Dear Dafne:

You are deeply emotionally attached to this man and feel responsible for his feelings and well-being. This sense of responsibility is making it difficult for you to end the relationship, even though you recognize his manipulative and deceptive behavior.

His health issues (or claims of) are adding to your hesitation to end the relationship. Your guilt and empathy for him is creating an emotional roller coaster: you feel torn between wanting to end the relationship for your own well-being and not wanting to hurt him.

Your past experiences growing up are impacting your current situation. This fear of causing hurt and being rejected is resurfacing in your relationship with this man. You are also afraid of being alone and not finding another friend or partner, which is making it harder for you to break free from this man. But staying in a manipulative relationship out of guilt or fear will only prolong your suffering.

I understand that ending contact with him is a deeply emotional decision and I don’t want to push you into it, as that might only add pressure and distress to your situation. From the beginning, you were suspicious of him and suggested that he is deceptive. In response to your suggestions, I reviewed everything you shared multiple times, and I agree with your assessment. In turn, you have also agreed with me. At this point, it’s clear that we’ve thoroughly analyzed his behavior and reached a mutual understanding of his manipulative and deceptive nature. Yet, you still feel empathy for him and don’t want to hurt him.

This emotional conflict is understandable, given your caring nature and the influence of your childhood and current circumstance of living with your manipulative and abusive mother in a remote place with limited options (“I am afraid that I won’t get another chance to… escape my reality at home. I live in a remote place and my options are limited.”).

Given that you’re struggling with this decision, it might be beneficial to seek support from a therapist who can provide guidance and help you explore a more promising way to improve your situation, such as moving out and living away from your mother in a central or urban area.

Remember, you have the right to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being and make choices that bring you peace. Wishing you clarity and strength, and I’m here to support you through this journey 💖

anita

Dear Dafne:

Of course, it is your choice to end or not to end the contact with him. You are free .. to take or not to take my advice. I want you to feel free to make your choices as you see fit.

I will reply further in the morning. Please rest and engage in something that’s enjoyable for you 🪂 (or some other activity 😆 )

Back to you Sat morning.

Anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your kind words 😊 I’m so glad you feel welcome here.

Dec 29, 2024: “he asked me out and started talking about a project to be together. He lives in a tiny apartment… he doesn’t have a stable job; only works a few hours for his friend doing admin tasks… So, not sure how he wants to have a house in the future. There is that big (but risky) project in Asia he has been working on for 4 years and still nothing happened.”

Jan 8, 2025: “He showed me an official letter from a cultural center but refused to send it to me as it was confidential. Do you think it could be true? It is not a work contract or any other legal document. Anyone could have written that. Maybe he was afraid that I could verify it?”

Feb 6: “I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many apartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused…”

Feb 9: “He told me to choose (a restaurant) and I made a choice but.. Then he refused all places I wanted to go to… He proposed another one and I accepted then told me that he can’t take me there… Then texted me that he made a booking to a different restaurant. Why did he ask me in the first place if he decided already?”

Feb 21: “He keeps writing about the project… He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’. But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place?”

This is my understanding of the situation:

* The Asian Project: The project exists only in its planning phase, which he has put together by himself. It does not exist in a practical sense. Just like I could start a project involving millions of dollars on my computer by researching, copying, and pasting information into an online business plan form, he has created a plan with no practical applications. He wants you to invest financially in what is, in practical terms, a fictional project.

* The Home Advertisements: He knows that you want to get married and move in with a husband, so he manipulates this desire by sending you advertisements for homes. His intent is not to buy any of them but to motivate you to buy them and arrange for a mortgage that he is unable to get himself.

* The official letter from a cultural center, the one that “Anyone could have written”, is one that he has written (or got an online source to write for him).

* The Restaurant Fiasco: When he asked you to choose a restaurant, his intention was not to genuinely consider your choice. Instead, it was a tactic to keep you engaged in his “Dafne Project,” with the ultimate goal of leading you to hand him money.

* In regard to sending you his business plan vs showing it to you on his tablet: when he offered to send you a business plan, he didn’t intend to follow through—just like when he sent you home adverts with no intention of buying any, and when he asked you to choose a restaurant but didn’t honor your choice. These actions are all tactics to keep you engaged and wanting a future with him, ultimately aiming to lead you to hand him money for that future.

“Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time… I could simply say… Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?”- For your emotional well-being and to protect yourself from harm, I believe it would be best to end all contact with him.

“To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily… now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration… I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore… What would you suggest Anita?”- I would send him a courteous message where you express that you are ending all contact with him, for your sake and his, requesting that he no longer contacts you. If he disregards your message and contacts you (beyond one possible message where he accepts your assertion and says goodbye)- block him. You deserve to have control over your own life and emotional well-being. He shouldn’t have this kind of control over you.

I hope that you have a good weekend, and 🫂🤗 back to you!

anita

Thinking about you, Robi, wondering how you are doing..?

anita

Thinking about you, Beni, wondering how you are feeling.

anita

Dear Dafne:

You have a beautiful way with words—so poetic and heartfelt. I enjoy reading your messages.

You are always welcome to come back any day, whether you have good news or not-so-good news to share. I really appreciate you and will miss you if you don’t come back soon.

Take care of yourself, have a lovely day, and I’m looking forward to reading from you again, no matter what.

Warm regards and a big hug 💕

anita

Dear Kane:

It’s courageous of you to share your journey and thoughts here. It reads like you’re grappling with a lot of complex emotions and experiences.

Your metaphor of a muscle pushed too far resonates. It’s challenging when we feel mentally exhausted and struggle to find the energy to take those small steps toward our goals. The idea that energy is created when we start doing things is a powerful reminder.

The concept of intentionality and the desire for a purposeful life is something many strive for. It’s tough when that sense of purpose feels scarred and burdened by past experiences and a challenging environment.

Remember that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and it’s important to give yourself grace. Your desire to learn, create, and improve mental health and awareness is inspiring. Even when it feels like you’re just floating, taking small, intentional steps can eventually lead to meaningful progress.

You’re not alone in this journey. There are many people who have faced similar struggles and found ways to create ripples of positive change. Keep seeking the knowledge and understanding that drive you, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it.

You’re stronger than you realize, and every small step you take towards your goals matters.

anita

Dear Dafne:

(I didn’t see your most recent post until after I submitted the above). Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad to be here to support you through this challenging time 💝.

It’s understandable that moving on from him is not easy, especially when he continues to reach out and use familiar emoticons. It’s important to listen to your instincts and trust your feelings of distrust. Recognizing the need to protect yourself is a crucial step.

Your hope for a future free from this emotional prison, where you can find happiness with a decent, honest, and humble person, is a beautiful goal. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who truly values and respects you.

Your strength and self-awareness are inspiring. Continue to focus on your well-being and take things one step at a time. I’m confident that with time and self-care, you’ll find the peace and happiness you seek.

Thank you for sharing your journey with me. I’m here for you, and I’m looking forward to hearing your good news and positive updates in the future 😊.

Have a lovely morning & talk to you soon.

anita