You guys he contacted me again…

This time he called once, I didin’t pick up. He called again I honestly thought the worst and that maybe something was wrong so I picked up. It’s been over 1.5 years and now he calls me. About 6 weeks ago he sent me a message if you see my post from earlier asking me about some mail. I never responded to the text and have been in no contact for 1.5 years.

I answered “hello” and he said ”heyyyy” and i said “who is this?” Even though I knew who it was. He said “ what you don’t recognize my voice anymore” so I said “ please don’t call this number ever again” & hung up.

& I ended up sending him a message immediately saying “FYI if you get any more mail of mine (since he inquired 6 weeks ago if I wanted him to send me my benefits mail) please forward it to ….(my work address) “ since he knows where I work.

He responded and said “ ok will do and I was just checking to see how you are and hope you’re well, take care”

He wants to creep back into my life wth!!! He is pretending like he didin’t leave me before the wedding. I dont understand what he wants & why all of a sudden is he checking up on me when he didin’t care for my well being during our break up. Like how does he have the audacity?

I feel like he definitely realizes he will never find another girl like me. I treated him well, what was mine was his, I cooked, I cleaned, I ran errands for the house all by myself, I also worked full time and was hitting the gym 5-6 times a week. I kept up with a lot and he couldn’t stand up for our love after his parents said they were not going to the wedding.

6 years of my life wasted on that fool.

I am so much stronger now and I honestly don’t think I love him anymore.

Hi Kkasxo,

I am sorry that you are going through that as I know how painful it is. I want to tell you that I understand you completely and that I wish I can give you great advice, but the only thing I can tell you is to keep moving forward. Cry it out, let it out but do not take steps back. Don’t reach out to him, because if he wanted to he could’ve made things right. He loves his mom more than you!

He is not a man, he is a spineless coward who allowed his mothers beliefs influence the relationship between you and him. One thing I can tell you is pray, hope, be active, do everything that you always wanted to do but did not get a chance and you will find joy in something.

I try to think positive and believe that the higher power has a much better pogo remain and that is why everything happened, you should try to think the same. Also realizing that the false beliefs we have about love and our expectations are what disssapoint is. If we don’t expect certain things then we won’t be disappointed.

You expected him to love you and stand up for your relationship, which cause you to feel disappointed and betrayed. Same goes for me.

Try to find happiness within yourself, I’ve been doing that and I’m understanding little by little that I have everything I need within myself. Having a partner to love/to love me is extra.

Keep your head up and try to accept it, no more hope. Hope also causes pain.

Hope you get though this, it will be a long journey but keep fighting.

Hope to hear from you soon!

I just want this paid, disappointment, betrayal and these nasty hurtful feelings to disappear forever. It’s been so long and I still feel stuck.

I am mich better then before but it’s been a year and a half and I am still seeking answers and praying, even though I know my “why’s” don’t even matter. I just want to see the light.. at times I feel like I’m close but then the feelings kick in. I’m not even sure if I’m doing it do myself with the thoughts or I still have actual buried feelings. I miss my dog too and will never forget him. He was my baby.

I just sont don’t understand why this happened to me and why the person I trusted so much and beloved would never hurt me ended up causing me so much pain.

I had had to vent somewhere.

Thanks for understanding.

Hello, hope all is well. I just wanted to update my story and see what you think.

The first text I received as I wrote above, he asked about the backpack, flashlight and an umbrella. I did not respond or send it to him. I feel like he just wanted a response and also to control me because it has been boosting his ego. Also I did not send his items back because they are literally worth maybe 20 bucks all together and I left plenty of things at the house for him. Also I did not want to give him that satisfaction of bringing the items to him or mailing them because he would think that I still care about his opinion/ views. I did not respond or send him the items.

I received another text a week later saying “when you drop off the backpack, flashlight and umbrella can you include the spare house key and mailbox key”. Seriously? It’s not that he wants the keys back  because he thinks I will go into the home because if thats the case I can make spares. I think its because he wanted a reaponse from me. I did not respond. I also did not mail anything, it’s so stupid.

