Dear Tee:

And I am thrilled to get your message 🙏 🙏 🙏. I read it repeatedly and copied it for my records for keeping. I will reply further in the morning.

🙏 🫶 🤍 🙏

Dear Gerard:

A limerence with a small “l”, funny, the way you say it.

“The real drive is to find new meaning and purpose in retirement… I am a deep thinker, I consider and reflect , seeking meaning and understanding. I know I am becoming spiritual. First, seeking to understand my life, who know where it will lead me”- I am curious as to where your deep thinking and growing spirituality will be leading you.

Would love to continue to witness the process..!!!

Anita

Dear Gerard:

Thank you!

As I read your today’s message, the term Limerence occurred to me for the first time in regard to you. I wonder if this will resonate with you to one extent or another, partly or fully, in regard to your long-gone relationships:

(Online): “Limerence is an involuntary state of intense romantic infatuation, marked by obsessive thoughts, longing for reciprocation, and emotional dependency on another person. It feels overwhelming, often ecstatic and anxious at the same time, and is usually one‑sided… The person of focus is called the “limerent object” (LO).

“Unlike ordinary attraction, limerence is driven by uncertainty: Does this person feel the same way?

“Key Features- * Intrusive thoughts: Constant, involuntary thinking about the LO. * Idealization: Irrationally positive evaluation of their qualities, overlooking flaws. * Emotional dependency: Mood swings based on perceived signs of reciprocation. * Longing for reciprocation: The central desire is not just to love, but to be loved back. * Physical/emotional intensity: Can feel euphoric when hopeful, or deeply distressed when uncertain…

“Everyday Example- Someone might develop limerence for a person from their past, a colleague, or even someone they barely know. They replay interactions endlessly..”-

It says right there: “a person from their past”.

What do you think, Gerard?

Anita

Thank you, Alessa, I am out of focus, I will reply to you in the morning (Sun evening here).

Dear Tee:

“I hope this means you’re touched with what I wrote about finding your true self, and believing, finally, that you’re a good and worthy person 🤍 Finally accepting the truth of who you are 🌟”-

Believing, finally.. that I am “a good and worthy person”- reads almost too good to be true, these words being about me, that is. I want to add these words to my daily mantra, “I am a good and worthy person”.

“It seems you’re in the middle of the grieving process (denial, anger, and now depression), and that acceptance is still hard, because it seems like a great loss. And yes, it’s a significant loss, in which you lost a way of life that you cherished so much.”-

I am glad to report to you, Tee, that the depression has lifted today (a relief!!!). I haven’t been at the now former Winery for the 2nd day, and I don’t expect to be there again. It’ll be a place for horses, no longer a public place.. No reason or purpose.. nor would it be legal for me to be there (without permission from the new owner or owners, 1 or 2 people).

A few days ago, I expressed a desire to have the wooden sign outside the (former) Winery, a sign that’s attached to the outside of the building with screws which I can’t remove, at the entrance to the building. It says the name of the winery and it has an “Open” and “Closed” removable part, which I have turned from “Closed” to “Open” and back to “Closed” numerous times.

Yesterday, later in the day, I received the whole sign as a gift. I was thrilled! That sign has been there for about TWENTY ONE years, ever since this Winery has been open to the public.. and it has meant so much to a lot of people.

The Sign is Mine..!!!

“But even as it is hard and painful, I don’t consider it a devastating loss, because you still have all your capacities, including your health, to turn a new page and use your skills and talents in a new endeavor.”-

Well, I am glad to report to you, Tee, that after the lowest day I had yesterday; today I completed the 3.5 mile walk I used to take before the Winery (and rarely during the Winery), and after the walk I spent 2.5 hours doing some desperately needed cleaning and organizing work in the kitchen.. Just the very beginning, so much more needs to be done.

Later on, after the cleaning+, I want to be involved in some volunteer work.. maybe helping older people who are facing the end of life.. Like in a nursery home.

“You’re now trying to soothe your pain with alcohol, but it’s never a good choice. I think that’s how you can really harm yourself. Try to sit with your pain instead, breathe through it, stay present, and perhaps tell yourself an affirmation, something like you’ve been already doing:… Perhaps come up with another mantra or affirmation for this grieving process, something that will anchor you in your true self (kind, loving, hard-working, helpful). This may help you focus on what you’ve gained, not what you’ve lost. 🤍 🙏”-

Mantra: “I am a good and worthy person. I am a kind, loving, hard working and helpful”.. Too many adjectives.

What I have gained in these last 4 years is self-worth/ a positive self-image. It makes ALL the difference, Tee!

“You’ve said some very important things about the nature of your involvement with the Winery:.. I hear you… you never thought you were competent of worthy to be in charge, to make big, financial decisions. To be an owner. You felt better in the role of a helper – helping the owner(s), but not feeling good enough to offer your opinion, i.e. participate in decision making.

“And yeah, that’s typical for people with lack of self-worth. I’ve experienced it too: I felt incompetent to say things, offer ideas for improvement, in a place I’ve worked for a while. The place later went out of business, due to poor management, and I regretted I’ve never said anything… perhaps it wouldn’t have made a difference, but perhaps it would. Anyway, it was too late, the place was closed.”-

SAME HERE, Tee, just what I feel!

“And I’ve later realized I was operating on a false belief that I have nothing of value to say. That my ideas and opinions are not important. That nobody would care what I have to say. Well, in this particular company perhaps the leadership wouldn’t care, but still, I would have felt better if I did say it. But it was my lack of self-worth that prevented me…”-

I am reading and responding to each part of your post before reading the next part, and what you’re saying is.. as if I said it myself!

“And that’s why I’m very happy that you’ve decided to never again silence yourself, negate yourself, consider yourself a non-entity: “I promise you, Tee- I will never again consider myself a non-entity in a mini-world where others know better. No! I do know better!!!” That’s fantastic to hear! I hope this will be another of your motives and principles in the future: to not annul yourself, but to be a subject in your own life. Not only a helper, but also a creator of your own destiny.”-

Oh, my goodness, Tee.. Tears in my eyes. I will be kind and helpful and hard-working- but I WILL NEVER ANNUL MYSELF, N.E.V.E.R A.G.A.I.N!!!

“I hope that with time, you’ll calm down and accept the idea that the Winery era is gone, but you’re still going strong. And then you might come up with other meaningful ways to spend your days. Because cleaning your home is certainly not very uplifting or fulfilling, at least not on the long run.”-

I’m thinking of volunteering in an old people’s home, old being late 70s, 80s, 90s- to uplift them before they die.

Yes, the Winery era has died. But I didn’t die. And there are so many people that need help.

“So perhaps there will be another endeavor, even a business venture, where you’ll feel motivated to be a part of. And perhaps have more say in it than before?”- don’t want a business venture, no!

It was never my idea to buy a Winery or any business, too anxious about money. I just accommodated someone else’s desire.. and found myself, over time, falling in love with the now former Winery.

I have photos and videos I took over time. Tee, you should have been there. So many people, stories.. flashes of LIFE. Of hopes and dreams.

“So I see this as a new beginning and a new opportunity for you to shine your light… and I hope the depression will lift soon enough! 🤞”- Again, I am relieved.. Actually, I am thrilled that my depression has lifted today!

Talking to you, Tee, is a huge part (!!!) of the improvement I am experiencing today. You are making a real difference for me. 🙏 🙏 🙏

🤍 🫶 🙏 Anita