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anitaParticipantHow are you, Bella?
June 12, 2025 at 1:27 pm in reply to: I’m married and feeling guilty over an interaction with another man #446782anitaParticipantHow are you, Heather?
anitaParticipantYou don’t need to respond, Ben—especially not to the long posts above (maybe too long). I’m just thinking about you, hoping that there’s less alienation and abandonment in your life now, and more connection and support than before.
Anita
anitaParticipantConcerned about you, me. How are you doing???
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
🙂 Indeed!
You said, “Sadly, the digital age, especially with algorithm-driven platforms, reinforces and amplifies our tendency to either-or, all-or-nothing, binary thinking.”
Binary thinking existed long before personal computers. The habit of “Like” or “Dislike,” approve or reject, this or that—was part of human interaction long before it became a click of the keyboard. Personally, I don’t see more of it now than before, probably because the only digital platform I’m familiar with is Tiny Buddha.
But I’ve read (AI tells me so) that social media, search engines, and recommendation algorithms reinforce existing beliefs rather than encourage complexity. The fast-paced nature of online interactions encourages quick judgments, reducing the space for reflection. While binary thinking has always been present, the digital age has intensified and reinforced it, making it more dominant in everyday decision-making.
“LOL – I implied an ‘either-or’ when it’s going to be both.”—it would be impossible for anyone (even those who practice mindfulness, philosophy, and critical thinking) to never engage in binary thinking. Human cognition naturally categorizes and simplifies complex information into manageable parts, and in many contexts, binary thinking is useful.
“Skillful discernment—something we will all need to develop. I hope society will be up to the task.”—I’m not optimistic about where society is headed, but then… I never was.
“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”—She had space in her heart to ponder. Many people don’t have that kind of space, whether due to distraction or hardship.
I’m glad I do now. It’s a great relief, considering how things used to be for me.
Anita
anitaParticipantTalking about Budhhism, I want to summarize what I read in Budding Buddhist. com/ Anger in Buddhism:
Buddhism teaches that anger arises from ignorance—our inability to see the true nature of reality. It is considered a cause of suffering, fueling hatred, conflict, and destruction. The Buddha warned that unchecked anger leads to negative karma, manifesting in harmful actions like deceit, aggression, and harsh speech.
How can anger be overcome? The Buddha advised conquering anger with non-anger. Instead of fighting fire with fire, one must counter it with metta (loving-kindness)—a conscious effort to cultivate patience, compassion, and understanding. Over time, practicing mindfulness and redirecting anger toward kindness makes it easier to manage emotions.
Instead of expecting external circumstances to change, Buddhism emphasizes inner transformation—learning to control reactions rather than seeking control over the outside world. When anger escalates between individuals, a vicious cycle of harm is created. The way to break this cycle is through awareness and intentional kindness—replacing anger with compassion and creating space for peace rather than conflict.
My thoughts: the above does not imply that anger is inherently bad or that it should be eliminated—instead, it reflects the Buddhist perspective that anger is a powerful energy that can lead to suffering if left unchecked. Buddhism does not advocate for suppressing or erasing anger but rather for transforming it into something constructive, like patience, wisdom, or compassion.
The focus is on how anger is managed, rather than labeling it as purely negative. The idea of “conquering anger with non-anger” suggests redirecting anger in a way that prevents harm, not denying or rejecting it altogether.
About redirecting anger through thought reframing, examples: (1) Instead of thinking “This person is disrespecting me!”, try “They might be struggling with something I don’t see.” (2) Anger narrows focus, making us react impulsively. Asking “What else could be true here?”—helps replace hostility with curiosity, (3) Anger creates tension in the body. Slowing down, breathing deeply, and observing the emotion without acting on it helps regain control.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa and Everyone:
I appreciate what you said about suppression and avoidance being natural reactions to trauma. These aren’t failures or weaknesses—they’re survival instincts, ways the mind protects itself when emotions become overwhelming.
Temporarily suppressing or avoiding distress can help someone function, stay safe, or regain control. But when these coping mechanisms turn into permanent habits, they can block emotional healing, preventing growth, connection, and deeper understanding.
In moderation, suppression and avoidance can help regulate emotions in difficult moments. But too much suppression can lead to emotional numbness, while too much avoidance can keep people from facing important truths. For example, if someone constantly avoids difficult conversations, they may never address deep issues, leaving misunderstandings unresolved. Or if someone constantly avoids self-reflection, they may never recognize destructive patterns in their behavior or making meaningful changes.
I’m glad affirmations are helping you navigate underlying negative beliefs, and I look forward to hearing more when you continue. 💛
Anita
anitaParticipantFor crying out loud, I have no idea how the above happened (a resubmission of my last post of last night). For the record I am back to he computer sober this Thursday morning! (And the birds are back too)
anitaParticipant* There seems to be a confusion, red wine being involved in the above mix… oopsie. Don’t know how it came about, but who is paying attention, anyone, lol. Be back sober.
Anita
anitaParticipantExcuse the mix there, some red wine involved in the above.. time to go to bed, lol
anitaParticipantGuess who is LOUDER than loud this Wed night? The birds, vocal, loud, alive!
And so am I. ALIVE.
The Energy-in-Motion Moving through me.
It’s moving through the birds outside, same E-motion.
I had a real-life conversation a moment ago, and ANGER exploded within me. I expressed it, honoring it, and yet, not in any disrespectful, abusive way.
And then I suppressed it, because too much expression would be.. too much.
It takes skill to know when and how much to express. I am getting good at it. I am learning.
9pm, no sign of darkness.
I heard it’d be clouded tomorrow. I wonder if it means there’ll be fewer insects to bite me- too many bites on my arms and legs.
9:30 pm. Less light, still light, birds still singing, chirping. Soon they will be quiet and I will miss them until they return very early Thursday morning.
