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anitaParticipantOh, and yes, I believe that my theory is true and that you not feeling anything for anyone is evidence of the disappearance I mentioned right above.
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“I feel robotic, like a shell of my former self”-
It’s no wonder, in my mind, that your former self disappeared almost, leaving nothing but a shell behind.
I would disappear too if I was constantly being questioned or interrogated: ‘you don’t want her? You don’t crave her? WHY? ..?..?..?’
It’s this obsessive questioning.. it’d tire anyone, would make anyone disappear (not wanting to be present for the exhausting and annoying ongoing interrogations).
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Peter 🙂
I didn’t yet look up the “empathy is a sin” rising theology but I imagine it’s someone preaching somewhere that empathy for people who harm us, or people who take away from collective resources (people on wefare, let’s say) is harming the collective.
So, it’s a step beyond not expressing empathy: it’s teaching that empathy is a religious sin?
Wow, that’s amazing. I never heard or read such a thing (if I understand it correctly).
Reads like a message driven by an extra right- wing political agenda geared toward facilitating the ending of social programs.
An agenda really geared at hardening or calcifying hearts (your words, Peter).
What do you think, Peter, about people or groups of people that really abuse other people’s empathy for their own selfish agendas?
Should we hardening our hearts to that..?
🤔 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning, Confused 🙂
Oh, I understand now what you meant yesterday when you wrote that your mind would blame her and make her a scapegoat.
You meant that when you feel “so down and empty,”, your brain goes to thinking of ending the relationship with her, as if she’s the reason you feel so-down-and-empty. Right?
If I understand correctly (and please let me know), your brain repeatedly identifies her as the Problem, and the Solution therefore is to end things with her.
From everything you described in the last few months, her behavior (what she says and does) doesn’t seem objectively problematic (it’s the exact opposite, she says and does kind, loving things).
So, what is the Problem?
I figure the Problem is how you F.E.E.L about the kind and loving things she says and does (e.x. gifts).
If you’re not used to being on the receiving end of Love, it can feel strange and uncomfortable, as in- it’s only a matter of time before her love changes to her hurting you..
And your brain, trying to protect you from expected hurt, screams at you:
“‘HAVE TO’ end things with her” (your words in your last post).
What do you think or feel about what I just wrote? 🤔
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHello again, Mollie 🙂
I just read through our communication on this thread and, first- I was amazed (again) by how kind, thoughtful and emotionally generous you are, as well as intelligent and articulate, all- in my mind- at a level beyond your years.
Secondly, I noticed something you wrote back in Nov, paraphrased a bit (I am using my phone, so can’t look it up): your parents’ parents were not involved enough in their lives.
It’s possible that with best intentions, they decided to be the opposite of their own parents and be super involved in their children’s lives (yours and your brother’s).
Too involved.
Over-involvement can create too much pressure to please the parents which can lead to anxiety (in your case) and/ or anger (your brother.. at least in the past, leading to the arguments you mentioned)?
It is common that parents take things too far when trying to compensate for their own childhoods, to be better parents than their own.
I am curious about your thoughts on what I wrote here 🤔
🤍 💚 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Mollie:
I’m glad to read that you’re focusing on yourself and on your studies.
Maybe, just maybe what your brother needs is space, distance- to not be focused on by your mother (however caring she is)?
I don’t know, just thinking out loud.
Was at the taproom, to be closed for good in 2 hours. Saw familiar face, heard familiar sounds of people I only wish to see/ hear again somewhere else: Kym and Chris, Kim and Tod and Greg and Adam and so many others. A closing of a 2017-2026 era.
Thank you, Mollie, for being the uniquely caring, intelligent young person that you are.
🙏 🤍 💚 Anita
anitaParticipantOh, dear Confused, I wish you nothing but peace of mind. If ending contact with her would bring you that peace, I’m all for it. What’s most important is that you get to a place of rest, of calm.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
“Anf ofc my mind would blame the girl haha seems like the scapegoat”- I don’t understand this part. Can you explain it to me 🙂?
“We are the same on this Anita, I wonder why is that?”- the two of us having had mothers who weren’t what mothers are supposed to be?
Supportive, consistent, dependable.. sensible?
🌙 Anita (Fri 8:16 pm here, Sat 6:16 am there)
anitaParticipantIt helps to light up the mood. I don’t think gifs will show up here, in the forums, but I like them too. (I am using the computer right now, so no emojis show up (sad face emoji)
anitaParticipantHey Dear Confused: I’ll be away for a few hours (last night at the taproom, business going out of business)- will reply later tonight. (using computer, no emojis, ha-ha)
anitaParticipantSo good to read back from you, Mollie 💚
I am sorry to read that your brother and his girlfriend broke up and that it has taken an emotional toll on the family. I hope living with him works out. I see that you’re hopeful that it will.
It’s late morning here and I’m about to start the day: walking the dog, doing some work in the yard, and later joining people for the last day at the taproom downtown as it’s closing (a get together place since 2017 😔).
I would like to write more when I’m back late this evening or tomorrow morning.
🤍 💚 Anita
anitaParticipant“The tragedy of a nervous system that has forgotten its rhythm”, “how a compassionate heart naturally moves”, and “the heart mistakes it’s own hardening for strength”.
I want to meditate on this for a while, on how it applies or applied to me, and how softness and strength can co-exist.
There’s plenty more for me to read in this piece and contemplate in the next few days. Thank you, Peter.
🤍 Anita
April 10, 2026 at 10:04 am in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456808
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Peter, and thank you for your responses above 🙂.
I wish these were better times and I am worried of course.
I will look up what you mentioned in your 2nd post later. I am curious.
Will read your brand new thread next.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantGood morning- evening, Confused 🙂
I understand it being confusing, annoying and scary- all at the same time, like having 2 selves, or being split into two parts: the one that feels love and wants to be with her, and the other part that doesn’t.
And then trying to bridge the gap between the 2 parts by relentless questioning, checking, googling, etc, that doesn’t work.
CBT works for a lot of people because there’s a strong connection between what you feel (or don’t feel) and what you think. Often people think what is not true to reality (aka distorted thinking), and CBT (the Cognitive Therapy part) is about correcting distorted thinking.
When that happens, feeling respond and the two (thinking and feelings) are no longer conflicted/ confusing.
CBT is different from psychoanalysis: Yyou don’t have to talk about your childhood (unless you want to, I guess).
Yes, I don’t like gifts.. nor do I like holidays and celebrations.
Back to CBT- it works for me because, like I said, when distorted/ untrue/ false thinking and core beliefs (example of one: ‘if I don’t feel love for her all the time, or every time I think of her, then I don’t love her/ I will hurt- disappoint her’) are corrected within your own mind, good things happen (mental health, clarity, stability).
😱=>🙂, 🥶=>😉, 👎=>👍 Anita
anitaParticipantI will, Confused, in the morning 🌄 🙂!
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