Advice, do not focus upon sex, relationships or love. Be open to a relationship and it will happen. Focus upon your life and how you live it. Work hard, earn your living and save your money. Invest in assets that bring passive income.

If you are so focused on sex that you mentioned that you masturbate. That is going beyond social norms. Stop it. Refocus yourself.

That is called intermittent fasting. For example, for 16 hours out of 24, a person does not eat. And then for 8 hours, a person is allowed to eat but not constantly eating. A bit of control. Anyway, since being diagnosed with prediabetes and then diabetes full blown, I believe it is one way to get the body back on course. However, I find not eating at my regular hours a bit of a struggle. I guess, the idea is to give the body a chance to rest from eating so much. Everything in moderation??

It is quite a journey to find oneself. When we meditate, we do not fight the thoughts. We do not push them away. What we do is to allow them their space and let them go. Thoughts will flow in and out. Our work begins by not attaching ourselves to those thoughts. To not follow them. To not feel them. And then when you can concentrate, you pay attention to your actions. Your intentions. May sound easy but it wasn’t for me. Because to me, I was those thoughts. Anguish, pain, suffering, all came from those thoughts. My sense of self was wrapped in those thoughts. Desires came from those thoughts. So, when I learned to let them go. To not be a part of them. I found what is left is me. Don’t get me wrong. I do not walk around with0ut a thought in my head. I use thoughts. Emotions and thoughts may control me, part of the time. But, I am learning to be myself. To use thoughts as a tool rather than as an identity.

This I believe is the key to living a better life. Yes, there are plenty of regrets and memories that haunt me. But, I am growing and becoming more myself without the losing myself in emotions and thoughts which have no benefit to me. I hope you will take this as a map to lead you forward in your search for peace. Wishing you the best.

Touch was too much information. Damn auto spell correction.

The past haunts us thru our memories. Remembering and thoughts about it, bring us back to those fears. Those emotions come back to the surface again. If you make the attempt to watch your mind then you will see your emotions are very fast. Then, your thoughts will follow to support those emotions. Self observation will help you figure out how your mind works.

After you regained control over your emotions, you will find that you feel something missing. That is the constant echoing of the mind. The sinking feeling of past. Now you must take courses to change your life. YouTube has Charisma University. Learn how to be charming. Watch some of their videos. When you make people smile, laugh and feel good about themselves, they will seek you out. Then, you also need self defense courses. Go with the wife to learn to protect yourself. This is to regain the feeling of being safe in your own shoes. That is something that abuse takes away. Take it back. It all starts with you. Bring back the positive into your life. Make yourself happy.

Ok, I know it is silly advice. And, no one wants to think less of themselves by taking life courses. Trying to improve. But, for me, it is about changing focus from the past and abuse to right now.

I know I am not charming. I speak my mind. Straight forward. This is what I see. Do you know what 99% of people think right after they jump off a bridge or building. They want to stop. Change their minds. Well, you have to change your mind. Make the decision to take control.

Okay, I know I am not so smart as others nor am I so compassionate. Also, I can be quite rude. But, I don’t want to see anyone hurt themselves. Please.

Ok, get ready for a disturbing view, …

The relationship had to start off with some love and kindness! So, how did it get this far off course? Why do you drown yourself in this misery? Do you spend any time kissing and holding each other? I was always told that if you change then everything else will change because nothing arises alone.

Spend 15 minutes sitting on his lap facing him everyday. Everyday. Make it a ritual. Then tell him to say something nice. That you haven’t heard something nice from him. That you need to feel he loves you. Make him understand. Say you appreciate him but you need to hear the same appreciation. This is about communications. And nothing is more immediate than sitting on his lap and holding him while talking quietly in his ear. If you don’t have a relationship where you can hold each other then where is the love. Being unhappy and keeping it in .. it will only fester into arguments and maybe divorce. If you want love and appreciation then show some too. If you two truly love each other then giving love and caring should result in getting love and caring.

I know it isn’t easy since you have gotten into this routine of him going to work and you taking care of everything else. But, you need to change it back to him taking care of you and you taking care of him. And both of you taking care of the children. Express yourself or nothing will change for the better.

I know it sounds simple but isn’t easy. But start the ball rolling. Hug him and tell him you need his help. Asking him to go to counseling will get a negative reaction. Not that he does want a better marriage but he doesn’t want outside help. Someone to take sides or give orders.

Okay, I know no one believes this will work. And no one wants to try to be the one to initiate being the nice one. That we all think that we deserve better. We don’t want to be the first to apologize. We don’t want to be wrong. Ok, for my rude rant, I was wrong and apologize.

First you have to find a Buddhist that is on line??

Most should be in a room sitting quietly.

Koans only work when there is an intense effort to find the answer to the unanswerable question. The Koan must be absorbed. Everything in the mind and then some. Then bursting from the efforts the answer comes. Do you have a teacher? Sangha? When one sits in silence and absolute stillness, the perception shifts. One is here in this moment and in the stillness. It can feel overwhelming. The two are different methods to arrive at the same point. Paradox indeed.

I have no desire to be liked or understood. And there are times that I am thin skinned and let out the most outrageous words. But, I do try to be civil (not evil). Don’t always succeed. But try. Shows why I do not have friends. I wish you all well.