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I know that you have a lot of feelings right now, and it seems as a big chaos. The thing is, you can´t do anything on how people act, or behave…but, You are giving them a chance to break your emotions. You can either accept them as they are, and don´t let their behavior sadden you, or you can get really depressed.
Sorry for my spelling, since Spanish is my first language. I have to tell you that you could work on your emotions, as you have a lot of anger. It is normal, and natural to have it… but you will need to work on it, for your own sake. People and friends sometimes have trouble coping with the possibility of a friend dying, and sometimes they don´t want to accept reality, thus, they don´t go see their friend to the hospital. I´m not saying that all of them are your real friends… hell, you only can count true friends with a single hand… so understand that what matters is the way you perceive their behavior, and that it is affecting you by making you really sad. It´s tough that she didn´t aknowledge your help… but then again, you did it for the sake of helping…and your other friend knows the truth. If you helped someone, and even 1 person,… then you are great my man! If you change the life of someone… you are better than most people! and I applaud you.
Hope to have helped…
Dear Zerox, It seems that you already know what you need to do…but you need to give it time… give time to the process… Your therapist, gave you the tools you need, well, put them to use! Life is beautiful, but it may hurt you many times…I cannot think or feel how it would be to lose a brother, but what I can tell you is that if your brother could see you now, would he like what he would see? What would he feel? I´m sure he would like to see you advancing in life, and feeling good.
After Chaos, comes a time for introspection. You need to take time for it… If needed, live the moment, stay in the present, and work with it…and if it gets really awful, maybe check out a few medications that might help you, you should ask your therapist.
What you may need is a process. It starts with recognizing it… then getting whatever you are recognizing to the surface of your skin… and then getting the cry out.
The difficult part is actually getting the cry out.. and that usually happens after a process. You might try meditating, it helps for a lot of people, but it uses introspection. You might wanna try what is called an Active Meditation or also called (Osho Dynamic Meditation).. it helps to get the cry out. You may google it, and there is a lot of examples and information, or some Bioenergetic exercises… but all of them take and form a process.
Carlos.May 8, 2013 at 10:33 am in reply to: 30 Days and 30 Nights of Worry. Help me overcome with your skills. #35263
I agree with Katerina and Marilyn, and you should take a look at Marilyn´s website, in it she has a lot of great information that may help you, as it has to do with the spirit. I recommend it for you.
I can´t tell you that everything will be fine, because no one knows. But what I may tell you is that worrying will get you nowhere. You need to learn from life and your mistakes, and promise to yourself that you will learn from it, and to move forward in life, in a more positive way. I am an Anxiety Psychotherapist, and I believe what you may have is an Anxiety Disorder, and definitely keep with your meds… how long have you been taking them? You should seek a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, specialized in Anxiety Disorders. A diagnosis of your anxiety will help to know your treatment approach.
You may want to learn some Energy Psychology, and for it, you should read about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Emotrance… you may find them at http://www.emotrance.com and http://www.emofree.com , also, you should take a look at my website, I have developed an Energy Psychology approach, called HandLink Technique… You may download the manual completely free, just signing up, or tweeting about it… you may find it at http:sightforsoreeyes.net and last but not least… check Marilyn´s website.
I hope it helps… and don´t despair, you may find help and information here, with this great forum and people…
I will try to help you with two perspectives. First, I have been married twice. The first time I was too young (19 years old). Now I´ve been married for 7 years. The second marriage I treasure it, and I constantly make it work, because life of the married is not just like the fairytales. What you are feeling for this woman, I can imagine, cause it has happened to me also. I see this woman once in a while, and every time I see her…I would give anything to be able to hold her in my arms. It feels very strange.. She physically is beautiful, on a scale from 1 to 10 I would give her a 10. I have to tell you that my wife is also beautiful, I would give her almost a 9 which is great.
Every time I see this woman, I get like a rush inside of me, it´s like a drug or something..and I almost feel dizzy. What I do, is try to think, WHAT I AM PROJECTING on her… I agree with Marilyn, it is like a mirror. You project your psyche, inner self, towards somebody else… Think about it, you don´t really know that woman… Neither do I… It can also, be a chemical reaction.
Perspective number 2, I´m a psychologist, and I can tell you that people tend to project into others the inner self… If we talk about the subconscious, Karl Jung, stated that we have unconscious images that control our inner self. This images are called archetypes. Every man has an archetype called ANIMA, and every woman has an ANIMUS… The female and the male counterparts. We project into women our female inner self, and they project unto us their masculine self. Both of them, unite and help you develop and mature. So maybe, you are projecting onto her, what you need… and you need to take a moment to search inside… the answer to your riddle is INSIDE yourself…and not OUTSIDE…
When you are ready to attract what you need… you liberate hormones, and pheromones as in animals…so your psyche and your body are trying to make you attract her in order to WORK an issue of your INNER SELF.
Try to remain calm, let the anxiety to subside.. and after it subsides, try to think why are you attracting or feeling attracted to her?
Peace of mind,
There you have it… you have given him your brain… your thoughts… your capacity to make decisions. It is an obsession. You need to push him out of your brain. You don´t need his energy there! When you get him out… you will be able to move in life. You have given him way too much energy! and way too much of a vital space! Your body is speaking for you.
Sometimes time is only what is needed… and for you to process the information. Just take a Determination to start moving forward in your life… a day at a time… or even moment by moment… but MOVE… you need to advance.
