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Hi Kim…sent you an email…xo
Hi Dee! My heart goes out to you! I went through the same thing a little over 2 weeks ago. My ex and I had been together 2 years…I thought what we had was amazing…but i knew something was wrong. He put up walls…began pushing me away…the more he became distant…the more I paniced and became insecure. I finally had enough and I asked him what was wrong…he said he needed space. We broke up that day and I thought the world ended. The first few days I was in total shock…could not eat or sleep. I felt like he died…or I died. It was simply awful…BUT…as the days are passing I am getting stronger. We have not spoken (exchanged some emails…but that is it). I decided I really needed to soul search…I hated that I felt so insecure! I am a secure woman (or so I thought). It’s very hard letting go…but shift your thinking if you can…and take this opportunity to learm about YOU! And learn to LOVE you! I have been reading some great books and meditating. A return to love by Marianne Williamson is amazing. Trust that this is happening for a reason!
Finally it’s OK to cry and mourn. I am learning that now…I tried pushing it away…but you need this period to run it’s course so you can heal and be stronger. Also…call your girlfriends or any one you trust to talk about this…that helped me a lot. And post here…Matt gives some of the best advice in town! This is a great place to come and discuss your emotions.
I send you much love and peace during this time…xo
Gosh I don’t have much sage advice here… We girls tend to over think this sort of thing! I say don’t think about it anymore…move on and let go. It sounds like you made great progress with healing (I can’t wait to get where you are!) so focus on that progress and keep moving forward!!! I am cheering for you! xo
Thank you Alexis Matt for your wisdom and words.
Matt, I think you nailed it…I am impatient! I want so badly for this suffring to end. So I am trying and trying to supress and heal quickly. Obviously I need this process to run it’s course in it’s own time. Great advice on “cycling”…when It comes back I will be aware and try to just notice it and breathe through it. This is some very hard stuff for sure…I just look forward to the day when I can feel normal again. 🙂
YAY!!! This post fills me with such hope! I am going on a little over 2 weeks post break-up. We were together for over 2 years. Damn…I miss him terribly and am trying to just get through each day. The pain still lingers…and I almost cried in Trader Joe’s tonight…something reminded me of him and I almost lost it. I too am digging deep…taking this break up as a lesson. I have pretty good self esteem and want to make sure that I really nuture myself right now. My thought is that God took him out of my life to bring me someone better. In time though…the thought of dating right now makes me sick to my stomach. I am so glad you are going on that vacation! You do deserve it! And thank you for this hopeful post!!
Oh and I signed up for Oprah’s and Deepak’s 21 day meditation series on miraculous relationships…it’s amazing!
Oh my gosh…I could have written this myself! wow… I came out of a 15 yr emotionally abusive marriage…and feel in the love with “the one.” “The new guy” was amazing…treated me so beautifully, took me on trips, our kids loved each other! 2 weeks ago he decided he needed “space”. WTF is space???? He was not ready to commit to what I wanted. OMG…talk about worlds crashing down. I am still devastated. We exchanged all of our things last week…have not spoken on the phone. My kids are so freaking sad about this too…they were very attached to him. So now what? I am trying to heal…
Looking back, I saw the red flags…I felt him pulling away. I knew something was wrong but I was to afraid to face it. I did not want to be alone.
So now the soul searching has begun. I am reading “A return to Love” by Marianne Williamson…it’s life changing. Also, her podcasts (which are free! on iTunes) are so healing to listen to. I am re-connecting with God and spirit (which I lost in that relationship…I gave my boyfriend the power). I am learning to love myself first…and learning to trust in something “bigger” than me. Don’t get me wrong…this is so very hard. I have gone 2 days without crying…but the ache is still there for sure. But the one thought that is carrying me is: “there is something better for me out there.” And there must be something better for you too.
My advice…read lots of good healing books. Learn to love YOU first! Meditate. Connect with your spirit, or God or Buddah, or whatever works for you. Cry. Then tell the universe to take your pain and help you heal.
Sending you much love and light as you heal!
Matt….thank you for your words and wisdom. You said what I needed to hear. I am so grateful for this forum and for kind spirits like yourself that can shed light into darkness.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Carrie.
