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anitaParticipantYou are positively funny, Thomas! So, I looked it up and there no known complaints about his voice being soft and monotonous.
Many listeners, so I read, actually appreciate his soft, steady, and somewhat monotone delivery because it creates a calm, meditative atmosphere that supports mindfulness practice.
His voice is described as gentle, measured, and even-toned. For meditation practitioners, this lack of dramatic inflection helps reduce distraction and keeps attention focused inward.
On Audio Dharma, where thousands of his talks are freely available, listeners frequently praise his style as “peaceful,” “accessible,” and “life-changing”. His talks are highly rated (4.8/5 from over 400 reviews), showing that his delivery resonates with a wide audience.
Context Matters, I read- in meditation and Dharma talks, the goal isn’t entertainment — it’s cultivating mindfulness and equanimity. His style reflects the Buddhist emphasis on simplicity and clarity, avoiding unnecessary distraction from the teachings.
So while some might initially find his voice “monotonous,” in the meditation community it’s often seen as a strength — a steady presence that supports practice rather than competing with it.
I am now intrigued and I may try a second listening.
Coming to think about it, Thomas, my own preference for a dramatic, exciting delivery may be about needing something to compete with the noise and drama inside me; the turmoil and anxiety within.
This evening, Roberta, I practiced Patience as Opening as I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, a task I find very boring (It’s been raining too hard outside the whole day!) and it was amazing. I stayed present instead of my mind rushing with “When will this be over? How many more minutes?
I listened to sounds, stayed presence, didn’t drift to “What’s next?” and the walk didn’t feel long or mentally difficult.
🙏 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
“Yes, a covert narcissistic mother would have never truly valued you, even if you’d achieved that kind of success. Narcissistic parents always minimize their children’s success (privately, to their child, not necessarily in public). So I guess you too would have received something like ‘it was easy for you, you were given everything on a silver platter, not like me, who didn’t get any chance at success. My life was ruined early on, nobody gave me anything, while I was giving and giving…'”-
Okay.. you WERE there!!! I was not alone, or better say, I am not alone.
“I can imagine you would have received some kind of self-pitying, and even your great success wouldn’t have made her happy. Neither happy nor proud of you..”- Yes, yes, I now know this to be true. Of course.
“If you can feel grateful for what she did give you – that’s pretty significant. In a recent podcast, Oprah said that she once (when she was already famous) had to give a speech praising her mother. And she had to think long and hard what to say, because her mother abandoned her. Oprah was raised by her grandparents (who were not very loving people). And then she realized that she can be grateful that her mother didn’t abort her. That she gave her a chance at life.”-
If I could go back in time, I would choose her aborting me simply because it’d be way, way less painful to be aborted and it wouldn’t take long. So, I am not grateful to her in this regard.
If I could go back in time, I would have much, much preferred to receive minimal clothing and one old toy would be enough to being guilt tripped about the things she gave me, all.. that she did for me, etc.
When I thanked her in the earlier message for the food, clothes, etc., I thanked her for these things in isolation, as in (the unreal) context of not having been guilt- tripped about it.
“Oprah also said something profound about forgiveness: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” And it makes sense. It’s basically the definition of radical acceptance: giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, that our parents could have been any different, that our lives could have been any different. Radically accept everything that happened in the past, and use this moment – the present, the here-and-now – to help yourself move forward.”- Amen!!!
“If we radically accept, we’re free from wanting that things be different (those things that cannot be different). If we keep longing for something that we can never have (at least not in that form, or from that person), we become attached to that. And it’s an unhealthy attachment, which Buddha was talking about (“The root of suffering is attachment.”)-
See the parentheses you added? That’s the clarity I mentioned earlier, the full nuance.
