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anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I realize I forgot to respond to your 1st message here from yesterday
“Is there a way to do something about it, have you looked it up? I do hope he gets used to the car and that his stomach settles..”- I just looked it up for the first time (I wonder why it didn’t occur to me before, thank you!):
* I am adding the info below not because I expect you to read it Tee 🙂. It’s how I process info (typing, editing info on the computer screen)
Copilot: 1. He is scared, not stubborn. The (3 events of vomiting) in the car scared him, and now he feels unsafe in several situations (car, walks, dog park, even the leash).
2. When he freezes or plants his feet, he is overwhelmed. Tail tucked + stiff body + looking at you = “I’m scared, please help me.”
3. Right now, the world feels too big for him. So he avoids: The car, Walks, The dog park, The leash- This is a normal fear response for a 6‑month‑old puppy.
What to do now 1. Keep life very calm for a few days- Only short potty trips. No long walks. No dog park. No car rides unless needed.
2. Rebuild his confidence slowly- Start with tiny steps: Leash on → treat → take it off, Step outside for 2 seconds → treat → go back inside, Walk only a few feet → treat → go home
3. Always use a leash outside- Even if he’s scared of it, it keeps him safe. But don’t force it — instead, make the leash positive again with treats and short, easy sessions.
4. Don’t take him to social events right now- Too much stimulation will make his fear worse.
Leaving him home for a short time is better and safer.The big picture- Your beagle is a sensitive puppy going through a fear period. He needs: Safety, Predictability, Very small steps, No forcing, Lots of gentle encouragement
With time and slow, positive experiences, he can get back to enjoying walks, the car, and the world.
… When in the car again: face him forward or let him see out the window, safely secured in a crate or use a dog seatbelt (stability reduces nausea), crack a window for fresh air and pressure equalization, keep the car cool (heat worsens nausea), and no food 3–4 hours before the ride (Water is fine), have his favorite toy in the car, a pheromone spray (like Adaptil) on a blanket can help. If the problem continues regardless of these measures, there are safe anti‑nausea medications that a vet can prescribe.
Bogart isn’t just carsick- he’s now showing generalized anxiety. Puppies can spiral quickly: one bad experience → avoidance → more fear → shutdown. He is showing several classic signs of fear-based avoidance: Refusing to get in the car, Avoiding a dog park entirely, Whining on walks, and Suddenly refusing walks after previously doing well. It’s a puppy who’s overwhelmed and trying to avoid situations he now associates with discomfort or unpredictability.
What to do next (step-by-step) 1. Stop forcing him into any situation. Forcing confirms to him that: “This thing is scary.”, “I have no control.” 2. For the next 3–5 days: Keep things very low-stress, Short, easy potty walks only, No dog parks, No car rides unless absolutely necessary. This gives his nervous system a chance to settle.
3. Rebuild walks from scratch Right now, the walk itself is the trigger. Start tiny…
4. Reintroduce the car slowly- Right now the car = nausea + fear. Break it into micro-steps: Step 1: Walk near the car → treat → walk away. Step 2: Sit near the car with the door open → treat → leave… Move at his pace. If he freezes, backs up, or refuses, you went too fast.
5. Skip the dog park for now- Dog parks can be overwhelming even for confident dogs. For anxious dogs, they can be terrifying. Instead: Walk in quiet areas, Let him sniff, Let him choose the direction sometimes. Confidence grows through small wins, not big leaps.
How to help him when he freezes- 1. Don’t pull him or drag him- Pulling increases fear and teaches him that: “Walks are scary.”,
“I have no control.” Instead, we want him to feel safe and empowered.2. Use the “pressure on, pressure off” method- Apply gentle leash pressure in the direction you want to go. The moment he shifts weight forward, even slightly → release pressure. Praise or treat. Repeat. You’re teaching him: “Moving forward makes the pressure go away.”
3. Reward any curiosity- If he: Looks around, Sniffs, Takes a step, Turns his head toward the direction you want …mark it with a calm “yes” and give a treat. Tiny wins build confidence.
4. Shorten the walk dramatically- Right now, long walks are too much…
5. Let him choose the direction sometimes- Giving him control reduces anxiety. Even letting him pick the first 10 feet of the walk can change his mindset.
6. Avoid overstimulating places for now- No dog parks, no busy streets, no long hikes. His nervous system needs a reset.
Why this is happening now- At 6 months, puppies often hit a fear period — a developmental stage where new or surprising things feel extra scary. Combine that with: Car sickness, Anxiety about the car, A stressful dog park experience.. and his brain is now generalizing fear to other situations, including walks. This is reversible, but it requires going slow.
