Dear Jana:

You are welcome. As far as the quote about the impermanence of all things (“anicca” in Pali): this teaching asserts that everything in life— situations, experiences, emotions, people— constantly changes. Accepting this can lead to a more adaptable, less attached mindset, and to better coping with life’s unpredictability.

The principle of anicca is applicable in the context of fear and violence in the following ways: (1) recognizing that fear is a passing state can help mitigate its impact. By understanding that the intensity of fear will eventually subside, a person can manage their response to fear more effectively and avoid being paralyzed by it.

(2) understanding that a somewhat threatening/ scary situation will pass, can help a person respond to it mindfully in a way that de-escalates the situation, instead of responding to it impulsively, and escalating the situation.

(3) After experiencing fear or violence, the understanding of impermanence can help in healing. Knowing that the pain and trauma, while significant, are not eternal, can provide hope and facilitate the process of recovery and moving forward.

Anicca doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment but rather responding to it most effectively.

For example, in the Walpurgis Night situation you shared about, the leader’s behavior was authoritative and bossy, indicating a desire for control and dominance, common in group settings where one person tries to assert power. Out of fear, you chose to comply with the leader’s demands, which led to a decrease in his aggression, while your friend resisted, standing up for herself, which led to an increased aggression from the leader.

Your compliance gave the leader a sense of control, which appeased him. However, your friend’s resistance threatened his authority, leading to aggression. After such an encounter, it’s valuable to reflect on what worked and what could have been done differently. This reflection helps in building resilience and better strategies for future situations.

Finding a balance between standing up for yourself and avoiding unnecessary conflict is crucial. In any threatening situation, it’s important to assess the level of threat and potential for escalation. While complying to avoid immediate danger, subtly setting boundaries could have helped. For example, agreeing to gather wood but politely declining additional tasks, signaling a willingness to help without becoming overly submissive. Maybe saying, in a calm and respectful tone, something like: “Sure, I can help with that,” followed by “I need to head back soon,” could have balanced cooperation with gentle assertion..?

anita

* sorry for the misspellings – typing on my phone ft

Dear Peter:

I realize that I forgot to respond to your most recent post of two days ago.

There, you quoted from “The Life Impossible” by Matt Haig (which was published recently, so I read, on Sept 3, 2024) where the author expresses a deep sense of existential struggle and hopelessness. He feels that his life is predetermined, leaving him powerless to change his fate.

He compares his life to a Fibonacci sequence (a series of numbers in which each number is the sum of the two preceding ones.It goes like this: 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, and so on. This sequence appears in many natural patterns, such as the arrangement of leaves on a stem and the branching of trees). This comparison highlights the predictability he feels, which adds to his sense of entrapment and pressure. As life progresses, it becomes increasingly predictable and monotonous.

He grapples with the concept of determinism—the idea that his life is already written and unchangeable. This belief strips him of a sense of agency and free will, contributing to his feelings of despair.

He mentions losing his faith in God, which suggests a deeper spiritual crisis. This loss contributes to his sense of hopelessness and lack of meaning.

There is a recurring theme of self-blame and guilt. He feels responsible for his perceived failures, including a failed romantic relationship, which intensifies his negative self-perception.

He does not only feels hopeless about his personal life but also about the state of the world. He perceives humanity as being on a destructive path, which reinforces his sense of despair and powerlessness.

The pressure and predictability of his life make him feel suffocated, as if he “can’t breathe.” This metaphor underscores the overwhelming nature of his emotions and his struggle to find a way forward.

The themes of self-blame, guilt, and hopelessness are indicative of depression.

The combination of personal failure, global despair, and the loss of faith creates a profound sense of hopelessness and helplessness. He feels unable to influence his life or the world around him.

In your words Peter (same post), you say that despite efforts to maintain a “beginner mind” and live in the “Eternal Now,” the fundamental patterns of life remain unchanged. Realizing the eternal aspects of life brings about a bittersweet change, which you equate to a kind of contentment. This implies a sense of acceptance of life’s unchanging patterns, coupled with the subtle, ongoing impact of recognizing the eternal.

The quote from Joseph Campbell reinforces the idea that understanding the relationship between the temporal (everyday moments) and the eternal (timelessness) provides a deeper sense of life. This realization can bring a profound sense of meaning and connection.

The mention that Richard Wagamese expresses this idea better suggests that Wagamese’s work resonates deeply with you, Peter. Key Points in the quote from Wagamese: he emphasizes that from the moment we take our first breath, we are inherently connected to everything that has existed, exists, and will exist. This connection is a fundamental aspect of our being. The act of breathing serves as a metaphor for our relationships. Inhaling symbolizes forming connections, while exhaling represents forgetting or overlooking these connections due to the demands of living.

