Leila,

Its an interesting puzzle you offer, and I can understand the tastelessness of a career that doesn’t align with our heart. Money is an odd system, pushing many beings into paths to sustain a life, but ends up consuming it. So busy working that hours, days, and lifetimes pass by without joy, without seeing the dreams of the heart blossoming. But don’t despair, dear sister, there is always a path to joy.

Consider that your passion isn’t money (which you know), or career (which you know), its tied into your empathy. Those pictures are beautiful memories, snippets and moments of joy and love. Of course that would be deeply, richly nourishing to your inner artist. She longs to express, to connect, to create, and sitting behind a desk pushing papers around in a world of politics and legalities can’t compete.

I wonder though, is law the problem or is the cases you’re working? I see lawyers that are self serving, making their mark through financial gain, political maneuvers, and self centric focus… but I also know many that use their knowledge and abilities for the benefit of others. The former end up miserable, or at least with a fragile happiness. The latter grow a joy that is unshakable.

Its your path, and a photographer, a lawyer, a teacher… none of those will bring you the peace you’re seeking. Its in the heartfelt pouring to others, the connecting, the giving that brings those dreams to life. Said differently, what medium you use to offer your love to the world is not as important as keeping your eyes open for opportunity to connect, help, grow.

Consider a different approach to your day. Instead of “where do I want to go with my life”, consider looking around for a need, and try to help meet that need. Small things, big things, it doesn’t matter. Here and now, your heart pulses with the yearning to create something beautiful, and it doesn’t matter if its planting a flower bulb, defending the downtrodden, taking a picture, enrolling in school… it only matters that you listen to that inner hope, and follow it home. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

LMN,

Much of our emotional state comes down to our point of view. For instance, you read some books, they didn’t call at you to read more, so you let them go. No biggie, I have piles of books that I’ve read half of, then moved on. But look at how you cling to it, as though you should have done that, as though you have all the keys and no desire to use them to unlock your prison. No wonder you feel shitty about yourself!

Consider a different approach. Instead of looking around and seeing a pile of garbage, a pile of unmet desires, unread books, boring office work, tedium, procrastination… look at the hero, the intrepid traveller that has been trying over and over to find his home, his dream. To see his wings sprout in 100s of ways, and yet remains confused, unsure where to find joy. That’s normal, dear brother, we all have to sort through the shit, turn it into manure, and learn to grow something a little brighter.

I challenge you to spend a day looking for chances to help others with their negativity. You claim that they are just “gossipy” people, but I am not fooled. They are travellers too, just looking for home. Said differently, you’re not the only one seeking something beautiful, and lost in chaos. So are they. So, sometimes when we want the world to be a little brighter, we have to be the ones to bring the light.

From a different direction, consider that when we are using our heart and abilities, we feel content. If you think in terms of “I do emails, then waste myself away”, you end up in a pit. If you think in terms of “my task is to bring the light, first doing emails for the job, then bringing kindness to my coworkers”, you’ll quickly fly.

Of course, its difficult to feel the desire to hug a troubled friend/colleague when we feel cruddy. Consider starting a metta practice. Metta is the feeling of friendship and warmth in our chest, and helps our mind and journey become smooth and peaceful. The environment doesn’t really change, but it appears different, more fluid. Such as “everyone is negative at my work” changes to “I have hundreds of opportunities to bring kindness, what a great solution to my boredom! OK, sleeves rolled up, where is help needed? Who needs a big old LMN bear hug?” One view has been consumed by negative fixation, and one is full of positive momentum and determination. Do you see? Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested.

And in terms of fearing you don’t have the motivation to sustain some growth… don’t fear that, dear brother, the difference between where you’re at now and where you’ll be soon will be vibrant enough that you’ll never go back. Well, skipping and falling perhaps, but once we see how free we truly are, motivation isn’t even an issue. More like “ouch, that hurts, let’s pull the splinter.” Right now, its just tough for you to see where your pain is really coming from. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Carmen,

I’m reminded of something in one of the suttas (I think the water snake, but I’m not sure) in which Buddha said that suttas and dharma are not to be used to win an argument. Consider that there is a difference between harm and pain, such as pain can produce healing, and is not certainly injurious. Such as our eyes in a bright light can feel pained as they adjust, but afterward, its better to have that light so we are better able to see.

Said differently, consider that truth can be wielded with kindness or with agitation. If you feel a push to be truthful out of agitation, and act on it, it will produce agitating fruit in your mind. Much like using the dharma to argue. If you silence your resentment for her, come to the inner stable ground of happiness and friendship, then even if you say the hard truths that feel necessary, you will be in a position to be peaceful no matter the results.

From a different angle, consider that perhaps you’ve been enabling her to remain stuck, and if she isn’t flowing well with where she is, your Band-Aids might not actually be that helpful for her. Yes, its tough to see our friends in pain, but they are in pain from their actions, not ours. Said differently, I think this conflict for you is arising because you have been trying to take on another’s karma, which is not your place to do.

Were I in your shoes, I would intentionally cultivate metta, friendship, for all of the people involved, including myself. Rid your garden of frustration, of resentment, of anger… so that as you dance through the difficulties, your mind is unimpeded by afflictive emotions. Then, you’ll know what to say, know what friendly truth looks like, and be able to remain peaceful as you work through the situation. When we are restful, clear minded, we become much more luminous… and challenges melt before us, be they internal or external.