What this body language means- Tail tucked: He’s feeling vulnerable and unsure of the environment. Body stiff- He’s bracing himself — a freeze response, not stubbornness.
What to do in the moment he freezes- 1. Get low and soften your body language, Kneel or crouch sideways to him (not facing head‑on), Speak softly. 2. Don’t pull the leash…
Leaving your beagle home alone for a short time is actually the safer and calmer option right now, even though he sometimes whines at the bathroom door. That whining is normal puppy clinginess, not true separation anxiety, and it doesn’t mean he can’t handle brief absences. A quiet, familiar home is far less stressful for him than a busy social event full of noise, people, and unpredictability.
In fact, short, calm absences (30-60 minutes): Build independence, Reduce clinginess, and Help prevent real separation anxiety from developing.
Back to your post, Tee:
“Alessa gave a great suggestion for the lower back: to wear a brace! Yes, it helps protect the lumbar spine, but as Alessa said, it should be warn only when needed, because otherwise the muscles atrophy.”- thank you. Actually I have a brace.
“What you can also do is the so-called core exercises for the spine, which strengthen the abdominal and back muscles, which in turn protect the spine (i.e. create a natural bracing effect).”- 🙏 I do that every other day
“Dear Anita, thank you so much for praying for me and my health! Yeah, chronic pain, coming from more sources, is no fun way to live. But as I said, I’m trying to think positively and not let my mind go to bad places.. so that only one arrow of suffering in present, not two 🙂”- I wish you didn’t have chronic pain at all but I’m glad you’re thinking positively. Whenever I feel pain, I get scared, and when I do, I think of you as my inspiration to think positively.
“Thank you for your heartfelt prayers! 🤍 I am praying for you too and for the calming down of Bogart’s anxiety (and stomach issues), so he can be one happy pup, and you one happy and satisfied dog Mom 😊”-
Thank you, Tee. If you didn’t bring it up, I wouldn’t have done the 2-3 hours research right above, so, Bogart 🐾 and I thank you 🫶
🤍 🙏 🐾 😊 🙏 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantPeace back to you, Dear James. I already miss you, but Nihilism is not for me. It’s.. what’s the word.. “the devil”, using your word (in another context).
No way can I convince you otherwise, I won’t even try. I just don’t want to be any part of Nihilism. Not even close to it.
Nihilism is the devil way- more.. way more than the ego.
But like I said, no way do I think I have a chance to get my point across to you. I don’t even care of being “right”, it’s just that Nihilism is something I want nothing to do with.
I’ll miss you.. The potential of the meeting of the minds.
(sad face emojis)
anitaParticipantHello again and again.. Confused 😊:
“How do you make it known to yourself?”- By knowing I didn’t deserve my mother’s abuse/ non-love. That she didn’t even SEE me, let alone, evaluate me. Her judgment is peeled off of me, and what’s left is a good little girl dormant for half a century.
“I never thought to give my mother’s words importance”- that must have been after her words were already absorbed, taking hold.. Maybe later when you were a teenager, you rebelled, fought back. But the young boy you were, like any child, just absorbs, no defenses.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
“Yes, a narcissistic person would think in those terms: there is no way they can be bad, under no conditions. Even if they abuse you, they are right, you are wrong. They are the victim, you are the perpetrator…
“Right, she was accusing you for being born prematurely, for her getting duct infection.. not thinking for a second that perhaps the stress which you’ve experienced in utero, perhaps even the stress and trauma of her bulimia (or anorexia) could have contributed to any of those problems…
“Yes, the covert narcissist narrative: they are the greatest victim, and if you dare to question it, you’re the perpetrator..
“It’s good that you’re seeing those things so clearly now, Anita. You really can see through the lies of this narrative, the lies that your mother conditioned you with…
“Right.. that’s also true for a narcissist: because as much as they need sympathy and people agreeing with them, they need to remain alone on the pedestal, as the single greatest victim. You cannot be ‘one’ with a narcissistic mother, because she needs to one-up you, basically.. She needs to always feel better than you.”- This never occurred to me, Tee, before I read your input right here, on this Christmas Eve 2025.
She needed to be alone on her own pedestal. She needed to be the Good one, the only good-one, which means I had to be off her pedestal like everyone else, “Bad”.
