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anitaParticipantDear Krish:
“I had a toxic father… My sibling was always the favourite… I moved away from them as I am starting a new course in a foreign country. But still my dad says that my sibling is my saviour… my self respect makes me feel that I should renounce the property for good and get estranged from my father and sibling though they support me… I am happy being single the rest of my life and also am not a materialistic person and I want to lead my life in peace . I don’t have dependents and am a minimalist… please suggest me what should I do to ensure am at peace. I don’t want to rely on them not even for a single penny.“-
– there is a saying, “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”. I am expanding this saying to With family like these, who needs enemies?
I would say: do estrange yourself from people who are poison in your life, no matter their relation, including a poisonous/ toxic father and a toxic sibling. To endure poison because of the hope of inheriting property in the future, particularly when you have no dependents to take care of, is not a good idea.
You say that your father and brother currently support you financially. If I was in your place, I’d see to it that I can survive financially without their financial support before ending contact.
Personally, I ended all contact with my mother for over 10 years.
anita
anitaParticipantDear CutieJ:
First I will repeat all that you shared (including some of your exact words boldfaced) in a chronological order of events, and after that, I will add my thoughts:
You grew up in a home where parents fought all the time. Your father physically abused you and yelled profanities when coming back home late at night, after drinking, or when he got extremely angry. You were never able to expect when he was going to get angry, and you were always so afraid at night when he was coming home late. Growing up, you felt desperately lonely, even when you were surrounded by people, and you experienced self-hatred and a low self-esteem.
During high school, you developed an eating disorder, bulimia, and gained a lot of weight. You also moved to the U.S. during high school and was completely alone in high school.
In college you were still suffering from bulimia, and having food at home was a scary thing for you. Nonetheless, you lost a lot of weight, but your body has stretch marks as a result, and you feel that your body is not loveable because of the stretch marks.
You made a lot of friends during college, one of whom you shared the same friends group and classes. The friendship with her (I will refer to her as R) developed into a romantic relationship. Two months into the relationship, you found out that R was in a 5 year-long relationship with another girl from her home country (I’ll refer to her as G), it being a long-distance relationship at the time you and R met in the U.S. At one point, R texted G a breakup message and G threatened suicide. R paid G’s rent back in the home country for two months and sent her a postcard wishing her well, and said things like she dreamed of them together, and that she feels bad for giving up on them when the time was hard. Later on, when you confronted her about it, R told you that she said those things to G just to make her come back to senses. and R ended all contacts (with G) immediately.
You and R lived together in the same apartment for a whole year, spending almost 24 hours together. She called you pretty and cute and hugged you a lot, always by your side, helping you out with everything. She taught you how to clean the house, iron clothes, and live a good life. But since the confrontation regarding G, 2 months into the relationship, you were suspicious of her and for 10 months out of the 12 of living together, life has been a living hell for both of you (you and R).
You asked her to get therapy and to post the two of you on Instagram (like she did in regard to G before), but every time you asked, she said she would, but didn’t.
After graduating, the two of you no longer lived together and the relationship became long-distance. There were fights (long-distance fights), and after one of those, she said that she wants to take some time off, and that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. You agreed to take some time off, but feeling hurt, lonely and obsessive, you ended up calling her and texting her several times, and (at the time you posted your original post), R was at the point that she thinks it is unhealthy for us to continue.
The day after your original post (Wednesday, Oct 2), you travelled to where R lives, and this is what you shared about meeting her: “She picked me up at the airport, she listened to me crying, we talked a little bit about our issue, and we went out and had lunch together. Everything is nice… She told me that she felt like she was emotionally threatened all the time that I cried and yelled saying things like ‘If you don’t do this (getting therapy, posting me on social medias), you don’t love me at all. You never care.’ She said these things are what her parents told her to control her when she was growing up… I thought about leaving early, as she is going to work in-person Thursday and Friday, and I know I will feel extremely anxious those days. She said that she just wants to be clear that there’s no one, and that’s not why it led our relationship to this point. I trust that, but I am scared… I don’t want to be alone.. I don’t want to lose her.. I am still so scared.. Please help..“-
– And now my thoughts (with more quotes) following hours of reading and studying your two posts: when you met R in college, you were in better shape, mentally and physically, than you were before college, but you were still not prepared for a healthy relationship. There were- and are- unresolved issues that need to be resolved before you can have a healthy relationship with her, or with anyone in her place. This is why it’s very important that you will attend quality individual psychotherapy as soon as possible.
