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anitaParticipantDear luna:
You are not wrong to post this here and you are not wrong to feel the way you do!
I can hear how distressed you are over the situation, and understandably so.
I don’t know if you’re living with your mother (and having to live with her ex as well) or are you living away from her, on your own?
️🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
You wrote yesterday: “Relationships with other women were pretty toxic except one, my longest (which was 9 months”, and later: “They were all short-lived (longest one 7 months)”. How long was your longest relationship?
I found where you described the one visit with your current LDR woman in your life:
“The visit went okay, it was our first time meeting, I stayed for 3 days… she was also distant/ disconnected… my mind was constantly doubting everything… The first 2 days she was keeping her distance which I respected (because she needs to develop a sense of trust and security before getting intimate”-
What made the visit “okay”?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantWasn’t wrong, so yes, 9 pm here
anitaParticipantWrong by an hour, 9 pm here, W USA here.
Now. 😴
anitaParticipantHaha 😄 indeed, Confused, truly a pleasure 🙏 communicating with you. Good 👍 night 🌙 to you, almost 9 pm here, we must be on a similar time zone.
🤍 good night to you, Confused, good night 😴
✌️ 🌙 Anita (9:52 pm)
anitaParticipant5 months of LD 😊 +
6 months of LD 😊 😃 😀 +
1 month of LD ☹️ +
1st and only real life visit ☹️ +
2 months 😢 +
And here we are today 😔
Trying to get the dates and emojis right with a bit of humor.
🤔 😕 😳 😑 😊 Anita
anitaParticipantDec 2024 – May 2025 🧡
May 2025 – Nov 10 2025 🧡 ❤️ 🧡
Nov 10 2025 💔 ☹️ ☹️
Dec 8 2025 ☹️ 😑 ☹️
Jan 11 2026 ☹️ 😥 😓
Did I get 😳 the dates 📅
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
I understand that for long stretches, the LD part of the relationship was very good, but it was pretty bad sometime before you visited her as well as during the visit.. as well as after the visit. Do I understand correctly?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantPeter: “Love, in its deepest sense, is not sentiment, but the willingness to meet reality as it is”-
Loving another person is not a sentiment but the willingness to meet another person as he or she is.
To put away judgment, at least for a little while and just give the person a safe place (within the heart) to just BE.
To not try to fix or reconstruct another person to soothe my fears and accommodate my wishes, but to meet the person where he or she is.
Keeping this in mind, Peter, how to respond to people who are conflicted, Confused and troubled.. I suppose to give them the safe space to express without telling the person what they should think or feel or do?
(I am guessing the answer is Yes 😳).
I’ll pay more attention to this when I reply in the forums and elsewhere.
Still using my phone, will reply further to your posts, Peter, in the morning 🌄 when I hope to have the use of a 🖥.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
Well, to me, in my mind, it’s very meaningful that you and her never had any time in real-life that you were sure about each other, or close to being sure.
In my mind it means that there is no solid basis for a long-term love relationship. The base was not established yet.
Yes, you did describe in a post what you like about her, yet still, the description (her being affectionate, shy) doesn’t sound.. what’s the word, intimate enough, close enough.
About your mother, emotional incest (unlike physical incest) is when the mother tells the child things she should tell another adult, things like her marital/ relationship problems,making her boy (or girl) her confidante.
A boy is not supposed to hear about and advise his mother about her relationship with a man (his father or someone else).
When you say she fought you, and as you grew up, you were able to overpower her (you said it in a previous post), do you mean she hit you wrestled you?
😒 Anita
anitaParticipantOh, and Little Alessa 👧 is welcome here anytime 😊. I like her very much!
Little Girl Anita 👧 and me.
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
So good 👍 to read from you here on my thread (and elsewhere).
Sorry 😞 to read your son is sick again. Hoping he’ll feel better 🙏 very soon.
My noise machine has 3 settings: static sound, train and ocean waves 🌊.
Bogart has bonded with me, no doubt but doesn’t seem to consider me an authority figure when HE takes me on walks.😟.
What is “recall and walk off..”?
🙏 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tom:
So good to read your update!
I think I understand your frustration with the screaming and shouting “big” (not) personalities 😑 while you, on the “quiet side”, are doing the real, everyday work.
40 in March, huh? “Just a pup 🐶 ” like a 73 year-old friend of mine would say!
One day at a time, Tom. Congrats for the overall 👏 positive annual review!
(I am using my phone 📱 and these emojis just show up. I like them)
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Good to read your response.
I was wondering 🤔, when you say:
“Everyone is different… Who is to say what is right or wrong?”-
Do you mean that there is no objective right and wrong? That right and wrong is all subjective?
🤔 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
I need time to process the Form and Love points in your 2 recent posts. From initial reading and using my phone (so, no researching things), “The quiet courage to embody (Dharma)” stands out.
Which I believe you have done again and again in these forums. I’ve seen honesty, transparency and openess in your replies, again and again.
As far (or as close) as I can go, I ask myself: how can I embody the principles (Form) I believe in, how can I be more transparent? what am I still hiding?
About “deserved shame”- I have learned that shame for many people, maybe most (or all?) is so difficult to experience that when it comes to hoping to influence a person (a “sinner” in Christian terms) to awaken and be/ do better- shame needs to be applied in the smallest quantities. Too much and it turns people away from any possible Awakening.
I hope 🙏 I am making sense, Peter?
🤍 🤔 Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.