Hi Anita

I am not on facebook aka Faceache or twitter. I know that I probably miss out on lots of good stuff by eschewing them, but at least I don’t get myself wound up or cause any harm, my mind can be so judgmental at times & I might mindlessly spew out garbage & make mine or someonelse’s situation worse. I live in a smallish community, so I try to walk my talk & not hide from or whitewash or exaggerate my past, other than saying that I have had 637 exes!
I too enjoy the slower pace of this forum, but have to pop off & feed the chickens before facilitating a walking meditation session.
Best wishes
Roberta

Hi Em
I note that you have not mentioned what happens after these fights, nor do you speak about how you feel other than the word love, do you feel supported & nurtured with a sense of freedom alongside side security in this relationship? Do you enjoy emotional drama in your life?
How is the rest of your life outside of this relationship?
Do you live alone? How safe do you feel?
I know that I am asking you a lot of questions & I hope that you will answer both Anita’s & I’s posts, we are here for you
Roberta

Dear Niri

I have just read your two posts.
I can see two or three things that leap out at me, I could be way off the mark.
He is doing something that is so common place with many humans nowadays, the way they focus more on electronic interactions than human connection.
He tries to reciprocate some of your actions ie writing to you – you judge his attempts ( unfairly?) we all cant be Shakespeare!

It is hard to have a fulfilling relationship at a distance. I would quickly run out of things to say for a whole hour each day. I visit my father in hospital most days & struggle to have something new to say.

My fiancé was not very proactive on the affectionate front either verbally or physically. When we started to live together I did not make a huge demands of him, I explained that a kiss goodbye in the morning & a kiss goodnight each day would help me feel better, yes I did have to gently remind him occasionally, eventually one morning he drove off to work & then a few minutes later he came back I asked him what was wrong he said ” I forgot to kiss you goodbye”

I hope that you can come to some accommodation between your needs/wants & his capacity to give you what you think/feel is the right/appropriate response due to not being heard/seen by other people in the past/present.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Ms L Duchess

Congrats on getting your own home.
Just this weekend I was out for a long walk with a fairly new acquaintance & they asked me if I was still friends with the people I went to school with some 50 years ago. The honest answer was mainly no, I do not have a deep friendship with my childhood peers, on analysis my friendship group is based on our commonality of having a deep spiritual life even though we come from different backgrounds & religions.
I hope that you find your deep joy.
Best wishes
Roberta

Hi

For a longtime I had a rotund Buddha with his hand over his mouth sitting on top of my fridge. He reminded me to check in with my emotions & motivation before opening the fridge & grazing. Unfortunately he fell off the fridge one day & broke, pity he wasn’t a chocolate one then I could of recycled him! Zen would say that the crack was already there when it was made.

Dear Robi

You have not had to go thru anything like what your girlfriend & her mother have been thru.
To be betrayed & then lose a parent/husband, to lose your family home & live with a down turn & uncertainty over finances all in a relevantly short period is not something you recover from quickly or easily.
Your girlfriend chose to do a less well paid job she loved rather than a job she hated, this was probably much better for her longterm mental health & happiness this takes a lot of strength & wisdom.

Many years ago I too had a a LDR & it was me who had to pay & travel. Within a short time I noticed things that were red flags. I was glad that I didn’t quit my family home, job & spend serious money on getting tied up with this person.

Maybe you two are not right for each other for whatever reasons, anyway I am glad that you have dusted off your photographic equipment to do something that hopefully you will enjoy & be inspired by.
Roberta

Hi A quote from a Leonard Cohen song
A……man leaning on his crutch say why ask for so much?
A woman in a darkened door says why not ask for so much more.

Many years later I found out that he had spent time as a Buddhist monk.