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anitaParticipantIt’s been 2 months and 5 days since you posted last (Nov 30, 2025).
How are you, dear Laven?
🤍 Anita
February 4, 2026 at 4:31 pm in reply to: How do I support traumatized partner who left toxic/enabling friend group #454943anitaParticipantDear Lulu:
You are an honest, thoughtful. young person. I am so impressed with you!
In your previous thread, on July 10, 2025, you talked about your current boyfriend’s SA past and you opened your post back then saying that you got his permission to be talking about here.
There are indeed different forms of sexual abuse, some more covert than others, yet as damaging. Your boyfriend suffered SA, no doubt.
Did the two of you discuss overt vs covert sexual abuse? For sure, I personally suffered from the covert type.
Did you read my earlier two replies to you in this thread, Lulu?
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Martha:
Have I noticed that it’s “difficult for a person to apologize or admit wrongdoing”?
Yes, of course, absolutely. It’s been difficult for me- not because I thought I did no wrong, but because I felt too much shame 😔 about anything and everything. So, processing my wrong behavior in my own mind was touching on too much shame and low self esteem. It hurt too much.
I am so much better at it now (acknowledging wrong behavior and sincerely apologizing) because there’s way, way less shame in the way.
“Going the extra mile” for people is something I’ve done too, only to notice there aren’t too many people going the extra mile for me.
I’ve been trying to reach closed people, emotionally closed, that is, as a compulsion at times. My mother was closed to me. I tried to reach her and failed, but kept trying.
And then, not long ago, someone reminded me (subconsciously) of my mother (closed, no heart for me) and my drive to reach out, to make that person open up to me was awakened.
A childhood drive to make my mother notice me, see 👀 me, love me
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipant* rich with probiotics 🙂
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
I am sorry to read your boy is sick again 😞 and that he may have asthma. Is asthma genetic (I am using my phone, so I can’t look it up)?
I’ve been feeling uncomfortable for a while, physically, hoping to feel better eating yogurt rich with antibiotics.
Bogart is doing so much better! His energy level is back and although he doesn’t like the cone of shame (who would 🤔?), he’s better adjusted to it.
I think it’s more difficult for beagles to wear the cone than other dogs because they’re led by their noses?
I am glad 😊 that your son has a friend (or friends) and that you communicate with other mums.
I hope you and your son are sleeping 😴 💤 restfully at this time 🤍🙏
🤍 🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
I thought about you today (of course, because we’ve been talking every day) and I wondered 🤔 if you called the psychiatrist. He didn’t answer- too busy, I wonder, too many people calling him for help/ psych drugs..?
When you say “I feel empty and dead inside”, can you elaborate, whatever words come to mind?
And when you talk to her, how do you feel before, during and after (if you can describe it)?
🤔 Anita
February 4, 2026 at 10:09 am in reply to: How do I support traumatized partner who left toxic/enabling friend group #454919anitaParticipantDear Lulu:
You shared your story with so much care and concern for your boyfriend. Nothing about your post felt disrespectful or careless. You didn’t use names, and you were simply trying to understand how to support someone you love 🫶🌿✨
Your boyfriend is working hard in therapy, and you’re struggling alongside him. You deserve support too. I hope you don’t feel discouraged for reaching out. You’re navigating something difficult with a lot of compassion, and that really shows.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Martha and thank you for replying to me.
Good to read that you are now free to move forward and forget new friendships. Anytime you’d like to start your own thread about searching for the pebbles and finding your way back, please do. I would love to read more from you and share with you about my searching for pebbles ➡️🌾🚶
🤍✨Anita
anitaParticipantFinally he is lying on his dog bed (I removed more fuzz from his mouth before he settled down(after being taken out to pee which he did 😉, so I am hopeful we can.. all get along tonight.
Bogart just opened his eyes 👀 lying on his dog bed. 🐕, so plan is to proceed to human bed with Bogart because I’m definitely not going to leave him alone following surgery. I will share my bed 🛌 with Bogart + Cone
He’s adorable 😍
😍 🐕🌙 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
I am glad Bogart made it through the surgery, yet it’s difficult to watch him being so uncomfortable with his “cone of shame”. He bumps into things and his head is often low.
