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anita
ParticipantYou are welcome, always, Going Through Life! Will get back to you Mon morning (Sun, late night here)
anita
ParticipantDear Nichole:
It can take way less time for you than it’s taken for me. I can tell you all that I learned over time and how connecting is happening for me, and you can tell me about your efforts to connect. Maybe we can help each other.. right here, on your thread?
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantI am π, me, because I like what I’m reading. Good job communicating with her!!!
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Going Through Life:
I want to put more time into reading and processing your recent post, maybe go back and reread previous posts, and get back to you tomorrow morning.
The imagining her with the other guy, that sounds excruciating. I am wondering.. were you jealous in regard to SS’s sexual activity with previous boyfriend or boyfriends- before she met you?
I am asking because when I was much younger I suffered from such jealousy in regard to a guy’s activity with previous girlfriends, a sort of Retroactive Jealousy. (I think you mentioned something like that before..?) Do you relate to it and if so, when did it start?
I am asking but please feel comfortable to not answer. In whichever case, I will reread posts already submitted and any post you may add Mon morning (it’s Sun early afternoon here).
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantYou just brought the first smile to my face, me, and it’s afternoon!
anita
ParticipantDear Nichole:
The part of your post from “Nothing in particular has made me distrust the people” to the ending, I could have written that, it’s like I wrote it. It is only in the last 10 years or so, that I started to feel connected to people. At first (in the last decade), I didn’t know how, I was clumsy, inexperienced.. and very distrustful.
I am much better at connecting now than I ever was, yet, I still make mistakes, still learning.. In a month from now, I will be better at it than I am now.
Does this resonate with you, Nichole?
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Q:
I have more time than I thought this Sunday morning (still weekend here, U.S.)
I think that you are self-aware and it is indeed human nature to hold on even if it hurts.
“Is there any emotional equivalent of a physical gym then I can work on by myself to handle whatever Iβm going through right now?”- the immediate answer that came to my mind as I read this question was
Radical Acceptance.
Accepting what you cannot change, letting go of all that energy that is resisting (fighting against, internally) situations you cannot change, particularly past events and interactions that you cannot undo or redo.
That “Stressed and anxious” energy (title of your thread) may be that resisting/ fighting energy in regard to past and present situations that cannot be changed..?
This letting go of futile energy will allow access to useful energy- to change what you can change in the present, one day at a time.
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear me:
Yes, clearly she wanted to see you.. she had so much fun with you!
I suppose she is getting to know the part of you that’s a bit fearful of getting too close (in-person and long-distance)…
“I’ll try.”- that’s the best you can do..
Although Yoda said: βDo. Or do not. There is no try.β π
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Q: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care:
anita
ParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Nothing to apologize for, you’ve always been kind and gracious with me, thank you!
I just wish I was able to help in regard to what you are seeking (“Seeking clarity about a relationship”, the title of your thread, different relationship back in Jan 2024, yet still)
Maybe SS is conflicted too. Maybe she is also seeking clarity.
Here’s an exercise that might help at this point, if you agree with me that it might:
In a form of a letter addressed to SS, type away whatever comes to your mind (stream of consciousness writing) in regard to what it is that you are still unclear and conflicted about, tell her exactly what it is. like it is for you (no reason to worry about her response to the letter because she won’t be reading it).
What do you think?
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantDear me:
Roberta identified a pattern that seems true, a pattern of “just joking” push- pull..
Just Kidding Push Pull (acronym JKPP.. lol).
I understand about the distance, but since the two of you are still communicating, how about practicing something different from JKPP: saying what’s true to you in a direct way.
Just a bit of practice, nothing that’s too much..?
It can help you in ways you don’t know yet.
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantExcellent quote, Thomas. I want to think about this quote, particularly about the last part, “if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” and write more about it later. Thank you, Thomas!
π€πΏ Anita
anita
ParticipantWhat I did figure out since I posted last is that, yes, I was a bad person when I said to S: “Why don’t you punch me in the face?”
I provoked her to punch me, to bruise my face, break my nose, and I provoked her to get herself into legal trouble, maybe get herself into jail.
So, yes- when I said what I said, at that moment, I was a bad person.
More tomorrow.
Anita
anita
ParticipantThank you for your intelligent thoughts, Thomas. I appreciate you! And I will post more in the morning (Sat night here, almost midnight where you’re at)
π΄ π₯± πͺ Anita
anita
ParticipantI hear you, me- being in between wanting something and not seeing it as something that’s possible, wanting her close, yet not seeing it as something that’s possible..?
I just wish you have what you need: something close, something you can trust..?
Anita
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