fbpx
Menu

Howard Williams

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Negative thoughts from my past acts #51557
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Your story suggests that you are out of integrity and out of alignment with your own values. Consider getting your life straight. You are in charge of your choices, not your chattering brain.

    in reply to: Over 40 and looking for a new Direction… #51556
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    You might look into getting a life coach. Not a therapist, a seasoned, experience life coach. It sounds like you’re looking for direction from all the same old sources and they are working. why not try something like a coach to help you get a new direction and clean up what is getting in your way. The answers you’re looking for are not outside of you. Growing and exploring yourself will more likely produce better results. Been there, done that.

    in reply to: Meaning of Life #49734
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Your life has whatever purpose and meaning you give to it. Most of those answers are inside you. Your spiritual path is what is happening in your life and your efforts to make yourself a stronger better person in pursuit of your highest knowing and understanding. The nice part is that any path you take leads you home. Why not take the one that gives you the fullest opportunity to be authentically and completely who you are?

    in reply to: I have too many dreams…a register #49732
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Lanny, I love Anna’s response. There is no right answer. Pick a direction, any direction and start on the path. You ll Quickly learn whether it nurtures you or not. If you don’t like the path, change it, The world expects you by that I mean your family and friends to be consistent, always the same. Consider instead that your future and your life are your creation. As you learn more about yourself, upgrade yourself you become more congruent with who you are. What keeps you from exploring any of these wonderful ideas? Is it fear that prevents you from moving in some direction? Make a choice. To not not choose, is to choose nothing and surrender. Again, there is no one right path. There are many paths. Take the ones that seem most in alignment with you. You follow your dreams and the other things will come to you as you move along the path.

    With encouragement Howard

    in reply to: I could really use some help, im totally lost. #49730
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Douglas, are you looking outside of yourself for the answers? Life is the question, what is your answer? Good grief young man you’re 21. You have every opportunity in the world to do things differently. If you don’t like your world as it is, change it. You might start working on upgrading yourself in terms of integrity, boundaries, values and beliefs. You become your answer.

    in reply to: I don’t know what to do #49710
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Mz, what Life has put together let no man put asunder. But when life fails to keep it together let no man make it into a prison. If there is a solution to your situation, it is not outside of you. You are the solution. It sounds like much of the work that you need to do right now is on yourself. If the exes behavior is intolerablel, why do you continue to tolerate it? His way of dealing with you and treating you is his problem. Your willingness to accept it and put up with it is your problem. I don’t intend to sound judging or discouraging. You are the source of the creation of your own life. Universe is like a giant catalog. To get what you want, you have to be careful about what you ask for. Sounds like right now and for some time you have been taking whatever it sends. Why not change your order and get what you want? I think the long and short of it is, to thine own self be true. To be true to anything else is a sign of surrender and abandonment of your own self soul. Please, don’t do that. Fork your benefit and for that of the kids. It sounds like it’s important for you to do some work on exploring, strengthening and extending your personal boundaries. You are the one who gets to decide how you will be treated and what treatment you will not tolerate.

    Where the pain and friction in your life is, that is where your soul work needs to be done. Define yourself by the values that you will most dearly. And then please dear start treating yourself like the most beloved child there is.

    With encouragement, Howard

    in reply to: Difficulty letting go #49642
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Kelly they’re only three places a relationship can be. In, out, or on hold. What you have described does not indicate that you are in a relationship. You may be having a relationship. But at least one of you is not in it. I sense that you’re standing with 1 foot on the dock and 1 foot on the boat. Not very tenable position for very long. It seems like you have tried a good number of things to bring some harmony to the relationship, unfortunately without success. No matter what the attraction, often relationships don’t work because the couple has differences that are too far apart to bridge. And not just that they are hard to bridge, but often there is neither the interest nor the understanding about how to do that. Removing the emotion from the past occurrences, are you needs being met? Do you feel loved, honored, respected? If not my dear what are you doing there? What are you hanging on to? You mentioned that you have invested everything in this man and his son. Is it paying a dividend? It would seem that as long as you continue to try and make an unworkable relationship work the chances of finding any healing unmanageable. What draws us together may not be enough to keep us together. Just being in love is often not enough without the skills and inside to make a relationship between a man and a woman work. I hope you find a way to make a peaceful decision for yourself.

