Hey Dear Confused 🙂

She’s Amazing, Beautiful, Caring, Considerate, Honest, Loving and Sweet- all the adjectives you used in this message to describe her ( in alphabetical order).

You also called her ” a treasure” and said (the magical words, in my mind): “I trust her.”

The thought that occurred to you: “Why are U not feeling head over heels”-

And the thought that just occurred to me: what if you redirect your focus from Feeling (or not feeling) to ===> Values.

Caring, Considerate, Honest and Trustworthy- how about just appreciating these values- rather than seeking emotional highs?

🤔 Anita

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Bogart says: thank you, Debbie 🐶 🐕🐾🤍

Hi again, Calm Moon 🌙

Reading your update, I can really see how much you have grown. What stands out to me is that you acted from your adult self, not from the old role of being the “good, invisible” girl. You felt the fear of being unloved, yet you still spoke honestly about your needs — that is a major shift.

You also saw that your seniors’ irritation belongs to them, not to you, which shows healthier boundaries and less emotional over‑responsibility.

And the relief you describe — that “strangely beautiful” feeling — is what happens when a person becomes visible without danger. It’s a sign that something deep inside you is changing.

Your faith seems to support this shift too, helping you release the old habit of carrying what isn’t yours.

In general (I am writing this not only for you, but for myself), “carrying what isn’t yours” means taking responsibility for other people’s emotions, reactions, burdens, or life problems as if they were your own. It’s when a child absorbs a parent’s sadness, anger, shame, instability, or unmet needs and believes she must fix them — even though they were never hers to solve.

As adults, this shows up as feeling guilty when someone else is upset and adjusting yourself: softening your voice, over‑explaining, apologizing unnecessarily, or avoiding asking for what you need, so they won’t feel discomfort, or if a friend looks sad, you might rush to cheer them up even when you’re exhausted, because their sadness feels like something you must fix.

Healing means gently handing those burdens back — recognizing that other people’s feelings, stress, and life path are theirs, not yours, and that your job is only to carry what truly belongs to you.

Altogether, your update is a strong and steady healing direction. I’m very happy for you 🌿✨

“He provides all good things, all the time, for everyone” — I like that! It’s only recently that I’m making it a daily practice to notice those good things and express gratitude.

🌙🤍🤲 Anita

* I just noticed the double posting- my mistake (fortunately, not a… traumatizing mistake 🙂)

Hi again, Debbie 🙂

🙏 for rescuing a tiny, scared kitty!

And congrats for the ten years anniversary with Lexie 🥳

Bogart was 5 months back in Dec last year (now 11 months old) when purchased from a dog breeder where he lived since birth with his parents and dozens of beagles and other hounds. The breeder said he was “shy” and that he played with the younger dogs (not with the older dogs).

He was very anxious upon leaving his pack for days later, but over time and loving attention, he felt safe and loved in his new home.

I like your suggestions about how to behave with him in the kitchen. I practiced what you recommended except for sitting with him in the kitchen (and giving him treats while sitting). I will do that next, thank you for the recommendation and encouragement!

Yes, I think he was greatly alarmed by the scream because it was very different from how I normally sound. It was a shock for him and he probably felt like he did something wrong.

It happened and I can’t undo it 😔 but I’ll work on repairing the memory.

In the last few days, I’ve taken him to a dog park where he gets to be around other dogs unleashed. My first dog- park experience!

Thanks again, Debbie 🙏

Anit

Good Thursday morning, Debbie 🙂

Glad to read you’re still here, alive and kicking. How are your 6 dogs and 4 cats? Lexie’s story touched me, and you being the hero in her story.

Bogart is resting here with me, on my lap. A few weeks ago, there was an incident in the kitchen. I almost tripped on him and I screamed. But LOUD. Maybe all my lifetime trauma was in that scream. Bogart was very scared and for days behaved like PTSD whenever in or close to the kitchen

Of course, I regretted the scream, been mindful to keep my voice within a normal range, and there’s been progress with Bogart but he’s still not his normal self in the kitchen or around. Otherwise he is affectionate with me and sociable with other dogs and okay with people in general.

What do you think about what happened?

Anita

* if it’s okay with you to reply, that is, if it’s not a problem for you, or a source of pressure ( you definitely don’t need more pressure in your life!).

So, it’s okay with me whether you respond to the new thread I intend to start tonight, or not. Just wish to keep reading from you.