Hello all:

Compassion (karuṇā) and loving-kindness (mettā) are central tenets of Buddhism. These virtues are meant to be extended to all beings, even those who cause harm. The teachings encourage practitioners to cultivate these qualities universally, without discrimination. The teachings aim at transforming the practitioner’s inner state, fostering a mindset where compassion becomes a natural response. This process takes time and practice.

The ideal of extending compassion to torturers is more about guiding one’s intentions and inner state than about expecting literal application in all situations (such as.. feeding/ helping a torturer to torture others out of compassion for the torturer).

Buddhism also recognizes the importance of boundaries and self-care. It’s essential to protect oneself from harm and not to enable abusive behavior. Tara Anand, a Buddhist and illustrator and visual artist from Bombay, India, currently based in New York City, in her article titled “Is an Aspiring Bodhisattva Allowed to Have Boundaries?” published in Tricycle, wrote: “Without healthy boundaries to enable self-preservation and allow self-care, it may be difficult to cultivate the steady stream of energy that is required to walk the path.”

Buddhability on Setting Boundaries: “Boundaries are limits and needs you express to yourself and others in order to feel safe, healthy, and comfortable.”, “Setting boundaries is how we share with others what behavior we find acceptable and what behavior we do not.”

Self-care is crucial for sustaining the energy and compassion needed to walk the Buddhist path. It’s about protecting oneself from harm and not enabling abusive behavior under the guise of compassion.

In real-life situations, the application of compassion can vary. While the ideal is to maintain an open heart, it’s also important to consider the context and one’s capacity at the moment. It’s crucial to have realistic expectations and understand that extreme compassion is a guiding star, helping practitioners cultivate a compassionate mindset, while also acknowledging the need for self-protection and contextual adaptation.
anita

Dear Beni:

It’s so wonderful to read back from you so soon following my post! 😊 Your message brought a big smile to my face. I’m really glad that my words made you feel supported and cared for. Your childlike joy is contagious, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

Thank you for the big hug! Your openness and honesty make our conversations special. Keep being your amazing self!

Sending you a warm virtual hug back! 🤗

anita

Dear Peter:

Thank you for sharing your reflections. It’s good to hear from you.

Your contemplation on living out your beliefs and the dance between the temporal and eternal resonates. It’s a profound journey to remain aware of both the immediate, measurable experiences of life and the eternal essence that underlies it all.

In Alan Watts’ quote, the “devil” represents our own inner fears, doubts, and self-sabotaging tendencies. When Watts says, “if you’re going to outwit the devil, it’s terribly important that you don’t give him any advance notice,” he means, as I understand it, that if you want to overcome your inner struggles/ anxiety or self-destructive habits, you shouldn’t overthink or over-plan it. If you give too much advance notice (overthinking) to your inner “devil,” you create unnecessary anxiety or resistance within yourself.

In essence, it’s about taking action without overanalyzing getting in the way. Dancing through life, as you put it, is about. carefree spontaneity.

Your metaphor of the blank canvas and the dance of forgetting the rules to truly dance is beautifully insightful. It highlights the importance of learning, integrating, and then transcending structured knowledge (the temporal) to embrace a more natural state of being, a more fluid and harmonious way of living (the eternal).

I would like to read your 2nd recent post in tomorrow morning and reply further. I hope that other members reply to you as well.

Take good care of yourself, hope you outwit the devil!

anita

Dear Lulu:

Good to read from you again! Thank you for sharing your story and updates. I can see how much you’re going through, and it’s clear that you’re trying to navigate incredibly challenging circumstances. Your experiences and feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge both the progress you’ve made and the obstacles you continue to face.

First, I want to recognize your efforts to seek therapy and work on your mental health. It’s not easy, but reaching out for professional support is a significant step. It’s great that you’re considering talking to a psychologist for a proper diagnosis to ensure you get the specific treatment you need.

Your relationship with your family, especially your mother, sounds vey complicated and painful. Losing your sister is a profound loss, and it’s understandable that both you and your mother are struggling to cope. The tension and misunderstandings between you and your mother have clearly taken a toll on both of you.

It’s also important to address the trust issues with your former therapist. Trust is crucial in any therapeutic relationship, and it’s understandable why you would feel betrayed if your confidentiality was breached. Continuing to find professional help that you feel comfortable with is essential for your healing process.

Regarding your current situation with your mother, it might be helpful to establish some clear and respectful boundaries to protect both your well-being and hers. It’s also okay to prioritize your own mental health and well-being by creating a safe space for yourself, whether that’s on campus or elsewhere.

Your anxiety about bringing your boyfriend around your family and your feelings of isolation are valid concerns. It’s important to find a balance that allows you to maintain relationships while also managing your mental health. Communicating openly with your boyfriend about your needs and boundaries can help strengthen your relationship with him.

Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. You’re showing a lot of resilience by reaching out and seeking support, and that’s something to be proud of.

Take care, and please continue to reach out for support whenever you need it.

anita

Dear Zenith:

I wanted to add that the first time I read your recent message was yesterday afternoon while sitting in the car (not while driving!) I don’t use my phone to reply because it’s difficult for me and I figured I’ll do it later. But reading it, I felt that I was reading something very special, as in the best thing I ever read on the forums. It felt very special. I also felt grateful to you for caring to send this message to me. So, thank you, Zenith!

anita

Dear Zenith:

I’m really glad I could be there for you. It means a lot to me to read that I’ve been able to make a difference during some of your toughest times. You’ve shown incredible strength in managing everything, especially when it’s hard to talk about mental health. Remember, you’re no alone in this, and I’m always here to listen and support you. Take care, and don’t hesitate to reach out whenever you need to share or just want to talk.

anita

Dear beni:

Thank you for your kind words. I’m truly touched to red about your progress and the positive changes you’re experiencing. It sounds like you’re making significant strides in your journey toward healing and personal growth.

I want to respond to your recent post more thoroughly tomorrow, but for now: your experience with romantic love and the clarity you’ve gained through it is profound. It’s wonderful that you’re finding a sense of calm and presence in your daily life. The work you’re doing with your psychologist in Gestalt therapy and focusing on your inner child seems to be making a real difference.

Feeling love and compassion for yourself, as you describe, is such a beautiful and crucial step. The fact that you can genuinely feel these self-affirmations and physical gestures of self-love indicates deep healing. It’s also great to read about your new language learning endeavor and how your brain is naturally stimulated by new experiences.

Your plan to face anxieties by starting with yourself—talking, playing, and taking yourself on dates like going to the cinema—is a fantastic approach. Building a secure attachment with yourself first is a powerful strategy. It lays a strong foundation for healthy relationships with others.

I’ve found that creating secure attachments and nurturing self-compassion can be incredibly healing. Engaging in activities alone can help build confidence and comfort in your own company, which then enhances your interactions with others. Your insights are wise, and it’s inspiring to read about your journey.

I’m cheering you on as you continue to explore these new aspects of your life. Please keep sharing your successes and insights—they’re truly uplifting.

Take care, I’m looking forward to reading more about your progress. I will add to this post to you again Tues morning (it’s Mon afternoon here).

anita

You are welcome, antarkala, and thank you for the offer. I am not used to getting (or responding to) such an offer. I appreciate it though, and will try to remember it.

anita