Dear Olive

I have just read your post, I hear & understand your pain in the way that your bf physical actions, ie taking the phone call, his bodily positioning in the group circle & sitting in the passenger seat instead of in the back with you. It could just be habit, has he had
girlfriends in the past, & how had they been integrated into that long standing friends group?
It appears that Jane has been the Alpha female in that friendship group & probably in other situations as well. Are there any other females that a part of the group?
I hope that once she spreads her wings, that will ease some of your concerns, then if some of your bf habits still bothersome, they could be pointed out gently using NVC. My partner had been a lay practioner living at the monastery & when we went back for a visit we met up with another woman friend of his. He didnot introduce me as his girlfriend, so she was all over him like a rash, when I pointed out to him how flirty she was with him & that he had sidelined me, he was clueless. We had a discussion about how we wanted to be introduced/ addressed in future, as we were in our 50’s boyfriend/girlfriend did not fit , partner could just be interpreted as business partners, we settled on – this is my beloved or sometimes best beloved.

I am sure that Anita will walk you thru the many different aspects of your post.
I hope that you quickly get a job & start to find your feet & joy in your new location.
Best wishes
Roberta

Good Morning

Both my grandchildren have been diagnosed as neuro divergent & so have other relatives received an adult diagnosis in the last couple of years. A while back on you tube I was watching about coping strategies that neuros use to make life easier. I was surprised that I naturally use some of these hacks. One of the most enlightening one for me is to do studying or appointments in the morning, so that you are not putting yourself on hold all day waiting to complete just that one task. At least the hacks aren’t medication & are free.
Roberta

Dear Young

I think it is admirable that you want to stay faithful to your girlfriend & that you would like her to be happy & want the relationship to flourish.
I think 2 things are happening here 1 there is often a natural biological instinct to assess potential mates. 2 how do you be platonically friendly towards another person & signal that you are already in a committed relationship.
With number 2 you can ensure early on in a conversation that you are in a relationship ie thanks for the chat, got to go & meet my girlfriend. make sure you do not say anything that would indicate to the other person that the relationship has any areas of disaffection.

You & your girlfriend are still maturing, so it is a learning curve on how to healthily nurture a relationship, good on for looking at how you would like to ethically conduct yourself.
Best wishes
Roberta

Hi Robi

Sorting out ones funeral etc is not so strange often it is older people that do it. One woman I know had a wicker coffin for a couple of decades in fact the first one was used for a friend of hers who died before her & then she bought a replacement she was actually over a hundred when she finally passed. Others want some kind of family vault & that takes time to save up & construct.
When I was in my forties I fell in love with a costly stone coffee table & I justified the expense by telling my children it can be used to mark my grave instead of a headstone! If people want something specific it can bring them peace of mind to know that they have already put things in place also that way they are relieving their family of the worry of fulfilling specialized requests & financial burden as
people worry about being put in a paupers grave.

Hi Nea
The celebration of Maya’s birth is it a formal or informal affair? Are people expected to make a speech or declaration?
Is the celebration in the house you are currently living in?
Sorry to ask so many questions, but it is hard to give practical advice without any background.
Either way I hope that all goes smoothly on the day
Roberta

Hi
My grandaughter puts on her headphones when excess noise bothers her.
In this situation is this the noise level and or the content/delivery of the speech?
Does that member of staff often yell?

Dear Sleipnir

My heart goes out to you and the struggle you are now having to reconcile your traumatic past without causing yourself more harm.
I have not had the life experiences that you & others have had on this forum so I can not offer a personal perspective.
A book that I recommend is Detox your heart by Valerie Mason John, I have read the original & now there is an updated & expanded version.
I wish you all the best in your journey of healing.
Kind regards
Roberta

Hi

Yeah that lack of motivation is a real bummer, even though I know how beneficial it can be for me. The demon of apathy is one weighty lump to shift. I have a number of short practices to lean on, I even do them in bed even if it is only to have the aspiration for inspiration & motivation. More often than not just seeing the news headlines makes me take a moment to do mantra. There are days & days that are made up of micromoments rather than full blown sitting formally on the cushion & still having my head everywhere instead of being centered in the heart. You are not alone dude, hang in there
Roberta