Thank you E! I know there is a reason for all of this…just hard to see it right now. Reading your words has helped me very much. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Thank you Jamie…I think this thread is healing me and it was your topic! LOL. Today has been NUTS. Get this..I was looking for something and picked up a book I have not picked up in over a year. A card drops out…it’s from the recent Ex…a card he wrote me on our 1 year anniversary…very sentimental… I almost died. I can’t even ask God if this is some “sign.” I mean how crazy is that? Unexplainable…
So the marriage thing…we met very young (we were 19) married at 26… He was emotionally abusive (and so was his Father). By the time I was 40 I was done with it all. I had spent many many years searching for myself and finally found my strength. When I finally had the nerve…I walked out. I think because I did the leaving and on my terms…it was different. It was not painful…it was fucking liberating!!! And believe it or not…we are now friends (he is the father to my children after all).
And so what is so hard about this break up is that the man was a good man. I am not just saying that…he is. But he too has issues. He gave me his heart..so much so that he lost sight of who he was…and now he is on a quest to find himself. So he broke off our relationship so he can “soul search.”
Perhaps I became too dependent on that love that my recent ex gave me. I am beginning to see that I turned to him for emotional comfort…I now have to find comfort from within. I depended on him for a lot. And I miss sharing my life and day with him. That is what really sucks…I lost my best friend and now have no one I can share my intimate thoughts with. I have lot’s of great girlfriends…but you know what I mean, right? There is something so wonderful about sharing your day with the man you love…and feeling his arms around you. And cuddling on the couch and shit…ugh… I need a fucking hug from a nice man!!!
Thanks so much for letting me vent here…it just feels so good…
This has been such an inspiring thread… Today the ex came by the house to pick up his things and to give me my things (I did this outside…he did not come in). He hugged me and asked how I was doing? WTF? I just stood there with my arms at my side and said nothing. Good God. I gave him back some very sentmental pieces of jewelry that he gave me…I can’t look at them…I figured he can hold on to it or throw it away… I secretly hope it kills him a little to see those pieces and that I gave them back. I know it’s cruel…but I am angry and hurt and this all sucks so bad.
This has been an emotional journey like no other! Shit my divorce after 15 years was not this painful! (that marriage was not healthy and I was relieved to get out…but that’s a story for another day). My recent Ex was very good to me…and that I will miss (I suppose I am missing it now!). So here I am…42 years old looking to mend a very broken heart. I want to sleep again. I want to get through a day without crying. Simply…I want to feel normal.
Thanks for listening… And I am glad you are healing and getting better!
- This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Carrie.
Thank you John for a male perspective on this…
I think cutting ties completely is the best way too…but it is so very painful. I have never been addicted to drugs…but I feel like I could be going cold turkey from a serious heroin addiction right now. My whole body feels this ache.
Each day brings forth some new emotion and new pain…It’s getting quite tiring.
Thank you for your reply…it does bring me comfort!
Oh Jamie! I feel your pain! Just 2 weeks ago the man I loved so dearly broke off our relationship. It was on our 2 year anniversary too! OMG…my world came crashing down. I thought what we had was wonderful…not perfect…but really damn good and solid. He said he needed “space.” He wanted to keep in touch…stay friends…but I just couldn’t. The pain I feel is crushing. Sleep? What is that? The ache in my heart is so deep I wonder if I will ever feel that light happiness I used to carry with me. Tears? I have never cried so much in my life!
But everyday kind of sort of gets easier. kind of. 😉 But I too wonder…did he ever love me? Does he know how much pain I feel? Matt’s response was so comforting. Oh the lessons I am learning! I honor the human spirit so much…I would never want to do to another what has been done to me.
Now that some time has gone by…I suppose I saw the signs. I felt at times something was off in our relationship…but I loved being with him that I just brushed those feelings aside. Playing it safe definitely bit me in the ass big time. Always trust your gut! Always!
So I literally have to scream the word STOP in my head ever time I wonder if he thinks about me. I am killing myself with those thoughts. Or thoughts that he is already moving on and dating other women…oh good God, those thoughts are the worst!
I send you much light as you heal too. The only comforting thought I have is that there must be someone really amazing waiting for me! If God is indeed good then this was meant to happen. I am learning BIG lessons and someday I hope to love the way I loved him again.