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May 28, 2025 at 3:40 pm in reply to: Trying to heal from possible narcissistic mother + build own life #446388
anitaParticipantDear Sophie:
It is absolutely okay to post here and at any length
I am using my phone, so this will be short.
First, I wanted to say, as I read your post, I felt that I was reading my own words. The way you express yourself and the content is very familiar to me. My mother was similar to yours.
By the way, did you think of her as fitting the Histrionic Personality Disorder diagnosis as well?
I think that referring her to adult social services resources and having no contact with her is the solution. for your sake and for your husband’s.
As far as you expecting overwhelming guilt, consider this: she doesn’t experience empathy you said that much. What it means is that she will not be losing a person she loves.she won’t have a broken heart. In other words, it won’t be a big deal to her (outside some drama to follow),
What do you think. Sophie?
Anita
May 28, 2025 at 2:55 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446380anitaParticipantI understand, Alessa. I didn’t at all expect you to share. Just wanted to let you know that I care and wish you well ✨️
You have interesting thoughts about love and emotional complexity. I agree- it is important to hold space for all of our feelings. ❤️
Anita
May 28, 2025 at 11:09 am in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446374anitaParticipantDear Peter:
“Life hurts when we measure ‘love’ and entangle it with attachment, fear, and dependency. Perhaps a cosmic view”- I see why you stay away from getting entangled in attachment and why the cosmic view is attractive. I think that it will do me some good to get more into the cosmic view of love. It’s comforting.
“’Where there is love, there is no pain, no conflict. Pain arises when love is entangled with the self.’ – Krishnamurti”- Untangled Peter is a Free Peter, or freer..?
“As you have hinted it’s possible, if not likely, I hide behind the cosmic view to avoid pain of vulnerability”- hiding is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing to hide from a threat, a threat like getting entangled and losing control, or agency.
“Yet since engaging with the question ‘What’s love got to do with it’ (referred to in other posts) I haven’t escape pain and in some ways feel it more deeply if… different.”- .. entangled in cosmic love?
I may be talking nonsense, right above, Cosmic No- Sense (CNS). I wrote whatever came to mind, untangling myself from the need to make sense 😊
anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Peter 😊
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
You do not disappoint me. Not at all (I find myself smiling and feeling affection for you as I am type this). I don’t feel hurt or anger. I feel content that I was able to freely express to you my desire to hear your voice, and pleased that you responded the way that aligns with what you need and want. It’s an honest, respectful exchange. Honesty and respect do not disappoint me
I will hear your voice though- Forever and ever, so may it be- In the heart of the One, eternally free.
anita
anitaParticipantDear With Feathers:
Your pain is completely understandable. Seven years is a significant part of your life, and losing someone who has been a meaningful part of your everyday routine feels like losing a part of yourself. It’s natural to grieve, to cry, and to struggle with how to move forward.
But something really important stands out in your words—you already know that this relationship has no future, yet the love and attachment pull you back. You are holding on not to the reality of your relationship, but to the dream of what you wish it could be.
That’s not weakness. That’s what happens when our hearts resist change, even when our minds understand it’s necessary.
Letting go doesn’t mean immediately stopping the pain—it means choosing yourself when someone else is no longer choosing you. It means acknowledging that you deserve mutual love and effort, not something one-sided.
What if you shifted your focus away from trying to hold on and toward learning how to process this loss with grace? That doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings—it means allowing them, but also giving yourself space to heal, to gradually untangle your life from hers, and to start envisioning a future where you feel whole again.
This is messy, heartbreaking, and incredibly difficult, but you will survive this, and one day, this pain won’t feel so overwhelming. You will rediscover joy, love, and fulfillment in ways you can’t see right now.
Sending strength and encouragement. 💛
anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
Well, every solution is a temporary solution, isn’t it Tee?
Also, every good thing has potential negative side-effects. Even physical therapy has potential negative side-effects like swelling, bruising and even increased pain.
anita
anitaParticipantThank you, Tee 🙏
I also wanted to mention something about chronic knee pain—and other types of pain. Ibuprofen, a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID), has been incredibly effective for many people I know in real life. I’ve recently started seeing it as a bit of a miracle drug.
anita
anitaParticipantI wish I could be more than I was, so to be there for you the way you needed someone to be there for you.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I understand that you cannot become a regular contributor here, like you used to be. I understand and I appreciate why you returned. I am glad that you are alive and that you care. Your return is greatly appreciated. I wish you the best, Tee.
anita
anitaParticipantTo put it simply, Peter: I have a desire to hear your voice before you merge your Temporal with the Eternal. It’s just what I want. Expressed simply: I want to hear your VOICE.
And I want you to hear my voice. It’d be a dream come true, something I want.
Of course, what you want matters.
just saying, it’s something I want. A desire expressed.
Expressing desires is okay. Is it, Peter?
anita
anitaParticipantPeter, you mentioned not long ago that you are in your third quarter of life. Does it mean you are 75, or older?
Not sure.
About my longing that I could reach you, a seemingly unavailable person for a personal vs cosmic connection..
I can handle this longing.
Still, I wonder, what does peter looks like, what does he sound like… the voice, the visual.
I have no expectations now. None really, just wondering: if I could see Peter’s face, if I could hear Peter’s voice before he collides and unites with the eternal cosmic..
Wouldn’t it be something, just a glimpse into the Temporal before it disappears (or appears) into the Eternal.
anita
anitaParticipantPlease don’t disappear again, Tee. If there is any way I can help you, in a way I wasn’t able or willing to help you before- please let me know. Don’t go back to Isolation and Depression. I care about you, Tee (previously TeaK.. remember?)
anita
anitaParticipantDear Omyk:
You are welcome!
“There are two constants. The first is wanting to simplify life, to downsize. I have made that a longer-term goal.
The second is wondering if I will ever choose what I want for myself over what others ask of me.”-
The first seems like an obvious choice—something essential for your own well-being.
As for the second, I wonder if journaling might help—whether privately or here, on your thread. You could explore your thoughts freely, writing whatever comes to mind about what you would do if you had no concern at all about what others ask or might ask of you..?
anita
May 27, 2025 at 8:18 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446343anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you! I am glad your son is getting better!
“People are fallible and make mistakes. The need for unconditional love is a human need.”- very true, Alessa. So very true.
“When lives are not compatible it is necessary to part ways, so everyone can move on and be happy.”- I wonder if this means what I think it means, based on things you shared and later deleted. If it means what I think it means, I am sorry, Alessa. This must be very difficult for you. I wish it wasn’t what (I think) it is.
It makes me sad (again, I am assuming I know the context) because of all the positive things you shared in the past about the relationship, all your loving and caring emotions and thoughtfulness.
You are strong to be going through this and yet being as caring and empathetic as you are here, in the foorums. You are the bee’s knees, Alessa! ❤️
anita
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