Next message I receive is about 10 days after that one saying “Happy Birthday hope you are well and take care”. No mention of the backpack and etc. anymore. Now he is saying happy b-day? It makes no sense. I believe he wanted a reaction again. I did not respond and don’t plan on.

Next message I receive is 10 days after the birthday one. He heard that a car crash occured at the place I work at. He saw it on the news and did  not know if I was involved. He texted me saying “Heard about the crash last night are you ok”.

two hours after that text I received 2 blocked number calls. I never receive blocked number calls, its been years. The following day I receive another call from a blocked number.

I did not respond or answer to any of these messages or calls.

I am doing  better, I have my bad days and good days. I am still confused and have no answers for his actions. All I know is that he was very selfish, cruel, disrespectful and ignorant. I feel  betrayed and used, I feel dissapointed and I don’t trust him.

My heart still loves him deep down and I miss my dog dearly. But his actions are confusing. Why is he contacting me? Does he just want attention or does he really care and does not know how to approach me and start a convo?

I know what he did is unforgivable and terrible. I don’t want to love him anymore, I don’t want to give him a chance. I am afraid that if he is persistent that I will give in. The question is if he asks for forgiveness and wants to get back together, is it even worth it? What he did is so terrible, I know I should move on but what if he tells me the truth that he lost it and was going through a rough time and he made the wrong decision because of his parents. I am confused on what I would do. Eveyone tells me that I need to move on and never get back with him because he was not man enough and acted like a crazy person.

I just don’t know why he keeps texting me, but he changed his approach as you see. Now he is acting nice and caring instead of asking for the  backpack.

Thank you!

You are right. He was most likely stressed about the money. But I do not believe that it was the only reason. I truly believe it was his parents that split us apart and that he was not strong enough to stand up to them. After they said they were not coming to the wedding, he had gotten into fights with them and stopped talking to them for a few days.

He eventually stopped communicating with me and was quiet. I felt like something was wrong but I never imagined it would bring us to a breaking point. He loved me very much and I never even thought that he would leave my side. He was the kind of person that never gave up on me and always wanted to talk about our problems.

Something happened that day, he said the words I never wanted to hear and he did not even want to try. It was like he knew there is no going back and fixing the issues. His decision was set in stone. He blamed it on me and his feelings as I mentioned before but not the real reason “his parents”.

I was so shocked, I lived with him 3 years, we had a dog and a house, we had planned for kids in the near future and other life goals. We had a visual of us growing old together. But he made that sudden decision 2 weeks after his parents said they weren’t coming to our wedding.

It’s hard to move on from this. I can’t understand how he had the guts to do this to me after all I had sacrificed. I don’t understand how a person can’t stand up for the person they love at the age of 34. How could he not see that he has to live his life the way he wants to and not what his parents want for him. He always told me I was the only girl he loved and that he would never leave me, but I guess he never thought about the possibility if it was me or his parents who would he chose. He chose them because they forced him to chose. I don’t understand why though, I did nothing to them. I treated them with respect and loved them. I guess they saw that he was arguing with them and they were losing control over him. What kind of parents are those? I am an emotional roller coaster, I feel pain, hurt, sorrow, confusion but I have hope somewhere deep down. It is so hard, so hard to look at my ring, wedding dress, pictures and think about the memories and the future we had planned and now feel down. We were perfect for each other but his parents split us up. Ultimately it was his decision and I really feel and know that he will regret this and realize what he allowed to happen.

I am alone in this city, I have never been alone but I am fighting every day. The fact that he left me alone in this city that I came to because of him and went through the struggles to find a job and worked hard to get to where I am now saddens me. It saddens me because I could never leave someone I love the way he left me. I know he loves me but Inguess not enough.

I want ant to move on, I don’t want to hurt and feel this pain anymore. I am aware that Inhave to go through it and not around it but at certain times it’s so draining and real. I feel the pain physically. I want to find a good man and marry and have kids. I don’t want to love my ex anymore. I have numerous thoughts going through my head that Inmight never find what we had with someone else and that I might never get married and have my own family.

My friends and family tell me that I have the characteristics that are very rare to find, that I give unconditional love to the people Imlove, that I fight for what I believe in and yes it is true but I feel like the way I am is causing me to feel used and in pain. It seems like everyone takes advantage of that, I ask myself should I change and stop being so giving.

