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You are welcome, JoJo, and Anita’s pun made me chuckle too. I think the humor in this situation far outweighs any seriousness. 🙂
I would not say anything about this to him. Saying something will likely embarrass him, making things awkward. You have a nice neighborly relationship with him; don’t risk that.
If I were you, I’d wouldn’t immediately pull the plug on getting to know him but I would proceed with caution. It’s possible that he messed up with that one question and that he’s actually not superficial; time will tell. Your response to his strange question was perfect, by the way. I love that you called him on it, established your boundaries with him early on. You may have taught him something. I say try your best to let it go and see what happens.
Hmmm….either way, he wants to know if your abs are toned because it’s important to him that they are toned; otherwise, he would not have asked the question. (Because really, it’s a strange question, don’t you think?)
Here’s my outsider perspective: After one week of talking with this guy, his asking to see your abs is a sure sign that physical fitness is very important to him in a potential partner.
No need to apologize. You are very welcome, and a special thanks to Anita for looking out for us both. Wikipedia says “Mindfulness is the psychological process of purposely bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment without judgment.” While sitting in your garden that day you brought your attention from your distressing thoughts to your beautiful surroundings, which in turn calmed you and brought you peace. It’s amazing, isn’t it? The more you practice this the easier it gets. And try not to beat yourself up about not following your intuition with your neighbor. Your intentions were good so there’s nothing to worry about.
Best of luck to you, Juanita! 🙂
I hope you don’t mind my sharing my thoughts about your situation on this thread that you’ve addressed to Anita. I agree that this can be a “turning point” for you, an opportunity for real growth.
You were experiencing great distress, feeling ill with difficulties breathing, your body reacting from the sounds and smells of your traumatic past, so you sat in your garden to calm yourself and your senses slowly shifted to the beauty of your surroundings, breathing became easier, you started to feel safe and happy, your trauma symptoms lifted. You realized that you’ll be okay in spite of your unbearable history. You were at peace.
Later that same day you received a phone call from a friend who informed you of some hurtful things your neighbor had said about you behind your back. Feelings of rejection and worries of becoming an outcast in the community overwhelmed you. You no longer felt safe and happy. The peace you had felt was now gone.
What a perfect opportunity to practice what you learned earlier that day: no matter how distressing your situation, you have the ability to return to that place of safety, happiness, peace. It’s always at your fingertips.
Difficult situations will continue to present themselves. The more opportunities we’re given to practice mindfulness the stronger we’ll become. It’s liberating to realize that life’s struggles can no longer derail us, empowering to find ourselves on the other side of a crisis — to encounter your backbiting neighbor and have no negative feelings toward her. You’ve been there; now you need to return there as often as possible, but it takes commitment and focus.
To answer your question, I would keep my distance from my neighbor but if by chance we do happen to cross paths, I would be sincerely warm and friendly, send her the love that she so clearly is lacking.
BJuly 6, 2020 at 3:06 pm in reply to: How to end a friendship with a very possessive and vindictive friend ? #360847
She said she really wanted me to think carefully about what I was about to say (because…it’s her way to of warning me that if I do anything wrong she will cut me off)
Hmmm, that feels a little like a threat, doesn’t it? I like Anita’s suggestion on what to message her, and then I would not contact her again. Take care of yourself; it’s what’s most important. Let the friendship and the stress go.
BJuly 3, 2020 at 10:10 am in reply to: Claims he is not choosing his parents, rather he is loosing me. #360371
After reading your posts I’m relieved that you are not going to marry this man and into his family. As you struggle to make sense of all that has happened, try to recognize how valuable a learning experience this is. When we want so badly for a relationship to work it’s easy to overlook important clues that reveal a person’s true character. Thank goodness you are now seeing things more clearly: This guy is not who you thought he was.
Surround yourself with those who told you that you are out of this guy’s league. They’ll help you to see more, I’ll bet. Hang in there.
I don’t see anything wrong with bringing your own friends to this lunch as long as your girlfriend is okay with it. I can understand why doing this would calm you. I was recently talking with my son and his gf and she told me that when she first met his friends (at dinner at a sports restaurant/bar) she decided to bring her own friend with her in order to “take some of the focus off of herself”, so I’ll bet your feelings are not uncommon.
When you were with this guy you knew he was evading taxes. Failure to pay taxes can lead to criminal charges. While you were with him you saw him as “a person with high morals”. Why did you not see him as a criminal?
When planning your next move, don’t confuse justice with revenge. My two cents.
BMay 27, 2020 at 7:59 am in reply to: Needing advice on getting motivatied in the morning #356981
You’re welcome, Rod, and thanks for the update. Glad you are feeling better. -BMay 18, 2020 at 10:20 pm in reply to: Needing advice on getting motivatied in the morning #355880
You are welcome. It’s hard being tired, I know. At 6 months, your baby will be sleeping through the night soon. I would talk to your pediatrician for advice on how to make this happen sooner rather than later. Bedtime plays a part in this. Also, hunger isn’t the only reason babies wake up at night; they need to be able to learn to comfort themselves and fall back to sleep on their own when they aren’t hungry. Your pediatrician should explain all of this to you.
It’s much easier to get moving each morning when you’re well rested and that’s not happening for you. I hope it happens soon.
BMay 18, 2020 at 7:08 pm in reply to: Needing advice on getting motivatied in the morning #355842
I don’t think this is a motivation issue. It’s a sleep deprivation issue. I have 3 kids and know about feeding babies at 4am. I strongly suggest that you stop getting up to help your wife feed the baby. I did the 4am feedings alone not because my husband didn’t want to help me but because he had to be at work at a stressful job at 8am the following morning. You need to be able to sleep from 2-8am with no interruptions, and then you need to have time on the weekends to make up for the sleep you’re not getting during the week. I hope you’re able to talk to your wife about this. Sleep deprivation leads to health issues including depression. Take care of yourself.
Making a bottle is easy. One arm is used to hold the fussy/hungry/precious baby; the other arm is used to make the bottle. Slam dunk.
You are welcome. Take care, Marcos! 🙂