Hey Dear Depressed Confused:

I am not a doctor or a therapist, but is it even possible that what you’re experiencing is NOT depression?

Not that it (depression) cancels everything we talked about. On the contrary, it’s all tied in.

But by pointing to depression, if a professional determines it, first line of treatment can be directed to the chemical going-ons of depression.

There is no point in trying to analyze and understand anything when the 🧠-body is depressed.

Says I.

🔑🙏 Anita

You are welcome, Tom.

Earlier this morning, I copied most of what you shared pages 1-4 and pages 10-12 and asked Copilot (the AI I use) to give me it’s analysis and offer suggestions- a beginning of a conversation.

But then, before I could read more than a few sentences of the input I had to get off the 🖥 (my own computer was destroyed by my 🐕 and I 😞) and now using my 📱 so, I don’t have access to what Copilot said.

But let me see what I can come up with on my own after reading the parts I copied and pasted for Copilot:

First, I noticed that you’ve been at this job for exactly 2 years (April 2024- April 2026).

All along you’ve been satisfied, as I understand it, with only one aspect of the job: it pays well.

The pay is a huge factor for you because everything is so expensive plus recently, you are trying to start a family- a process that’s well.. expensive.

The job has been an ongoing source of anxiety for you: having to give presentations in front of large groups of people, your work being criticized or closely monitored by others, co- workers self- promoting and taking credit that doesn’t belong to them (corporate world mentality and politics) something that you’re not comfortable doing.

You’ve been doing your best to manage your anxiety (positive attitude, gratitude journal, exercise, relaxing weekends) and you’ve been looking for better jobs (that pay well enough) but without success, not much available at the moment.

It ocurred to me- and I don’t think we ever talked about it- that teaching (if it paid well enough) could be an option?

Because outside of maybe a yearly evaluation, you don’t get monitored and no one interferes with what you’re doing in your own classroom.

I’ll be back to you when I get back to the 🖥

✨️✨️✨️ Anita

Bringing this up to study later

Hey 2 intelligent & aware 4 his own good 🌙 🦉 Confused:

Thank you!

Maybe I’ll watch the video tomorrow, on my 🖥

How would I connect the spirit dancing when the body is not to you missing the in-love feeling?

🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

🤔 🤔 🤔 🔒 🔑 🤔 🤔 🤔

I danced without moving ( feeling GOOD)=> you feeling in- love without anyone particular to love?

As in listening to romantic 🎶 🎵 ❤️ 🎶 🎵 and falling in love with no one in particular?

Developing this further: fall in- love with life, not with any particular person.. so, you don’t owe her or anyone to feel one way or another.

I may be making no sense.

🎵🎶 🍷 no-🧠 🤪 Anita

Yes, in my experience it felt weird and contradictory: very anxious and deathly calm.

I spontaneously wrote “deathly” calm because it wasn’t an alive’ calm. It was a giving up calm, which is what shudown/ dissociation/ derealization is about.

These are emergency kind of calm.

Can you resubmit your message ( if you copied it) without the link?

That reminds me of my derealization visual changes when I was driving (I told you about it). Cars seemed bigger or closer. I heard it happens when taking certain drugs (hallucinigens), but that was not in my case.

I suppose back at that time my anxiety was high and it messed with visual perception. That particular experience did not happen again.

🤔 🐰 🤪 Anita

Thank you, Peter. You’re incredibly nuanced. I want to be you when I grow up ☺️

So, I’ll keep painting 🖼 while remembering the blank canvas, the sky.

Blank Canvas (BC)

Hi Peter:

I just reread the above 2 posts using my 📱. I never heard of a “good student” mask and wasn’t aware of self-monitoring an trying to get it just right in my replies to you until this morning. It makes sense though.

I noticed a few years ago, how in the context of my thinking itself, I kept monitoring and correcting myself for the purpose of not being misunderstood and accused of saying something I shouldn’t.

I understood it at the time as my inner critic ( the voice of my mother internalized) giving me a hard time.

I never thought of this self monitoring as a mask: not truly who I am, but a defense I took on as a child and onward.

Another thing I wanted to point out is how quickly I perceive the possibility of criticism. It doesn’t take much at all. I saw the word “grasping” and immediately heard an accusatory voice saying: “You are grasping 😠!”

Oh, another thing, as I was reading about masks, I wondered which ones are or have been yours..?

Maybe the past- at times- emotionally distant Peter was a mask?

Or maybe a mask of mine perceived you that way 🤔

(I’m sure there’ll be more later)

🔒 🔑 Aninatta