Forum Replies Created
December 22, 2016 at 7:32 am in reply to: "It's so easy for them, why is it so hard for me? They're so lucky. #123293
First, let your mind have its little temper tantrum. Observe your thoughts without engaging them. Using a journal may be helpful. Fighting or pushing back negative thoughts and emotions tends to make them worse.
Then–and this is a very important step–look back at your thoughts and consider the possibility that they are not true. What “evidence” has your mind found for them, and what are some other possibilities? Look for “evidence” for those other possibilities.
This article might be helpful: http://www.onlinelifecoaching.info/blog/2016/11/30/negative-thoughts-a-valuable-tool
First of all, yes, you have done GREAT so far!
I have been dealing with PTSD for some time now–it’s very similar to BPD. I’ve done a lot of things, as needed. I started with subliminal videos and audios, just to beat down the “demons.” Then, a lot of Thich Nhat Hanh’s exercises (get his book on fear–I highly recommend it!). I love mindful breathing, as I have a tendency to overthink and my mind loves to just rest. Walking and taking pictures (to help me look for beauty), and saying mantras while walking (my favorite: There is always a path. I can not fail. I will not let fear blind me to how powerful I am.”) has also helped. I also wrote down every bad thing I thought about myself, and rewrote it in the positive, as affirmations.
Oh, and cognitive-behavioral therapy has helped tremendously.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Thank you for the reminder! I have found that it’s important to remember that we are all a part of humanity. There is no “us” and “others.” That’s a ridiculous way to split people into groups! We’re not alone in a group of one.
This past winter was one of the darkest times I had ever faced. I needed to spend a lot of time taking care of myself, and soul-searching. I had to examine my deepest held beliefs about myself, and about life. (I had been in an abusive friendship as a teenager, and was still spending most of my waking hours beating up on myself. These beliefs and thoughts led to me spending 10 years in a very unhappy work situation, which was slowly destroying me. Things really came to a head in January, as my situation worsened). I used to feel really bad, because I didn’t give my daughter (who has autism) very much attention during this time. In fact, I didn’t pay much attention to my husband either.
But, I’ve realized that the priority at that time was that I was OK. If I had stayed in that situation, especially with the negative thought patterns, I don’t believe that I would have survived. I needed to give myself all of my energy at that time, and I needed to seek support. Neglecting my family, for myself, at that time was not selfish. They needed me to be all right, and to lead them into the changes that we ultimately made. (I quit my job, we signed the house over to the bank, and took the few possessions we kept, 1200 miles south, to start a new life in the city).
There is ALWAYS a path–you just have to find it. Would it be possible for the two of you to live together with one of your sets of parents? Would you both be able to find lower-paying jobs, not necessarily in your fields?
Difficult times bring opportunities, but you have to be willing to let go of your plans. I just went through an incredibly dark winter, when I thought that there was no hope at all, but that winter led to me dramatically changing my life and making it better than I could have possibly imagined.
Hang in there–and don’t judge. Don’t call it “backsliding” or whatever. You’re just regrouping; history is NOT repeating itself.