Hey 👋 Confused:

There were no PC or PC games back in my day. I escaped through daydreaming- while listening to music or when walking to and from school, and at other times- having love stories or other adventures running through my mind like in the movies.

Yes, from what you shared, she is a special person, and together- the two of you are special people.

Still, 3 days irl is just not long enough to be the basis for life- changing decisions (such as moving countries)

And it’s not that the 3 days were happy and calm- it was a mix of things, anxiety and lack of certainty included.

.. Who wouldn’t be Confused in this circumstance?

🤔 Anita

It’s a term used online on LDR communities, he says. The signs fit what you described. Hmm, it’s interesting, different angles to look through your situation.

It always struck me as unusual- to have a long-term love relationship that includes talking about moving countries so to live together, but only have met irl- in person- for 3 days only. I can’t wrap my mind around it still.

🌿🌙🦉 (I can summon saved emojis, but none show up spontaneously as I type)

Anita

B Back 2 U on a few hours. Confused 🙂

Good morning (here, W. U.S.A), Mollie!

Congrats for finishing your exams 👏

I think it’s healthy, you putting off seeing your ex until after the interview ✔️

I reread a good portion of your posts here since March last year, and one of the things that struck me was how upset your mother was about your brother’s breakup, almost as if it was her breakup.

So, to me, it means that her emotional over- involvement is not restricted to how she relates to you, but also to how she relates to him.

She is a loving, caring mother.. only that she has been too close.

On the outside, her sharing her feelings with you about your brother, about your father, looks like closeness, which is a positive thing.. if you were her peer.

It just so happens that children need emotional space to separate from the parent and become their own person (the “separation-individuation” phase of normal child development).

As loving and caring as your mother has been, I don’t think she gave you or your brother that space.

It was unintentional, I have no doubt. She was- is unaware of this, no malice in her heart, of course.

And in you- it produced a highly attuned, caring, kind and conscientious person, but also someone who is often anxious and taking on responsibility for what you’re not responsible for, carring the weight of other people’s feelings, too much for your own good.

Which is exhausting!

When I catch myself feeling very sad and troubled about what someone else feels, I say to myself (when it’s true): “I didn’t cause it (whatever is troubling the other person). It’s not my fault, not my doing”- and that thought alone makes me feel so much lighter.

What I learned is that a big part of the heaviness I feel about other people’s distress is about over- responsibility: feeling that I am responsible for others’ negative mental state.. when I am not.

Does this resonate?

I’ll respond to other parts of your recent message later, after ( and if) you respond to this post 🙂

🌿 ✨️ Anita

How R U, Bea, 3 months and 16 days 🙂 since you posted last?

Anita

You are very welcome, Dave and thank you for being here for as long as you have 🙏

Indeed, your life circumstances, your thoughts, your concerns are far from the original forum post. If you would like to share future updates elsewhere, you can start a new thread with a new title and a new original forum post.

I would love to hear from you again and again, but only if it works for you!

Take care, Anita