You feel hurt and anxious, and I understand that you do. But it is not her doing, it’s the doing of your father hurting and scaring his little girl years before you ever met R. Your hurt and anxiety cannot be resolved within a romantic relationship (no matter how close to perfect a partner may be). It needs to be resolved in a professional setting: psychotherapy.
That R has not been perfect is unquestionable, but no human being is perfect. She had a relationship before she met you, a long-distance relationship at the beginning of her relationship with you. She didn’t end it as quickly as you’d like, but she did end it quite quickly. She was dealing with a suicidal ex, so no wonder she tried to make the ex feel better by telling her (post breakup) that she still somewhat cared. You pressured her with questions, and pressured, she lied twice.
From what you shared, R is a caring person, a good person who cares about the people in her life. And she truly cared and loved you, you said it yourself: “I know; I know she loved me dearly, and she tried her best to take care of me during this one year“.
She loved you dearly for 10 difficult months out of the year during which you “got anxious and emotional over everything… was very controlling over her social group and people she was texting… dumped all my fear, anxiety, and anger on her, and she felt so pressured and anxious“.
“Whenever I brought hard topics up, she would sit down and listen to me, but shut down and just cried“- she cared. She listened to you quietly. Her distress expressed itself through crying after listening to you, not through yelling and accusations.
How did your distress express itself? Loudly: yelling, accusing her and trying to manipulate her: “I cried and yelled saying things like ‘If you don’t do this (getting therapy, posting me on social medias), you don’t love me at all. You never care.’“-
– You accused her of never caring while in your original post, you wrote: “She was always by my side and helped me out with everything and hugged me all the time” (original post). You accused her of never caring because you felt hurt, so you wanted to hurt her.
Most recently (yesterday), she still cares: she picked you up at the airport, she listened to you crying, she talked with you about issues, had lunch with you, was nice to you, explained to you that the breakup needs to happen not because there is someone else, but because she felt- feels- emotionally threatened by you.
“I trust that, but I am scared… I don’t want to be alone.. I don’t want to lose her.. I am still so scared.. Please help..“- try to see that she is hurt too (and has been for a long time), that she is scared too (she might be scared that like her ex, you will have self-harm thoughts as well), and please help her.
Shift your focus during this visit from your pain to her pain, just long-enough to offer her the safety that she needs. Don’t increase her pain; lessen it instead. Once you do that, you will feel better about yourself. You will feel valuable as someone who is able to help another person. I hope this makes sense to you..?
Like you, at times I too yelled and accused, and wanted to hurt another because of unresolved issues in my childhood. It was very difficult for me to confront this self- centered part of myself, a part that had hurt others unjustly. I forgave myself only after I corrected (and keep correcting) wrong behaviors. And after I adequately resolved childhood issues that needed to be resolved, such as growing up with a mother who, like your father, physically abused me and yelled, getting unpredictably extremely angry.
anita
anitaParticipantDear CutieJ: I will read and reply in about 11 hours from now.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Prudence:
You are welcome and you are using the forum well.
“my experiences have been exclusively negative in the real world as well“- would you like to give me an example of a negative experience of dating in the real world: what happened (in some detail: who said what, what conversation ensued, what interactions took place)? I ask because I would like to understand better.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Krish/ Gayathree
You are very welcome and thank you for your love, light and prayers. Good to read that you are at peace and secure within yourself!!! I will reply further Thurs morning (it’s Wed morning here).
anita
anitaParticipantDear CutieJ:
Please be strong at this time, CutieJ. Even though you may be feeling self-hatred and a low self-esteem at this time, truth is that you are lovable. You are worthy of love and you are valuable! It may take time for you to believe this, but once you believe it, you will have peace within.
“She called me pretty and cute all the time. She was always by my side and helped me out with everything and hugged me all the time. Growing up, I felt desperately lonely even when I was surrounded by people, and my self-hatred and low self-esteem, combined with her kindness and love-bombing, created a very unhealthy attachment to her“- I am wondering why you referred to her seeming loving behaviors as love bombing (a form of emotional and psychological manipulation). Do you suspect or believe that her affection, help and kindness were insincere or manipulative?
It may help you to share about your growing up experience, an experience that I share: I also grew up feeling desperately lonely, with a low self-esteem and with this most problematic inner experience: self-hatred.
