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RobertaParticipantHi
I have not had big physical pain in my life, so I can not comment on that.
so I will share about small pain – a couple of months ago it was a Sunday afternoon I notice my breathing was different & I was coughing a bit. I recognized this as a chest infection & that I would not be able to go to see the doctor till the morning. I did not want to allow my mind to ruminate & because I knew I would have to sit up rather than lie down thru the night to help with my breathing, sleep would be sporadic if at all, so I decided to use that time to listen to dharma talks, do meditation & prayers this way I did not add mental anguish to my physical discomfort.
I went to the doctors early the next day & he confirmed my diagnosis & I got a prescription for antibiotics. Problem solved.RobertaParticipantHi Girija
I am glad that moving to a new team has felt like a clean slate & that you have decided to handle your anxiety in a new & innovative way.
An acquaintance of mine ( who is a bit of a perfectionist) once was told by his therapist “Dare to be mediocre”.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Tommy
Cor there is some big questions within in your last post Who/what am I? What happens after I die. What is enlightenment & what is it like to experience it?
To be honest I have not a clue about any of these things even though I too have pondered them & have not come to any conclusion. This does not stop me trying to walk the buddhist path, which in my humble opinion is way better than the drunken, selfish strumpet mode that I was operating mindlessly in before. Sometimes by pausing & looking back we can see how far we have come & that can give us faith/motivation to carry on with this long journey.
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Thomas
I remember one of my teachers saying pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
When we reject what is happening, that is when suffering occurs. My mum suffered because she perceived that her body had betrayed her when she got cancer.
On an easy level when I have a cold, I concur that “I have a cold”, but correct them mental chatter that say “I am suffering from a cold”.
Practicing this way with the small things in life, hopefully I will be able to approach lifes bigger challenges in an equanimous way including my own death.
I still get my knickers in a twist about loads of stuff, but I can now more quickly see a broader perspective & am able to laugh at my self, thanks to the buddhist teachings & approach to life.
RobertaSeptember 2, 2026 at 2:00 pm in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460784RobertaParticipantHi Nea
I was just wondering, do you have a naming ceremony for your your children where you are?My grandson was christened Catholic, but his mum had felt disenchanted by the time her 2nd child was born, so there was no ceremony.
What made you & your husband choose the name Maya it really is a lovely name.Love is such an amazing gift both to the giver & receiver, you & your husband are truly blessed.
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi
Causes & conditions so an orange seed is planted – the only thing that can grow from it is an orange tree not an apple tree etc, then the seed needs the right conditions to grow ie sunshine & rain. – some seeds can stay dormant for many years until the right conditions for it to germinate & then it needs more & extra conditions for it to actually bear fruit ie the orange blossom has to be pollinated.
There is an old saying you get more with honey than vinegar that was basically the advice the woman received she stopped nagging (vinegar) & listened & was understanding & supportive of her husbands problems (honey)
RobertaParticipantHi Omyk
I agree, my love for him is still here as it is for my late mum who’s 5th Anniversary was the other week 21 August. Unconditional love is not bound by time or space.
Those shift in mindsets can certainly wake us up to what we want to prioritize & how to do it.
I hope that your seminar touches the attendees in a positive way.
Best wishes
RobertaAugust 30, 2026 at 1:21 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460718RobertaParticipantDear Nea
I do the practice by repeating one phrase silently over say five times as a breathe slowly & deeply then move to the next phrase. As you get to know yourself better you might spend even a whole session just sitting with one phrase on occasions.
I strongly recommend that both you & your husband do the loving kindness practice, preferably together even if it is for just 10 mins a day to start with. It is a time of quiet bonding, deep understanding, it will help the you grow as individuals & a unit, start to heal some wounds, build resilience so that it is more likely for unconditional love to flow both in & out of your bubble & cleanse & act as a barrier to negativity.
This is not a quick & instant fix, but a good long term foundation to help you thru the ups & downs of life.
It is a process that starts with yourself & then works outwards in stages with specific categories & recipients, but for the moment it would probably be best to do it in baby steps so to speak.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Figuringitout
That is a lot of death & loss to process in such a short time, dare one say life altering.
I hope that the joy & wisdom that your loved ones gave you continues to help you navigate your grief journey.Roberta
August 29, 2026 at 9:40 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460704RobertaParticipantP.s This will fill your peace keeper gap & doing this meditation is something that is under your control, no body can stop you from doing this. You could do it whilst you are feeding Maya, you do not always have to put aside a time & place for this practice.
August 29, 2026 at 9:35 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460703RobertaParticipantDear Nea
Over the last 3 weeks you have explored mainly with Anita’s help the dynamics of your family’s past & how they are impacting still on the present situation.
May be it is time to look at how you can improve your family bubble ( you, your husband & daughter) so that the future is a much healthier & happier place. In one way you & your husband are lucky that having a newborn means that you have the perfect excuse to limit your interactions with others in the toxic environment, Also there is a physical end in sight because you will be moving back to your home … in the near future? My best tip is for the pair of you to practice loving kindness meditation around your daughter & at least to start of with to do it just focusing on those in your bubble. May I be filled with Loving kindness, May I be held in Loving kindness. may I be peaceful & at ease. May I be well. May I be happy . Then do the same for your spouse & then for your beautiful daughter Maya. Every moment that you & your husband feel peace love calm is a very precious gift to your daughter & your futures.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Omyk
It is lovely to hear you back on your thread.
I am glad that the threat of losing your job for the last 3 years has resolved itself & that you have the opportunity to widen your horizons at the same time with a 2nd employer.The 5th Anniversary of losing a loved one is definitely hard reflective milestone. This year was the 25th Anniversary of the father of my younger son drowning when his fishing boat sunk. Hurt has gone but still have moments of poignancy.
It is amazing when something we are reading something that feels so relevant & personal to us a little spark of enlightenment.
Can I ask what you are teaching about? How often do you do these seminars & how many people usually attend?Best wishes
RobertaAugust 25, 2026 at 5:40 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460613RobertaParticipantDear Nea
Congratulations on the birth of your precious daughter, may her life be filled with love & laughter.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Annie
I am sorry that your Buddhist meditation group ceased once the founder passed away. Did the group also give dharma instruction as well?
I found sitting with the Quakers* also scratched that itch to be contemplative in the company of others. I facilitate a small buddhist meditation group sometimes there is just me & other times there is about six of us & it too will probably fold when I die.
in our group practice I use Gil Fronsdal 7am guided meditation & talk on you tube for me in general it has the right balance regarding style time length & content.
* Some quaker meetings host lunch after worship bonus on the food front & you get to meet hopefully people who raise your & their energies rather than sapping it.
Going to do gardening therapy now.
Hope you have a good day
RobertaRobertaParticipantHello Annie
I am sorry that your closest friend is dying, it is the noblest & bravest thing anyone can do is to be there for them in this journey.
I know that where I live & the jobs I do, that I am extremely lucky as it helps me with that balancing act between being peopled out & gregariousness alone & lonely.
Your feelings are normal, they are part of our everyday rhythms, but most people do not fully acknowledge them, in extreme cases we run & hide in the world of drink drugs gambling gaming etc.
I would love to know what your tribe/s would be like.
One of my tribes is a knitting group, a couple meet up once a week, but the rest of us are solo knitters, but what makes us into a mini tribe is that we all are knitting strips that then get made up into blankets that goes to an aids orphanage in Africa we have made over five hundred of them. When I knit I chant silently little prayers & wishes for the recipients.
I look forward to hearing from you
Kind regards
Roberta -
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