[quote quote=430692]Dear Tommy, I know Tommy, I have already broken up with her, I am just working on the process of moving on. Paradoxy[/quote]

So moving on means to stop thinking about her. Which means this thread is over. Stop, do not continue. Giving time to heal all wounds. Spend less and less time thinking about her or having feeling for her. Let her go. Over time, you will think less and less of her and the healing will begin.

Tommy

Four noble truths of the Buddha, 1. Life is suffering,   2. The truth of suffering,   3. There is a way out of suffering,   4. The path to freedom from suffering.

Life is tough and terrible. There is so much suffering and cheating and lying and everything. A toothache is painful but the suffering is in the mind who endures the toothache longing for it to end. Everyone suffers pain and has a terrible time. But, it is those, who reach beyond the suffering to see the truth of life and the truth of Buddha nature, they live a life of love, compassion and wisdom.

There are no simple cures. And, for the Buddha, he said one is reborn. So, in time you will return in another life. And go thru similar until you have learned the lesson that is taught. Suicide is not the answer. Karma will keep you in this circle. Despair is not the answer. You may need to express your feelings and that will help for the moment. You may need to take up the practice of mindfulness, meditation. Find a teacher and sangha to learn how to break into freedom. Maybe take lessons in self-defense. Be able to feel that you take control of your life.

Sorry ParadoxMusic, you want to separate the woman from her actions because you believe you love her. You already know she is not the one for you. It is time to move forward. Find a real woman you can love and that can love you. Hanging on to her will only break your heart more when the curtain does finally come down.

Sounds like young love. You and your partner are different people and will always have different views upon life. So, you not always get along on every aspect of your lives. Just the way life is. The best you can do is to ignore the harsh points of disagreement and focus upon that which brings you joy. I do not mean to have children. Sometimes couples believe that a baby will bring them together. It does sometimes but not always. Anyways, you seem to be stumped by your partner’s speech on how you did not focus on the correct thing, his feelings on his first day. Tell him that you were trying to fix the rift between you two and he is just focused upon himself without regard to you. While you are actually focused on both of you at the same time. He says you are ignoring his feelings but, it seems to you that he is ignoring yours.

When fighting, it takes time to gather the thoughts together to be able to verbalize the feelings. Tension builds up.  Tension is fine as long as you remember that you want to be together. So behave as there is no tension until you have the proper place and time to talk it out. No one wins if only one person wins an argument in a relationship. Oh, if you live together then there is no asking for space. You give time for thinking but never give up space. Space isolates and makes one feel alone. Being in each other’s face or holding each other is better. Just do not have to talk. Later, just talk. No yelling.

Of course, I am no expert. I have made plenty of mistakes, just ask my wife. Anita does better at advice.

It is sad to say, that when a person wants a pause, it means she doesn’t want you. Does it matter if you were going too fast? Yes, it does. Couples like it better when things go as if both wanted the same thing at the same time. Not always possible. Anyway, she doesn’t see it the same way. You appear to be needy and clingy to her. So, anybody who feels smothered wants space. But, space means losing the other person. A strain is put upon the relationship.

If you walk around and think of her all day, if you just feel the want to hear her voice, if you crave being near her, if you miss her kisses, …. you got it bad. And it will only make it worse. How do you get yourself into a better situation? Just drop her. If she wants you then she will call. If not then you need to have moved on. Find a good hobby? Find another love? Learn the art of starting a conversation with strangers. Know your worth. Do something to keep your mind off her. Then soon it will become less and less. Become a better person.

I know it sounds harsh. But, you must understand that you only get a first impression once. You made yourself look clingy and needy. She will always see you as someone below her level. Not confident and not the man who knows their worth. Better yourself so the next woman will know you are worthy of her caring. Give up on her. If she does call then you will be ready. If she doesn’t call then you will be ready. I am sorry for my poor advice.

You repay kindness with kindness. Love with love. And when someone slaps your cheek, you turn the other cheek and offer that to them. You want to be friends and have a good relationship with them. I can see the kind heart that you have. Contact her and apologize for being distant. Offer her the other cheek to slap. Let her know it was not your intentions to become distant. And that you miss her. Then hopefully she will come around and be your friend again. Forgiveness releases your mind and heart from the hurt that was caused by being apart.

The purpose of any life is to live it the best one can. The first thing to keep in mine is that stuff happens. Sometimes good , sometimes bad. It will pass, hopefully. As for the bills, there is bankruptcy available. That is where you go to a bankruptcy lawyer and pay a few dollars (I do not know how much) and list all the people you owe money and show how much you have. The courts decide what you pay out and what you keep. They will try to keep it reasonable or so I hope.

Money will come and money will go. Unfortunately can not say the same about the people in our lives. I am sorry about your mother. It is not unexpected but it still is quite a hurt when it happens. Breathe deep and try to move forward. Your mother may pass but you are still here. It will be time to think about yourself and what to do next. Do not despair. Find a Church. The people there are a good resource to talk to and find help. Sometimes even to find a friendly face.

The next step is to look for opportunities. I do not mean buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best. Be that special person who knows what to look for that can help not only yourself but others too. Being open will help you. Shutting down will only close opportunities. So, got to keep trying. Remember to live your life. Parents teach their children to grow up and live their life. Now, it is your turn.

What type of woman do you want? Or do you really want this woman? Men usually prefer a woman who doesn’t have vast experiences with other men? Probably because the thought is that she would think you are just another one of those men?? That you would be dropped as soon as she finds someone else. Would you spend your time and effort on a woman who doesn’t consider you as someone special enough to just be with only you?? Love and feelings get in the way and things become distorted?

If a woman cheats on you then wouldn’t she cheat on you again and again? As long as she feels that she can get away with it, she will? Excuses? Excuses make it okay to cheat? Sex with other men is okay as long as it did not mean anything to her. Cause she really loves you? You have feelings for her. But, do you really want this woman? Is she the type of woman you want in your life? To be the mother of your children?

Sorry, only questions here. You already have the answer. Now, it depends on what you want to do?