“I got anxious and emotional over everything, and I was very controlling over her social group and people she was texting… I dumped all my fear, anxiety, and anger on her, and she felt so pressured and anxious… After one fight, she suddenly said she wants to take some time off, and that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. I was so hurt because I didn’t know it was this serious“- reads like your anxiety fueled controlling behaviors on your part, behaviors that caused or increased her anxiety.
“I obsessed over the thoughts of us every single day. Every moment was so painful. I ended up calling her and texting her several times, and now she is at the point that she thinks it is unhealthy for us to continue. I know that, but I am beyond petrified to think about ending the relationship… I wake up every hour, cannot go to sleep, cannot eat, and I cannot breathe all day“-
– she said that she felt like she couldn’t breathe, and here, you shared that you cannot breathe. It’s anxiety that does that.. not love. Indeed, anxiety is unhealthy to continue.
“I am going to her city tomorrow to end things, but I haven’t bought the ticket back to my city. I’m so afraid to see her lost all the love and interest in me, and I am in a constant fear that she might already have someone lined up after this. I don’t know how to love myself, to be okay with this and move on. I just want to never wake up when I fall asleep. I have no one. I cannot go back to where my family is because of the work situation. What should I do..“- you have someone, well, you have a couple of people with you, here on your thread, real people behind these typed words. And you will have people irl with you again.
You felt badly when you posted your original post, but you will feel better, and you will be amazed, sooner or later, to realize how much better you feel than you felt 13 hours ago.
As far as what you should do, key is to calm the anxiety so that you can operate in ways that make sense, ways that will benefit you.. and her.
I hope to read from you soon. (I will be busy today, so if you post, it may be a few hours before a response from me).
anita
anitaParticipantDear Clara:
You are welcome, and I am fine, thank you!
“One thing that is bothering me recently: I am trying to adopt and so I went to the adoption centre for a few times. I have found one that interacted with me and I wanted to adopt her. After completing the form, a sense of anxious and fear came up, lots of worries, such as would I be able to take care of her? What if I don’t like her after say one or two years, what if my future partner does not like her? What if my parents and she needs my care at the same time? These made me so nervous that I was sleepless last night, and thought of withdrawing the application. This reminded me last time, like what happened when I planned for my tattoo, I emailed that person, asked about all the details and was so scared that I didn’t do it. I started to think this may be a pattern, but I don’t know how to name this. Any thoughts?“-
– if you get a tattoo and then regret it, not liking or wanting it anymore, you will be stuck with it until and if you have it removed surgically (leaving a scar), or lightened by laser (multiple sessions, complete removal not guaranteed).
If you get a cat, and then regret it, not liking or wanting her anymore (because taking care of her, or just having her, will become too difficult or inconvenient in the case that you’ll need to take care of your aging parents as well, or if a future partner will not like her, etc.), you will be stuck with the cat until and if you find her a different home.
I think that being stuck with a tattoo or a cat that you no longer like or want on your body/ in your life is particularly distressing to you because as a child and an adolescent, you were stuck with people you no longer liked or wanted in your life (not in the ways they behaved). You were stuck with people who violated your boundaries, did not allow you privacy, and did not make it possible for you to feel comfortable, safe and carefree.
You were stuck with a father who was harsh and who did not allow you to be carefree because of his obsession with details. You were stuck with an uncle whose hug you.. didn’t want on your body (fast forward, not wanting to be stuck with a tattoo on your body). You were stuck with a mother who although not harsh, violated your privacy some, and did not protect you from the others who violated your boundaries in greater ways.
As a result, you grew up anxious. When recently, you anticipate the possibility of being stuck again (with a tattoo or a cat), you anxiety intensified.
* July 2, 2016: “Sometime my uncle whom I didn’t really liked hugged me hard, I guessed as a child u didn’t or couldn’t really resist or refuse. but I remember how much I hated ppl crossing my boundary… my dad on the other hand was very strict and I would even called him obsessed over tiny details… I remembered he as a very harsh person… one time when I was showering, my mom… went into the bathroom while I was taking a shower, I recalled I saw my uncle out there who saw me… I remember how my privacy was violated by the parents whom should protect them instead“.
anita
anitaParticipant* Dear Soham: thank you for the precious stone metaphor: powerful! I would like to use it in future replies to members.
I like your whole reply, including this sentence: “It is not important what you bear, but how you bear“.