I urge you to look for emotrance or EFT, because the body has memory… and your recurring thoughts about the conversations, have become recurring because of the energy behind them that gives them life to be… if you get rid of the energy…the recurring thoughts will die off….
Just answer me this, strange question…. but try to do it truthfully… take your time… If your ex, was a part of your body… what part would he be now? Take your time.. but try to answer the question truthfully.
I know it is strange question… but I promise to tell you the answer to what it means.
Dailymouse, I think that sometimes the heart may be good, but the brain and its choices go far into dangerous ground. She may be having what is know as a Cognitive Dissonance, in which her Thoughts, her feelings and her behavior are NOT the same. This is a dangerous position for everyone else… and guess what… YOU are everyone else… You are not her Mother, to be supportive of everything… I bet you have become more responsible in life… and it comes with a more MATURE SELF. She is pretty much immature, as you where a couple of years back… but life has changed you, made you move on… taken another path.
You may still be fond of her, and be friends… but know that your paths are different now.
Cheers for life.
A friendship, and even more, a best friendship, needs to reside on the knowledge that there are common values, attitudes, etc. Truthfulness is a pillar that makes up the base of the relationship. You need to be able to really count with that person in the good and the bad times. Just answer this truthfully,… would you give her your children or your most precious possesion, and be able to go peacefully, and knowing that she will take great care, like you would…? If your answer is positive, then… she probably has the same values, and attitudes as yourself… if the answer is a negative, then…. you know what to do.
Sometimes the path of life goes along, and sometimes it divides in a crossroad. If this happens treasure the past times, but move on in your path of life. Be grateful to the past times, but go forward in life… maybe in the future your paths will meet again.
Godspeed to you…
First I want to say that you did what you had to do, and I too congratulate you on your decision. I am a clinical psychologist and Anxiety Disorders specialist. I am not from the U.S. I have to tell you that you may be having what is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A person like him does not deserve your emotions. You have given him all your emotional power, and you need it back. You need to move on in YOUR life, and I agree with Lori and Marilyn. I have to tell you, men like that NEED to have therapy, or they won´t stop! until they have hurt you or even worse…
You need to get control of your own emotions, Meditation may help you, but you also need something that addresses emotions directly… I would suggest to look up EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique, or even better Emotrance. They both belong to what is called Energy Psychology and may help you cope with negative emotions. You should find them FREE, the basic stuff anyway… at http://www.emotrance.com and http://www.emofree.com
If not, send me a message and I will show you them completely FREE. You need it. in just a few minutes you may shed negative emotions and start getting back your life.
Also, right now… take a DETERMINATION… to move FORWARD in your life…. say it like this: 1)PUt your right hand around your chest, like if you are singing the national anthem… right on a spot that hurts a little… and pressing it, say three times this phrase… “Even though, I still feel ..(FILL in the blank) for ….(subjects name), I completely accept myself.” This will treat what is called a Psychological Reversal… or a self sabotage, and the thought of getting back with him…
If this helps, or if you need more help or want it explained better… send me a message… I have in my site a video that may explain it… completely free… so no worries… but only if you want to see it.
Please, take a look at emotrance, or EFT, and work with them your anger, guilt, etc.
And please, just ask… I may help you, completely and absolutely FREE. Just to help you.
You are NOT ALONE, and there is always some help…
I am a psychotherapist and and psychology professor in my country El Salvador. My two cents of help for you today would be to try and see your disorders as divided and not as a whole disorder. What I mean with this is that you need to treat your anxiety and panic/agoraphobia apart from your bipolar disorder. Keep taking your meds, if you are medicated. If you are not, I would definitely consider taking them, mostly for your bipolarity.
I am an Anxiety therapist and I would suggest to look for anxiety therapists in your area, or university… You need to look for what is called an Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy. It is part of a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach to anxiety. Seek specialized help in anxiety, cause you need to get diagnosed properly in your anxiety disorder, and if it is left untreated, it gets worse with time.
Good luck, and hope to have helped you.
Hi Kavetha, Hi Sheila,
Love your websites by the way… I am interested in your topics. I am a clinical psychologist, and university professor in El Salvador. I work a lot with Anxiety Disorders, and have started this year a site devoted to Living a meaningful life…
Kavetha, Mindfulness is a great therapy, I love it, patients love it, children love it. I wish people would have found it earlier!
Sheila, I´m intrigued on your information about the colors,… do you get it from color psychology?
And Last… just wanted to say hello to both of you, and thank you for helping people, just like I do.
Great to get to know you.
First of all I have to tell you, i´m a psychotherapist. I´m not going to tell you to seek professional help, maybe it´s not the right time. I will tell you that you may find, usable information on Energy Psychology sites. You will learn different methods that deal with emotions, and you may, at your own pace work on your internal emotions. I agree with Buddhist Wife, and with Onder, you need to start accepting the fact that having an emotion is completely natural, and that maybe you are trying to “think” or “rationalize” too much.
Energy Psychology might help you because it doesn´t take too long, and it helps from the core with emotions.
You may look at:
http://www.emofree.com you may learn there: Emotional Freedom Technique.
http://emotrance.com/ This is a very newby friendly, and a great way to work on any emotion.
Those are the two that I normally use in therapy.
On those sites there is a lot of information completely FREE. You don´t need to buy anything there, you just need to look for the free information… they both have primers with their method for people that may need it…