“Yes! Growing up with a narcissistic mother leaves us with toxic shame. The feeling that we are bad at our core, that something is terribly wrong with us. But now you’re seeing it clearly: that even if you make a mistake, you are not bad. Your identity is not bad. You are a good person who sometimes make mistakes, like we all do. That’s what being human means.”-
Toxic shame= I’m bad. That’s been her legacy in my life: Anita Bad. And every mistake or perceived mistake, or “wrong” thought or feeling was proof of my alleged badness.
“I am happy you’ve freed yourself (or are working on freeing yourself) from the conditioned thinking that you are bad and your mother is good. The more you practice and affirm the truth of who you are, the better it will get. You’re doing a monumental job reversing that old programming, and I am really happy for you!”- Thank you, Tee 🙏😊.
Mothers have so much POWER over their daughters and too many are callous, if not outrightly abusive. I am sorry that your mother has been one of those, so consistent and relentless in her messages to you.
You too are and have been doing a monumental job reversing the old programming, and having done this work yourself, you’re able to help me.
🙏 🤍 🫶 🤍 🙏 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for the back brace advice. My lower back is still sore but since I no longer plan to pick Bogart up, I am hoping the soreness will heal with more time.
Thinking about you this Christmas Day (your time). Still Christmas Eve here. Hoping your Christmas Day is pleasant and that you’re not too busy and can relax.
🤍Anita
anitaParticipantHello Confused:
“Well, how do we do that since we haven’t been taught when we were kids? I think that’s a big issue for me.”-
It’s difficult to love a person you don’t like, isn’t it? On the other hand, it may be easy to love someone you like.
My mother’s words and behaviors sent me the message that she didn’t like me, that she was far from approving of me. For as long as I gave her the authority to determine my (non) worth, I neither liked nor loved myself.
Does this resonate with you?
“If I do that (hugging yourself), it feels strange/cringe and fake in a way. Like myself doesn’t believe me, it feels like something unknown to me.”- Are you willing to make it KNOWN for yourself, to take that leap of faith yourself.. or are you waiting for someone else (such as a romantic interest) to make that leap for you?
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear James/ Everyone:
James, Dec 24: “There is no life after physical death… The core of the so called soul is nothingness… it comes to surrendering to non experience or nothingness, things will be change.”-
You’re basically saying:
1. When the body dies, that’s it- there is no life after death, no continuation of the self, no consciousness that survives.
2. The “soul” is not a real thing- the core of a person is nothingness, not an eternal essence. Before birth = nothing After death = nothing.
You’re basically telling people: ‘Don’t fool yourself with comforting stories (like NDEs). When the brain dies, there is no awareness left. Prepare yourself for that truth.’
What could possibly be the benefit is this message, I ask myself. According to you: to not be shocked, terrified and overwhelmed later on when one realizes that there’s no afterlife of any kind, no soul or consciousness that continues, no meaning.
Preparing now = reducing the shock later. Seeing “the nothing” early prevents disappointment later.
In your view: better to know now than later.
All this fits perfectly with the nihilistic worldview. This is NOT non‑duality
Non‑duality says: the personal self dissolves but awareness remains
James says: the personal self dissolves and awareness also ends.
Nihilism — the view that life has no inherent meaning, purpose, or value
Non‑duality — the view that separation is an illusion and everything is one unified reality
I read that Nihilism can help people, but only for a while. Sometimes nihilism is the first moment someone realizes: ‘I don’t have to believe everything I was taught.’, and ‘I can question everything.’ That can actually be freeing. It clears away old beliefs that don’t fit anymore. But nihilism stops being helpful when someone treats it like the final truth. If you stay in it too long, it can turn into: apathy, hopelessness, feeling like nothing matters
It’s like tearing down an old house: useful if the house is falling apart. Not useful if you try to live in the rubble.
For a lot of people, nihilism is a transition — a phase you pass through on the way to something deeper. It’s the moment when your old worldview collapses, but the new one hasn’t formed yet.
That’s why nihilism often shows up right before people discover ideas like non‑duality, spirituality, or a more grounded sense of meaning.
So, nihilism can help — but mostly as a step, not a destination.
Q: When someone rejects: religion, morality, purpose, cosmic meaning, spiritual ideas, objective values (nihilism).. what’s left?
A: Just the ego’s experience. So, the ego becomes the center of the universe by default — because everything else has been stripped away.
Non‑duality flips the whole thing: the ego is not the center. The ego is not the only thing that exists. The ego is not the source of reality Instead, it says: the ego is just a temporary appearance in a larger field of awareness. The ego is just one wave in that ocean
I, Anita, am just that, one wave in the ocean, temporary, never separate from the ocean. I want to be more and more the ocean.