I hope to read more from you: replying to members as you did today, and if needed, if you would like it- starting your own thread🙂
anita
anitaParticipantDear Soothfy:
Thank you for sharing your amazing journey through anxiety and insomnia. It started in 2020, fueled by (as I understand it to be) Covid-19 Anxiety Syndrome (not an official diagnosis). You didn’t trust negative results for Covid, and you didn’t trust results that showed normal CRP levels (indicating no inflammation in the body): “I dismissed these results, convinced they were incorrect. My anxiety escalated to alarming levels, causing my blood pressure to drop… Panic set“.
Your anxiety calmed after a prominent doctor in a big hospital confirmed to you that you were not infected with Covid. But a month later, when your uncle contracted Covid, you visited him in the hospital and “witnessed countless bodies wrapped in black plastic, and the hospital took care of the cremations. Family members were not allowed to attend due to the risk of infection. It was a scene of utter despair“.
Next, your grandmother also contracted Covid and passed away. Your anxiety skyrocketed, spiraling into insomnia.
Cardio workouts, yoga, dietary changes and supplements, aromatherapy, massage therapy and expensive psychotherapy.. all these did not help. Finally, you came across an empathetic and kind doctor at All India Institutes of medical Sciences: “I found a doctor at AIIMS in Delhi. She listened intently to my struggles, comforting me with her empathy. With kindness, she recommended that I take medication temporarily to manage my anxiety and improve my sleep. I followed her advice and started on mirtazapine. To my astonishment, my anxiety began to ease, and I started to sleep again. It felt like I was the happiest person in the world“-
– I wonder how much of the improvement you experienced was due to the doctor listening intently to you, comforting you with her empathy and kindness. What a difference an attentive, empathetic and kind treatment can make in professional and personal settings!
Congratulations for doing all that you can to help yourself. I hope that you continue to manage your arthritis well, to keep your mental health in check, and I hope that your body responds well to your new lifestyle. Your story is inspiring and told so well, thank you! I hope to read more from you: anytime that you feel like sharing more about your amazing journey, please do!
anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Melinda. Post again anytime you feel like it.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Melinda:
Again, I am sorry that this tragedy happened and that the pain that goes with it is, as you said, “unbearable. It has definitely changed me“.
As I understand it, two months ago, your son was found dead following an apparent suicide. You suspected that it was a homicide staged as suicide, and said so to the police. The police informed you yesterday that they were turning the case to the homicide division.
Your best friend of 5 years was not at all supportive. She criticized you for “not grieving right” and for telling the police “to look at it any other way but suicide“. On the day of the funeral, she told you to STFU and took a swing at you: “I was in a fist fight in front of the funeral home 3 minutes after I walked my son to the oven to be cremated… I … sent her to the ER“, you shared.
Because you were too upset to arrange for the cremation, it was your adult niece who arranged for it. Without your knowledge or permission, she (together with her sister and mother) scattered a third of your son’s ashes somewhere in San Francisco. When you found out and brought it to their attention, “they turned it into a warzone with screaming and name calling“, and if I understand correctly, they stole the rest of the ashes (..?)
“I not only lost my son, I lost 4 other people that I thought loved me and that I cared for deeply. I’m alone now. Everything has changed. I feel numb. I can’t feel happiness, or sadness. I don’t see the colors in the world, or hear the music, or feel anything at all. I don’t know exactly what to do to feel again and honestly I don’t know that I want to. I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. Therapy isn’t going to be an option because I have to work.“- it’s all a shock to your system/ brain, so it shuts down and you continue to live, but minimally: you do what needs to be done (work) and feel as little as possible.
Usually, there are feelings attached to seeing colors, and to hearing music, but because severe emotional pain is attached to your feelings, most or all of your feelings are greatly shut down. To awaken from numbness, if and when you can handle such awakening, it will need to be done gradually, slowly. Doing art, like drawing, painting, sewing etc., can be forms of expression and awakening. Journaling, privately, or here on your thread, can also be a way to awaken.
And there needs to be a reason for you to awaken, to live more than minimally. It may be helping (and being helped by) other mothers/ parents who lost their adult children to acts of violence (suicide or homicide). Maybe you can join a group that provides support to young people who are troubled, young people who are at risk of suicide or of being a victim of violent crime.
Your former best friend accused you of not grieving right, but it’s been her (if she grieved) who didn’t grieve right. Your nieces and sister didn’t grieve right either: they turned perhaps feelings of helplessness, maybe guilt => anger, and directed their anger at you. It was wrong to do, of course.
