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August 29, 2026 at 9:35 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460703
RobertaParticipantDear Nea
Over the last 3 weeks you have explored mainly with Anita’s help the dynamics of your family’s past & how they are impacting still on the present situation.
May be it is time to look at how you can improve your family bubble ( you, your husband & daughter) so that the future is a much healthier & happier place. In one way you & your husband are lucky that having a newborn means that you have the perfect excuse to limit your interactions with others in the toxic environment, Also there is a physical end in sight because you will be moving back to your home … in the near future? My best tip is for the pair of you to practice loving kindness meditation around your daughter & at least to start of with to do it just focusing on those in your bubble. May I be filled with Loving kindness, May I be held in Loving kindness. may I be peaceful & at ease. May I be well. May I be happy . Then do the same for your spouse & then for your beautiful daughter Maya. Every moment that you & your husband feel peace love calm is a very precious gift to your daughter & your futures.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Omyk
It is lovely to hear you back on your thread.
I am glad that the threat of losing your job for the last 3 years has resolved itself & that you have the opportunity to widen your horizons at the same time with a 2nd employer.The 5th Anniversary of losing a loved one is definitely hard reflective milestone. This year was the 25th Anniversary of the father of my younger son drowning when his fishing boat sunk. Hurt has gone but still have moments of poignancy.
It is amazing when something we are reading something that feels so relevant & personal to us a little spark of enlightenment.
Can I ask what you are teaching about? How often do you do these seminars & how many people usually attend?Best wishes
RobertaAugust 25, 2026 at 5:40 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460613RobertaParticipantDear Nea
Congratulations on the birth of your precious daughter, may her life be filled with love & laughter.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Annie
I am sorry that your Buddhist meditation group ceased once the founder passed away. Did the group also give dharma instruction as well?
I found sitting with the Quakers* also scratched that itch to be contemplative in the company of others. I facilitate a small buddhist meditation group sometimes there is just me & other times there is about six of us & it too will probably fold when I die.
in our group practice I use Gil Fronsdal 7am guided meditation & talk on you tube for me in general it has the right balance regarding style time length & content.
* Some quaker meetings host lunch after worship bonus on the food front & you get to meet hopefully people who raise your & their energies rather than sapping it.
Going to do gardening therapy now.
Hope you have a good day
RobertaRobertaParticipantHello Annie
I am sorry that your closest friend is dying, it is the noblest & bravest thing anyone can do is to be there for them in this journey.
I know that where I live & the jobs I do, that I am extremely lucky as it helps me with that balancing act between being peopled out & gregariousness alone & lonely.
Your feelings are normal, they are part of our everyday rhythms, but most people do not fully acknowledge them, in extreme cases we run & hide in the world of drink drugs gambling gaming etc.
I would love to know what your tribe/s would be like.
One of my tribes is a knitting group, a couple meet up once a week, but the rest of us are solo knitters, but what makes us into a mini tribe is that we all are knitting strips that then get made up into blankets that goes to an aids orphanage in Africa we have made over five hundred of them. When I knit I chant silently little prayers & wishes for the recipients.
I look forward to hearing from you
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Eva
You started this thread just over a year ago.
Your last post was 16 Aug 2026 ended with “I genuinely want outside perspective because at this point I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.”
Have the replies that this forum group helped you to grow & be happier in anyway? As far as I can see their replies have consistently been well thought out & caring.
In the arena of No blame, no shame………..You will not get the answers or actions you want form this guy, so the healthiest thing for the both of you is to get out & stay out of this pseudo relationship. Work on any outstanding hurts of your early years first & with luck & perseverance by the time you eventually get round to unpacking this particular relationship, you will hopefully be in a better position to see & deal with any residue.
Tomorrow is another day where you can consciously start to plant the seeds of a happier future. This may sound flippant, but when I remember to set my motivation to work well with my co-workers ( including to learn from them), promote harmony & understanding & to actively listen to my preschoolers/carehome residents. That shift goes much better. ie another little pocket of happiness has been created, which has the potential to ripple out into the wider world both immediately but also far far into the future.
