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anitaParticipantTell her less wait for her reaction tor hob usbot t I reaxue ir people please her. Just be and let her be, equals, just two humans.
anitaParticipantDear Confused:
Just be as honest and transparent as you can be with her, tell her like it is for you right now. You can tell her how you wish it’d be for you, for her. But then.. it is what it is.
Honesty and transparency is the greatest gift you can give.
anitaParticipantExcuse the misspellings, using the phone and eyesight is poor
anitaParticipantGear Confused:
Yes, not the right time for a Goals Discussion. Seems like she is not attuned to you, like she doesn’t know where you’re at.
What is her goal in having such a conversation?
anitaParticipantYes, Alessa, both computers are down. A new cable has been ordered.
Not Bogary”s fault, of course, didn’t the place beagle proofed. Not his fault. Got him all kinds of bones from the store to chew on. Getting the place beagle proofed is overwhelming.
Sorry for spelling mistakes, I should use my glasses.
Good thing at night he is safe in the bedroom. Obviously I failed to supervise him during the day, but good thing he wasn’t harmed (he could have, chewing a computer cabl??? Ir never occurred to me that he could.
You are up very early, Alessa, and maybe you didn*t sleep yet..?
In whichever case, SO GOOD to read from you at this quiet, quiet,
Time. A familiar, friendly, kind voice.anitaParticipantAlessa and Tee: And now, in a short time, I will have zero computer functioning because Bogart chewed the cable of the second computer, so once it runs out of power no computer only phone for I don’t know how long.
anitaParticipantI am using my phone, can hardly see, and clicked a red heart emoji by mistake (don’t do reds)
Did you consider anti depressants?
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused:
There is a saying: “Fake it till you make it”, meaning here, ACT lovingly towards yourself when you don’t feel it. Some say, you will.
💙🩵💗🩵💙 ..Love by action…
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Using my phone, not having access to the second computer until tonight or tomorrow morning. I like your message very much and will reply further by tomorrow. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day for you (meds) and me
💙🩵🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
One more day waiting for the meds- may the force continue to be with you, Alessa (a Star War saying).
Thank you for your empathy and support, you are the best, Alessa 🙏 🙏 🙏
“Or as easy as you can get with a kid running around.”- I know what you mean, or close to what you mean, having a beagle who wants to chew on anything it can chew (including the broken computer’s cable 😞).
🩵 🤍 🩵 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Squiggly pop:
You are very welcome!
“I don’t think they (friends, “many of whom are already in stable long-term relationships for years”) understand how I feel really… I feel discontent with my own home city and at the back of my mind I want to be away from this place.”-
The guy may be your way to feel connected in a disconnected context of your friends and home city.
I think that you strongly need a special 1- to- 1 connection, someone who will really understand how you feel.
I would like to understand more about how you really feel..???
🤍 Anita
December 28, 2025 at 12:16 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #453460anitaParticipantDear Robie:
I’m glad your stomach is almost 100% better!
We talked about so many things; we must have touched on Attachment Styles over the years.
What you described in regard to your girlfriend: “I always miss her right after we part, for a couple days but then I start having doubts and I keep telling myself I should break up with her because I don’t feel like we connect, I tell myself we don’t have things in common, I often thing of other women and think I might not be with the right person. When she writes to me, I feel irritated. I feel I don’t want to answer her. Almost as if I’m pissed off with her… At some point during the night when she told me she loved me I broke down. I told her I loved her too.. but I felt this guilt.. I felt like an impostor.”-
This fits perfectly with A disorganized attachment style—also called fearful‑avoidant attachment—is an insecure attachment pattern where a person feels both a strong desire for closeness and a strong fear of it. This creates internal conflict and inconsistent behavior in relationships, which means that you love her, you’re not an imposter; you’re just afraid.
You wrote about many things in your recent post, but maybe we should focus on one thing at a time, your attachment style perhaps?
Enjoy the little snow, Robi, and please take good care of yourself 🙂
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
Thank you for your words regarding Bogart. Because he grew up with dozens of dogs, I am sure that, like human siblings, different dogs take on different roles or personality to fit in the group.
“The narcissist thrives on diving people against each other… At home, the narcissist divides family members against each other (e.g. one sibling against the other), and I think the goal is to weaken others and make themselves stronger and superior… the need to dominate and put down others remains the same…”-
Someone asked me a couple of days ago, if I’ll regret not talking to my mother before she dies, and I said that I’d be too afraid to talk/ see her. There was a lot of dissociation that went into being around her, seeing her or talking with her over the decades.
Since I haven’t been in any contact with her for about 12 years, and I’ve been significantly healing recently, I am no longer dissociated, so the FEAR of her- I FEEL it. It’s real and intense.
Even in the most physically weak state, she WILL divide me and turn me against.. me, weakening me in this way, which is her life legacy in my life (self-division, disintegration, dissociation, chronic shame and guilt)
“Yes, I think giving yourself love is really important. A self-hug is good, or when you feel the craving for love that you wrote 2 days ago, to give your inner child that love. To communicate with her and tell her ‘I’m here for you, sweetie, I love you, I’ll protect you’, or whatever words you prefer to use.”-
I needed to hear these words just now, thank you, Tee!
About that LOVE ME longing post from yesterday, similar to other such posts in the past (and more to come), it’s the undoing of dissociation work as part of my healing; going back in time and having the dissociated, silent inner child SPEAK.
“So, if LGA starts feeling that emptiness and craving again, to be there to soothe that craving. I think that might be at least as powerful as affirmations. To figuratively pick up your inner child, take her into your arms and soothe her, letting her know you’ll never leave her..”-
In this stressful day of mine (destroyed my computer, a financial strain; and the responsibility of having Bogart feeling heavy and the cold), I need to do just that 🙏 🙏 🙏
“I’m sorry to hear about your cold. I hope it will ease up soon… perhaps stay inside (specially if it’s rainy and no sunshine), to help you recover more quickly 🤞”- interestingly, I felt better after taking a walk yesterday.
“Take good care of yourself!”- Thank you, you too!!!
ood care of yourself!
🤍 🫶 🙏 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa, my friend:
I hope that you got your medications by this time..???
I am having a tough time myself. Last night I destroyed my computer when I allowed Bogart to sit by me and move things around and then I spilled something on the computer, I don’t know how much money a new one will cost. So, I am feeling an increase in anxiety.
“Blue is my favourite colour.”- 🩵 🩵 🩵 🩵 🩵 🩵 🩵
Anita
anitaParticipantJames: I am withdrawing from this thread and will not participate in any thread you have started or will start. I see no opportunity for a dialogue with you. I give up.
Plus, I am concerned for other people interacting with you because “Real Spirituality” (the title of your thread) is really.. ‘Spiritual’ Abuse and Authoritarianism.
Anita
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