The quote underscores that our breath merges with the breaths of all beings, reinforcing the idea that we are intrinsically linked to the entire universe. This quote beautifully captures the essence of interconnectedness and the importance of relationships in our lives.

Which brings me to my second post to you from yesterday: the importance of feeling togetherness with others, a belonging, of connectedness.. the importance of truly feeling it, of emotionally and socially experiencing it. It is the feelling Alone, Alienated, Disconnected that is in the core of depression, despair, hopelessness, the core of our societal-global sickness.

Connected, trully feeling connected (an emotional, real-life experience vs a mostly intellectual/ cerebral understanding of it), you will find a sense of AGENCY: the feeling and belief that you can influence outcomes in your life. It’s the awareness that your actions can bring about change and affect your environment or situation. It’s the feeling that you have the power to make choices and decisions, execute actions effectively and achieve your goals.

Agency is empowering. It helps individuals feel empowered and motivated to pursue their goals, and it is strongly linked to mental health and well-being. In essence, having a sense of agency means feeling that you are the author of your own life, capable of shaping your destiny through your actions and decisions.

anita

“It occurred to me the other day. That what when difficulties occur, the problem is not necessarily the issue itself… For example, when two people have a disagreement about something. It is how they choose to treat each other that is important. Not the disagreement itself. The willingness for people to work together as a team is the only way to truly win. Being right, “winning the argument”, getting what you want is not important. It is treating each other with kindness and respect that is important.”

The quote above is from Helcat in a post submitted 6 hours ago. The emphasis on Kindness and Respect, on Teamwork Over Winning is a valuable reminder that mutual understanding and empathy are key to resolving conflicts. Thank you for this insightful reminder. It’s a great lesson for all of us to keep in mind.

Love and best wishes, always!

anita

Thank you, Shinnen, and a special thank you to you, Helcat, for choosing to honor me this way, re-posting my words. I nether expected nor anticipated it, so it was a surprise, and a pleasant, heart-warming surprise. Thank you, Helcat.

And Congratulations for the new addition to your family!!!

anita

More to Peter: in your most recent post (now an hour and 40 minutes ago), you expressed that sometimes you rely on strong emotions like fear, anger, and hate to take action, noting that these strong emotions provide a boost of energy, and you acknowledged the difficulty of maintaining compassion when these strong emotions take over.

During my personal Awakening of recent, the feelings of belonging with other people, of being liked by some, that togetherness- it’s a very strong emotional experience which makes a huge difference in regard to fear and anger. Without the belonging, these other emotions have nothing to tame them. Without belonging, without togetherness, these other emotions take over like wildfire.

I think that the word Love has been overused, and it may have lost meaning. Belonging, being a part of is, or could be more accurate.

anita

Dear Peter:

On your first of three threads, titled “Do We Change”, you shared and asked the following on June 5-6, 2016: “no matter how much things change everything stays the same…I thought about it. I’ve changed jobs, friends, locations, thinking, beliefs… I’ve done a lot of changing, but have I changed. My answer like the phycologist was no… Anyway, I’m interested in hearing about other people’s experience of change. Do we Change?”

You started your second thread titled “Disappointed”, on Nov 9, 2016, with: “I no longer believe in love or change.”

On Nov 14, 2016, you asked no one in particular: “So what is change? Everything changes but stays the same”. You ended your original post there with: “I’m a hamster on a wheel going nowhere because there is no ‘where’ to go. Love is just a joke.” On the same day, referring to the 2016 US elections results, you asked: “To “make America Great Again” is that a change or a regression?”

Eight years later, following the recent elections results, you wrote on Nov 29, 2024, in your third thread “Blank Canvas”: “I find recent events troubling and having me questioning my reality”, referring I believe to the recent elections results (Trump 2nd win, 1st being the 2016). You posted your meditation poem on that day, which read in part: “All Life arises from and returns to Love. It is, we are, I am… Love.”

* After I typed the above, I noticed, Peter, that you just submitted a new post 22 minutes ago in Jana’s thread (I will soon be putting everything I quoted above together soon, best I can). In this post, you expressed that sometimes you rely on strong emotions like fear, anger, and hate to take action. When these emotions take over, compassion disappears, and the focus shifts to “getting even” or being right. You note that strong emotions like anger and fear provide a boost of energy. However, you question if relying on the energy from these emotions is the right approach. You realize that you can harness the energy from strong emotions without becoming those emotions. You can act from a place of compassion while holding someone accountable or protecting yourself. In this post, you highlight the struggle to balance the need to take action with the desire to remain compassionate. You acknowledge the difficulty of maintaining compassion when strong emotions take over.