“So if we radically accept, we free ourselves from this unhealthy attachment that causes suffering. Radical acceptance is the antidote to unhealthy attachment. And to suffering… it just kind of clicked for me what unhealthy attachment is, and what is its antidote. From what I can say, you’ve been doing a lot of radical acceptance around your mother recently, and it helped you to detach yourself from that years-old longing and to let her go..”-
I am letting her go. I know I wrote earlier that I will not discussing her anymore (something like that), but I’m taking it back. Ill discuss her for as long as I need to discuss here (it was a part of me that felt I was betraying her, as I perceived her dying from old age, by continuing to talk about her negatively that caused me to say that).
“I’m glad that the sales went through, although not glad that the place had to be sold in the first place… But yeah, nothing to do about it but practice radical acceptance, and ‘use this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.'”- Thank you, Tee!
🙏 🫶 🤍 🙏 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
“Sorry if I’m stating the obvious”- even if you were stating the obvious, the way you state things is uniquely clear and original. This reminds me of your very first post on tiny buddha were you explained Attachment:
“Dear Felis… I don’t know if you’re familiar with the attachment theory, which talks about different attachment i.e. bonding styles between the parent and the child, which then affect our adult relationships as well. If we had secure attachment with our parents, we won’t be that clingy and needy, and will be able to give the other person room to breathe, so to speak, and allow them to have their own interests and hobbies, which might not always involve us.
“If we didn’t have secure attachment, there are two scenarios: 1) we will either become very clingy and anxious, constantly fearing that we’ll be left alone, or 2) we become afraid of intimacy and closeness, and want to be left alone, especially when the other party is clingy and insisting on intimacy. The first is the so-called anxious attachment style, which would be yours, and the second is the avoidant attachment style, which seems to be your ex boyfriend’s style… “. (Feb 18, 2021).
On the same day I wrote to you: “you explained attachment theory exceptionally clearly, clearer and simpler than what I read anywhere else, particularly the struggles of the person with anxious attachment…”.
Fast forward to today, this really is a talent that you have. Even if I had to listen to an audio of you explaining things (which is difficult for me), it wouldn’t be difficult because of the uniquely clear/ talented way you explain things.
I will respond to your recent post later 🙏 🙏 🙏
🤍🫶 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Roberta:
It is difficult for me to listen to audios (ADD, auditory processing difficulties), so I decided to read (research and process the information right here, in this post, instead of listening to the video:
Gil Fronsdal is a Norwegian-born American Buddhist teacher, scholar, and writer, with Ph.D. in Buddhist Studies from Stanford University. He has spoken extensively about patience as a vital quality in Buddhist practice, emphasizing that patience is not passive endurance but an active cultivation, and a form of inner strength. It allows practitioners to meet difficulties without being overwhelmed; to stay present without rushing toward results/ without being driven by reactivity.
In his 2025 talk Patience as Opening Instead of Enduring (the link you provided, Roberta), he describes patience as a way of opening to experience rather than merely enduring it. This shift makes patience dynamic and liberating.
He says that patience can help us stay true under stress, persevere gently, and even remain grounded when insulted.
“One of the important qualities of mindfulness practice that supports us tremendously is that of patience.”
“In Buddhism, practice is not about what you do, but what you grow. Patience is one of those qualities we cultivate.”
Gil Fronsdal’s Step-by-Step Guide to Cultivating Patience:
1. Patience as Strength- See patience not as weakness but as resilience. Practice staying calm when things don’t go your way.
Example: When stuck in traffic, notice frustration but choose to breathe and soften.2. Patience with Stress- Stress often triggers reactivity. Fronsdal teaches that patience allows us to pause before reacting.
Practice: When stressed, ask yourself, “Can I be with this moment without needing it to change immediately?”3. Patience with Insult- He highlights patience as a shield against insult or criticism. Instead of reacting defensively, patience lets us stay grounded. Practice: Hear the words fully, breathe, and respond only after the initial sting subsides.
4. Patience as Perseverance- Patience is endurance with gentleness. It’s about continuing practice even when progress feels slow.
