Dear Laven

I am sorry that the people that you reached out to are so shallow and uncompassionate. Many people do not discern the difference between a hug and a cuddle which leads to confusion between the participants. I hope that you find some huggy people in your area, some churches encourage hugging your neighbours at the end of the service. Non sexual touch is so important to our well-being it helps us feel connected. An immediate comfort is to mindfully treat yourself to a hand massage at home using your favourite scented moisturising cream. Your left hand giving comfort & appreciation to your right and vice versa.

Big hugs Roberta

Dear Butterfly

You are living with Tigger (Winnie the Pooh character) bouncy fun fun. Someone who acts spontaneously spreading his love and excitement with lack of awareness of its impact on others &  appears not to be willing to compromise to a reasonable solution to your need to carry out your job interruption free and to share whats going on when in the communal space of the kitchen in coffee breaks etc. What is normal is to be able to focus on ones work. If I was an employer I would not appreciate my workforce being distracted by external interruptions.

Your partner may also have ODD Opositional Defiance Disorder

Is the property you both reside in yours, his , jointly  rental or owned?

Is this the first time you have had a hiccup in your relationship? If not how are things normally resolved? ie afterwards does he come up with any ideas or compromises to restore & promote harmony or listen to and accept your thoughts & feelings on any situation. There are many websites giving tips on how best to communicate with a partner who has ADHD which will help you going forward.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Taiga

I am sorry that you & your wife have not been able to enjoy physical intimacy at all.  Some people are brought up by their parents & or their religion to belief that it is dirty, sinful. to be endured & definitely not for pleasure and that masturbation is a definite no no.  She may also have been told that it is painful & then may have a deep seated fear.

Can I ask does your wife use tampons when she is having a period?

Do you kiss & cuddle? are you naked around each other? Would she consider co masturbation and or oral sex?

Does she have a female friend that she can confide in?

Without knowing the root of her reluctance it will be hard to resolve this issue  and if she does not feel it is an issue…

…then you may have to look elsewhere for either a fulfilling relationship (getting divorce/anulment) or staying in this marriage but seek consensual relief with a third party this should be done openly & honestly with all concerned.

Roberta

Dear Lulu

About six weeks ago I had various blood tests they all came back within range, but I noticed the diabetes marker was 41 and the normal range is 20-42 so that was a wake up call. Being a full time carer I needed to take  uncomplicated steps that fitted in with my commitments, So I stopped drinking tea as I normally have sugar/ sweetener in (Brain does not distinguish and triggers messages to pancreas) and replaced it with water and the same with squash. I now have a waistline yeah.

A world renown teacher Thich Nat Han has written a wonderful book called Mindful Eating. Well worth a read.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear t

The most recent conflict from my end was: I invited him to plans and he gave a weird, clearly fake semi-excuse, then invited me to the same plans that he just said had a time conflict with my plans. (I feel that this is so vague so in more detail, he said something like “I might be going to dinner with x so I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it, but you guys should definitely come to dinner!”). My plans were for 3pm and never would’ve interfered with dinner and we ended up going to both. The situation was a little more complicated but that’s mainly what happenef.

This annoyed me a lot because I have repeatedly told him just to tell me if he doesn’t want to do something. He will insist that he doesn’t have any doubts and was giving a legitimate excuse, until I push harder and he admits that he had a lot of concerns about my plans

We all have different speeds to requests/suggestions, sometimes we can answer in the affirmative quickly and other situations we may need more time to make a response and this may not suit the other persons.

If you keep interrogating your boyfriend of course he will eventually crack and give you the answer you are demanding, basically he is dammed if he does and he is dammed if he doesn’t.  Which of course is not satisfactory for either person and does not improve the chances of  open dialogue in the future.

My friend & her husband have come up with a list of colours and number scale to help them communicate with each other ie blue for depressed, red angry, pink excited, green jealousy/envy, brown confused, orange anxious, purple conflicted, black tired and 1 for a little to ten alot.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Omyk

I am sorry that your wife died & that you had no warning. So I guess you were unable to have the discussion with your wife about new partners should a tragedy strike.

As I deepened my spiritual life I decided to try out celibacy in my 50’s as I did not want to have casual relationships. Initialy I took a vow for one year and a few months before the year was up I reviewed whether I wanted to be in a relationship.  I realised that I was content for at least 90% of my time I could handle the short & occasional bouts of loneliness/longing.

I have good friends & family so I continued renewing my celibacy vow each year and after  5 years I decided to stay celibate for the rest of my life. My spiritual life has deepened over this time and once my family commitments are over I hope to take robes.

I wish you all the best in which ever path you choose.

Kind regards Roberta

Dear Clara

Now that you see that there is a pattern & a root cause for your anger and you appear to be willing to start to actively address the difficulty with emotional regulation.

Whether your current relationship continues or not I hope you will continue with self exploration so that you will have a happier future.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Vee

I am sorry that life for you at the moment appears to be without joy & contentment.

May I ask how was your marriage prior to having children?

You should congratulate yourself for noticing the connection between the stress your husbands attitude towards you and your comfort eating. At the moment I am reading two book one call Presence and the other is Real Meditations in minutes.

Do your children see & hear these troubling interactions?

Would your husband be open to couples counseling, he too maybe is unhappy or stressed and it has leaked into your relationship.

I hope that you will get plenty of support from the members of this forum.

Kind regards

Roberta