About the experience of being Alone Again (AA, lol), whatever comes to mind:

Thomas wrote yesterday: “(I) feel closer to her”, meaning to me.

Well, this is EVERYTHING right here, feeling close to people. It doesn’t need to be a romantic kind of closeness, of course, or any kind of categorized closeness- just simple, human closeness.

I think it’s called “Agape” in the new testament, brotherly love, or sisterly love- not even categorized by gender. Better say, human love.

Or not even categorizing it by species, as dogs love people and people love dogs (and other animals).

But anyway, emotional closeness is magical ✨️. It makes all the difference in the world.

And closeness can be online because we are people, real flesh and blood.. and emotions behind the words we type.

Closeness is what I was deprived of, severely deprived growing-in (way more accurate than saying growing up, or outward).

I don’t mean physical closeness. I mean emotional closeness.

There was my mother, physically too close, but emotionally WORLDS 🌎 😢 APART.

And then she insisted that I don’t get close to anyone else (aunts, uncles, cousins, peers in school or in the neighborhood, or anyone else).

So, no emotional closeness with anyone day after day, year after year.. decade after decade.

I am writing this not to blame, not because I am stuck. But because I am unstuck.

Alone Again, unnaturally. It’s unnatural to be alone (for too long).

This is all I have to say this Sat night 🌙, well, evening really.

Oh, one more thing: I took the plastic off of my tattoo, washed it, put lotion on it, and it feels fine (a few people told me it’ll itch like crazy), but it doesn’t, not so far).

Signing out for now.

🤍🎵🌙 Anita