Your insight that you can use the energy from strong emotions without becoming those emotions is profound. It suggests a higher level of self-awareness and control, allowing you to act from a place of compassion rather than reactive anger or fear. Your honesty about relying on strong emotions like anger and fear to take action is refreshing.

Your repeated questioning of change and the dismissal of love as a joke point to a profound disillusionment. This cynicism may stem from repeated disappointments or unmet expectations in various aspects of life. The feeling that everything remains the same despite external changes suggests a deeper struggle with finding meaningful or lasting personal growth. The analogy of the hamster wheel evokes an existential crisis, where you feel stuck in a cycle without purpose or direction, leading to a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. It reads like you’ve been grappling with these questions for a long time, and it’s clear that this has been a significant source of contemplation for you.

It’s understandable to feel disillusioned when it seems like no matter how much changes externally, the core experience feels the same. The metaphor of being a “hamster on a wheel” really captures that sense of going through the motions without finding meaningful progress.

Even though you express a lack of belief in change, your curiosity about others’ experiences suggests that you are still seeking understanding and perhaps hope. Thank you for opening up about these thoughts. It’s a tough journey, but your willingness to explore these ideas is a testament to your depth of character.

As to putting it all together, I will do it in the humblest way: I will share about my experience, the parts of it that I believe parallel yours. Of course, it’s for you to decide if it resonates with you, in parts, at the least. I will share from the heart:

Decades of my life were like that video I saw, which resonated: a black-and-white video, grey mostly, a man (I always felt more like a man than a woman) walking, walking different cities and country areas in the US, walking and walking, and the music playing was trace-like. You can see he is in different cities, but all the places he is walking through are grey, no distinction. It is clear that in his heart, the man walking feels- as he walks through changing sceneries and changing times (he is seen as a boy, and then an adult)- that he feels the SAME, no changes. And he keeps walking on the sidelines, not being part of anything that might be happening in the center of things. And throughout the video, although he keeps walking and walking, he is not getting anywhere.

This has been my Story for decades. No matter what country I was in, how young or older I was, walking on deserted roads or walking to the bottom of the Eifel Tower, my internal experience was the same: grey, no colors, walking and going nowhere.

More than half a century of the above experience (there were breaks from greyness, temporary emotional bright color breaks that never took hold (the depressed brain has to have euphoric breaks, a chemistry thing), finally, eventually, unbelievably (I had NO idea), I experienced something different.

Color entered my life. Not psychedelic colors (those temp., chemical breaks the brain takes because it has to), but real color. OH, THE RELIEF.

I had no idea.

And I don’t know how to explain it here, particularly because I am not going cerebral, So, I hope you have patience with me, as I myself don’t know what I will be typing next.

(I am pushing away cerebral thoughts that are pushing their way into this post, staying with the heart): yes, here it is: it’s the Belonging Factor (I see, a bit cerebral here). Okay, so, it’s the ISOLATION within and without that made my life consistently grey/ the same. The feeling of being terribly ALONE.

This is it, that’s all there is to the core experience of stagnation, alone-ness, loneliness, acute loneliness, being on the sidelines, not a part of.

No matter who the president of the US, no matter (most) external circumstances, if a human being feels ALONE consistently, long-term, the human being is sick, and there is no other way back to health than truly connecting, simply, deeply connecting with another human being.

Oh, the feeling that another human being truly likes me, truly, really.. likes me- that’s a burst of enduring color into the greyness.

In the last 10 years, gradually, increasingly, most recently, I felt being a part of humanity, and I don’t mean cerebrally, as in ideas, but really, deeply, emotionally. but simply, being a part of, belonging.

If I was reading the above words years ago, I wouldn’t have understood. It’s an emotional, visceral experience that you don’t know by reading about it. You know it by experiencing it and by nothing that is less than the experience itself.

In your meditation poem last month, you wrote: “All Life arises from and returns to Love. It is, we are, I am… Love.”- love is not helpful when it’s an idea. It’s Everything when it is simply experienced, as in you looking at a face of another person and you see that the person genuinely likes you.

You see, Peter, how I expressed myself in this post? If you express yourself to me (to others?) more and more from your heart, as you already been doing more of recently, will it help you?

anita