Practice: In meditation, when the mind wanders, patiently return to the breath without judgment.5. Patience as Openness- Fronsdal reframes patience as opening to experience rather than enduring it. This makes patience dynamic and liberating. Practice: When facing discomfort, ask, “What is this teaching me?” instead of “When will this end?”
6. Patience as Cultivation (Bhavana)- In Buddhism, practice is about growing qualities. Patience is cultivated like a skill, not forced. Practice: Treat each challenge as soil in which patience can grow.
How to apply daily: * Use traffic, waiting lines, or delays as practice grounds.
* Notice emotional triggers (anger, stress, insult) and pause before reacting.
* Reframe patience as openness—a chance to learn, not just endure.Begin the day with calm breathing, noticing any impatience about starting the day.
Intention Setting: Silently say, “Today I will meet challenges with patience and openness.”
Micro-Practice: As you brush your teeth or make coffee, slow down deliberately. This trains patience in small, ordinary acts.When stress arises (emails, traffic, interruptions), take one full breath before responding.
Use waiting times (lines, loading screens, meetings starting late) as practice grounds. Instead of frustration, notice your body and soften.
Reframe Challenges: Ask, “What is this teaching me?” rather than “When will this end?” This shifts patience from endurance to openness.
Sit quietly, noticing impatience in the body or mind. Practice returning to the breath with kindness.
Daily Reflection: Write down one moment where you practiced patience and one where impatience arose.
End the day by acknowledging patience as something you are cultivating, not something you must perfect.”
This all reminds me of GRACE, what you shared about, Roberta (a note you have on your frig, I think: Gather attention, Recall intention, Attune, Consider action, Engage (and disengage). GRACE is part of my daily mantra.
I want to process the above more, over time and let Patience grow within me. Thank you very much, Roberta!
Is there something about the video that’s missing from the above research/ study, Roberta? If so, I’d love to know what it may be.
🙏 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHi Alessa:
Looking at the Real Spirituality thread, I just noticed that 2 days ago (top of page 6), I addressed you and Thomas in the same post. I know that you like to be addressed separately (and you address members separately). I apologize, it’s just that I forgot your preference in that one post
And it’s okay to make mistakes like these.. Okay for me, okay for you (Mistakes- for me growing up were NOT okay). Right, Alessa?
Thank you for your kind words regarding the winery.
Yes, the sale feels quite real at this point. It’s done.
She worshipped (highly valued) wealth.. and movie stars (she named me after one), so, of course, I wanted to give her what she valued so much. I attended acting classes, answered an add but of course, it didn’t happen. Tourette tics didn’t help, lol. But I tried best I could. Same with becoming wealthy.. in my clumsy, unskillful ways, I tried
🤍🤍🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantI was wrong, it’s Tues night, not Wed night. Losing count of days.
Was at the taproom this TUES night, saw the taproom owner. I think he perceived my anger last Tues night, about him never visiting. Nothing was said tonight.
Had a long conversation with a 30+ year old Byron about judgmental, rejecting mothers. (her experience, so many of us)
The SALE really did go through, at a loss.. yes, but money has been transferred.. so, the sale really DID go through. It really is DONE (tears in my eyes, part of me was hoping it wouldn’t)
So, Buyers’ money went through and distributed to old owners.. At a loss, but in a legal sense, it doesn’t matter. The money has been transferred today (Tues), so, really.. it’s really done.
Rode from the Taproom to home through the (former) Winery.. glanced just once to my right.. the (gone) Winery. Seems like it means to me EMOTIONALLY more than it meant to anyone. Day in and day out, 365 days a year, 4 tears (.. I meant Years) and a month.
My HEART is still there, Tee. I want to be there NOW.
I want to dance there NOW.
anitaParticipantThank you for the reply, Roberta. I will listen to the rest of the video by tomorrow and get back to you!
Best wishes back to you!
