Dear Yana

What beautiful& eloquent post. It reminded me of the beautiful Gathas & prayers by Thich Nat Han. It has inspired me to find his daily chants book so that I can refresh myself & my memory.
Many thanks for the love & light that you send out into the world.
Roberta

Dear Omyk

I hope you are feelings of fear have subsided. You mentioned the size of the populations of the towns/city near your retirement home, but how many people live within walking distance of your retirement home?
Did you manage to top up your spiritual battery despite not being able to do your normal ministry the other night?
Friendships can appear & or deepen when we least expect it – to day my favorite neighbor of 3 years who is deeply religious she is Catholic & I am Buddhist. We have meaningful talks several times a week when she is on our island, she has just arrived back after 2 months away & she came to see me even before seeing her husband to say that all our discussions helped her greatly when she was away & having to deal with several issues & now she would like to explore meditation with me. Our relationship is very symbiotic & fun I hope you too will find a friendship that sustains & nurtures you.
I sometimes think minister, doctors etc can sometimes get shortchanged on friends front as so many people lean on them for support, but do not get that we too have the need for connection & nourishment & support we are after all humans as well.
Best wishes
Roberta

Dear jack

Congratulations on choosing to go into therapy & that it has brought you some understanding of how your past impacted upon the relationship you had with your ex.
It may be worthwhile to reach out to her in a letter saying that you went into therapy & what you discovered & apologize for the manner in which you separated. This way she can digest the information at a distance & gives her the opportunity to show whether she has any inclination towards friendship or reconciliation or even that she does not want you in her life at all.

From your side take note when she comes to mind, are you tired hungry lonely? or a location, a film etc that triggers things & what emotion is present ie you see something & you mentally go Ooh I must tell her about it, or you see an intimate scene in a film & it triggers lust for intimacy.
Along side this also see what attracts you when you see other women in passing their smile, walk. how animated & open they are etc just don’t be creepy about it – it only takes a glance, you could practice by scanning crowds ie waiting at a bus or train station. I remember sitting at a station cafe when a number of trains disembarked and all the people heads down disconnected from the world around them, reminded me of ants scurrying about, but there was one woman who walked head up with a bounce in her step our eyes met we smiled & acknowledged each other.
Kind regards
Roberta

Hi
I witnessed first hand yesterday how healing & connectivity being out in nature is – my dad is 94 with late stage dementia, which means he sleeps a lot and says very little. We drove to the beach and had a short walk on the sand, he commented on the dogs that came down & afterwards we sat on a bench overlooking the bay with a friend sharing an apple & cheese he became animated when he saw a wren & was pointing at the clouds over France. Had we stayed in doors we would not have made that beautiful & precious connection & it is another memory to cherish & it shows me that my dad is still there under his illness.
Roberta

Dear Mollie

I am sorry that you feel so many areas of your life are unfulfilling & in flux, making it hard to find vibrancy & positivity.
Can you identify anywhere else in the world that has a warmer & sunnier climate that you could pursue your career? I must admit that i too am effected by grey cold windy wet weather. On the rare bright days in winter months I make sure to charge up by facing the sun even if it is just a few minutes. My son does temping in his chosen career which enables him to only be in workplaces that he enjoys & have time off to fulfil a good work life balance.
Congratulations on caring about your relationship with your parents & having concern how your negativity is effect them. Not that you should shelter them completely from this frustrating period in your life, more that make the effort to be aware of the small joys in your life & share those with them. ie I went for a walk today & noticed how beautiful the cherry blossom is.
Oh yeah having expectations dashed is a real bummer. Sometimes life is easier when we decided to give ourselves a break & put aside expectations, that way chance encounters & new avenues have the potential to appear.
Hope you have a good weekend.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Omyk

My first husband died in a motor bike accident at the age of 23 leaving me with an 18 month old baby & then my ex died when his boat sunk at the age of 36 leaving me to bring up our 10 year old so I get that feeling of urgency & yet my father is 94 & still with me, so on the flip side I could have another 30 years. I guess the trick is to live each day the best we can, showing love & compassion to those around us, looking after our inner life & doing enough each day so that we can feel contentment at bedtime.
I wish you all the best in your ministry & hope your congregation appreciate & support you.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Kris

I am sorry that things did not work out for you in the way you had hoped.
I know that “friends with benefits ” is trendy – as is hook ups which is the modern equivalent of one night stands for my younger years.
I agree with Anita’s advice about how to find & make friends in your area. If you are also wishing to fulfill your sexual desires, then a vibrator wont stand you up & also there is no chance of getting an STI.
I hope that you find a worthwhile relationships both inside & out of the bedroom. Honor & respect your needs in a way that does not cause you harm. Many of us have been thru this dilemma – forty years on I still cringe or laugh at some of my escapades.
kind regards
Roberta