Hi Sonia,

I’m really glad to read back from you 🙂

It makes so much sense that these new boundaries feel strange and uncomfortable. When you’ve spent years putting others first, doing something healthier can feel like you’re doing something wrong, even though you’re not. The guilt you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong — it just means you’re doing something new.

Boundaries often feel awkward at first, but they’re part of taking care of yourself, and it sounds like you’re already noticing moments of relief. It’s also really healthy that you’re letting yourself feel the emotions instead of shutting them down. That’s how real change happens.

A lot of people who’ve spent a long time being very tuned into others’ feelings find that boundaries feel unfamiliar at first. I relate to that — I grew up being very tuned into my mother’s emotions and not having many boundaries. As an adult, saying “no” or not people‑pleasing felt like I was doing something wrong to the other person. It’s something I’ve had to work on too.

Thank you for the update. I’m always glad to hear from you, whenever you feel like sharing.

🤍 Anita

… Zenith.. ???

How are you friend? 🤍 Anita

Dear Robi:

I’m wondering 🤔 if you’re still in Romania right now, and hoping you’re in Warsaw, although I understand the challenges in regard to your gf and her mother.

If only things could be simple and easy 😕

✨️🤍 Anita

I hope you’re okay 👍, Confused.

✨️🌙🤔 Anita

I wonder how 39-year-old Tom is feeling today/ tonight. I hope 🙏 well?

✨️ Anita

Any news in regard to the Apt vs Townhome decision, Alecsee?

🤔 Anita

Dear Mollie:

This morning, I reread your first (original) post in this thread as well as following posts and consulted with AI (Copilot).

Your first post in this thread was on March 28, 2025 (age 23). In that post, you didn’t give many details about your childhood or your parents, but you did reveal emotional patterns that point to how your early relationships shaped you.

A. Your parents’ disapproval had strong power over you- you wrote that they didn’t approve of the man you loved because he was 10 years older. Your reaction was to feel turmoil, stop contact with him, and focus on repairing things with your parents. This suggests you grew up in a family where parental approval mattered intensely, and where you may have learned to sacrifice your own desires to keep peace.

B. You felt guilt and pressure around disappointing them- you said resigning from your job felt horrible because you had previously indicated you’d stay longer. Even though this wasn’t directly about your parents, the emotional tone was the same: fear of letting people down and fear of not meeting expectations. This often comes from childhood environments where expectations are high and approval feels conditional.

C. You apologized for having feelings- you ended your first post with: “I’m sorry if this is an ungrateful, spoilt post to read.” This is a classic sign of someone who grew up minimizing their needs and emotions.

D. You were still seeking their permission- you stopped seeing someone you loved partly because your parents disapproved, and you were still thinking about how to explain yourself to them. This points to a childhood where family expectations were placed above your own autonomy.

Your adult choices — job, partner, location — were still shaped by what your parents think. Their approval held strong influence, you feared disappointing them, and you internalized guilt and self‑blame.

In your later posts, you gave a much clearer window into both your childhood emotional environment and your current relationship with your parents. When everything is put together, a consistent picture emerges: a family system where love, pressure, approval, and anxiety were tightly intertwined.

From your later posts, we learn:

1. You grew up in a home with conflict and tension. You wrote: “My parents were worried about my brother, there were arguments at home, to the extent that I would develop tension in my tummy… anxiety.”- there was emotional instability, and you absorbed the stress. You developed anxiety as a child and became hyper‑attuned to the emotional climate.

2. You became the “good child.”- you described overthinking, worrying about pleasing others, feeling responsible for harmony, and apologizing for having needs. This is common for a child who tries to balance out a sibling who requires more attention.

3. You learned to manage other people’s emotions. You said: “I would worry about food for them, ensuring the flat is clean… even though they tell me not to worry.”- this is the pattern of someone who grew up anticipating others’ needs, trying to prevent conflict, and striving to be perfect so no one gets upset.

4. You internalized pressure to achieve. You wrote: “Because I was achieving all the time… my parents perpetuate the cycle of this is the profession for you, because it’s the best one and you are the best.”- this suggests you learned to equate worth with performance.

5. You learned to minimize your own struggles. You repeatedly apologized for venting or having problems. This reflects a child who learned: ‘I shouldn’t burden anyone.’

About your current relationship with your parents: * They are loving and supportive — but overwhelming.
You said: “I am lucky to have their support… but sometimes they are overwhelming.”- this is common in families where love and pressure coexist.

* You feel responsible for their comfort. Even when they visit, you worry about food, cleanliness, and being a good host. This pattern usually begins in childhood.

* Their approval still shapes your decisions. You ended a relationship because they disapproved, felt pushed toward a career path, and feared disappointing them.

* They are supportive, but also anxious. You wrote: “They worry and try to keep me on track.”- they love you, but they project their fears onto you — and their anxiety becomes your anxiety.

* You feel close to them, but also dependent. You said: “I rely on them for support… I don’t have much energy for socialising outside my bubble.”- this creates a push‑pull: you need them, you feel smothered, you want independence, and you fear losing their approval.

Putting it all together: you grew up in a family where:

1. Love and pressure were intertwined. Your parents clearly love you, but their love came with high expectations, anxiety, and a sense that you must “make good” on your potential.

2. You became the emotional stabilizer. With a brother who caused worry and arguments, you stepped into the role of the responsible one, the achiever, the peacemaker.

3. You learned to earn approval through achievement. You were encouraged to succeed, but in a way that made you feel you must always be “the best,” choose prestigious paths, and avoid disappointing them.

4. You internalized anxiety early. Your “tension in the tummy” was a child’s response to chronic stress and emotional vigilance.

5. You struggle to separate your desires from their expectations. You want to be a lawyer, but you also feel pushed. You feel it’s your idea, yet you’re unsure. This confusion is common when identity forms around pleasing parents.

6. You feel guilty for having needs. You apologize for venting, for being overwhelmed, for having problems — a sign that you learned your needs were secondary.

7. You love your parents deeply — and feel trapped by them. You are close to them, especially your mother, but you also feel overwhelmed, pressured, watched, and guided too closely. This is the emotional landscape of a young adult raised in a loving but high‑pressure family system.

In short: You are now trying to separate what YOU WANT from what you were TRAINED TO WANT. And that is the heart of your struggle. The struggle to separate- individuate. Is it, Mollie?

🤍 Anita