You need not be alone at this time. This space here can be a place where you are not alone, as there are real people, such as myself, behind these typed words. I am here.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Melinda: I am so sorry for this Tragedy in your life, so sorry for this pain in your mind and heart. I will reply further Mon morning (it’s Sun night here).
anita
September 29, 2024 at 10:34 am in reply to: Surrender, Accessing Shakti by clearing samskaras, eliminating false selves #438436anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“What comes to mind now, is that a majorly good person is one with good intentions but doesn’t always get that across,“- good people have good intentions, but good intentions not getting across can be a failure on the part of the receiver: misunderstanding, inaccurate projections, and such.
“or that they think their intentions are good, but are missing some information and their good intentions are misguided, causing bad outcomes“- this is why it is important to ask questions and to make educated decisions, decisions on what to say/ type/ do, not based on unchecked assumptions. When you try to help a person in a particular situation, and you feel that you understand the situation, ask yourself: is there a different angle to look at the situation? Is there a bigger picture that I am not yet seeing?
“Whereas a fully good person is completely in line with their third eye, and therefore their intentions are always pure, never contaminated with bias or selfish wants. A fully good person always effects the environment neutrally or positively“- I challenge this and say: there is no such person, a fully good person, not a single one. This is a description of a saint (a fictional character, including those labeled saints by the Catholic church), or of a god that’s made in the image of a perfect human (which doesn’t exist). No one is a fully good person.
“a majorly good person can sometimes have negative effects on others and the world“- all majorly good people have negative effects on others and the world, knowingly and not knowingly. Majorly good people use plastic and then placing it in the recycle bin, they believe that they are doing the right thing.. not knowing that plastic does not get recycled and so, they are adding waste and harm to the world.
Everyone who votes in elections, adds support to politicians who have positive, but also negative effects on the world. This is why many vote for the “lesser of two evils”: they knowingly vote for a candidate who adds harm to the world.
Being a majorly good person is about minimizing harm whenever, wherever possible (not avoiding or preventing it all together, which is an impossibility).
“my dad did not treat me as if I was a good person, he was skeptic of me and I was disciplined and criticized all the time. But for K, he seems to have the same overlying issue as me, doubting his goodness, but he didn’t have a critical parent, his mom over gave praise to him to an extent to where he now wonders ‘what is real praise and what is exaggerated’“- his mother praised him, he believed her but found out- through interactions with peers/ other people- that her praise was exaggerated or untrue altogether. Examples, if she told him something like: you are the most intelligent boy in the world! Or you are the most handsome boy in the world! And then a teacher gave him a C while a dozen peers received Bs and As, or when a girl he was interested in rejected his advances and chose another boy.. then there’s dissonance in his brain, thinking something like: if I really am the most intelligent, why didn’t I get a B or an A?
“How can two different types of parents, both result in a hard time receiving praise or seeing yourself as good?“- your father criticized you, his mother built him up so that (unintentionally) he would be taken down by society.
“What is the balance of praise and constructive criticism that leads to a healthy self esteem (seeing self as good). I ask because I want to balance myself out, and I also want to raise a balanced child one day“- for example, instead of telling a child generalities like: you are the most intelligent person in the world, or the most handsome, say something specific, like: I like how you figured out this math problem, good job! Or I like your posture, how you stand with your back straight and shoulders back!
“This is where I can be thankful, and one of the ways my experience breaks away from yours… My way of life doesn’t make sense to him and he still laughs at me… ‘why would you work at a cafe you are way too over qualified’… But then he says he is glad I am happy.. which I think I believe… It’s like he doesn’t see me as bad anymore, but he sees me as something else now… not intelligent, lazy (since I am not resume building/ climbing a corporate ladder)…“- I am glad that your father no longer conducts house-cleaning-sessions or the likes of it and that he mellowed down, good thing. But his earlier messages, the you-are-a-bad-person message has not been removed from your brain just because he doesn’t repeat that message anymore. No longer hearing that message is a great relief though, and it is helpful.
“when you say the majority of your life, how long ago did you begin peeling this label off? is it off?“- it was a long process. I’d say the process began in 2011 when I attended my first quality psychotherapy. The label is off and has been off on a regular, reliable basis in the last few months. It doesn’t mean that I don’t question my words and actions in regard to the Helpful vs Harmful factor.
