Good morning (here, W. U.S.A), Mollie!

Congrats for finishing your exams 👏

I think it’s healthy, you putting off seeing your ex until after the interview ✔️

I reread a good portion of your posts here since March last year, and one of the things that struck me was how upset your mother was about your brother’s breakup, almost as if it was her breakup.

So, to me, it means that her emotional over- involvement is not restricted to how she relates to you, but also to how she relates to him.

She is a loving, caring mother.. only that she has been too close.

On the outside, her sharing her feelings with you about your brother, about your father, looks like closeness, which is a positive thing.. if you were her peer.

It just so happens that children need emotional space to separate from the parent and become their own person (the “separation-individuation” phase of normal child development).

As loving and caring as your mother has been, I don’t think she gave you or your brother that space.

It was unintentional, I have no doubt. She was- is unaware of this, no malice in her heart, of course.

And in you- it produced a highly attuned, caring, kind and conscientious person, but also someone who is often anxious and taking on responsibility for what you’re not responsible for, carring the weight of other people’s feelings, too much for your own good.

Which is exhausting!

When I catch myself feeling very sad and troubled about what someone else feels, I say to myself (when it’s true): “I didn’t cause it (whatever is troubling the other person). It’s not my fault, not my doing”- and that thought alone makes me feel so much lighter.

What I learned is that a big part of the heaviness I feel about other people’s distress is about over- responsibility: feeling that I am responsible for others’ negative mental state.. when I am not.

Does this resonate?

I’ll respond to other parts of your recent message later, after ( and if) you respond to this post 🙂

🌿 ✨️ Anita

How R U, Bea, 3 months and 16 days 🙂 since you posted last?

Anita

You are very welcome, Dave and thank you for being here for as long as you have 🙏

Indeed, your life circumstances, your thoughts, your concerns are far from the original forum post. If you would like to share future updates elsewhere, you can start a new thread with a new title and a new original forum post.

I would love to hear from you again and again, but only if it works for you!

Take care, Anita

👋 Confused:

“What’s done is done”- true.

“I can only move on”- yes, but first move through.

Every traumatized child suppresses emotions. It’s automatic.

Wait, you didn’t really answer my question: were you affected, at the time (as a child) by your mother’s violence, unpredictability, instability?

Do you remember how you FELT back then?

🧠 🌙 ❤️ 🦉 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Thank you, GTL. You’re so kind 😇

If you wonder about the emojis, what happened since we talked earlier was that Bogart the Beagle broke my 🖥 (partly my fault, long story) and since them I have a limited use of the one surviving 🖥 and I often use my 📱

When I use my 📱, like right now, emojis keep showing up and I can’t resist them, so that’s why there’s so many of them.

Yes, I remember your age. I remember sending you a happy- 🎂 🥳 post.

I am.. I am ___ years old. I couldn’t put the number above the line. I’ll say I’m older than your age backward.

Funny 😁 or not,it’s stra ge for me to read “You are amazing”- it’s just so different from how I thought of myself for so long.

But now, I’ll take the compliment 🙏.

Closing this post with this genuine smile 😊 on my face.

Anita and Bogart