In terms of “practical navigation”, consider answering questions asked of you, but not volunteering the causes. Such as, don’t go to your bosses and reveal your view, but if they ask you, be direct and clear speaking, such as saying what seems right in that moment. Then, it will be easy to weather the results, knowing you did you best, did what felt right at each step, and did so from a place of loving kindness.

Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested, and if you don’t already have a stable metta practice. A little inner light does wonders to dispel the clouds of confusion.

With warmth,
Matt

Sherry,

That makes sense. Unspoken hopes/expectations often collapse into resentment. Don’t be hard on yourself, understanding our needs and learning to be skillful in love can be tough! And you caught the real rub right away! Namaste!

In not getting the gifts you planned on receiving, you overlooked the gifts you got… which were so much better than some flowers or a trinket. Your stepdaughter gave those to you. My goodness, how beautiful. You must love her well, and it reaches her heart… what grace, dear mother, thank you for tending the children in such a warm way.

With warmth,
Matt

Sherry,

I disagree with inkrid’s approach, seems manipulative, which is a short term patch for a long term issue. Does he know about your feelings about valentine’s day and mother’s day? Sometimes women feel their feelings are invalid, and fear sharing them. This leads to a build up of pressure that festers into resentment. Often, men would do anything to see their loved one happy, but don’t like feeling forced into behaving. Consider approaching it like a puzzle. “When you didn’t do anything for me on v-day or mother’s day, it felt icky for me. I like feeling loved and tenderly attended, and your non-action left me feeling unloved. What is it like on your side?”

Said differently, come to the plate, offer him your side, and open gently to his. Do you know why he didn’t do anything? Is he rebellious to “hallmark holidays”? Does he offer you tender attentions in other ways?

This may be a symptom of poor communication of feelings and thoughts in your relationship. Its foolish to expect him to be psychic or just “get your needs” if you don’t express them before they are full of pressure and anger. Said differently, consider a heart to heart, it’ll be good for you both in the long run. If he needs some motivation, you can always tell him that a properly tended woman often feels safe to be much more expressive with her passion. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Big blue,

Consider keeping your attention on your daughter, after all it is her huzzah. Yes, you have attachments, hopes, dreams, but that is a poor venue for such things. Much like you wouldn’t take that engaging book you’ve been reading and pull it out during her party, consider shelving your romantic notions.

Of course, they’ll come up, much like you might “think” about the plot of that book… but undoubtedly let it go to keep your heartfelt affections aimed at your daughter’s accomplishment. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Plaedes,

Thank you for sharing, and there is much grace in your dance, dear brother. Consider that when we have a very fast moving and creative mind, it is important to learn to stay grounded. This is why the “present moment awareness” and “staying focused, letting go, staying focused” is so calming. However, it also might help a great deal to rest for awhile on just how safe you are. Look around you, notice how the sun just always comes up. The rain comes down. Seeds sprout. Seasons come and seasons go. No need to rush and plan with such force, nature is not as harsh as you fear it is.

Consider a parable of a garden. A gardener plants a seed, gives it a little water, and then has to wait for it to sprout. He might do everything right, good soil, enough water, and still the seed will not sprout. If he spends all his time worrying whether it not the sprout will happen, he misses all the beauty around him. If he can plant, water, then sigh, relax, be easy with himself, be patient with nature, then sprout or no sprout, there he will be smiling, learning, planting and watering.

The same is true of your organizing. You could try to plan and sort all day long, and still not be able to find something when you need it. So what? If you relax, be easy, be patient, then whether you find that email or not, there you will be, smiling.

You don’t have to be perfect to be loved, dear brother. Love is not something we can ever earn… it just blossoms or doesn’t, based on the heart of the lover, not the actions of the loved. For instance, I love you, warts and all, because my heart is open. I see a creative, passionate sibling, and nothing you could do or not do would change that. Just because some people in your family (say, mom?) has a difficult time expressing love or feeling love has nothing to do with you. You’re totally lovable, as is, and have always been.

With warmth,
Matt

Rebecca,

At some point, when we’ve had enough, we can give up our habit of being entertained by our mind. All that spinning isn’t getting you anywhere… much like a mental maze with no exit. The way out of the maze is to drop the maze. Said differently, you’re looking for ideas to set you free, but that will never happen. Instead, consider learning to let go of the thoughts. You noticed how “racing mind” interfered with your exam, perhaps it also interferes with connecting to the joy of being alive.

Why do you hate your body so much?

Consider approaching the spinning thoughts like a wild horse galloping around your head. There’s nothing to be found in there, your thoughts are not important, they just cycle around when you’re uncomfortable. If you’d like to loosen the grip the thoughts have, consider trying some metta meditation. It silences the spinning, over time and practice, which allows the mind to be peaceful, alert, concentrated. Consider searching for “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested. Do this twice a day (morning and night) for two weeks, listening as close as you can, concentrating as much as you can, following along as close as you can, and it will blossom like a raft to help you out of the mental tangle you’re facing.

Remember, its not “finding some truth” that helps us become free, its “realizing we’re OK, learning, growing” and we slowly learn to be easy on ourselves, patient with ourselves as we blossom like a rose.

With warmth,
Matt