Anita
anitaParticipantWhatever comes to mind this early Wed (Dec 9) afternoon:
I feel great sadness (not depression), deep sadness, for saying- in my mind- GOODBYE to my mother. So much of my heart has been INVESTED in her- as a child, an adolescent, a teenager, a 20’s year-old, a 30-s year-old, a 40-s year-old, a 50+-s old- WAITING- A.L.L T.H.A.T T.T.T.I.I.I.M.M.M.E.E.E. for her to value me, to worthy me. To love me (tears in my eyes).
I feel sorry for me For waiting and waiting..
In my mind’s eye, right now, I still have the image of her as a loving person, one who CAN love me if only I get her attention in a big-enough way: become a movie star, become very rich. (Literally, these two things and nothing less).
But that image of her is an illusion. It’s just something I desperately NEEDED, not something that has ever been there for me (or for anyone.. not as an adult). Her childhood was horrific, and what resulted was a mother incapable of loving.
I kept imagining that what I needed so intensely was really there underneath the rage, the shaming, the relentless abuse.
This afternoon, I say goodbye to the dream, the image still lurking in my mind. I choose to thoroughly see her as she’s been all along- ever since I was born to her- no love, no heart for me.
To say goodbye to this stranger.
She gave me food and cake, clothes, toys, school supplies, bus money & 2 trips within the country- Thank you, mother. Thank you!!!
I wish her well as she transitions to.. The Source, the Tao.. God. I am so sorry you had such a terrible life. May you rest in peace, mother. May you REST in PEACE. I love you, always had. Goodbye.
(I will not discuss you any longer. RIP).
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
To me, the above post is the most meaningful of all your meaningful posts. You sharing your day (“A Day in Flow (update)
Peter rose with the morning light. He poured tea…”) made it personal to me.. here’s Peter sharing his real-life day with me (and others), how precious. It means so much more than abstract reflections.“I was wondering what you thought of the suggesting that over the years we have been circling the challenge of taking our realizations past something that we know?… Perhaps this disconnect is not deliberate, but an unconscious pattern, treating the spiritual path as law as if law was the source itself… True embodiment flows from the source”-
Before I read the above, before I read your post today, I wrote in my thread earlier: “This morning… I had this strange thought (strange because I don’t remember ever thinking it, at least not with such felt- clarity), that I am body, mind and soul. The first two will die, the third will never die.”
I know that I heard and read about the soul for many decades, but it was all on the academic or superficial level, like when I’d study for a test in school and spill out info I memorized, and I’d forget about it.
This morning, on the other hand, I just felt it.. for the first time. It became clear to me- not intellectually but in a soul recognition that part of me is indestructible. That indestructible part, the soul, that’s Tao and Flow is about living in or from the soul more than in the body and mind (aka ego)- is my best understanding, at this point.
Thank you, Peter.. for helping me understand this..!!!
I would love to read more and more from you, particularly personal things, like Day in Flow updates. Actually, I’d like to share such myself.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Roberta:
Congrats for starting your very first thread in the forums!
I began listening to the YouTube about Patience and found myself losing patience, lol. But I do intend to listen to all of it and let you know what it meant for me
I want to honor your participation in tiny buddha by posting here parts of your very first post in the forums. It was in a thread titled “The End of the Road”:
Roberta, April 2, 2022: “Dear Javier I only joined this tiny buddha today, so I hope it is alright to post to you.
As an only child, I knew it would be up to me to look after my parents in their old age, and if I did not want it to be a living hell for all of us including my children then something had to change to break the age old cycle“I had an uneasy relationship (that is putting it politely) with my mother. Back in 2009 when on retreat I realised that I could only change my attitude and ideas about my mother, but not her and that the Buddhist path was going to be the biggest help…
“The one or two practices that helped me be with my mum as she was dying was foremostly the loving kindness practice: May you be filled with loving kindness, may you be held with loving kindness, may you be peaceful & at ease and may you be happy…. Her passing was very peaceful and I am glad that I made the effort to not only study but practice the dharma. I am at peace with myself and my mother…. Kind regards, Dharma granny”
May I be filled with loving kindness today and every day. May I hold others with loving kindness. May I be peaceful & at ease and may I help others be peaceful and at ease.
