Dear Nate

I am sorry that you are struggling to find love and that your ego is tormenting you with thoughts that are extremely unhelpful.  We humans are for the most part social animals and seek to feel connected in some way. Unfortunately our modern lives do little to facilitate this. Adverts tell us that we are not enough unless we have the newest & best product going, often  the human models they use make us feel even more inadequate. Often when we are grasping after a particular thing, we actually exude an air of desperateness which actually puts off the thing we so much long for.

My practical advice would be to make a decision that for the rest of this year that you choose to be celibate and use your time to be of service to your community, that way you will make worthwhile friendships and seek to learn about inner contentment.  This in the long run will make you  a better partner & father.

I wish you best on your lifes journey

Dear Sea turtle

That boredom comes in for the last few hours of the day. Maybe you could see that what your feeling is part of the natural process of winding down to sleep. If we are overstimulated right up to and often when in bed, then sleep can be illusive and of poor quality. A evening yoga routine, a warm bath and a spiritually up lifting book.

As for your messy artwork project is possible to cover it up with a cardboard box or the like, so that it is less intrusive and easier on the eye of your housemate.

Hope your birthday weekend party goes well

Dear Sea Turtle

What kind of things do you want to do when you are in Palm Springs? If it is things like hiking swimming yoga etc you could say to P that you want it to be a retreat with lots of silence and meditations and if that’s not her kind of thing you two could go out and something together on your return to celebrate your birthday.  This way you have established boundaries for her behavior if she chooses to go with you Palm Springs.  If you feel that your friendship has truly run its course then dis-inviting her is an option though i have a feeling it will leave a nasty taste in both your mouths.

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear IMBACK

The most important person to be bestfriend to is yourself. Eating healthily, being out in nature, doing things that bring you joy or pique your curiosity. Reconnecting with your friends learning to get in touch and rest within your inner wisdom.

It is possible to be friends with an ex, but only once the chemical  emotional romantic connection has ceased to arise frequently & intensely.

Dear Villagetunic.

No one can control what others think about us. That said the inner critic/ego often masquerades/ mimics these people.

If you have done your best in any situation then you have done your best end of.

This quote has been my touchstone of late

“Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or relieve suffering is never lost, even if the immediate outcome is not what we want and even if it is the opposite.

The book I am reading is Inside-Out Healing by Dr Richard Moss this has helped with my perception of the stories I tell myself.

Robeta

Dear Antakarla

It is quite a common thing to misname someone, I guess I have to ask you, the names you used, are they people actually n your life. I have 3 friends called Stuart, Sandy & Struan and I am often interchanging their names or doing a combo of the names.  When my children were young I had my 2 nephews also living with me and I had to call all four into the room and then point at the one I wanted to give an instruction/ information to/from. I still get my sons name mixed up 30+ years on. I think it may be a genetic thing as my grandmother did it to me and her grandaughter whose name began and ended with the same as mine.

If one feels loved & secure in a relationship it should not be a problem, but if there are other issues this verbal hiccup can add to the feelings of rejection.

Dear Cosmo

I hope you don’t mind me asking a couple of questions.

How were you feeling about your relationship just before you cheated? ie bored, frustrated, afraid of commitment etc

Was alcohol involved?

Were they 1 nightstands or something a bit more?

I suggest you look into the difference between remorse & guilt.  You could also make a commitment to yourself to be celibate for say 6 months to give you time to investigate & reflect on what kind of relationship truly reflects your core values beliefs.

Roberta