I met him almost 3 months ago. Almost all of the men I’ve dated have NOT turned into “exclusive” relationships. That’s another topic entirely. I didn’t know if my “non-exclusive” relationship with him was going to go anywhere when I wrote that post in December. So many of my “relationships” start out intense and passionate but then they don’t turn into anything.

I’m still with him, but we decided to take a “step back” and try to get to know each other as friends again. I’m afraid to let go, but I don’t think this is working. He was putting in effort when we had the “take a step back” talk and now he’s a bit withdrawn again. I’ll text something really nice and thoughtful to him and focus on the good in him and our good experiences and he’ll say, “It’s been pretty nice with you too. Some of my happiest times have been with you.” The words that stick out to me are, “It’s been PRETTY nice with you too.”

He just doesn’t feel the same way I’ve felt about him and he feels I’m overreacting to his needs for space and constantly says to “just let things happen naturally and turn out the way they’re suppose to.”

You both actually have awesome advice and I’ll be re-reading it whenever I’m feeling low. Thanks for the thoughtful responses!

Anita, you and TriangleSun have both offered interesting and different perspectives. I apologize, I forgot to respond to the Thanksgiving question.

My Thanksgiving was actually great. When I responded to the man who wanted to get coffee with me, I was honest and said, “I had a great Thanksgiving. I went up north to my hometown and was able to see a lot of extended family I haven’t seen in awhile. How was your Thanksgiving?” He still hasn’t texted me back and I highly doubt he will.

I suppose it would help if I changed my perspective on loneliness, eh? Instead of thinking of it as “being alone,” I could think of it more positively as “solitude.” While some men may have picked up on my very apparent want for companionship, I have to admit I did a fair amount of relationship-ending myself because I’ve grown a bit picky and am looking for a person who I have an amazing connection with.

I think physical intimacy is very important to me and gives me a feeling of security. That’s how having a boyfriend/husband would differ from my relationships with friends and family. I’m a big hand-holder, hugger, cuddler, etc…

Thanks for your replies!

Anita, thank you for taking the time to write. I haven’t seen your question to me in the other thread yet, but I’ll look for it after this post. I recognize that I ignored red flags in my past relationship. I truly believe I’ve learned from my experience with that particular individual and I wouldn’t make the same choice to stay again (no matter how much it hurts to leave, I’d rather leave than be in another relationship like that one).

Here’s the thing. I love companionship. I love the nurturing feeling of being in a relationship. I love the feeling of partnership and having one special person who cares about you and sees you in a distinctly different light than others (family, friends, etc…)… I genuinely hate not having that.

I’ve tried “just being happy alone” and I don’t like it. While I’m a lot more independent than I used to be, I don’t feel an immense amount of joy doing things alone. I try to say kind things to myself, go out and treat myself to dessert, pamper myself by doing my nails, and grabbing my favorite blanket to cuddle up with (alone) on the couch and watch my favorite movie. Maybe some people aren’t meant to feel fully happy alone? Aren’t we technically creatures that thrive in unions and closely among other humans?

Am I completely missing the mark? What should I be doing differently to find peace? I strongly question if I’ll find peace “just being alone.”

Thank you both for your replies. Deep down I know he’s just “not that into me.” The loneliness, rejection, and boredom of being alone is weighing pretty heavily on me right now. I think about him all the time and randomly think of little things I’d like to talk to him about, but his responses to me lately have indicated little interest so there is no point. I have to respect myself as well as him and not push something that isn’t going to happen.

I love the excitement of a new romance and connecting with another person and when that’s taken away I feel pretty empty. I try to fill my time with constructive things like eating well, yoga, and spending time with friends… but it just doesn’t feel the same. I’m having an extremely hard time finding the type of fulfillment I feel from a romantic partnership in myself when I’m alone and single.

I’ve been trying to focus on things I’m passionate about. I recently submitted several poems for publication, finished a book, and started house-hunting. You’d think that would bring me fulfillment, but it only does so much. Then I’m just left feeling lonely and sad again.