Dear Gage
You & your friend/girlfriend have traveled a long way down the healing path
She has managed to give up the narcotics & alcohol.
From the many people I have spoken with over the years the drug & alcohol abuse has been a side effect to deeper core issues.
In this case her insecurity/paranoia around other women (not an uncommon theme).
In my early 30’s I was a waitress in a small community I always gave the woman attention & compliments and took minimal notice of their partner, so as not to rouse any jealousy.
I have also been on the flip side when I was visiting my partner who was a lay person at a monastery. He introduced me to another visiting woman with just my name. She made it very clear that she wanted him & thought that I was in the way so after about 20 mins I got up dropped a kiss on his head( the equivalent to scent marking my territory ha ha !) & walked away. When he & I met up later I had to explain his faux par in not introducing me as his partner as she still thought he was single & up for grabs! we settled on the term ‘best beloved’. Although he & I discontinued the romance some years later we are still firm & supportive friends a decade on.
I hope that both your therapist will give you pointers in how to start healing this particular sore area.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Agathe

So the honeymoon period has worn off. Love is more than the heady excitement of the initial period.
Grasping & attachment bring suffering & so does aversion.
Stress releases chemicals into your body & brain and these effects can last longer than one thinks, so although the source of your stress has departed, the side effects have not.

So what good qualities does your boyfriend have? Remembering them & having gratitude will help refresh your heart.
Thinking and implementing doing something nice for him without worrying about the outcome.
I am sure the rest of the group will come up with something.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Robi

What if you are chasing after a fictional happiness? Some of what you have here & now has that potential to be your happiness, your girlfriend, a job that does not involve a stupidly long commute giving you time & flexibility to do the things that nourish your body & mind. If you are always chasing that elusive “what if something, some one, some place is better” happiness & contentment in the here & now will allude you. Moments of small hapinesses do add up to make the whole.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear overpoint

Congratulations in the progress you have made with your healing.

I have 3 suggestions to try

Earthing/grounding  stand barefoot and or put your hands in earth for at least 15 mins you can imagine that the excess energy is flowing into the earth below you.

Tai Chi  again imagine the energy leaving thru your hands

if it is windy you can sit or stand and imagine the wind blowing thru you and taking the energy with it.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta

Dear Evfran

Looking at it from a different angle. You are doing a brilliant job of looking after your uncle and you know that once he breathes his last breath then control is handed over to a relative stranger, at least you know this in advance rather than it being slammed into you at one of your most vulnerable moments. Death & its aftermath often brings out the worst in people & families often get hurt & squabble for years over the most trivial of things as well as the big stuff.

Are you in touch with his son?  does his son know that his father does not have long to live?

What is your uncles belief system & how do they view the death process?

A visitor has just arrived so I will sign off

regards Roberta

I pray that you & your uncle have a peaceful time together and that his passing will also be peaceful.

Dear Danny

Not only to remind us of our own mortality, but also others. Most of us has lost touch with an old friend & thought about reaching out, but left it too late (this has happened to me in the last few days). The first & last things I say to my aged father each & everyday is “I love you”. The old saying of “never put off what you can do today until tomorrow” or “Don’t go to bed on an argument”.

Dear Rising Flower

making unreasonable requests like asking for kids whne I was not ready nor the circumstances areabsolitely not suitable, trying to control me whol to speak and what to speak, stopping me from doing my hobbies so I could love him.more or avoid making new friends). These are all red flags and signs of abusive & coercive behaviour.

Please try to spend more time with supportive family & friends building fun & strong relationship with them to help fill the void that you are currently in. Nature animals hobbies & volunteering are healthy pursuits, yes it may take some  considerable time to detox from L, but it will be worth it . I hope you meet someone who will allow you to flourish and that you are emotionally & physically attracted to so that L becomes a distant memory which is more in line with your statement  I’m emotionally strong and independent .

Dear Rising Flower

Just because we love someone it does not mean that they are a good match & will enhance our happiness & that we should be with them.   In what ways do you love him? Is there trust, respect, compassion & support in this particular relationship?

Please reread the thread you have submitted as if it was someone else writing their story, what conclusions do you come to?

Roberta