Dear Seaturtle:

“ I feel I am too much. What do you think?“- I realize that before I respond further, I need to understand what you mean by being too much: can you explain to me what you mean by it, dear Sea Turtle?

anita

Dear Nichole: So GOOD to read from you again! I will reply further Mon morning.

anita

Dear Krish:

“I want to forget those years of my marriage and I know that these don’t define me“- seems to me that the honesty, kindness, and reasonable thinking that you displayed in this thread, as well as your courage and grace.. these are some of the things that define you.

“If she really meant well for me (I do give benefit of doubt), the only thing I can do within my capacity is pray for her and her family“- excellent attitude and approach. Reading this reminded me to do the same in regard to some people in my life.

“I trust my conscience“- a major factor in one’s mental health.

“People try to manipulate me by saying that they have issues with my ex’s family because they took sides with me and supported me…  It is a way of making me responsible for issues in their relationship. I don’t resort to manipulation“- so, your ex’s family was not satisfied with him getting away with no legal consequences for his violence against you, and with him getting out of the marriage with zero financial cost to him.. they also don’t want anyone saying something that’s supportive of the victim.. ?

“I said to them of lately that in a domestic violence scenario there is no room for taking sides as the perpetrator will abuse for petty reasons and is unreasonable“- yes.

“Thank you for being very supportive and I am happy to be part of this forum.“- you are welcome, and thank you for being here!

anita

Dear Krish: You are very welcome! I will reply further in the next day or so.

anita

Dear Shandrea:

You have been honest here, never a hint of dishonesty. You are welcome, Shandrea, and thank you for saying that I am a good person. I guess we are both good people! (I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of the day). I hope that you have a relaxing Sat, the kind of a day that a good person deserves!

anita

Dear Shandrea:

“I was never called a hero before this website“- it was about time then, that someone would spell out the truth!

“Maybe I do have a disability. I still want to accomplish my goals of paying my bills and being able to afford activities. I am stressed a lot. But I have accomplished so much, if I do have a disability I can still do it“- (1) ongoing stress is indeed disabling, temporarily or permanently. We are less likely to think rationally and act effectively when under the influence of heightened stress, (2) all of us humans are disabled to one extent or another, in some way or another,  some more acutely and noticeably than others, (3) I very much like your attitude, and yes, you have accomplished so much already, and you can accomplish more!

“I didn’t know you had a learning disability /ADD, I do not look for flaws in others, I have flaws of my own“- thank you for trying to make me feel better about my learning disabilities and ADD. At this point, I don’t feel badly (shame or guilt) for these, only empathy for myself. I think of these as Facts, not Faults.

Without the ongoing crushing stress involved in feeling shame and guilt, I function better.

“A while back did you say you were a teacher? What grade did you teach? With the learning disability how did you become a teacher?“- middle and high schools. When I was a student, I remember that I wasn’t  able to follow one professor’s lectures at all because she talked too fast and not in an organized way. To pass her tests, I copied information from the textbook assigned to her course, re-organize it, and then re-organize it again, and again,  until I was able to understand it. Shortly after the test, I ‘d forget almost everything. Another teacher’s lectures were slow and organized, and I was able to take notes while she lectured. But regardless, I’d forget almost everything I memorized after the tests.

As a full-time teacher (for a couple years only), I taught in a school were most students spoke very little English, so my little knowledge on the subject matter was not challenged. I prepared for a lesson by reading and studying a chapter from the textbook, then taught it the next day (I was good at simplifying the subject-matter and presenting it in an organized way), then read the next chapter, and teach that the day after, etc.

anita

Dear Shandrea: I will reply in about 11 hours from now.

anita

Dear Klast:

“He said I’ve spent my whole life wrestling with an invisible disability… My natural intelligence meant I was really good at masking my disability, all the way till my 50s. The imposter syndrome I mentioned before. So I’ve lived my whole life in a grey area, between appearing not disabled enough to get recognition and not being able enough to fully participate in society. Unable to engage in playing the game of life you could say“-

– I somewhat relate. It so happens that I submitted a post half an hour ago in a thread called I want to feel accomplished, before I entered your thread, and it happens to be relevant to the topic here; you can read it, if you’d like. Without using the correct medical terminology, I’d say that I suffered brain damage early on, a damage that expresses itself in learning disabilities, ADD, and Tourette Syndrome (tics) ever since I was five or six. Some needed connections between brain cells/ neuropathways were not made.

I too lived my whole life in a grey area, between appearing not disabled enough to get recognition (the visible and audible motor and vocal tics were not attended to/ did not get recognition by teachers and doctors, so no help, and because I studied so many, many hours, I got okay grades in school, so no help with learning disabilities either), and not being able enough to fully participate in society (my social life was terrible, my work history and satisfaction were poor, and I was ..unhappy, to put it mildly).

“I feel a huge relief at realising I have an invisible disability that isn’t obvious to others, I thought I was just someone severely down on my luck due to ‘fate’. Now I have a chance to get myself unstuck and try to move on“- It feels good to read this!

“Generally speaking: CPTSD is rolling life long traumas. PTSD is discrete traumatising events, like what first responders, soldiers victims of crime etc.“- soldiers spend a limited time on a battlefield (the setting where they experience trauma), a crime victim is a limited-time victim of trauma occurring at a crime scene. I was.. an unlimited-time victim, of multiple settings, multiple crime scenes, so to speak, all perpetrated by my mother (hence I would fit the CPTSD diagnosis, if it was available in the U.S., where I live.. and if there was a reason for me to pursue it).

“Some people need a label to feel better about themselves. It is similar to the concept of god, someone who people can pass their self responsibility…“- the labels can be helpful in that a person feels no longer alone (as in thinking there are other people like me), and when it comes to psychotherapy, an official label aka an official diagnosis is a starting point (for a responsible psychotherapist) in the design of a therapy plan to fit the particular patient (similar to physical medicine).

“CPTSD is the first mental health diagnosis I have ever been labelled with… Like a snowball effect. My invisible disability was the seed trauma. The resulting social isolation led to child-abuse, then the abuse led to distrust of society, which reinforced the social isolation, etc.“- I relate. The image I used to have in regard to the expansion of my mental and emotional troubles through my childhood, into and through adulthood (maybe because I didn’t grow up with snow) was mud rolling down a hill, gathering more and more mud as it rolls down, becoming bigger and bigger.

“Hope you’re keeping well“- thank you! And yes, I am way, way better than I used to be.

anita