it.”
* AVE- it teaches that from the highest perspective/ from the ULTIMATE LEVEL, everything is Brahman- pure consciousness; the absolute reality. Good and bad are distinctions made by the mind, but in truth, all is one. Suffering comes from ignorance â believing we are separate individuals rather than part of one universal consciousness. From this perspective, distinctions like âgoodâ and âevil,â âcriminalâ and âvictim,â are part of mÄyÄ (illusion). They donât exist in the absolute sense because all is one.
AVE also recognizes the vyavahÄrika satya (âconventional truthâ), which is the everyday world we live in. In this realm, karma, dharma, and ethics still apply. People are held responsible for their actions, and justice matters.
Ćaáč kara (the key AVE philosopher) himself emphasized that while ultimate reality is nonâdual, in daily life one must follow ethical duties (dharma) and social responsibilities. AVE says: âSuffering seems to exist, but ultimately itâs illusion. Realize your true Self and it disappears.â It does not encourage ignoring or excusing atrocities. Instead, it says: “On the highest level, good and evil dissolve into oneness.” On the everyday level, ethical responsibility and justice remain essential.This twoâtiered view (ultimate vs. conventional truth) is similar to Buddhismâs distinction between absolute truth and relative truth. It distinguishes between two levels of truth: the ultimate (absolute) and the conventional (everyday). At the ultimate level, all distinctions dissolve into oneness, but at the conventional level, ethical duties and justice remain essential.
Think of Brahman as the ocean. Waves can be calm or violent, but the ocean itself is not âgoodâ or âevil.â It simply is. Human suffering and atrocities are like stormy waves â real at the surface, but ultimately part of the same ocean.
* In Christianity, God is wholly good and ethics matter always; moral responsibility is central. in AVE, Brahman is beyond good/evil categories. Ethics matter in daily life, but dissolve at ultimate level.
Mystics often say: Live by relative truth, realize ultimate truth.
A simple analogy- Think of a movie:
Relative truth: The story, characters, and drama are real while youâre watching.
Ultimate truth: Behind it all, itâs just light on a screen. (The Blank Canvas, Peter).In short: Relative truth is the world of appearances and ethics; ultimate truth is the deeper reality where dualities dissolve. Both are valid, but they operate at different levels.
AVE Advaita emphasizes vairÄgya (detachment). This doesnât mean indifference, but freedom from being emotionally tossed around by ups and downs. You can feel calm even in difficult situations.
In Buddhism, nonâduality (emptiness, ĆĆ«nyatÄ) means no one exists independently. This insight often leads to greater compassion: if all beings are interconnected, helping others feels natural. Nonâduality dissolves the feeling of isolation. Believers often describe feeling âat homeâ in the universe, connected to everything and everyone.
Emotional benefits: If you believe that your true self (Ätman in Advaita, or awareness in Buddhism) is beyond birth and death, then fear of loss, illness, or even death lessens. You see these as temporary appearances, not ultimate reality. Nonâduality teaches that clinging to âme vs. you,â âsuccess vs. failure,â or âgain vs. lossâ creates suffering. Realizing that all is one helps loosen these attachments, bringing emotional balance.
Believing in nonâduality doesnât erase pain, but it changes the emotional relationship to pain and joy. Instead of being trapped in fear, grief, or attachment, you cultivate calm, compassion, and a sense of unity.
End of study.
đ€ Anita
anitaParticipantDear me: Well, I am looking forward to you starting a new thread. I can see what you mean by you not seeing a point. You need a strong, reliable woman, one you can depend on and not having to guess about.. is my understanding.
đ€ AnitaÂ
anitaParticipantI suppose the thread is ongoing, Feelings for coworker.. who likes nature pictures and.. you!
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I’m back from the taproom, the owner wasn’t there. He’s never there on Saturdays. It’s the first Sat I was there in 4+ years (been at the Winery every Sat for 4+ years). I was quiet and subdued there, this evening, burst out crying only once. Saw a lot of people (a Christmas lighting event, so lots of people stopped by the taproom). It was a good experience overall.
I’ve been told this evening that I need to cut down on my drinking- first time I’ve been told that. I did no exercise and no work today and drank a whole bottle of wine this late morning- early afternoon, remembering nothing from one point on. I never drank as much and as fast as I drank today.
And the house is a total mess. I need to get my act together now and tomorrow.
I just don’t know what to do with TIME when I am no longer engaged at the Winery. I mean, there’s lots of work to do here, it’s just that I got so attached and invested in being THERE.
THERE felt like home.
On a regular Sat, I would be there right now, over 30 minutes of it still being open. When events took place, it’d be another 4 hours of being there. And then, the day after (Sun), I’d be cleaning after the event.
So, tomorrow, Sun- no Winery and no taproom (it’s closed on Sundays), So..
I would like to update you tomorrow, Tee, about me cleaning the house and setting that as a new routine.
đ đ€ Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 