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So…I asked him to forgive me and he said he needed some time and space. He took good one week and today we are meeting to discuss our relationship and where we go from here. I am getting very emotional and somehow want to make it work….what should I speak to him…what are the things we need to agree or disagree for a healthy reltionship ahead…
@ Matt: Just tried Sharon guided Metta meditation..it was easy on ears and there was not much distraction..was easy to comprehend. Felt nice in the beginning…when one is wishing loving kindness towards self and ppl we like..but towards the end when one has to wish it to ppl you find irritable and all..it was difficult… I get it…may be with time it will become easier.
Thanks Bernie. That was very helpful indeed. I will try to give both of us some space and time and hope that we can work things out….untill then I will nurture myself and pray.
Thanks Matt. Yes I need to take that thorn out…..difficult…but that is the only option I have. I follow discussions here regularly and have seen even the metta meditation you posted here earlier…somehow the way the saint in it speaks is not really comprehensible. Will go through “‘Sharon guided metta” right now after finishing my reply here. You know Matt, this incident is like that shake up…that I can’t mess up any further in my life…I want to re-create my life…I want to improve.
Thanks so much for the wonderful support Bernie and Matt…
May God bless you…:-)
With sincere thanks,
I know my feelings behind such outrage. My ex-husband used to lie to me often and cheated on me repeatedly…for 7 long years to be specific…so trust is something which doesn’t come that easily to me…I am insecure..I doubt..and I fear that I will be cheated again. I know this mindset needs to be changed, but don’t know how. The present guy in my life has done his bit…to be fair to him…he has been patient with me for 10 months now. But this time he says he is very badly hurt. He hides his interactions with other women…which are generally telephonic conversations..and I am sure there is nothing much there. He says I am always filled with so much fear about how you will take it that I try to hide any information which is of no relevance to us as a couple or our relationship….had you given me that trust and ease I would have opened up.
I agree I need to forgive my self….but I want that he too should forgive me 🙂 I love him immensely and know that on shouting at him like this I am at fault. I want to impove and make this relationship work..start afresh..with all my energy..and faith in God.
I did seek an apology..he said it’s okay and he will not bring the topic up ever again (see how nice he is). But he says he is immensely hurt and whenever I speak to him…he gets reminded of the bad words I have said. He says the pain is immense and he doesn’t want to speak to me for a few days…and stay busy with other things…and once he gets all right …he will give me a call himself. Until then I should take care of my health and he would focus on his ( even I am not keeping well after the fight.)
See Matt…whatever has happened has happened…but now I want to rebuild this relationship…and I want him to forgive me….until then I dont think I will be able to forgive myself.
I want God to come to my rescue and help me.And I want this guy to forgiv and forget…and I want to do the same.
Thanks a lot…
You have not done anything wrong. And you were honest enought to tell him about your one night stand. Kudos girl!!
Let me give you a practical advice…just send this link to him….requesting him to read it once. This way he will read all your views about your love for him. He will read Matt’s views as well…which too will give him some insight into things.
Amanda, a life long companionship is a big thing….one needs to have an attitude of forgetting and forgiving. More so when it was a period you guys were not even seriously considering a life long commitment…
You have done nothing wrong at all…..
I would like to quote you only before I express my opinion on the issue at hand.
“he said he needed more time and eventually told me he had to be selfish and break up with me to find himself and have time alone. He seemed to switch his feelings off and was suddenly replaced by an arrogant uncaring individual.”
It’s his choice which he has exercised. You missing him is something very natural. It happens whenever a relationship ends. But won’t you like to avoid being in someone’s life if he doesn’t want you to be in it. Worse still if he wants you on his own terms….like if you are a friend to support it’s fine…but I don’t want you as a girlfriend.
So I don’t see you having very many options here except moving on. Whether you want to keep in touch with him or not depends entirely on his and your maturity. You have to see if you guys would be adding any value to each other’s life if you remain friends….would it make your life better in any way….think about it.
Girl you are young…..always always always focus on looking ahead….
When nothing occurs to me about some issue, I postpone thinking about it for some time. Give yourself a break and think about what you want to do little later…say two months from now….you can wait that much I guess….you will be lot clearer about what you want. So for now…tell yourself………..I am very hurt right now and this may not be the best time to think objectively about what I want. So let me take a break from my thoughts and I will think about it two months later. In the meantime( in these two months) learn something…go out on vacation, spend time with family. Two months from now, you will be in a much better position to see what has happened now.
Thanks so much. Your advice really is very logical.
Aww….you are being harsh on yourself when you say that you are weird. We all try to think about our purpose in life and about strange ways of the world at some point in our life ( many a times actually)…..there is nothing weird about it. Trust me you are perfectly normal. Some people can make friends easily, while others find it difficult…so even that is perfectly normal.
It’s great that you are young and spiritual:-) Try focusing more on issues which interest you…and remember no two humans are similar. Enjoy the diversity the Universe offers.
The heart has all the answers:-)…ask and you will be answered.
For now, make yourself busy with things you like to do. Involve yourself in some kind of physical activity…long walks, jogging…..activities that can ensure you sound sleep.
Eat well, pray and take care of yourself. Things will get better soon enough.
Well, I am not sure if you are confused or it’s the way you have written about how you feel gives this impression. You surely are dealing with issues, which you want to discuss and sort out.
But let me tell you that people are dealing with much graver issues….like a mother who has lost both her chidren in a road accident, a young soldier who has lost his limbs in a war, a couple who has learned that their six month year old daughter has blood cancer ………..There is suffering and so much of it. These are permanent loses one can do nothing about. Still….life doesn’t end with any of these and it has to go on…
If you become slightly objective, you will agree that your problem is just to deal with how you are feeling…..to find someone who can help you in sorting out your feelings….As Matt suggested, talking to your parents is a good idea. Or you can talk to some cousellor if you feel you need one.
I will request you to count your blessings!!!
If there is something which you want to share in this forum, you are most welcome….will definitely try to understand and give further inputs.