Whenever there are people involved, there are chances for abuse. It is unfortunate. When there are male leaders, some tend to abuse their position and have inappropriate relationships. This is not limited to Buddhist. Catholic church and their priest. Some of the abused were children. Buddhist has had their share. Are women discriminated against. Of course they have, historically. Not allowed in an all male temple. Women present a serious temptation and distraction. This doesn’t disappear even in our modern age. Some temples allow women in but only under strict guidelines. Must dress as to present a gender neutral facade. Buddhist temples are not a dating or social venue.

Could ask the Catholic church if they discriminate against women. It will probably be very similar. There may be Saints and Buddha’s but not all members are such.

In parenting, you learn that you must take care of yourself first before you can help anyone else. Like being on a plane that has lost air, you must put on your oxygen mask first or you can not help you child. Parenting means you are out to raise your child with every advantage you could possibly give him. It also means that you have to teach them to be good people. Have a moral compass. Ideas of good and bad. When good decisions make for good results and bad decision make for bad results and much regret.

Helcat, I am sorry you are in so much pain. The stupid saying that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, … well, it really doesn’t mean any thing when you are going thru it. I can still remember my wife telling my mother in the hospital bed of trying to be good and take recovery as best she can. Then days later my mom would pass away. I know there is no sense in saying the end is near. But the truth, it hurts. So we don’t mention it. Always presenting a brave face. It was the same with my sister when she passed away from Cancer. Thinking this will probably be the last time I see her. And for some reason, I still feel that I will survive even though I know I will die.

I really hope you will feel better soon. Tough to take care of a baby when you need so much attention for yourself. Are there any relatives that can visit and help? Neighbors or friends? It is good to hear that you and your husband have found a way of working together to raise the baby. Children will either pull you together or … we don’t say the other stuff.

Shy? All kids are shy at first. But more exposure to meeting people (the same people) can help allay fears. Shyness can be overcome. Oh, are you talking to the baby? Hearing the sound of your voice. They will pick up on language faster. Oh. to help my daughter I go her this DVD on your child can read. It was a fun and educational DVD to help her learn words. It really did help. TV .. yeah, the electronic baby sitter, programs to help the brain form and learn fast. Understand emotions. My daughter love Daniel tiger.

OOOoops, rambling. I think I had too much to drink. Nite. Yeah, am going to try to stay off.

Tommy

Thank you Helcat,

It has been nice to talk with you. Share a story and a laugh. Thanks for that. I feel that I must leave here. I am not good at helping or giving advice. And am thin skinned enough to be easily triggered. Then off with the mouth and then apologizes for what I said. So, not being of good body and not a sound mind, I think I will leave again. Thank you so much for your kindness. I wish you all well.

Tommy

[quote quote=434646]* I want to add a note about Tommy’s post: “Oh, wow, so much.. BS. No not the right word. You seem to be extremely cerebral… There is nothing special about enlightenment… Drop this monkey mind”– – calling Peter’s thoughts and feelings BS? Telling him there is nothing special about what he believes to be special? Telling him to drop his ideas and beliefs? And, sneakily, you say BS is not the right word, but you don’t delete the it. You call him extremely cerebral: Wel, you Tommy were extremely rude here. Personally, I’ll take extremely cerebral over extremely rude any time of the day or night. anita[/quote]I am sorry that you read the words but did not understand the intent. Okay, I was rude. I apologize. The post wasn’t meant for you.

[quote quote=434649]Thanks Anita you have a wonderful way with words and its helpful to see what I attempt to work through reflected back so succinctly. Though I was taken aback by Tommy’s tone for a moment (a old wound of not being seen or understood showed up) I wasn’t offended. As we were referencing a Zen Koan, after taking the moment, I had to laugh as ‘BS’ is actually a appropriate reply. A Zen master would have no doubt ‘slapped‘ both of us. If I understand correctly the Koan’s are paradoxical and intentionally frustrating the idea being to break (slap) the hold of the grasping measuring mind or something… the imagined Zen Master just slapped me again. 🙂 Tommy’s mention of monkey mind caused me to pause. My process of ‘sitting in a Koan’ (Paradox, dualism) with free flow of thoughts (slowed down by typing them out) actually calms the monkey as it tends to end in silence. But that’s my process and I see why it might find it ‘to much’.[/quote]

You have an amazing understanding. And yes, I was rude. I apologize for my words but not for my intent. And Yes, An old Zen master would have slapped us both. You know more than you let on at first. Namaste.

Oh, wow, so much, … BS. No not the right word. You seem to be extremely cerebral. Chop wood carry water is simple. There is nothing special about enlightenment. Before chop wood carry water. Normal parts of life. After chop wood carry water. Basic part of life. Realizing that there a part of me that is exactly like that part in you. That it permeates the universe. Life remains the same. What is there to experience is natural and unchanging.. Viewing life thru someone else’s eyes? Temporal, measuring, ego? Drop this monkey mind and push forward onto the truth. Good luck.

No one wants to read my posts but, I am stubborn. Yeah, sometimes, a person can get comfortable enough that they control everything. When something goes a little awry yelling and saying things not so loving comes out. I get that a lot from my wife. It does hurt sometimes but, I am a man and have grown up to be resistant to this. Thing must be done whenever she wants it done. I am always wrong in what I do. blah, blah. I take it. Your partner might have gone thru something similar. It doesn’t mean there is no love. Just that current events have taken their toll. A break is never good. But hopefully it will turn out right for both parties.

Keep your distance as necessary but also keep lines of communication open. Working on yourself? Tough when there is no sounding board. A reflection of the things you do that bothers her. How do you change something you are not aware of? I had these problems. So spent lots of time in meditation. Ended up with much reflection of my actions. Insights? And sleeping with my head leaning to one side while sitting up. Okay skip me.

Dear JessicaEmily,

It was not bad luck that you were born into such a horrible situation. That was just life. What was good luck is that you still seem sane and able to cope (for now). Buddhism might have helped you transition from a bad situation. What you might need now is (and I can not believe I am saying this), is to take up a self defense course. This is to develop a sense of self that is in charge, in control. It makes standing up for yourself as an ability rather than a stance against fear. It is okay to fight fear but better when there is something to back it up. I do not advocate fighting but defense. Buddhist monks in China had Kung Fu to help them keep fit for those long hours of meditation. It also made it easier to not be mistreated.

Please do not listen to any one who points their crap at you. Meaning, it doesn’t matter what you eat or drink. A dog should not be attacking you. No excuses. You deserve respect. Oh, how I wish I could have given this advice when you needed it instead of years later.

No, no one is prone for a life of bad luck. Change yourself and the world will change also.

Dear Helcat,

That does sound true. But if one achieves stillness then what? It can’t be just to find the stillness. Something else has to arise from this not just stillness. Moving one’s center from this chaotic mind to the stillness should provide more than calm. Not that in practice, we look to achieve anything. And anything achieved would become meaningless unless we learn and understand the truth of the Buddha nature. That the thing that is me is the same thing that is you.

I am sorry if I sound confused. Lately, anytime I wake in the night, I spend some time sitting up with my eyes closed and watching my breath. It doesn’t make for much sleep. But being retired, I don’t get up to go to a job. I get up to make family breakfast and lunch and dinner. Do laundry. Clean around the house. Feed the chickens. That time i spend just sitting is something I enjoy. Even though, I never remember how I got into a different position when I wake. Sometimes, I have woken up while still in the sitting position. Head slumped over.

Tommy