I will do my best to be a humble wave in the ocean. Thank you for helping me in this regard, James. It’s just that I don’t want to engage in nihilism thought, my personal choice. So, goodbye James. I will no longer post in your threads. I wish you well.
🌊🌊🌊 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused: I’ll reply in a few hors.
anitaParticipantThank you for your message, Tee, I’ll reply later!
anitaParticipantDear James:
This morning, I feel stupid (and that’s okay). ALL THIS TIME, I thought you were speaking from a Non‑Duality perspective, but now I see that you used the language of NON-DUALITY, but your actual view is NIHILISM.
Nihilism says there’s nothing underneath or beyond the personal self. Non‑duality says the personal self isn’t ultimately real, but instead of “nothing,” it points to an impersonal awareness or consciousness that everything arises from and returns to, saying that individual people are like waves in the ocean, waves arise (born) and fall (die) but the ocean (universal, non-personal consciousness) remains.
You say: there is no ocean. There is Nothing.
Non-duality says: the personal self is not ultimately real, but what remains is awareness (the ocean), not Nothing. Death dissolves the person (the wave), but it does not dissolve consciousness (ocean). There is no ‘void’ to fear after death.
In your most recent post, James, you shared: “I lived in darkness and silence for 1 year and meditated around 8 to 10 hours per day.”-
This is an extreme, highly unusual kind of sensory deprivation and social isolation, James. That kind of experience can absolutely reshape someone’s worldview, but the direction it takes depends on the person, so I read:
Meditation doesn’t automatically produce peace or enlightenment. It amplifies whatever is already inside the person. So, if you were already leaning toward nihilism, then the 1-year sensory deprivation and isolation could have deepened and solidified your nihilism.
You believe life has no built‑in meaning. My goodness, James, this is NOT TRUE. But we’ll have to agree to disagree (at least, this is my intention).
I believe that there is a consciousness beyond individual death. You’re giving way TOO MUCH importance to the Ego when you claim, basically- that Nothing Else Exists (NEE, if you will, lol)
Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“I genuinely have no clue what loving myself means”- When a child grows up without love, the child figures he’s not worthy of what he needs so desperately.
You shared earlier: “The relationship with my mother was very chaotic, violence and arguing constantly, throwing some awkward affection here and there, then rinse and repeat”- The affection in-between felt awkward.. meaning you didn’t trust it to last, did you?
If you were fortunate enough to grow up in a calm, peaceful, and stable environment; if instead of chaos, you knew predictability, instead of violence- safety, instead of constant arguing- healthy communication, then you would have mirrored the love you’d had receive and naturally (without necessarily thinking it) you would have loved yourself.
You shared earlier in regard to your romantic interest: “What I’m feeling when we talk is like I’m talking to a stranger, feeling cold and apathetic. Like my mind erased her in a way, or she has done something bad to me”- It may be that you projected the mental image of your mother into her (without realizing it) and re-experienced seeing your mother as a stranger.
“I can’t recall loving myself, ever.”- If you close your eyes, give yourself a hug and say to yourself “I love you”, how does it feel?
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantI will reply most attentively tomorrow, Confused (Clear sooner than later), in about 10-12 hours from now.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
“It makes my heart happy to hear you call me a friend”-
Definitely my friend, Alessa, no doubt in my mind about it.
Thank you for being my friend, Alessa! (many thank you emojis I’m too tired to summon right mow)
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I just lost the post I thought I just submitted to you.. (sad)
Bogart threw up in the car this very evening for the 3rd time in the last 5 days (disgusting throw-up emoji).
I did hurt my lower back trying to pick him up on a few occasions (no more!), took anti-inflammatories every 4 hours yesterday. Also, had sciatica pain that kept me up the night before last.
He’s quiet now, lovable and adorable.. I love him.
Last night, lying awake, I prayed for you, Tee. I imagined a white hallo melting the pain in your spine and in your knees.. melting it into non-existence.
🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“But can’t we ‘choose’ to love someone? Isn’t that what’s supposed to be done in relationships?”-
Yes, this is what’s supposed to be done in relationship with oneself.
This is part of my daily mantra: to choose to love myself. To put myself (reasonably, ethically) ahead of anyone/ everyone else. To finally give myself a break, to finally Rest in Love.. for myself.
What would choosing to love yourself mean to you, Confused?
Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 