    With encouragement, Howard

    in reply to: No way out #49641
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Sylvia, I read your post several times. With a background in law enforcement and crisis management, I’ve worked with dozens of battered women. But I don’t like to give advice, so instead I would like to give some observations and ask some questions. Observation one: there are only three places that a relationship can be. In, out, or on hold. I get that you are at minimum on hold and perhaps even already out. Observation two this is a very emotional situation. Absent that emotion there are three things that are evident. First you feel connected because of the past. Second you are in an emotional logjam in the present. Third you’re unable to see a future at this time. What is pretty much guaranteed is that if you continue with things as they are, that will be your future. Question: what is your daughter learning about how men treat women? I noticed that you gave a lot of reasons why you couldn’t leave. But not much about why you should leave. Many of the things that you have been doing to find relief seem more to be tolerating what is intolerable. It would appear that when it’s all drawn down you have two choices. You can tolerate it, or make other plans. Without some outside influence the situation will continue to repeat itself over and over getting more violent as it goes. Listen to the cop here i’ve seen it too many times. You have received some good advice from others. Matt pointed out that battered women shelters are available. Is there a reason you shouldn’t contact them and see what help they can give? Again, taking the emotional part out of your husband’s threats, most of it boils down to fear and not fact. On your own you don’t seem to have the emotional resources to deal with this. You are in a very difficult, but not impossible situation. You will only stay trapped if you are willing to do so. You do have other choices. Sometimes the only way out of this kind of situation you should go through what needs to happen to end it. Are you willing to take the first step for yourself and your daughter? If you are, perhaps a battered women’s shelter could start giving you some information to make your decision and plan in action.
    With encouragement, Howard

    in reply to: No way out #49640
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Sylvia, I read your post several times. With a background in law enforcement and crisis management, I’ve worked with dozens of battered women. But I don’t like to give advice, so instead I would like to give some observations and ask some questions. Observation one there are only three places that a relationship can be. In, out, or on hold. I get that you are at minimum on hold and perhaps even already out. Observation two this is a very emotional situation. Absent that emotion there are three things that are evident. First you feel connected because of the past. Second you are in an emotional logjam in the present. Third you’re unable to see a future at this time. What is pretty much guarantee is that if you continue with things as they are, that will be future be your future. Question: what is your daughter learning about how men treat women? I noticed that you gave a lot of reasons why you couldn’t leave. But not much about why you should leave. Many of the things that you have been doing to find relief seem more to be tolerating what is intolerable. It would appear that when it’s all drawn down you have to choices. You can tolerate it, or make other plans. Without some outside influence the situation will continue to repeat itself over and over getting more violent as it goes. Listen to the cop here i’ve seen too many times. You have received some good advice from others. Matt pointed out that battered women shelters are available. Is there a reason you shouldn’t contact them and see what help they can give? Again, taking the emotional part out of your husband’s threats, most of it boils down to fear and not fact. On your own you don’t seem to have the emotional resources to deal with this. You are in a very difficult, but not impossible situation. You will only stay trapped if you are willing to do so. You do have other choices. Sometimes the only way out of this kind of situation you should go through what needs to happen to end it.

    in reply to: Transform Myself #49587
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    How do you, self-esteem and self-worth is an inside job. Mom and dad are from then, who’s talking to you now? What’s that voice saying? Is the message true, really true? As you’re looking at it do you find that it’s just someone else’s opinion? And what is their opinion worth at this point in time? Remember you are right here, right now. The voices from the past just that. That past created in you a script that you continue to act out. You are absolutely free to start writing a new script and putting new voices in your head. What kind of messages would you prefer to hear? Are you willing to do what it takes to start becoming the best and highest self you can be? Perhaps it is time to do the work required to get completed with your past. When the voices start speaking there are two big questions you can ask yourself. The first question is “where am I?”The answer is right here, not in the past where the remembrances are. The second question is “what time is it?” The answer is you are right here right now. This is the moment in which you have the opportunity to create what it is you most want.

    In many ways it is like life dropped a brick wall on top of you. You have the choice of staying under that wall, or using the bricks to build your own wall The way you want it to be. Yes it can be done. As a spark of the all that is, you have the capacity within you to create what you desire. Start with using the journal to tell your story.

    With encouragement, Howard

    in reply to: I lost purpose to live #49585
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    As strange as it may sound, congratulations. Awakening to know that you are more than you think always involves the small death of realizing life is not what you think it is. You are an eternal being having a human experience. Being human is not an easy process. The purpose of life exists within you and is whatever you choose it to be. Having lost sight of purpose at this time is the opportunity to set your sights higher and decide what purpose has meaning for you. You describe what’s happening to you as a loss. I see it from the point of view that it is the start of your awakening. Again, your purpose in life is whatever purpose you choose. You’ve probably done all the things you thought you were supposed to and now can’t seem to make sense of the answer. You are the answer to the question. Life offers you the opportunity to work on being who you are, authentically and fully. In your highest and best knowing, what is that? Even an atheist believes in something. That something is that there is nothing to believe in. Yeti around you is order order and creativity in the world. For just a couple of weeks can you allow yourself to live empty and listen.

    If you are finding meaning and purpose in the life that you’re living, it may be time to start looking somewhere else. The story always starts with you and ends with you. What do you want your story to say?

    With encouragement, Howard

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)