He was hungry enough to eat 2 bowls of kibble (I was told to give him no human food).
He’s not acting like himself, the Anastasia is part of it and still need to give him pain killers.
I asked again and again if this surgery was necessary. I miss his usual self.
Told he has to keep the cone of shame for 10 days, Tues (today, Feb 3)- Friday (Feb 13), such a long time.
😟 Anita
February 3, 2026 at 7:11 pm in reply to: How do I support traumatized partner who left toxic/enabling friend group #454907anitaParticipantAbout how to support your boyfriend-
“provide a place where he can find peace and love”, “not to judge him or shut his discussions”, and “take care of yourself”-Thomas’s wise words 😊
Provide him the emotional SAFE place to express his thoughts, process his emotions, explore possibilities.
A no-pressure space, a space we all need, really.
🤍 Anita
February 3, 2026 at 5:33 pm in reply to: How do I support traumatized partner who left toxic/enabling friend group #454905anitaParticipantHi again, Lulu:
Reads like you care a lot about your boyfriend and that he is fortunate to have you in his life 🙂 .
Your boyfriend and I have a few things in common: his only parent, as you said, was his father (his mother was in prison). My only parent was my mother (my parents divorced when I was very young and my father had his own life, new wife and kids).
Your boyfriend remembers his father humiliating him and talking to him about gross sexual topics, and so did my mother.
Your boyfriend suspects SA (overt sexual acts) by his father and had dreams of such but doesn’t remember (overt) sexual acts done to him by his father, and same was true for me. My mother talked about gross sexual topics to me and to others, in my presence.
I suspected SA by my mother, felt it to be true but didn’t have memory of overt sexual acts done to me by her.
What I figure happened in my case, looking back, is that my mother acted inappropriately with me, the sexual talk for one, also showering me when I was a teenager 😳 even though I was very ashamed, traumatized really, by the showering ( she said I couldn’t wash myself well).
Those experienced traumatized me enough 😔 that it felt as if there were overt sexual acts that I couldn’t remember.
I thought I’d share this commonality, which is not to say that my conclusion about what happened to me is true to your boyfriend. But maybe..?
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Martha:
I hope Sonia reads your valuable post and replies to you 🙏
What you went through sounds incredibly painful, especially after giving so much of yourself to that friendship for so many years. The way you kept showing up with loyalty and care says a lot about your character.
Ending a long friendship like that is heartbreaking, but it also sounds like an act of self‑respect. You deserved far better than the way you were treated. I’m glad you’re choosing yourself now, and it’s beautiful that this space gives you some peace. You’re not alone here.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Dave:
Reading your update makes my day 🙏 🙂
Your message is rich with emotional clarity and grounded maturity — it’s rare (and my first time witnessing it) to see someone navigate a difficult transition with this much respect, steadiness, and genuine care for everyone involved.
The way you and your ex are co‑parenting, communicating, and choosing grace over conflict says a lot about your values. And it’s lovely to read that you’re feeling hopeful again and connecting with someone new who brings light into your life.
I’m really glad to hear you’re in a good place and moving forward with so much intention 🤍✨🙏 🌿
Whenever you feel like sharing more — the good, the messy, or anything in between — I’m here.
🤍 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for the acidophilus pills/ yogurt advice. You’re like a library on dogs — full of knowledge, clarity, and guidance that I genuinely value 🙏 🙂
I never thought of giving him banana. I try to give him as little human food as possible. The other day I removed another banana peel out of his mouth during a walk. This morning, he vomited a bit of stuffed toy fuzz 😢
And guess where he’s at now? At the vet for his surgery (as well as cleaning the inside of his cute, fluffy ears and trimming his nails. I am concerned, hoping the vet doesn’t call with any problems and that all goes well 🙏
Yes, I do like your sense of humor, having successfully acquired it 😂, and I loved your 💨 🤢 🤮 on the other thread!
🤍✨🌿Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.