“F takes full advantage of weak minds.. I don’t trust him. I am having a moment right now where I am realizing how deeply I don’t trust him in this way“- a profound moment.“This is what I mean by not trusting F, As I typed ‘I don’t trust him,’ I saw him as bad. Is it possible to see someone as partially bad and good? or is it one or the other?“- I think that yes, it is possible to see someone as partially bad and good. My mother was good to people and animals she fed and helped, people and animals who weren’t around her long-enough to be harmed. In their experience, she was a good person, and I can’t (and won’t) take it away from her.“I am not sure if my dad presents me as bad or good. I think he tries to present me as good but he sees me as bad.. I feel sad at this moment”– oh, so he still expresses to you the message that you were/ are a bad person..!“This is a hard conversation to have for me and I suspect you too, thank you for opening up wounds to help me. Anita you are fantastic ❤️”- thank you for your empathy and kindness, ❤️ back to you, Fantastic Seaturtle!“‘from Harmful to Helpful’ I can see myself doing this in my life now… I also still want to help others be more positive even if it is at the cost of me exposing myself to it.. now is this a quality of a good person or is it self destructive to expose myself to at all?“- it is self-destructive to allow others to destroy you, if that’s what’s happening, so no: it’s not a quality of a good person (it’s a quality of a wanna-be saint, I say).“My friend P, I still haven’t spoken to in person and I suspect she thinks I am incapable of supporting others, because I distanced myself from her negativity“- good thing, to protect yourself from her negativity.“there is a current situations I am dealing with that I am finding a road block between judgement -> empathy. Long story as short as I can; The parents of the child I nanny are separating. I found out three weeks ago, they sat me down and he confessed to being an alcoholic…I think you may be able to help me find some empathy? or guide me to how you have found empathy in the hardest situations?“- he is in pain, he is struggling too. Expressed judgment will make him a worse person (worse father, worse ex-husband, etc.), not a better person. Of course, all practical and legal efforts need to be made so to protect others from his harmful behaviors. It takes both: expressed empathy and setting limits and boundaries!“I even found myself tempted to do harm by not caring much about making his facetimes with the little girl happen, as they can only happen with me there since the wife and him are not speaking. I stopped myself from this behavior, but my judgements have clearly not been tamed with empathy“-if he abuses her (or you) in any way during those facetime sessions, definitely don’t make them happen. Otherwise, it’s not your call to prevent him from facetime with his daughter.“I am so thankful that I have you in my life. And I am thankful that life is providing me with opportunities to become my best self. I believe my intentions are good, and that yours are too. I believe this is a difficult challenge I am facing is not easy for me and will have an equivalent amount of growth for me on the other side “- you are welcome, thank you, and perfectly said (it’s possible to be.. temporarily perfect 😉)!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Krish:
You are welcome, and thank you for your appreciation and kindness: you are a lovely soul yourself, and may God bless you!
(I am adding the boldface feature to the quotes): “The ex extended in-laws did visit my mother and me after I got my divorce and wanted to be friends . They sided with me in this issue and also they said that they supported me in this issue as opposed to their nephew”-
– they visited you and sided with you after the divorce was settled for their nephew’s (the perpetrator’s) full advantage. They didn’t visit you, side with you and offer their support during the abusive marriage or during the 5-year separation before the divorce, when their support could have helped the divorce conclude to your (the victim’s) favor. Their visit and offer to be friends is too convenient on their part, isn’t it..
“I do like them but will keep them in my prayers and wish well for them. I don’t want to interact with them as I didn’t get any closure for the abuse I endured and I feel it is better to move on rather than getting entangled in the past and participating in others karma“- I fully agree with you. Your responsibility is to avail yourself to as much healing as is possible for yourself. You have no responsibility whatsoever to interact with them, or to be their friend. It is kind of you to wish them well and pray for them.
“I am consulting the psychologist here for PTSD and she said that I have severe unresolved anger from the abuse I endured“- severe anger from severe abuse. Literature says that anger is highly associated with PTSD. I hope that the psychologist will help you with the anxiety, hurt and anger associated with the abuse you suffered.
Love, light and prayers back to you!
anita
September 28, 2024 at 5:34 pm in reply to: Surrender, Accessing Shakti by clearing samskaras, eliminating false selves #438430anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle: I read parts and will attentively read, re-read and reply Sun morning.
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 