Thank you, Roberta (Dharma granny) for your honest, high quality posts to so many members over the years (3 years, 8 months, and 7 days).
Kind regards, 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
(I will not copy every part of your post because I already copied it in its entirety for my personal records)
“I’m thrilled to hear that your depression has lifted and that even though you heard some disturbing news yesterday, you’re still feeling okay and keeping yourself occupied with cleaning the house and studying Tao 😊”-
Thank you, Tee 😊 The recent weeks- long elevated anxiety has led me to pray daily, and the most recent, unexpected depression, has led me to explore spirituality, and that has helped lift the depression. This morning (3rd day of not being depressed 🙏), I had this strange thought (strange because I don’t remember ever thinking it, at least not with such felt- clarity), that I am body, mind and soul. The first two will die, the third will never die.
I do like the wooden sign and I may some day arrange for a photo album, thank you for the idea! Thank you also for the support and encouragement in regard to future volunteering to help people IRL.
“I’m really happy you feel like you’ve found your true self and gained self-esteem and a positive self-image during these past 4 years. And also that you’ll never allow yourself to be a non-entity in your own life. Remember, your needs matter, your voice and opinion matter. You are equally worthy as anyone else! 🫶 🤍”- Worth recopying!
I started to repeat your words about me (in an earlier post) as part of my daily mantra: “I am a good and worthy person, helpful and hardworking”.
“I’m happy you’re feeling better, Anita, that the pain is subsiding and the path forward is becoming more visible. I am rooting for you from the bottom of my heart!”- Thank you so very much, Tee (and I don’t think I thanked you for the white hearts 🙏
* I do wonder every day about how you are feeling, but I don’t want to ask just in case you’d rather not talk about it 🫶
🙏 🫶 🤍 🙏 Anita
anitaParticipantHi Peter:
“The small self resists this truth, clinging to control and fearing the surrender that freedom requires.”- you said it so perfectly!
“Realizations are not meant to remain as ideas but to sink into us, becoming embedded, becoming flesh. In this way, embodiment is the quiet shift where belief dissolves, and life itself becomes the expression of knowing. Flow”-
I want to surrender to Flow.. but I need not grasp to the wanting to surrender; just humbly, ego-less-ly surrender. Like right now.
It is very difficult because of these Tourette tics. They are in the way of relaxing and surrendering, and I don’t know how to stop them, or if it’s at all possible to stop (for anyone in my place). They’re a half century+ neurological-muscular habit.
Regardless, I am willing to surrender best I can. I think I am surrendering right now. I am hearing the rain (been raining all day).
I am not even following what I’m saying right now, not checking to see if I’m making (ego) sense.. lol.
So, going with the flow, as I hear the rain, and see the total darkness outside the windows. The only light is coming out of the computer screen showing the printed letters I’m clicking..
It feels like the rain is not for me or against me; nether is the darkness, it feels like I am part of the rain and the rain is part of me, and so is the darkness. And the people I interact with on these forums.. no separateness, not really.
.. I just got worried: how do I sound, how do I come across.. Have I just made a fool of myself..
But that’s just ego, is it, Peter?
I am having a feel, a felt realization of non-separateness right now.
Anita
anitaParticipantMy goodness, Gerard, you are a deep thinker indeed, and you’ve done a lot of research on limerence in only an hour, I’m impressed!
So the thinking and feeling about old loves.. is about you longing for youth..? Or missed opportunities, a desire to redo the past?
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear me: You are very welcome! So, it’s adios for this thread… I am looking forward to a new thread.
Take care, me, I am missing you already 😊
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
And I am thrilled to get your message 🙏 🙏 🙏. I read it repeatedly and copied it for my records for keeping. I will reply further in the morning.
🙏 🫶 🤍 🙏
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 