Good morning, Confused:

* I wrote the following before I noticed your new post

In my reply yesterday, I think I focused on something that’s not relevant to you (?) I went back in the thread looking for Hailey’s post. I found it on page 3, Sept 8, 2021. That was her only post in tiny buddha.

Hailey shared about her fear (the big-case letters are my doing for emphasis): “I was in FEAR of getting caught to my fam because I was SCARED that they might try to separate me from my bf… They THREATENED me to break up with him”

She shared about her anger and emotional distress: “I CRIED A LOT and I was so MAD at them.”.

Next, following ongoing fear, anger and emotional distress (an overwhelmed nervous system), there came the mental and emotional shutdown: “I woke up next day feeling such an EMPTINESS IN MY MIND MY BRAIN. I COULDN’T EVEN FEEL ANYTHING for my bf… FEELING NUMB”

* The emotional shutdown is not permanent: “Some nights I STILL FEEL that I LOVE HIM but then that feeling again gets VANISHED and I’m depressed. It feels like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster.”

Confused, you wrote yesterday: “I found similarities on the fear and the ‘feelings vanishing after appearing for a little bit’ thing.”-

Emotional shutdown is often not permanent: it’s more like a switch that flips back and forth depending on emotional safety. The person still cares, but the fear is louder than the love. When they feel calmer or safer, the love resurfaces. When they feel threatened again, the fear takes over and the love goes quiet.
This creates the “on‑off” feeling.

When someone is overloaded, the brain protects itself by numbing emotions. When the overwhelm fades, the numbness lifts — and the feelings return.

Emotional shutdown is not a choice — it’s a protective reflex. It’s the brain saying: ‘This is too much. I need to turn off for a while.’ That’s why the feelings return when the person feels calmer or more regulated.

🤔 Anita

Hey Confused:

Hailey said she’s South-Asian and her traditionak, South Asian family’s disapproval of her relationship was a big part of her losing her feelings.

Are you South Asian too, and is a family’s disapproval of your (now past/ inactive) relationship been part of the problem?

🤔 Anita

Hey Confused:

I meant that a lot of the times (if not every time) when I suggested possible explanations to the what-s, why-s and how-s, you rejected them. Like nothing clicked from what I said.

You say that you find it strange that no one (neither the psychiatrists you saw nor the therapist nor anyone else) suggested that you might be suffering from depression (since Nov)

I find it strange too.

Do you think you suffer from depression?

🤔😕👀😔 Anita

How are you, Thomas, 9 days since you posted last?

🤍 Anita

* not “less than 3 hours ago”, but exactly 2 houre before I submitted my last message, to the minute, which the magical part of my 🧠 says is a sign that what I wrote was accurate.

But thing is, often when I write X oy Y to you (and feeling confident about it), you say it’s not so (“But… I didn’t mean it that way, etc.)

🤔 Anita

Good morning, Confused:

You asked yesterday: “If it was just me falling out of love, why would it affect all the areas of my life?”- you’re asking why you fell out of love with life, not just with her, right?

My question: which one happened first?

If falling out of love with life came first, that may be good old depression, that and nothing else.

🤔Anita

Hey Confused:

Hmm.. I suppose, yes, it can be very different for you. I tend to project my experience unto others, assuming others’ experiences are like mine just because we have things in common. Maybe your therapist is projecting her stuff unto you as well (it’s common to do that, something to be aware of and work on when communicating with people).

Maybe your shutdown was indeed “just emotional burnout”, like you said, and maybe just like it says in this 2015 thread, maybe you just “randomly and suddenly fell out of love”.

I mean, non- random, gradual falling out of love is not the only way.. to fall out of love 🙂

Maybe you just fell out of love and got scared, as if falling out of love is a sin or a crime.. while it’s quite natural and quite common..?

🌼Anita