9:40 pm, getting darker, can’t hear birds over YouTube music.
Music in Hebrew.
You know the word for “love” in Hebrew? It’s “Ahava”.
So little of it, too little in Hebrew and in English.
Who might be reading this in the whole-wide-world? Maybe Alessa, maybe Peter.. maybe Tommy.
And no one else.
Still, it being a public forum, the only one I participate in, I keep hoping someone else may be reading, listening. Hoping that someone will listen. The desire to be heard!
Almost completely dark now. I will miss the birds. They are quiet now, ten minutes to 10 pm.
Still light from behind the trees.
Who is it that I want to hear me, to answer me.. who is this someone unknown..?
My mother, my old-old- dying mother?
That old, old, old dream?
That woman holding a baby (me)-
That ship has sailed.
Yet the longing of a baby..
A baby, can’t blame the baby for longing-
Longing.
Not even remembering what the longing was about, at that time of babyhood.
That longing, what was it? What is it still?
In its raw nature, what is it?
It’s a longing to..
To..
A longing of a baby to..
Can’t find the word, or words..
There is no word for a baby.
Yet, how can I express it (finally, completely dark here, 10 pm).
The longing, what is its preverbal language, what does it say???
It says: Don’t leave me! I will do anything, I will do everything.. Don’t Leave Me.
Don’t leave me all alone. Oh, please, please.. I’ll do anything, I’ll be anything.
The Deathly Fear of being Left Alone
That’s what in the core of it.
There is no intellectual, rational resolution of this fear- this deep, existential fear, of a young-one being left alone, abandoned, left to die.
Alone. ALONE.
An existential SCREAM: A L O N E
N.O.! Will do anything, be anything. Just don’t leave me.
Past 10 pm, quiet and dark.
Anita
Finally, COMPLETELY DARK at 10:35 pm, Wed night, what a relief. Now I can join the birds in complete SILENCE. No birds sounds.. till the morrow.
anitaParticipantGuess who is LOUDER than loud this Wed night? The birds, vocal, loud, alive!
And so am I. ALIVE.
The Energy-in-Motion Moving through me.
It’s moving through the birds outside, same E-motion.
I had a real-life conversation a moment ago, and ANGER exploded within me. I expressed it, honoring it, and yet, not in any disrespectful, abusive way.
And then I suppressed it, because too much expression would be.. too much.
It takes skill to know when and how much to express. I am getting good at it. I am learning.
9pm, no sign of darkness.
I heard it’d be clouded tomorrow. I wonder if it means there’ll be fewer insects to bite me- too many bites on my arms and legs.
9:30 pm. Less light, still light, birds still singing, chirping. Soon they will be quiet and I will miss them until they return very early Thursday morning.
9:40 pm, getting darker, can’t hear birds over YouTube music.
Music in Hebrew.
You know the word for “love” in Hebrew? It’s “Ahava”.
So little of it, too little in Hebrew and in English.
Who might be reading this in the whole-wide-world? Maybe Alessa, maybe Peter.. maybe Tommy.
And no one else.
Still, it being a public forum, the only one I participate in, I keep hoping someone else may be reading, listening. Hoping that someone will listen. The desire to be heard!
Almost completely dark now. I will miss the birds. They are quiet now, ten minutes to 10 pm.
Still light from behind the trees.
Who is it that I want to hear me, to answer me.. who is this someone unknown..?
My mother, my old-old- dying mother?
That old, old, old dream?
That woman holding a baby (me)-
That ship has sailed.
Yet the longing of a baby..
A baby, can’t blame the baby for longing-
Longing.
Not even remembering what the longing was about, at that time of babyhood.
That longing, what was it? What is it still?
In its raw nature, what is it?
It’s a longing to..
To..
A longing of a baby to..
Can’t find the word, or words..
There is no word for a baby.
Yet, how can I express it (finally, completely dark here, 10 pm).
The longing, what is its preverbal language, what does it say???
It says: Don’t leave me! I will do anything, I will do everything.. Don’t Leave Me.
Don’t leave me all alone. Oh, please, please.. I’ll do anything, I’ll be anything.
The Deathly Fear of being Left Alone
That’s what in the core of it.
There is no intellectual, rational resolution of this fear- this deep, existential fear, of a young-one being left alone, abandoned, left to die.
Alone. ALONE.
An existential SCREAM: A L O N E
N.O.! Will do anything, be anything. Just don’t leave me.
Past 10 pm, quiet and dark.
Anita
anitaParticipant“What would such a dance look like to you?”-
The suppressing part and the expressing part move together in harmony—one moment, the waves recede (suppression), creating space for stillness and reflection. Another moment, the waves rise and crash (expression), bringing release and transformation. Both are necessary; neither is wrong.
I used to think in black-and-white terms—all-or-nothing, THIS or THAT. While there are situations when that kind of thinking is functional, most situations are complex, and rigid duality distorts reality, and acting on it often leads to harm.
It’s only recently that I’ve begun to see shades of gray, nuance, and color—a shift. And you, Peter, have been part of that shift in me.
Anita
anitaParticipantI am looking forward to reading and replying to you, Peter, tonight or tomorrow morning 😊
anitaParticipantDear Tommy:
I, for one, appreciate your reflections on the nature of this forum. While it may not strictly follow Buddhist teachings, I think you captured its essence well—it’s a space where people seek understanding, connection, and emotional support.
I agree that wisdom, as the Buddha would define it, is about guiding people toward growth rather than simply offering sympathy. At the same time, compassion itself has its own power—sometimes, just knowing someone is listening can be enough to help people take their next steps.
It’s always meaningful when discussions encourage reflection and understanding, and I value the perspectives shared here. 💛
Anita
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AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.