Kind regards
RobertaAugust 22, 2026 at 10:01 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460548RobertaParticipantDear Nea
I have not been active on this forum for the few weeks, so I have just spent the last couple of hours reading the entirety of this thread.
I thank both you & Anita for showing how to gently & respectfully approach a painful & complex issue.You have spent your lifetime trying to manage & calm your fathers outbursts etc. Your husband has not had all those years of experience & training, or even understanding the unwritten rule to “pacify your father at any cost” & so that is possibly partly why he was unable to step back & disengage quickly as you & your other family members do. So please try to remember this each time that nagging thought arises, so that it does not get the chance to damage they way you relate to your husband.
It is good that you are seeing & unpacking the past/present how ever painful, so to give your child the best bet of having two loving & caring parents who respect themselves & each other. That is a rare thing to do consciously.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi confused
I guess getting the balance in relationships can be tricky especially if each party does not state fairly early on about what they feel/think would enhance & or erode a relationship.
So in general ex’s are an ongoing minefield.
Who pays for what & when. ie if you regularly go out for meals together does one go dutch or take turns unless one party specifically states before hand this is my treat.
It can be dull & hardwork if only one person chooses & organizes outings etc especially if there is lack of response or feedback from the other party or if the only feedback is negative.
I hope that any future relationship you have will bring you the right mixture of stability/excitement openness/mystery that you both feel nurtured & the freedom to grow.
kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi
Before I had to go to work yesterday morning my son joined me for a quick guided meditation that I had down loaded from you tube , which we both enjoyed, so I thought I would try & find an equally short one for the evening from the same source & then my son could help his luddite mum download it.
The second meditation started off ok, but I quickly realized that the direction it was taking could be overwhelming for my son, & I was right, so I used the phrase ” stepping away” & I then helped him breathe & release & changed the video to something that was of interest to us both (Autism).RobertaParticipantHi Serene Wolf
Wishing you all the best on your journey into learning to surf the waves of uncertainty so that you can traverse the choppy waters of life rather than getting wiped out.
Looking forward to hearing more from you
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Alessa
In the Uk they have different ratio to carer depending on the age of the child, but if you have someone who is a qualified primary teacher then the ratio is much much higher. Also once a child reaches full time education some places starting streaming the classes for basics like english & maths very early on.
Tee’s idea of practicing the walk to the forest is an excellent idea, so that he is familiar with both the route & the concept of holding hands, particularly when crossing the road. At our preschool the newbies start by holding hands with a adult, then they may go with an adult one side & an older child the other, then progresses to being with an older buddy & then eventually he will get to be the older buddy.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Tom
I am sorry for you & your wifes loss. I have been there too & I hope that you are both allowing yourself to grieve fully. I unfortunately did not conceive afterwards & even over the years I think oh they would be 5, 19 or fifteen years old.
I hope that you both enjoy your mini trip next month
RobertaRobertaParticipantOoops 50 plus
RobertaParticipantHi Alessa
Wow that is a big class %0 plus new faces that is a lot to take in. Where I work we have an average of 15 with a minimum of 3 early years paractioners. even then the noise/ busyness level can occasionally get overwhelming for some. We have a quiet corner & those who are particularly sensitive they bring in their own noise cancelling headphones. We often give the children 5/10 min warning around transitions such as snack time or going out to the library, especially if they are engrossed in an activity & they have free access to the garden.
I hope your son soon makes friends with his classmates & that the staff are active listeners who are kind & curious.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Eva
Cool calm collected & cheerful would be a good way to behave. I doubt this guy ever gives a second thought about his behaviour, it just will not come up on his radar. You will have no control over what he thinks, says or does, nor give him any control over how he makes you feel. In some ways be glad that he has ghosted you. You do not need that type of person in your life.
I hope that an honest caring man comes into your life soon
Roberta -
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