I know what I need to do and I am slowly doing it and getting through each day but at times I feel stuck and think that I will never get over what he did to me.

I know deep down that he will look for me one day and realize what he has lost and who but I don’t want to love him anymore.

Hi Anita thank you so much,

So the previous arguments were about his parents belittling me and my family. Also making statements like “why did you buy this or that for the house”, they intruted into our financial status, he told them basically everything about me and what i pay for and my student debt and they would mantion how it’s not good to have debt and how that needs to be taken care of first vs. other things.

Our personal arguments were in reference to house chores, he would conplain how I did not help him with the outise chores and I would conplain how he did not help me with the inside chores. Besides that I would get upset at him because of his attitude and his actions/what he said to me( this was right after I moved in with him and left my job and everything) and I tried to pack my bags twice and he stopped me. I admit that I was hot headed and also going through a lot because I was home sick, left my career and did not have a job at the time.

We always talked about our arguments and resolved them. After these incidents I never packed my bags  but I wanted to go out for a walk after an argument and once to a hotel room to clear my head. He stopped me everytime and every time we talked about why we were both upset and etc.

We hadnt had an argument get to that in over a year, our arguments were about chores and finances, he loves to save every penny and I liked to life comftorbly. He would turn the heat off in the winter and I wohld be cold and I would turn it back on. When i first moved in with him he would not flush the toulet after urinating, “trying to keep the water bill down”. I flushed and I told him that I was not gonna live like that, we werent struggling at all in regards to money.

He is 34 and I am 27, he would not wanna plan/do anything fun. We only went out to eat and mostly at like regular restaurants  nothing fancy or a dinner date. All he did was watch tv, play video games and he recently started playing golf. He recently played video games for hours a day. He never made any plans to take me anywhere. If we went somewhwerw it was because I planned it. I suggested many places I woukd like to go see and he never even looked into it.

I was basically a house wife on top of working 10 hrs a day plus commuting 2 hours. He worked 6 hours a day and commuted 1 hr total. He never ever made dinner for me or anything. Plus my job was physically more demanding then his. On top of that I worked midnights because I had no senority yet.

I admit that I was not perfect and that I had bad days but he was all i had and I loved him unconditionally. I always apologized if I was wrong and tried to work on my flaws. I cooked and when we were home together I would serve him first with a hot plate then I would make myself a plate. I really loved him and cared for him. He was kind to me as well, he would pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners at times, he would feed the dog and he would tell me kind words. He recently started acting different, he would say things like you will pay the bill for electricity because I had turned the heat on. And he would say that he does everything and that i dont do much reffering to chores. 3 weeks before we broke up he was very distant, as I mentioned he played video games a lot! From like 4 pm to 9-10 pm. He said he was tired for sex. He seemed very depressed and I even mention it to him that he appeared depressed to me. He said he wasn’t.

It is weird, this whole thing the way it played out does not make sense.

Also the initial reasons for him breaking it off were like this after he said he can’t come to the wedding if his parents are not there and I got so mad and said ok let me know so i can find a roomate because obviously our status will change.

1. He came home the following day, rushed in and said in a trembling voice, not looking at me, in his entire work outfit and shoes “i dont think we are meant to be together”, i had an anxiety attack my world was crushed his reasoning was “I love you but this gut feeling is not going away and I dont think we are compatible”

2. Two weeks later (I had left and told him I need a few days  it to contact me), he contacted me and I did not reapond, when I came back he said “I wasnt sure if I made the right decision but you proved to me that i did” meaning my no response/actions were wrong

3. A few days passed and  now the new line was “i am not in love with u but i care for u”

4.after seeing that I could  not accept the reasons he was giving me he said “i dont love you anymore”

I feel as you said that he is trying to find something to justify his decision and that he is pushing me away further with the words, but idk why.

He has always been a thoughtful person and never makes sudden/impulsive decisions. He stormed in that day like he had developed courage to say those words and he did not even want to try to work it out. He refused counseling and said i dont think it will help.

I truly believe his parents gave him an ultimatum. There is no logic behind his actions.