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anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
And thank you for your kind wishes, dear friend!
About the peel off and loving myself process: what stood between me and feeling empathy for myself (or taking my side in life; being FOR me, not against me) have been (1) Ongoing shame which is often referred to in literature as “toxic shame”, meaning it’s not limited to doing something wrong and feeling (limited) shame about that one thing.
It’s been feeling shame about anything: shame for what I happened to think, what I happen to feel, how I happen to look like at any one moment (Tourette’s tics have been a big source of shame), for how I do things wrong or imperfectly, etc.
(2) Ongoing guilt in regard to my mother (she guilt-tripped me big time).
(3) Ongoing self-doubt and distrust of myself, questioning my intentions (like a detective would question a suspect). And similarly, I distrusted others.
So, peeling off these things is necessary if I am to love myself. Does this make sense to you?
“To be true dear friend, I still haven’t found a way to love oneself. Maybe it’s about accepting yourself and working on your short comings”- I think it’s about accepting yourself and working on your shortcomings with an attitude of empathy and kindness toward yourself (not with a judgmental attitude, berating yourself or being rude to yourself in any way).
“And also respecting yourself as much as possible. How would you define it dear Anita?”- Yes, respecting yourself.
How would I define loving oneself:
First, what it is not: It is not idolizing yourself, thinking you’re perfect, or forcing confidence.
It’s about how you treat yourself, especially when things are difficult.
In practical, everyday terms, loving yourself looks like:
1. Speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend: not tearing yourself down for mistakes, not calling yourself names, but giving yourself the same patience you’d give someone you care about.
It’s a shift from “What’s wrong with me” to “I’m having a difficult moment.”
2. Respecting your own needs: resting when you’re exhausted, eating when you’re hungry, saying no when something isn’t right for you
It’s recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
3. Allowing yourself to be human: you’re allowed to make mistakes, you’re allowed to change your mind, you’re allowed to take time to learn.
Self‑love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about giving yourself permission to be human.
4. Not abandoning yourself when you’re struggling: this is the big one.
Loving yourself means staying on your own side even when you feel low, when you’re disappointed in yourself, when you’re overwhelmed, and when you’re not who you want to be yet
It’s loyalty to yourself.
5. Making choices that protect your future self: setting boundaries, leaving harmful situations, building habits that support you, and choosing people who treat you well.
It’s long‑term care, not just short‑term comfort.
I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts about the above, when you feel like sharing.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantMy goodness, Nichole.. May your father finally rest in peace.
No guilt belongs to you, none whatsoever. You are a good 👍 person, always have been a good daughter!
I’ve been having a cold and bladder infection (fun.. not) throughout the holidays, Plus a new beagle dog, So, one day at a time.
I will answer more in the morning.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantOh, and no, didn’t have any side effects for taking Zoloft (an SSRI).
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
The antidepressants (zoloft, U.S. brand name, which is also an anti OCD drug was wonderful at first. I remember describing it like a pair of scissors that cut off the chains of obsessive, ruminating thinking.
But then, because I didn’t have enough psychotherapy and too much instability in my loge no progress was made for about 15 years until I finally attended quality psychotherapy.
So, I would say, anti-depressants can be wonderful short-term but no substitution for effective, high quality psychotherapy.
Oh, zI understand, you were talking about the movie. Coming to think about it, I was a year younger than you when I watched it for the first time.
Just a pup 🐶(excuse the typos, it’s using the phone (broke my computer the other day and since then, I have access to a 2nd computer only part of the time.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipant2026.. time flies
anitaParticipantI had a pattern, I say I HAD, byut it’s been up to very recently- that of submitting (people pleasing) on one hand and rebelling against my own pattern of submission and either becoming somewhat aggressive or just withdrawing.
It’s been either I am less than you (and I therefore submit), or I rebel against my self-imposed inferiority and get 😠
The middle way is doing neither, starting with never submitting, never accepting a position of inferiority, nor volunteering one.
And then extending the value of EQUALITY to everyone: I am no less than you; you are no less than me.
I didn’t think 😕 I’d have a New Year Resolution for 2016, but I do: Never Again Submit, Never Again people-please, but be unapologetically authentic and honest, guided by the Principle: I am no less than you; You are no less than me.
AMEN.
Anita
January 1, 2026 at 6:26 pm in reply to: Family and Friends Seem to Want Nothing to Do With Me Anymore #453720anitaParticipant*hoping, not *giping”, for crying out loud
January 1, 2026 at 6:23 pm in reply to: Family and Friends Seem to Want Nothing to Do With Me Anymore #453719anitaParticipant* “But lucky me, no brains 🧠…”-
Thomas the SEHM
(Self-Efacing Humor Master).
I’m a fan, Thomas ✌️ (just wanted to show my appreciation, giping tou would like the appreciation)
anitaParticipantYou are quite a mystery to me, me.
Positively a mystery, I mean. I wonder 🤔 if you’ve been a mystery for her as well (“left her puzzled”).
Maybe you leave before you explain..?
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
Yes, I was diagnosed with major depression and was on antidepressants as well as on other psychiatric drugs for 17 straight years. Got off all the drugs 13 years ago.
If you take antidepressants, I hope it will be short term.
“read the meaning”- please explain what you mean..?
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHow are you, Squiggly pop?
anitaParticipantHow are you, Q?
January 1, 2026 at 5:21 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #453710anitaParticipantA kick (not a cick) and other misspellings due to using my phone 😑
January 1, 2026 at 5:20 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #453709anitaParticipantDear Robie:
You may get a cick out of it: during my Dec 31 get together at the local taproom, I talked to a Polish woman (who has a strong accent) about you living in Poland and in 🇷🇴 (I am using my phone and these emojis show up).
Well, this attachment style 😎 (lol) is not something you were born with, it’s the way you instinctively adapted to what you were born into, the emotional alone-ness, the isolation, the lack of space of your own (having to minimize your computer screen- and emotions- when “invaded”.
There’s healing to be done, just enough to make a breakthrough.
I like 👍 how you spent your Christmas 🎄 Eve. I am nursing a cold for days now, 😕, hoping to be finally done with it soon!
About healing.. what’s the last 🤔 we talked about it, do you remember?
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Condused:
“Tring to find my feelings”, you wrote. What an interesting choice of words.
Trying to find your lost good 👍 feelings you mean, right? Because you do have the negative ones.
If only there was a magical ✨️ ay to bring back the positive ones!
(I am using my phone, so emojis to match my words keep showing up 🙂).
I know depression all too well 😪. Reminds me of The Nothing in the 1984 movie “The Never Ending Story”, it’s the destructive force that takes over when hopes and dreams 💔 are gone.
I wonder 🤔 I’d you’d enjoy the movie even though it’s old/ low tech.
In this fantasy movie, a child warrior and his horse, well, his horse 🐎 gets stuck in the “swamp of depression”. Lots of symbolism in the movie.
One day, and I hope sooner than later, you will no longer be stuck in depression hopes and dreams will return! 🙏
🤍 Anita
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