Dear Jana:

In regard to your earlier message to me—the one that ends with “I’m not sure what you mean”—

I’m not at all clear about what’s confusing to you. Could you clarify what you mean by “the connection” you’re unsure of? I wasn’t presenting a structured argument, just sharing how certain experiences feel linked for me. If something didn’t land clearly, I’m open to hearing more specifically what felt confusing to you. That would help me understand where you’re coming from.

In regard to the last message you addressed to me:

“I try so hard. I really want to connect.” What makes it so hard, Jana?

“I cannot relate when I know so little.” What little do you know?

“I will not minimize your feelings… I will not hurt you anymore.”- Thank you, Jana.

“When you write only these short sentences, which read that you don’t want to connect… I was just caught in a moment of my emotions.”- My short reply followed me being caught in a moment of my emotions 🌩️🙂

“Do you remember? You wanted to make this place bigger… I really wish we could.”- Yes, I do wish there were more people participating in the forums.

“I need to control myself… I know that it wasn’t rejection… just my emotions read it as rejection.”- You are learning to pause, reflect, and stay present with your feelings. That’s not easy, and I admire it.

You’re showing emotional growth in many ways. Jana—by staying in the forums instead of leaving again, by naming your reactions without blaming, and by expressing a desire to connect even when it feels hard. That’s healing work, Jana. I see it, and I respect it.

Warmly, Anita

Hello Jana: I was naming something real. If it doesn’t resonate, that’s okay. I’m not here to convince.

Take care, Anita

Note to all members: My posts reflect my personal experiences and thoughts. They are never directed at or referencing any forum member—except for the original poster, whom I address by name. Unless explicitly stated, my posts are not about or aimed at any individual in this forum. Still, in yet other words: my writing is personal and reflective. It is never intended as commentary on other members. Please honor this boundary.

Hey Jana:

Thank you for your message. I accept your apology and I greatly appreciate your reflection and your willingness to take responsibility for the impact of your words. 🙏 🌷🤍

You asked: “What specifically do you mean about the fake words, Anita?”-

When I mentioned “fake words,” I was actually thinking of something you yourself shared in your earlier threads—about how, in the Czech Republic, people tend to be direct, and how politeness in other countries can feel fake or even rude. That stayed with me. As I was writing my post yesterday, I found myself reflecting on that idea and realizing that I, too, want to be more genuine and direct in my own posts—not rude, just less overly polite. I was referring to myself, not to any member.

In fact, I want to be clear: my posts are rooted in my personal experience. Unless I explicitly name someone, I am not referencing or commenting on any forum member. I write to process, to reflect, and to honor my own truth. That’s the space I’m protecting.

I appreciate your suggestion to take a break and return with a relaxed mind. I’m quite relaxed though 🤗

Again, welcome back, Jana!

Anita

Jana, this is your real name, just like Anita is my real name, ever since birth.

I never forgot you, Jana, because there’s something about you that’s very RAW, something UNIQUELY HONEST.

I learned new things since you were here last. I am more humble.. yet, I know that my humility and vulnerability can be an invitation for these things to be used against me… Perhaps similar to your vulnerability having been used against you?

You know about fake-empathy, fake words.. I know these too now, more than before.

I know the need for words that are raw and honest and true.

If none of this speaks to you.. feel free to not respond to me. I prefer no-response over being attacked where and when I am open, honest, and vulnerable.

Anita

I understand, Zenith. Maybe privately…?

(Using my phone be back to the computer tonight)

Welcome back, Jana (or should I address you as Silver Blue?).

Although you deleted your account some time ago, I never forgot you. I feel nothing but affection for you.

🌸 Anita

Zenith, you’ve come so far — your courage with your manager shows that you can speak up, even when it feels scary. You don’t need to keep replaying the past in your head alone.

If it feels right, you could begin by telling the relevant people things like:

“I’ve stayed silent before to keep peace, but I realize now that it hurt me.”, “When I’m treated differently than my co-sister, it makes me feel small and judged.”, “I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I’d appreciate not being commented on.”

Keep your tone calm, like you did with your manager — firm but not confrontational. You’re not asking for permission, just naming what’s no longer okay.

And if you’re not ready to say it face-to-face, even journaling or practicing it aloud can help you anchor your voice.

You’re allowed to be heard, and to protect what brings you peace.

With care, Anita

Hello ManagoFandango:

It makes complete sense that you’re feeling uneasy. This isn’t just about money — it’s about emotional dynamics, power, and fairness. You’re trying to protect your relationship, your values, and your family’s dignity, all at once. That’s a lot to carry.

Your instinct to question the gift is wise. When generosity feels like it might come with strings — especially from someone you don’t trust or feel safe with — it’s not just a financial issue, it’s a boundary issue. You’re not being ungrateful; you’re being discerning.

* If your MIL-to-be is the same person you shared about back in December 2022, then it seems likely that this financial gift will come with strings attached.

It’s also deeply thoughtful of you to consider how this might affect your parents and your sister. You’re honoring equity and emotional safety, not just appearances. That’s integrity.

With care, Anita