Dear Cutie J

Before you traveled to see your GF you knew in your heart of hearts that she wanted out of the relationship long distance or not.

Of course we only have a snapshot of the relationship to base our comments on.  As she is not writing here, there has to be some supposition going on about her motives & feeling.  Her previous relationship was an emotional minefield for her due to her partners suicidal tendencies.  Your issues put her into yet another minefield, she must have breathed a huge sigh of relief when you moved to another city. Of course it is possible that there is some kind of co-dependancy going on as well.

Your violent out burst in her home ( which should be her safe space) had her locking herself in a closet and brandishing a pair of scissors for protection. Afterwards she just tried to keep herself safe by trying to keep things both on an even keel  and also grabbed the opportunity to be out of your presence by going to play tennis until you left.

Moving forward it is in your power to seek professional help to heal the damage that was caused from your childhood onwards & not pursue another relationship until things are well on the way to have been successfully resolved thus reducing the chances of a co-dependency arising.

Roberta

Dear John

I find the teachings on” what makes a precious human birth” counteract any extensional thoughts.

Each of us are uniquely the same – we all want happiness & freedom from suffering.

When we joyfully set aside the self centered grasping mind and purposefully take care of others and the planet.

Love contentment connection & joy abound.

regards Roberta

Hi John

Thanks for the link to the article. I too enjoyed the exercise at the end. I encountered the Hara when being taught Karate also I think it may also called dantien. In both Tai Chi & Karate I was taught to move from the hips rather than the head & shoulders, also Tai Chi helped to slow my breathing down.

Regards Roberta

Dear Tom

I am glad that you felt no pressure of meeting   others expectations about your work choices.

I hope that you find a job that brings you a sense of fulfillment.

Roberta

Dear Tom

What were your parents & teachers expectations regarding your job/career?

We often do what is expected of us by others and then feel unsatisfied with that part of your life.

Maybe it is time to ask yourself what kind of work would bring you joy even if it is not as prestigious or highly paid as your present situation. What does money represent to you? Is a career important to you & is it tied to your self-worth? Do you & your partner have the same outlook when it comes to work life balance? Would they be supportive if you wanted to retrain in a different career or earn less in an occupation that would be more fulfilling?

It takes a lot to be able to stop the unhappiness at work from leeching into homelife.

Roberta

Roberta

Dear Laven

I am sorry that the people that you reached out to are so shallow and uncompassionate. Many people do not discern the difference between a hug and a cuddle which leads to confusion between the participants. I hope that you find some huggy people in your area, some churches encourage hugging your neighbours at the end of the service. Non sexual touch is so important to our well-being it helps us feel connected. An immediate comfort is to mindfully treat yourself to a hand massage at home using your favourite scented moisturising cream. Your left hand giving comfort & appreciation to your right and vice versa.

Big hugs Roberta

Dear Butterfly

You are living with Tigger (Winnie the Pooh character) bouncy fun fun. Someone who acts spontaneously spreading his love and excitement with lack of awareness of its impact on others &  appears not to be willing to compromise to a reasonable solution to your need to carry out your job interruption free and to share whats going on when in the communal space of the kitchen in coffee breaks etc. What is normal is to be able to focus on ones work. If I was an employer I would not appreciate my workforce being distracted by external interruptions.

Your partner may also have ODD Opositional Defiance Disorder

Is the property you both reside in yours, his , jointly  rental or owned?

Is this the first time you have had a hiccup in your relationship? If not how are things normally resolved? ie afterwards does he come up with any ideas or compromises to restore & promote harmony or listen to and accept your thoughts & feelings on any situation. There are many websites giving tips on how best to communicate with a partner who has ADHD which will help you going forward.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Taiga

I am sorry that you & your wife have not been able to enjoy physical intimacy at all.  Some people are brought up by their parents & or their religion to belief that it is dirty, sinful. to be endured & definitely not for pleasure and that masturbation is a definite no no.  She may also have been told that it is painful & then may have a deep seated fear.

Can I ask does your wife use tampons when she is having a period?

Do you kiss & cuddle? are you naked around each other? Would she consider co masturbation and or oral sex?

Does she have a female friend that she can confide in?

Without knowing the root of her reluctance it will be hard to resolve this issue  and if she does not feel it is an issue…

…then you may have to look elsewhere for either a fulfilling relationship (getting divorce/anulment) or staying in this marriage but seek consensual relief with a third party this should be done openly & honestly with all concerned.

Roberta